Ninja of Consciousness
Posts: 213 Joined: 01-Sep-2012 Last visit: 19-Oct-2023 Location: YHVH
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I am finding it very hard to build up the courage to re-enter DMT space or any psychedelic space. I feel like I have been injected with fears or anxiety from both of them and the times I have tried to return I have felt very anxious and unwilling to 'let myself go' I cannot understand why  I am worried partly by what I might face, where I might go, or what I may see, perhaps it's that my head is not in the best place to deal with it or I need to analyze parts of my life before re-entering. There are huge parts in my thoughts that are encouraging me to go back and face my fears even though I know personally that my fear is of the unknown and nothing more. I am finding it increasingly difficult to understand what is happening in my life at the minute, I feel incredibly happy but then sad at the same time, like some foreboding force is about to erupt upon the world. Changing myself is a lot more difficult than I thought, and the stresses and tensions of relationships in the real world are also getting to me quite a lot. I have little experience with mushrooms but a friend of mine gave me a small dose to take home with me, something in my thinking feels that I may have some light shed on my situation through this experience and she also felt that these thing's don't just appear, they find people, perhaps the shrooms want me to take them and enjoy the experience? But I am unsure as to when or where I should take them and who with, I'm feeling very lost at the minute and have been on top of the world untill recently without any instigation as to why I want to be able to conquer my fear, return and just let go but it's almost like the DMT won't let me untill I understand my own fear, last night I nearly launched but the second I felt myself leaving my body I panicked and was instantly returned. I just don't know what to do, perhaps I should listen to my previous experience and just leave it be for a while but I just feel very lost and I'm not sure what to do One can drive himself to madness in the obsessing goal of reason, without the knowledge of love and laughter.
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DMT-Nexus member
Posts: 8 Joined: 06-Oct-2012 Last visit: 07-Oct-2012
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You asking yourself the question "Should I being doing this?" is enough for you to know the answer.
I would take a break, until I ask myself "When can I being doing this?".
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DMT-Nexus member
Posts: 373 Joined: 17-Jun-2012 Last visit: 21-Jun-2021
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Theres a couple good threads out there discussing an increase in anxiety (etc) about entering hyperspace as the time since the last visit increases. Cant recall the topic names but itsitshould be somewhere here in Open Discussion. To address your other concerns, it is great that you are contemplating set and setting as they are key in these experiences. My advice is to wait until you are comfortable both mentally and environmentally before dosing any psychedelics. It is natural imo to have a level of fear of the unknown and sometimes you have to just jump in head first, but I would avoid dosing until you feel it is the right time. The substances will always be there when you are ready. The inner soul is full of joy. Reveal my secrets and sew me whole. With each day, "I" heeds your call.
You may not care the slightest and may not be the brightest, but from here "I" sees you're mighty for you created it all.
And the jumbling sea rose above the wall.
Through this chaos comes the order you enthrall.
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when in doubt, twirl
Posts: 188 Joined: 10-Feb-2012 Last visit: 09-Dec-2015 Location: The Timbers of Fennario
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i've always wondered about the whole "my mind isn't in the right place" argument against psychs... in my experience, when my mind "isn't in the right place" is EXACTLY when an adjustment is in order, and my presence here should indicate the type of adjustments i prefer... do i feel the anxiety at these times?.. sure i do, but i look at it from a different light... it's not the chemical that scares me, it's the thought of finding the broken parts inside me that scares me... & that is a fear i would rather work through than sit back & pretend to respect... but that's just me... i remember 8.9.95, the day Jerry Garcia died... none of us were in the "proper" headspace, we were all complete messes wondering just what the fuck we were gonna do with the rest of our lives... & 5 of us split a quarter sheet of blotter, & man... was it a "fun" experience?.. no, it was not... but i tell ya, a lot of healing came about that night, & i blame a bunch of it on those little scraps of paper... spinning a set the stars through which the tattered tales of axis roll about the waxen wind of never set to motion in the unbecoming round about the reason hardly matters nor the wise through which the stars were set in spin...
"Chemistry is applied theology." Augustus Owsley Stanley III
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סנדלפון
Posts: 1322 Joined: 16-Apr-2012 Last visit: 05-Nov-2012 Location: מלכות
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^^^ What these guys are saying is valid and I thought I would add this quote from that one book: IT may seem cheesy but actually it's helped me a lot. Quote:Anything is one of a million paths.
Therefore you must always keep in mind that a path is only a path;
if you feel you should not follow it, you must not stay with it under any conditions.
To have such clarity you must lead a disciplined life.
Only then will you know that any path is only a path,
and there is no affront, to oneself or to others, in dropping it if that is what your heart tells you to do.
But your decision to keep on the path or to leave it must be free of fear or ambition.
I warn you. Look at every path closely and deliberately.
Try it as many times as you think necessary.
Then ask yourself, and yourself alone, one question.
This question is one that only a very old man asks.
My benefactor told me about it once when I was young, and my blood was too vigorous for me to understand it.
Now I do understand it. I will tell you what it is: Does this path have a heart?All paths are the same: they lead nowhere.
They are paths going through the bush, or into the bush.
In my own life I could say I have traversed long, long paths, but I am not anywhere.
My benefactor’s question has meaning now. Does this path have a heart?
If it does, the path is good; if it does not, it is of no use.
Both paths lead nowhere; but one has a heart the other does not.
One makes for a joyful journey; as long as you follow it, you are one with it.
The other will make you curse your life. One makes you strong; the other weakens you.
The trouble is nobody asks the question; and when a man finally realizes that he has taken a path without a heart, the path is ready to kill him. At that point very few men can stop to deliberate, and leave the path.
A path without a heart is never enjoyable. You have to work hard even to take it.
On the other hand, a path with heart is easy; it does not make you work at liking it.
For me there is only the traveling on paths that have a heart, or on any path that
may have heart. There I travel… and the only worthwhile challenge is to traverse its full length.
And there I travel looking, looking, breathlessly. And why do you look at the speck in your brother's eye, but do not percieve the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, "brother let me remove the speck from your eye", when you yourself do not see the plank that is in your own eye?-Yeshua ben Yoseph
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Ninja of Consciousness
Posts: 213 Joined: 01-Sep-2012 Last visit: 19-Oct-2023 Location: YHVH
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Thank you, all of you. This is exactly why I love and respect the nexus so much since I found it. This has helped my head an my anxiety unspeakably so, in a few weeks time I will be going for a short holiday with some friends to stay in a woods, in yurts  I think then is the time I will take the mushrooms and confront the changa once more, as much as have learned that change is from the individual and the root, we all need each other for support and love. Much love to you all and thank you for being here for another traveller, young in this current journey in life. One can drive himself to madness in the obsessing goal of reason, without the knowledge of love and laughter.
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DMT-Nexus member
Posts: 1856 Joined: 07-Sep-2012 Last visit: 12-Jan-2022
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i"ve spent alot of time in an anxious state always a worrier on the edge of time, what works for me with tripping and life in general is to work out its all irrelevant and a load of bollocks, in a thousand years time whos gonna give a monkeys? This enables me to get on with it and enjoy the ride of life.Unlesss your a paedophile or a serial killer don"t worry. I appreciate its easy for me to say but the world is only as you see it for you. having said that i still have anxiety when loading the pipe i think its natuaral, its intense!! Have a break if you need to, you don"t have to do it, just be happy!!! 
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DMT-Nexus member
Posts: 373 Joined: 17-Jun-2012 Last visit: 21-Jun-2021
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Leon Trout wrote:i've always wondered about the whole "my mind isn't in the right place" argument against psychs... in my experience, when my mind "isn't in the right place" is EXACTLY when an adjustment is in order, and my presence here should indicate the type of adjustments i prefer... do i feel the anxiety at these times?.. sure i do, but i look at it from a different light... it's not the chemical that scares me, it's the thought of finding the broken parts inside me that scares me... & that is a fear i would rather work through than sit back & pretend to respect... but that's just me...
i remember 8.9.95, the day Jerry Garcia died... none of us were in the "proper" headspace, we were all complete messes wondering just what the fuck we were gonna do with the rest of our lives... & 5 of us split a quarter sheet of blotter, & man... was it a "fun" experience?.. no, it was not... but i tell ya, a lot of healing came about that night, & i blame a bunch of it on those little scraps of paper... I completely agree that being in a heightened emotional state when dosing can be helpful and bring some deep truths to the surface. I also know that dosing in an emotional state it can bring on typical characteristics of a "bad trip," such as confusion, depression, and delusional thinking that can be harder to shake due to the connection to the initial emotional state. Personally some of my best trips came from dosing in these situations, sometimes with all good sometimes with an awesome insight after enduring a period of "bad tripping." For those still getting their feet wet with psychedelics I think it would be best to have a more balanced or positive mindset to get comfortable with the experience in general. Through experience in these states Ive certainly become more able to properly deal with the negative thoughts that can creep in. Getting stuck on negative or delusional thought pattern is not something I would wish on someone new to the experience. There is just too much beauty and wonder that I know can glue a huge smile on their faces if they dose in a balanced or positive mindset. With all of that said I think you raised a great point. Dosing in these emotional states, while not always fun during the trip, can provide some of very insightful looks into your thought patterns, lifestyle, life in general, and for me has illuminated the simple joy of LIFE regardless of all external factors. Eliyahu, I enjoyed your quote quite a lot. I disagree that all paths will show their heart from the get-go and I think that it may require some unenjoyable work to find the heart some paths. Overall it has a delightful message and is something I needed to read right now. Thanks The inner soul is full of joy. Reveal my secrets and sew me whole. With each day, "I" heeds your call.
You may not care the slightest and may not be the brightest, but from here "I" sees you're mighty for you created it all.
And the jumbling sea rose above the wall.
Through this chaos comes the order you enthrall.
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Ninja of Consciousness
Posts: 213 Joined: 01-Sep-2012 Last visit: 19-Oct-2023 Location: YHVH
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Again more sound advice, I think perhaps taking a little break and coming to terms with where I've been/seen before jumping straight back in might be a good idea, I don't want to knock psychedelics off because I know I have enjoyed them and they have helped me profoundly with so many things in my life already, thank you, again ALL of you for giving me advice, it has helped so much already. It takes time to digest what is given to each of us I think One can drive himself to madness in the obsessing goal of reason, without the knowledge of love and laughter.
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DMT-Nexus member
Posts: 138 Joined: 23-Sep-2012 Last visit: 02-Dec-2015 Location: GreatLakes
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Mystic0 wrote:
I want to be able to conquer my fear, return and just let go but it's almost like the DMT won't let me untill I understand my own fear, ...
I just don't know what to do, perhaps I should listen to my previous experience and just leave it be for a while but I just feel very lost and I'm not sure what to do
It sounds like maybe you've answered some of your own questions right there. Patience and accepting yourself might be your best choice before launching again. Others much more experienced than I have shown us that DMT seems to push one to let go of the ego, the need to control/conquer, and step back to learn from the experiences. Hearing several people today state that taking a few months to integrate your journeys is not out of order. Understanding your fears is maybe what you could work on before you confront them, and rather than 'conquer' them, they dissolve in front of you.
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DMT-Nexus member
Posts: 2635 Joined: 27-Jul-2009 Last visit: 28-May-2018 Location: Pac N.W.
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O you lucky thing. Im sure that makes no sense to you reading those words but I feel you are in a great place. Your standing on the path of complete and total liberation from fears you may not even realize affect you every day. Effect every decision, relationship, compulsion, feelings of self worth, ext. Your being presented with one way of working through this shit we all have in our heads. Its not the only way but I do believe from personal experience it is the fastest. It does require bravery. Inoculate yourself from your fears by experiencing them all through altered states is a great way to put so much to rest and live a happier fuller life. Ive written many threads most in real time of my own personal journey through the depths of the darkest parts of my mind and the rebirth that resulted. Maybe they can help you. Long story short. After many years of psychedelic use I began being plauged with bad ones. It got to the point that even small doses would go south right away. I stood at the cross roads of either quitting this life, the nexus everything or descending into the darkness to walk through the fire. It took me over a year to prepare but I chose the hard road. I went to South America and did the work, faced every last fear until I lay in a motionless lump, exhausted from months of ceremonies but the realization that I was done. I uttered weakly "there is nothing left, I have nothing left inside me to fear" I cant tell you what that feels like but even now my eyes tear up just writing these words and remembering the feeling of total liberation and acceptance that came to me that evening. So thats why I say to you....you lucky dog!  I am not gonna lie, shits gonna get weird!Troubles Breaking Through? Click here. The Art of Changa. making the perfect blend.
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Ninja of Consciousness
Posts: 213 Joined: 01-Sep-2012 Last visit: 19-Oct-2023 Location: YHVH
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olympus mon wrote:O you lucky thing. Im sure that makes no sense to you reading those words but I feel you are in a great place. Your standing on the path of complete and total liberation from fears you may not even realize affect you every day. Effect every decision, relationship, compulsion, feelings of self worth, ext. Your being presented with one way of working through this shit we all have in our heads. Its not the only way but I do believe from personal experience it is the fastest. It does require bravery. Inoculate yourself from your fears by experiencing them all through altered states is a great way to put so much to rest and live a happier fuller life. Ive written many threads most in real time of my own personal journey through the depths of the darkest parts of my mind and the rebirth that resulted. Maybe they can help you. Long story short. After many years of psychedelic use I began being plauged with bad ones. It got to the point that even small doses would go south right away. I stood at the cross roads of either quitting this life, the nexus everything or descending into the darkness to walk through the fire. It took me over a year to prepare but I chose the hard road. I went to South America and did the work, faced every last fear until I lay in a motionless lump, exhausted from months of ceremonies but the realization that I was done. I uttered weakly "there is nothing left, I have nothing left inside me to fear" I cant tell you what that feels like but even now my eyes tear up just writing these words and remembering the feeling of total liberation and acceptance that came to me that evening. So thats why I say to you....you lucky dog! "You lucky lucky lucky bastard.... YOOOOU lucky lucky lucky luuuucky bastard, Jailors bloody pet you are, you lucky bastard" < That's why popped into my head the second I finished reading. Thank you, it makes a lot of sense. My friend asked me after our first trip together, "Did you ever realise how brave you are?" my reply was no, I did not. I think that is part of the process too, realising how brave you are and how brave you can be, there is nothing to ever fear and fear in itself is something that spurs from inside of you. I will be taking the plunge again soon and facing the thing which I fear the most. Myself. One can drive himself to madness in the obsessing goal of reason, without the knowledge of love and laughter.
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DMT-Nexus member
Posts: 65 Joined: 09-Aug-2012 Last visit: 06-Mar-2013
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You know, its never easy blasting off/losing your ego. But you know that it doesnt feel right at the moment, so wait until it does. There is a time and place for everything and letting go completely is exactly what DMT can/will teach you to do. But if you cant let go for whatever reason, think about it longer and wait until are ready if you ever are again. Letting go is the ONLY thing you can do. You cant control the experience, just your surroundings. Mushrooms at low doses are very fun, you just cant help but be happy. "Hardonfordrums" does not exist. All information given out by this character can not be trusted, nor taken truthfully. Simply she is a complete and utter fairy bitch who tries to be "informed".
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