About 4 months ago I was given smokable dmt for my birthday. Nervous about the drug itself I did not hold the smoke in because I was nervous. I never got the "hyperspace" effect. Just the common patterns and being in a massive dome room with a floating pattern aabove me. Anyways.
Givng much interest in this drug, I have been extremely moved by dmt experience, particularly, ayahausca. The first thing that drew me to ayahuasca was the easier availability thn smokable dmt. So, I did tons of more research as to how to make the brew. Ordering materials from a popular extractum website, I continued my research on ayahuasca experiences and safety information. A week later after ordering I got the plant materials. 224g of caapi vine, and 125 g MHRB.

I wasted no time in preparing the brew. The first time making this stuff was pretty hard for somereason. But making 2 batches for my friend and I we went to my girlfriends living room. we sat on a big couch and drank it very slowly. My friend was smart and layed down when the nausea set in. I for some reason sat up. Thought I could hold it. But I couldnt hold it in. I lost the trip. And because we had a watery batch, it didnt kick in for a while for my friend.

Disapointed in a long awaited experience, I was set on making another batch the next day. As i did. Went to my room in my moms house proceeded to drink the ayahuasca. Again having a watery batch, it took a while to take effect.

I was in an empty void, of sorrow, dispair, and disapointment. Feline creatures that stood upright were intimidating me. (But it wasnt like i left my body to journey a distant planet.) It was like they were coming to me. Tons of feline creatures, all alienlike. all having different distinguishing features. Some muscular and being padded with armor. and little lion cubs, lioness amozon.... FELINES. Anyways I was very intimidated, and very scared. But i knew i just had to take it. And then all of a sudden a large radiant human like entity (somewhat like the blue guy from WATCHMEN) but more yellow was above me. And he said to me "Everything will be alright" And all ofa uddenmy fear subsided and it was an overwhelming lvin feeling. I started crying and strted feeling supper happy. Small euphoric hallucinations proceeded afterwords.then i went to sleep.

Anxious to start the day with my "new ways" I woke up not feeling connected with the nights befores experience. I felt like as if it didnt happen. It felt like all the expreience was for me was a story to give my friends.

About month later, I ran into an old friend, and he was interested into trying out ayahuasca. He agreed and I startd to make the two doses. and almost near the end of making it, I burned the caapi vine final product, to the point where there was very very little water and sizzling caapi bi-prodcust. Immediately i poured a little more water in. It went from being a light brown mixture to a dark brown mix. reading on similar forums simiilar to this one, I learned burning to that point does decrease potency. I declined the deal, told the guy i couldnt sell him a burnt batch and rip him off. So I figured I might as well take the 2 doses (figuring 2 burnt doses of ayahuasca= 1 good dose of ayahuasca) at my girlfriends place. She supervised me.I drank the doses.The taste was AWFUL. It tasted like dirt mixed with cornstarch. But i got it down. While in the processs of drinking, my gfs roommate was being all dramatic about how she didnt feel comfortable with me here doing that. So she was making it a negative atmosphere. I told my gf to go spend some time with her roomate and leave me be. And i layed in bed. This is what heppened exactly.

I dont remember lying in bed waiting for the onset of efffects. I remember jumping up to go Purge. getting to the toilet i started puking. It sounded like an extremely robotic distorted sounded of me puking. And my vision was having repittive mirrored visuals. I supossedly sat there for 45 minutes. But i dont remember a thing. At two moments i do remember my eyes rolled in the back of my head for like one sec. But i was still capable of functioning my body. and could process mental thoughts. So i started getting nervous. I have never been this fucked up and i thought I was sure a goner. Getting up holding to my girlfirned for support, I look at her face. It looked like claymation. Everything looked like claymation. Except her eyes looked normal, so It was scariing the hell out of me. So I slowly walk to our bed and as I turned into the room my heart sank. A deep deep alien noise with a penetrating bass sound. It sounded like it was entering my body and approving my human body. All at the same time, I noticed claymation worm gremlins blended in with the blanket. With coartoony faces, they kinda look like The Annoying Orange. The curtains were breathing. And everything was really scaring me. I was having a massive panic attack. Then SNAP. I sat up and was coherant . The euphoric visions (afterglow) lasted for 2 days afterward, seeming to activate whenever I smoked weed.

Traumatized from the experience, I felt emotionally drained.I felt like the experience ripped a hole out of my soul, and I was kindof just an empty soul. THat lasted for a week, until I took dxm (having strong feeling that a dxm experience would recover my soulless feeling. It did. Sure enough. i felt somewhat revived aftr taking the dxm. (Im very used to dxm experiences and very comfortable and familiar with the experience)

But sitting here, I have a question to ask. Im sitting here in my room debating if I should take this one last dose i made today. Im nervous, especially after last experience. can a normal dose of ayahusca be as scary as the one i just had. Maybe u guys can help me out by talking me threw the process of trying to keep calm and let it take you over. Any advice would help plz.

please don't discuss buying/selling drugs here... it's a big-time no-no...

as far as being nervous pre-dose, well, you should be... the minute these substances stop making me a bit nervous before i take them will be the minute they lose a big chunk of their meaning...

Well, that's an earful, and there's a lot that can be said here...

First: No talking of buying and selling! Please read the rules. We do everything possible here to discourage a culture of trafficking. There are many reasons for this and I hope you can respect that.

Secondly... There are no guarantees, ever, when it comes to the psychedelic experience. There are, however, some pretty reliable guidelines for avoiding bad experiences.

For starters, set and setting: I personally would never take any hallucinogen at a place where a disapproving person was present. That is guaranteed to taint the entire experience. It needs to be a safe place, one where you know you won't be interrupted or disturbed, with the right overall look and feel, as these factors will color your experience.

Your struggles, to my perception, seem to come from pushing just a little too hard. If you need to wait a little extra time to find the ideal circumstances, it's more than worth it.

And finally: integration. Time spent between your experiences is highly valuable. Some experiences can take months or years to make sense of- particularly the hard ones. There is no hurry. Integration is what makes the difference between escapism and transformation.

jordanth0721,



I would strongly suggest that you take a break from Ayahuasca. Really, it could mess you up even more.

I would suggest that you take a break, and think about your past experiences. What about proper set + setting? Questions like why do you think it went "wrong"? What were/are your expectations and intentions? I mean serious questions like this, truly answering them for yourself.

You should try to integrate your "bad" experience, not push it further. Sorry to say that, but I think you shouldn´t be doing Ayahuasca now.

I hope you´ll get better soon.
Peace with you,
M

Ayahuasca advice aside, I've had a number of visions involving lions. Sometimes they're like guardians on a sacred gate. More often, they start popping up with my Egyptian visions. They are massive and fierce, but not negative or unfriendly. I began to grow slightly nervous around them last time, but I reassured myself that they didn't seem to be of bad intentions, and they couldn't do much to harm me anyway, so I eased up and took them in as much as I could. Recently, when I was looking at the ceiling at the Temple of Hathor in Dendera (a photo), I noticed a lion that looked pretty much exactly like what I've seen in hyperspace. It makes me so curious what the Egyptians thought the significance of the lion was.

The negative experiences are more important than the beautiful ones.

Important? Na..Beneficial..maybe.

We're all different, I agree that negative journeys can be incredibly healing..just a few months back I took around .7 of my friends homegrown fungi and during the peak had ALL of the negative energy in my entire being come to the top and make me feel just plain awful.

Since then I have felt immensely better and more positive in my day to day life, and am always working towards having a degree of control over my negative emotions and how they effect others.

As I'm incredibly new to this kind of stuff I don't feel like I can make a really valid comment but, it seems to me that you had zero respect for what you are taking, the place where you were taking it and the people you wanted to sell it too, this is merely a neutral observation. It doesn't really surprise me that you had a bad trip or it's left you in the state you're left now.

Ayhuasca from what I have read, been told, watched and learned is something that you take as a guided experience or at least with someone else that knows what they're doing.

You also didn't have respect for someone who certainly disaproved of you doing it in their space.

I would take a serious step back and question what you are doing, why you are doing it and what you want to gain from it. I wouldn't even touch the last dose you have.

If someone wants to try Ayhuasca/DMT, personally, I think it's something that should be given, never sold. If you're making a profit out of it at least, that to me is wrong.

Apologies if this isn't something you want to hear or read but this is merely an observation.

(I can't claim to be not guilty of these allegations myself as we all start somewhere, I was incredibly naive in my own first time experience with DMT)

Mystic0 is right- all that needed to be said. Intention is a big part of your set/setting. It can be wonderful to share the spice but when profit motives enter the picture it will skew the whole equation.

Learn how to create a safe place. Smudging is an important part of the ritual and it can change the atmosphere in an room completly (before you ask: Mapacho, Copal, Palo Santo). Get yourself an library of good Icaros (the healing songs of the shamans) like this for example: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lHOpGy_u_8g

Other kinds of shamanic songs/music are most welcome.
Throat singer, chanting monks, mantras... whatever floats your boat. Might as well try out christian choir music.

And most importantly: go easy with it. Nobody is rushing you (only yourself). You have to slowly build an relationship with the plant spirits. And they are capricious, sometimes.
Caapi+MHRB is not a traditional combination. MHRB is an different kind of beast than chacruna. And i know that chacruna is in general regarded as more gentle.
Dosis and ratio is also an important factor. Maybe you should drink a brew with less DMT and more vine.
Low Dosage is better for working slowly through negative emotions, plungung yourself into the abyss on a higher dose needs longer time for integration, especially if you fail the test and can't work yourself through the fear.
Also whats on your diet? Do you eat the right stuff?

I think you need at least 2 or more weeks of preperation before you should embark on another journey.
The whole process starts long before you swallow the brew.

Also what Mystic0 said is true. As long as you lack respect and seriousness in your approach, you will get nothing out of it. Your last experience seems like an warning to me.

Thank you for linking the songs, very beautiful, working my way through some of them now