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Crazyhorse
#1 Posted : 10/2/2012 10:36:35 PM

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So, I guess I'll start with a little background for those who haven't been following my story up to this point. After a very long break from psychs, I've been experimenting occasionaly with mushrooms again in the last year, and with DMT for about the last 4 months. I can't say I've ever had the kind of full immersion in hyperspace that people here talk about, but I've had a few pretty intense experiences with it anyway, and even the lower level ones were very enjoyable.

I've tried various vaporizing devices and methods, and I think the problem I've had with some of my attempts is that until pretty recently I didn't really understand how tolerance works with DMT. After trying the "3 back to back hits" a few times with a machine-ish device I made, and basically only getting threshold effects, I got the idea to load up several doses at once sandwich-stle, and smoke it similar to smoking weed, just taking occasional hits over the course of an hour or so. The idea was that by raising my "baseline" first, maybe doing the 3-4 big hits in a row at the end of that would take me farther. Unfortunately it doesn't seem possible to break through that way, at least not without an MAOI. You reach a sort of plateau pretty quickly, and taking more from there pretty much just maintains it. I actually felt like I got a lot out of these sessions, but it's mainly just a good feeling, like a big comforting hug from the universe. While I enjoy it a lot I never really got any visuals from it that way.

So anyway, after doing more research on how tolerance works and ways to potentiate the experience, I decided to use the Caapi that I had bought awhile back to make a tea, and also to try smoalking my spice the way that Ice House recommends HERE. And I also made some enhanced leaf to put on top of the spice, rather than using bud. I had some problems with my tea, mainly because I didn't know any better when I bought my caapi and got powdered rather than shredded, but eventually ended up with something that seemed drinkable. The neighbors on the other half of the duplex where I live were supposed to be moved out by the end of Sept, so I planned my journey for the 1st of October, figuring nobody would be around and it would be nice and peaceful for once (the neighbors are loud and full of drama.)

I took some time off work to prepare and restricted my diet to salad, eggs, bread, and tea for a few days prior, tried to get my setting ready and waited for the neighbors to leave... but they'd put off all the work until the last minute and by the time I was ready to start, they were still in the middle of moving, so that was very distracting. Their moving truck was backed up right outside my living room window, literally a few feet from where I was sitting. Not the best circumstances for trying to get outside yourself. I'd compare it to something like trying to meditate in a construction zone. I probably should have just waited until another time, but I'd already been on the MAOI diet and did all this preperation, and took several days off that I can't really afford, So I just decided to go with it anyway. Also things were quiet for a pretty long while before I started so I was hopeful it would be ok to sneak away from this reality for a bit.

Prior to the DMT I decided to spend a few hours watching some movies on a low dose of shrooms, hoping to get myself into the right mindset and reduce the "pre-flight anxiety" I had been feeling for a day or more. That part was good, I put in one of my favorite funny movies on the way up (Kung Pow), figuring that laughter was bound to be a good "set" for approaching hyperspace. After that I put on The Dark Crystal, because besides being a visual masterpiece, I always find a lot of deeper meanings in the story as well. To me it's a movie about a person's inner quest to heal themselves, overcoming the fear and hatred of the reptilian brain and years of negative conditioning with love and courage, in order to find true wisdom and peace.

I felt like that brought me to a pretty good place, so I put on my Tool playlist through Milkdrop, and started drinking my caapi brew. After about 30-45 minutes I felt like it might be doing something, but it was hard to be sure on top of the mushrooms. I think it might have boosted their effects, which had been starting to wear off. So I went ahead and started hitting a large bong loaded with a layer of elf spice underneath some enhanced leaf I made by infusing 1G. of P. Viridis leaves with 1/2G. of jungle spice (all I had left), using an everclear based cannabis tincture for the solvent.

And so of course right about there is when the noise outside started up again, pulling me back to my awareness of the real world every time I'd start to finally let it all go. People that have been there always say that once you've broken through, you won't have any doubt about whether you did it or not. If that's the case, I still don't think I've been all the way, but this time I got my first really strong closed eye visuals, and believe I've finally at least seen the doorway. I still had control enough of my body that I think I could have hit the bong one more time and actually opened the door, but with all the stuff going on outside at that moment I just didn't feel like it was the right time, and frankly, I got a little scared. And also the place I was at was already SO intense and beautiful I felt like it was almost ungrateful and greedy for me to want more. So I just waited to see what it would show me.

It would be hopeless to try and describe the peak of the experience in much detail, but I think it lasted for about the duration of the song Reflection (which was perfect). I really don't know what to say about the visuals except that even with my eyes closed in a darkened room, it seemed just like I was in full daylight. The colors and patterns I saw were much more abstract and simple than I expected based on reading about other people's experiences (plus knowing my own very elaborate, visual imagination), and I think a lot of the important stuff that was going on for me was on a more emotional level than visual. I felt intense grattitude to be there at all, and believe I was saying "thank you" out loud repeatedly, as well as "I'm sorry", for all my doubts and fears and failures, and not yet being ready to just let it all go and trust the universe to keep me safe. I'd like to think there was forgiveness and understanding for me there as well, and I know that I can go back whenever I feel ready to ring that doorbell again. Part of the message I was left with was that this place is always there, just waiting for me to give it my full attention, and there's no need to approach it with as much anxiety as I have been.

When those effects faded, the feeling that was left was very much like what I experience on about 4 grams of mushrooms, and I'm not sure if it was the caapi potentiating the remaining effects of the small dose of them I'd had about 5 hours before, or if it was the caapi/DMT effect itself. Unfortunately at about this point I gave in to my ego and fell into a short bout of paranoia, which is pretty much normal for me on a heavy trip of any kind. So I did what I could to make myself feel better without freaking out excessively, then on my way down got involved in sketching out designs and brainstorming ideas for an art project I've just been commissioned to do. That went really really well, I had an awesome idea for how to approach it that I might not have come up with in a more normal state of mind, and feel like that alone was worth the whole ordeal. After an hour or two of that, I made myself a nice steak and shrimp dinner, which was really great after day or two of restricted eating. Then I crawled into bed and slept really well for about 12 hours. Sometimes I have particularly vivid dreams after having DMT, but this time if I did, I can't remember them.

So as far as integrating the experience, I got several important things out of this, beyond just briefly making contact with the "holy moment" (which I think I was needing pretty badly). For one thing I really need to get serious about meditation. One of the things that came to me in my struggle to let go of my "self", was the realization that this is something I can basically practice, any time I want, and it will help make these more intense experiences less of a struggle the more comfortable I am with emptying my mind of whatever current real world issues might be distracting me. I used to practice it a lot, but I've been let it slide for a pretty long time now and this was a good reminder of how helpful it is. Also, at least for now I need to stop trying to do my "breakthrough" experiences at home. People say your setting should be someplace you feel comfortable, so home seems like it should make sense. But for various reasons, in my case I don't really feel very safe there when I'm tripping, and am surrounded by things that only reinforce my ego-clinging real life baggage, triggering mundane thoughts about whether all the bills are paid, and that I ought to clean up the kitchen and such. Before I do something like this again, I need to find a safe place away from home where I can go, preferably outdoors. I don't think I'll be able to let go completely otherwise, even without the noisy neighbors. So my next journey (which probably won't be very soon) may be something more like a camping trip. I just need to figure out where to go.

Overall I feel like it was a very positive experience, in spite of the bad timing, and possibly even a necessary step I needed to go through to help prepare the way before venturing deeper into hyperspace. I'm reaching middle age, and by now my "Self" has a very strong grip, as much as I truly want to be able to release it, even for just a minute or two. Easing my way into it gradually (as I have been) seems like it might be the best way for me. It's always a learning experience and I'm sure more insights will come to me as I consider it more during the coming days and weeks.
No direction but to follow what you know,
No direction but a faith in her decision,
No direction but to never fight her flow,
No direction but to trust the final destination.
 

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Eliyahu
#2 Posted : 10/2/2012 10:44:33 PM
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I am so happy to hear everything went well for you....

I told you you would be Golden..Thumbs up



BTW ....The Dark Crystal is one of my favorite movies of all time

Jim Henson was so comepletely talented.
And why do you look at the speck in your brother's eye, but do not percieve the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, "brother let me remove the speck from your eye", when you yourself do not see the plank that is in your own eye?-Yeshua ben Yoseph
 
Crazyhorse
#3 Posted : 10/3/2012 2:54:19 AM

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Eliyahu wrote:


I am so happy to hear everything went well for you....

I told you you would be Golden..Thumbs up



Thanks Eli I appreciate it. Big grin

You've repeatedly helped me out here and tried to answer my questions when everyone else ignored them, I hope you'll stick around.
No direction but to follow what you know,
No direction but a faith in her decision,
No direction but to never fight her flow,
No direction but to trust the final destination.
 
anrchy
#4 Posted : 10/4/2012 9:36:52 AM

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I resonate strongly with your last two paragraphs. I have very strong attachments to this reality and have a hard time letting go of it. I've been on the take it slow and steady routine for awhile now, while it is helping, I'm getting anxious and am considering jumping straight to the F' it and do it routine. Although I've been considering that for over a month now. Uhg.

I also assumed home is where I would feel the best. DMT has actually taught me that I don't like where I live, in fact I despise my house and do not feel comfortable in it. However, I feel safest there as opposed to someone else's home. I had an awesome mushroom experience at my house, which I was nervous about. It turned out great and helped ease my uncomfortable feelings a bit. (This was before DMT) Anyways, I also had a mushroom experience not too long ago while camping that was amazing. It was so awesome and the place we went was part of the high for sure, place had soul. I made a post about but not sure at the moment where.

I have found one thing to be true. One single hit as opposed to a bunch of smaller ones, is a much stronger effect and efficiency. If you have to take it in multiple hits you are definitely lowering the possible size of dose taken in. Although I doubt your problem is anything like that. Seems you have a natural tolerance. Curious tho, how strong are the physical effects for your biggest doses? I still feel something is a miss, but if your getting the horrendous body load with no visuals, well that's prolly your own tolerance.

My gf has dosed a couple times where she had to take multiple hits rather than all in one and the experience was very light comparatively.
Open your Mind (โ’ถ) Please read my DMT vaping guide (โ’ถ) Fear is the mind killer

"Energy flows where attention goes"

[Please review the forum Wiki and FAQ before posting questions]
 
Crazyhorse
#5 Posted : 10/4/2012 11:04:22 AM

Wide eyed and hopeful


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Update: Ok, I get it now. Shocked


OMFG.....FINALLY!


Just a few hours ago I was ranting a bit in someone elses thread about the problems I've had getting DMT to "work" for me. I've tried changing a lot of different variables, following various people's advice, but the experience has always been sort of in the same ballpark. It's never seemed very much like what other people describe, and I haven't been able out figure out why.

So in the process of writing that post, trying to understand what the problem might be, I decided to give it another shot real quick before bed. No "pre-flight anxiety", No big preperations, no rituals. I just added a little fresh enhanced viridis to the bowl I was smoking the other night, changed a few seemingly minor variables in my setting that had usually been the same in the past, and wow... Surprised

I'm not sure which change made the difference, or if it's a combination of things, but that whole experience was fundamentally different than anything I've had up to this point, including the one in the OP. Way beyond what I was expecting going into it, based on all my past experiences with this stuff. And yet STILL probably not even close to what you guys are calling a breakthrough. Holy crap.

Wow. Ok, let's have a lot more of that, please! Laughing

So... yeah, that was a totally unexpected game changer for me. I'm sure I'll have much more to say about it later.




No direction but to follow what you know,
No direction but a faith in her decision,
No direction but to never fight her flow,
No direction but to trust the final destination.
 
cyb
#6 Posted : 10/4/2012 11:16:14 AM

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Yay...well done (bout time too) Very happy
Please do not PM tek related questions
Reserve the right to change your mind at any given moment.
 
Bill Cipher
#7 Posted : 10/4/2012 6:19:47 PM

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Congratulations. It's a bottomless riddle. I look forward to your next impressions.
 
โ—‹
#8 Posted : 10/4/2012 6:42:09 PM
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Just when you think your starting to understand the experience or 'map out' whats happening or is about to happen.........

Twisted Evil Shocked Drool Embarrased Crying or very sad Big grin Cool .....nope

Great report
 
anrchy
#9 Posted : 10/4/2012 9:33:14 PM

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YAY I'm excited!
Open your Mind (โ’ถ) Please read my DMT vaping guide (โ’ถ) Fear is the mind killer

"Energy flows where attention goes"

[Please review the forum Wiki and FAQ before posting questions]
 
ZeroFlight
#10 Posted : 10/4/2012 9:39:41 PM

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Good work my friend. Excellent to hear someone else make substantial progress! I also tip my hat to you linking my experience as well, and am happy that the series of events that led you to that experience had me involved.

Smile
He who knows nothing retains the capacity to know everything
 
Crazyhorse
#11 Posted : 10/4/2012 11:34:18 PM

Wide eyed and hopeful


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Thanks all, much appreciated! Big grin

Thought I'd add some details about the experience, while it's still pretty fresh in my mind.

The visuals were unexpected, similar in intensity to what I got from the dmt/changa combo, possibly clearer and brighter if anything. But a bit shorter of course. Although I'm at a loss to describe them, except that they kept changing. And by this I don't mean slowly morphing from one thing to another, or just things folding and moving around. I mean like switching channels on a TV every second or two. CLICK and it's one pattern, then CLICK and it's something else entirely, CLICK CLICK CLICK for about 5 minutes, like some kind of hyperspace channel surfing. Surprised I was definitely not expecting that. Maybe it's because the whole thing caught me so much by surprise, and my thoughts were jumping around like a monkey on crack. Next time I'll try to pick a "channel" and stick with it.

One of the channels came back up more than once, it was sort of like I was seeing the bathtub that would have been directly in front of where I was sitiing, except that it was on the other side of a closet and a wall. It kept filling up with these colored squares that crawled around, up over the walls and spreading across the floor, with the individual squares constantly swapping spaces within the larger pattern, like one of those slider puzzle things that forms a picture.

I'm still not sure exactly what made the difference, but with this session to compare my others against, I think I can make a few observations. Some of these things will proably seem very obvious to those with more experience, but even with all the reading I've done on this over the last several months I had no idea.

For one thing, the DMT+Shrooms experience is fundamentally different than DMT alone. I think I've basically been expecting a low dose of shrooms (1-2 grams) to boost the effect of the DMT, and mostly just add some intensity to whatever was already going happen. But if anything it seems to work the other way around, especially when I threw a MAOI into the mix. Vaped DMT seems to amplify the mental effects and general feeling of the shrooms, while only adding a little "flavor" of it's own (like the body load and some CEV, which I've never really noticed on shrooms alone, especially at low doses.) Combining this with caapi, even at the tail end of the mushroom trip (4-5 hours after ingesting 1.5g), briefly seems to have intensified the shrooms to the equivalent of I'd guess about 4-6 grams, while also getting some of the DMT effects.

Also, I think my environment has probably played more of a role in my experiments than I've given it credit for. Working with mushrooms during the last year, I'd come up with sort of a routine to follow with them, intended to help keep me with the moment rather than drifting off into paranoid fantasies and possibly getting myself into trouble. Basically, I'm trying to de-program an old bad trip that always comes back when I go past a certain threashold. And for that it's actually worked really well. But applying the same setting to DMT has probably been counter productive.

What I'd typically do to prepare myself for a mushroom trip, is darken my living room and get settled on the couch, then put on some music, with my favorite Milkdrop visualization presets playing on the TV in front of me. Sometimes I'll use other video synced to the music as well. I try to focus all my attention on the audio/visual experience being presented this way, and bring my thoughts back to it when I catch them wandering to places I don't want them to go.

While this works fine for me with shrooms, I think adding that outside stimulus was affecting my experiences with DMT, overloading me with A/V input when what I really need is dark and quiet so I can OUTPUT. Or maybe so I can recieve my input from a different source, depending on how you look at it. Even though I'd close my eyes and lay my head back when the DMT peak hit, I think the music and the strobing colored lights coming from the TV may have been keeping me somewhat anchored in my surroundings, when I should have been someplace else.

There were also some differences with my smoalking technique that probably played a big role. While I've done back-to-back hits numerous times, the devices I was using were always pretty small, and the hits I got might not have been big enough. For my caapi/DMT trip I aquired a large bong, and it worked very well, but I couldn't be sure how much was the bong, and how much was the caapi and/or the enhanced leaf I sandwiched my spice with instead of bud. Using it the same way without the caapi added makes me think it might have been a pretty big factor, and in retrospect I think if I hadn't had the mushrooms mixed up in the experience with the Caapi, things might have gone very differently.

One other thing occurs to me, and it might seem silly in light of these other things but I almost feel like taking that Caapi dose might have flipped some sort of switch inside me somehow, making it easier for me to get there than it was before. There's no possibility the caapi was still having a direct potentiation effect two days after drinking it is there? The reason I wonder about this has to do with one of my first attempts at smoalking, using a machine-like device I made. I felt like I came close that time... massive body load, minor CEV, but the whole thing just felt so different than this, almost like it was a different chemical. I don't think that mushrooms were involved that time either, but it just didn't have the same FEEL to it as this.

Anyway, this is getting stupidly long again, just wanted to put some of this stuff out there in case someone else having a hard time might find something useful in it one of these days.
No direction but to follow what you know,
No direction but a faith in her decision,
No direction but to never fight her flow,
No direction but to trust the final destination.
 
innerlightof1
#12 Posted : 10/4/2012 11:48:54 PM

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Wow that's so cool! That's kinda how I got my one and only break though so far.It was the last of what I had left of a gram of pale yellow someone had given me And I didn't think it would do anything that hadn't already happened on the last five excursions (really great visuals). This time I took one giant hit and held it in for almost 1 minute. There must have been built up resins or something in that straight shooter plus I let all fear leave me and just surrendered...It was life changing and beautiful Smile
 
Eliyahu
#13 Posted : 10/5/2012 5:54:36 PM
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Quote:
I just added a little fresh enhanced viridis to the bowl



right on! Glad to hear, somehow I managed to overlook your post about your second experience until now....

But I'm a little unclear on what formulation you used exactly? a caapi chacruna blend with DMT?
And why do you look at the speck in your brother's eye, but do not percieve the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, "brother let me remove the speck from your eye", when you yourself do not see the plank that is in your own eye?-Yeshua ben Yoseph
 
Crazyhorse
#14 Posted : 10/5/2012 6:15:03 PM

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Eliyahu wrote:


Quote:
I just added a little fresh enhanced viridis to the bowl



right on! Glad to hear, somehow I managed to overlook your post about your second experience until now....

But I'm a little unclear on what formulation you used exactly? a caapi chacruna blend with DMT?



My caapi was powdered vine, used that for the tea. When I bought the caapi I was origianlly planning on using it for making aya, so I also got a bunch of Viridis leaf. So while I was making the tea I also disolved 1/2 g of jungle spice in some everclear cannabis tincture, and infused that into 1G of the viridis leaf. So as I understand it, it's not really changa since its not caapi leaf and has no harmala, it's just enhanced viridis. But I like it, doesn't taste bad at all. Very happy I'm now using that for sandwiching my spice in the bong, rather than using MJ like I had previously.
No direction but to follow what you know,
No direction but a faith in her decision,
No direction but to never fight her flow,
No direction but to trust the final destination.
 
Eliyahu
#15 Posted : 10/5/2012 7:55:52 PM
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Oh ok cool. thanks for bringing me up to speed.
And why do you look at the speck in your brother's eye, but do not percieve the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, "brother let me remove the speck from your eye", when you yourself do not see the plank that is in your own eye?-Yeshua ben Yoseph
 
Julz
#16 Posted : 10/6/2012 7:08:29 AM

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Smile Set & Setting Smile

You seem to have learned the value of this during the first round activities- you know I had reservations about the timing with folks moving out around your planned 'vacation' but I am really happy for you that you jumped right back in, without anxiety, and got someplace that you have been aiming for for awhile it seems. I'm also pleased to hear that as plantas are teaching you about what you need and/or don't need to get to your happy place.

I hope that you'll be able to really move forward with more efficiency now that you made through; you been so actively seeking, and I'm so happy for you!

You said a few things up there about meditation, and I agree, I should get back to it too. also about safe spaces. There are a lot of things to consider regarding Safe Space, not just the physical security, but how you actually feel in that space, if you free to let go of that physical space, the entrapments, and of the Self. Thanks for bringing that up, cuz you know security is an issue for me, all the way around.

Happy Trails to You!
 
Crazyhorse
#17 Posted : 10/7/2012 8:16:23 PM

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Thanks for stopping by Julz. It means a lot to me that you've taken an interest in my seeking over the last several months, and I wanted to you know I finally felt like I was getting somewhere. I think I'm just going to pretty much drop that other thread, you're about the only one who seems to be paying much attention to it anymore, and as well meaning as those guys are they just can't understand it the way these people do.

I still don't think I've made the big "breakthrough" these guys talk about yet, but I think it was still an important step in the right direction. It feels like I'm trying to prepare myself for something with all of this, and I'm not sure exactly what... but this is a road I feel a strange kind of urgency about following, no matter where it leads.

I know you're seeking something in your own way too, and I'm excited for your next trip to Brazil. I feel sure you'll find something important there, but it probably won't be anything you'd expect. In the meantime good luck with your recovery, take care of yourself and don't push yourself too hard while you're healing.
No direction but to follow what you know,
No direction but a faith in her decision,
No direction but to never fight her flow,
No direction but to trust the final destination.
 
Julz
#18 Posted : 10/7/2012 9:59:25 PM

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Thx Mang, You know I appreciate you being here, and there. Yes, it may be that the guys are lingering/lurking but there have interest, just not the same seeker energy that maybe you and I share. Without you bringing it up, I would not have been out poking around, and might not have felt safe to venture here, and wouldn't be learning so much as I am now. The Nexus is a treasure trove, not just for dmt info, but the botanical aspects, the spiritualism, the art, the community... all rolled into one. Smile

I am deep in the "poorly understood aya..." thread, and hope that I can learn and eventually help in some identification. When I return to brazil, I hope to get pictures and common names used there. Did you know I studied horticulture too?

So, seekers, yes, always, and brasil pulls me, constantly- towards what, I just don't know. While recovering I am learning and learning. Wish I could create/find the space to drink here, it just doesn't seem quite right yet. I want/need a guide/protector/singer... you are lucky that you can venture alone, with the choice of materials you have, I think that is a great benefit. Trying to wrap my head around the chemistry, but the chems involved to extract crystals, I think are counter productive to my health though I wish I could make/get chacruna to smoke... for now, aya will be my mothership. That in itself makes me happy, to know just that one thing.

Peace man, hope you're having a blast! Go melt some glass!
 
Pandora
#19 Posted : 10/7/2012 10:28:18 PM

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Crazyhorse,

I really enjoyed reading your report(s) and the title is awesome - it gave both my husband and I a good Very happy . . . he joked about leaving a burning bag of s * *t for St. Peter, Razz

You sound to me like you are on the right path. Everyone figures out what works best for them with DMT and even though you are in midlife you have time.

You might want to look into a Vaporgenie or Glass Vaporgenie pipe - seems like that thing was made for DMT.

The DMT waters are endlessly deep imo. Seems we can dip toes in, go wading or dive deep . . . . the possibilties are seemingly endless and always screeching of novelty and the "Wow!" factor. What a priveledge/treat, eh?
"But even if nothing lasts and everything is lost, there is still the intrinsic value of the moment. The present moment, ultimately, is more than enough, a gift of grace and unfathomable value, which our friend and lover death paints in stark relief."
-Rick Doblin, Ph.D. MAPS President, MAPS Bulletin Vol. XX, No. 1, pg. 2


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Crazyhorse
#20 Posted : 11/5/2012 3:05:39 PM

Wide eyed and hopeful


Posts: 492
Joined: 18-Sep-2012
Last visit: 02-May-2018
Location: Elysian Fields
Thanks for the reply Pandora, somehow I missed it until now. I'm glad you think I'm heading in a good direction, some of your older posts give me the impression you may be able to understand where I'm coming from better than some.


But the main reason I'm bumping this is to report that I just had my first REAL changa session last night. Thumbs up I've only ever had enhanced leaf before, this time I had both harmala extract and DMT in the leaf, and also drank 50G worth of caapi tea. Started with the tea about about 9 hours ago, added the changa to that about 2 hours later, and kept that going for another 2-3 hours. Did some drawing on the comedown, but it's still a work in progress, so I'll wait to share that after it's completed (probably a few more sessions.) Still feeling it but nearing baseline now and on the way to bed. First impression is that I'll probably prefer changa to straight vaping from here on. I'm sure I'll have more to say about it later. Thumbs up
No direction but to follow what you know,
No direction but a faith in her decision,
No direction but to never fight her flow,
No direction but to trust the final destination.
 
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