It's in the Tavern, of course:
https://www.dmt-nexus.me....aspx?g=posts&t=1133Since you aren't able to post there yet, I'll copy your post into there. But I'll leave this thread here since you are dealing with some heavy sh*t and could perhaps use the feedback.
I wish you luck; remember to be wary of entering the experience with specific expectations.
Once a close friend of ours was killed by a truck (it was his own carelessness, which somehow made it worse). A week later we took 4 grams of shrooms each, a small group including his very-much-in-shock girlfriend. It was heavy without feeling bad; although our active remembrance of him kept a strong sense of his presence in the room, thee was no message. But you may be surprised. There was definitely a sense of release.