Great post Tattvamasi! I have also had that feeling of being the calm center of the cyclone when I am in a mall or busy place! I get it regularly and find myself chuckling to myself and grinning like a weirdo as the majority of people are rushing around me like mad men. I also find solitude and loneliness can be beautiful too, though it still gets me down from time to time... I am an artistic, expressionist person at my core (music, writing, etc) so my deep self craves solitude but, and a big but, I find I need contact with close friends at least once a week to find balance.

I'm more of a one on one contact kind of guy, I find I become more of an observer when there is large groups of people involved. Luckily I have a handful of close friends of like mindedness that I can catch up with regularly to balance my inner need for solitude and loneliness.

That being said, I get occasional bouts of loneliness and alienation, out of my friends, I am the hermit of the bunch and a few of them sometimes call me the "Mad Scientist" because I prefer to spend weekends working on music and artistic endeavors in my cave instead of go out and party. My mothers side of the family is also like this. I don't take offense to the "Mad Scientist" moniker and take pride in it but sometimes I feel alienation and loneliness because I don't take part in getting fucked up very often. I am slowly starting to embrace this divide though and see that it is what makes me who I am and am starting to realise that my friends don't look down on me for this.

I hope you find happiness on your path Skitty

It's funny you say that about the "mad scientist" label. My few friends call me the SAME thing.

I am definitely the hermit outa my group of friends though. I'll go for several weeks at a time with getting ahold of anyone. And the only people I interact with are my co-workers.

There's many night where I'll make a bonfire and just sit by the fire all night by myself. Just me, the moon, the stars and the insects.

Lots of great posts here, and helps alot to deal with this thing that we all seem to be cursed (or blessed?) with. Loneliness is a weird concept because in a way it cannot ever exist.. even if you were the last man on earth you could still develop a sort of divided personality condition and keep yourself company whenever you needed some. Which is probably what god is doing right now and we're the result..... Well whatever the reason is that we're here it's wonderful to see this planet so full of beautiful people , and threads like this remind me that there could be nexian-minded individuals living right next door to you without either of you even realizing it.

and haha InnerPaths and Tattvamasi thats exactly what my old friends call me too.. I guess we're all a bunch of mad scientists in here

That is hilarious. So here I was, thinking I was the only one... Definitely not a bad thing, the world needs more "mad scientists", ha ha!

Thank you all for your beautiful replies..It certainly helps to know that there are others feeling this. Loneliness can be, and often is, beautiful. Trungpa describes it as the tender heart of sadness, letting you know that you are in touch with reality, and I frequently prefer to be holed up in my room with a good book or just hanging out with my rock collection to any interaction.

However, for me getting past my shell in social situations is a constant battle. Even when I am with like-minded people, I find myself holding back and second guessing unless I am with someone I know REALLY well. This is the real intent of my post I suppose-I can handle and even enjoy being alone-it's when I feel most genuine and authentic-but it's the feeling of being trapped in my own mind when I'm with other people that really gets me down sometimes. Perhaps it just means that I have more work to do in solitude at this time.

And I agree with the many of you who said that it goes beyond drugs! I have taken a major step back from drugs-they just don't really jive that well with me at present. I miss the colors and the euphoria, and I have a hard time saying no, but right now meditation seems to be the ticket. Anyway, thanks again for all your replies and good luck!

I think for most of us, being authentically our selves in any interaction takes practice. The good thing is that you already notice that you are NOT authentic in your interactions, so at least you can tell the difference.

I too pass many days without holding a meaningful conversation with anyone, because I prefer to not press these things unless they emerge out of the situation. I don't mind it anymore, but I remember I used to mind it quite a bit. As though every time you open your mouth you have to spew out some kind of wisdome or try to solve the worlds mysteries. It isn't so. A great part of spirituality is "living in the moment". This IMO does not only include not worrying about tomorrow, but actually becoming part of the moment you are in. That is, feeling the energies that arise and resonating with them. There is nothing wrong with kicking back and talking about nothing, or not talking at all. The connections we make with people are not necessarily dependent on the mental accomplishments we achieve in intelectual discussions, philosophical debates or metaphysical speculations. Sometimes it's just about sharing a moment, sharing a vibe or whatever.

I believe:
The important thing is to be open and to not make a distinction between "important topic" and "stupid topic". Communication can take place through any kind of topic, chit chat or bla bla, as long as you are willing to communicate. However, if you go into a conversation already thinking "this is going to be one of those pointless and shallow conversations", then you yourself are going to be shallow and closed off to the others.

Obviously in large groups this gets hard if not a certain percentage of the group feels the same way...

practice your own openness and play games with it if you can't do anything else. after all, what's the worst thing that could happen?

This post really resonated with my own feelings, especially after my yesterdays "lonely" journey on Pharma

What I learned from reading anthropological literature on non-Western societies is that shamans in general are very lonely people. Being partly excluded from the society they lived in, and partly excluding themselves, they never "fit" the prescriptions of how a "proper" member of that particular society should look, and behave, like.

Yes, the shamanic / entheogenic / psychedelic way (you name it...) is a lonely journey. Sure we can seek the community of similarly minded and oriented people, but - ultimately, in the end - the experience will always be very individual and "lonely".

Love&Peace

wow this is a really powerful thread for me as I'm going through a huge transformation in my life unrelated to experiences of a hallucinatory nature and I feel really isolated and lonely at times myself. I think it's one reason that has brought me here to explore and discover because I've already discoved so much in the past 2 years. I consider myself a spiritual person and believe in a higher power yet still seek better understanding and direction which can be lonely when the typical person is really only focused on their next paycheck or the weekend. I try to have deep conversations with my husband but it's difficult because he has a very demanding job. Many of my friends are also looking for worldly sucess and fulfillment with careers and children while I still feel like I'm finding myself. It can be very loney but hopefully boards like this can give us an outlet to meet in the middle. The concept of mutualy serving a purpose to others as they are to you and then going back on our own individual lives. I'm not sure if that makes sense.

The flipside of this kind of existential isolation is that, when you occasionally make a deep real-life connection, one that reaches far beyond the shallow and mundane, it can be a truly magical event.

I'd like to touch on something Enoon said about being genuine. first of all, it's quite normal to feel awkward, alone or left out in social situations. Totally normal; universal perhaps. Many people, from a young age, quickly start adapting to this condition, and begin developing social gambits, largely lifted from the more successful members of their preferred social group, in order to gain status in the group. It's a completely ego-driven process that comes quite naturally to many.

Some of us, though, are never comfortable with the ego driven social games, even from early childhood, and go on to become geeks... Nerds, punks, ravers, and other edge-or-society types. Here you are more likely to find interesting conversation, and in some cases may start to feel comfortable coming out of your shell and really being yourself. That is, in conversation, you feel 100% comfortable responding in the way you genuinely feel, rather than the way you think your peers will be impressed by. It's a very liberating way to conduct yourself.

Plus, you may find that when totally being yourself, you are at your most likeable.

In the meantime: be patient, remain open.