Beautiful story. I can relate to you on SO many levels. Particularly the "Search" you were on. I did the same, wanted the same, and destroyed myself utterly the same.
Isn't it interesting what lengths we humans will go to, and to what poisonous and destructive means we will use looking for "Why?".
I killed myself one night, but was, for some reason, granted a return here. I do not question the why of it as I once did I just know I'm back and I have nothing but empathy for a story like yours. Welcome to the forum! I've not extracted any DMT yet, but I was a chemist long ago so this is not a complex task for me. I'm certain when I do I'll be right back to where I once was. Like you, my research ultimately led me here.
My story-
https://www.dmt-nexus.me...aspx?g=posts&t=37451Welcome!
AstralFlyer