So last night I had a couple friends sit in with me, and my gf as well. 40mg in my spice bong. A little nervous to plunge in. Sat on the edge of my bed, lit the torch, hit the bong. I filled the bong with vapor, cleared it. After setting everything down I noticed I was having a difficult time holding it in. It felt like a strong hit and holding my breath was becoming difficult. I held as long as I could, not wanting to waste any. I laid back, pulled the beanie over my eyes, and exhaled. It was kind of a rough exhale, I was going in hard and it was already "effecting" my breathing. Now I'm gone.
I hear strange sounds this time. Almost like transformers. Now its gone and I see beautiful kaleidoscopic triangular shapes within a rotating circle that was many circles on top of each other. Each one slightly bigger. Yellows and blues, then reds, yellows, greens, and blues, then back to yellows and blues ect.
Something was about to happen, but then I became concerned about my breathing. The something stopped and I sensed that I was holding my breath. When this happened, fairy's appeared on both sides of the rotating circle. First 2 then possibly 3 or 4. They were shaking their heads and clasping their hands together. I could feel their emotion as communication. They were pretty much telling me "no, don't do that". It took a second but I realized what I needed to do. I let go. Let go of my ties to this planet and to my body slowly (I actually wasn't physically aware of my body, only that it existed) and when I did this the visuals increased ten fold and felt as if I had rolled my ethereal head back and was looking up at the most crystal clear crazy patterns imaginable. Purples and shades of pink and black jagged lines breaking it up and pulsing and breathing. I can't explain it.
I see a cube with rounded corners rotating and pulsing and turning inside out. I start to pull back again and I start thinking about everyone in the room looking at me. Observing me. Everything slows down and the fairy's start shaking their heads no and pleading with me emotionally to stop doing that. "Let go" they say to me in feeling. I do it again. I let go.
When I do this they start to shake their heads yes and move their arms almost like they are cheering. They speak to me in emotion "Yes do that, that's how you do it" These fairy's seem awesome to me. I love them, and they care for me, they are allowing me in, they want me to come in. They want me to break through and let go of my ties to my ego and my life and this plane of existence. They are made of light, I can't look at them directly, but they are amazing.
So this happens a few more times. I kept "worrying" about my breathing, or my friends thinking im not breathing or being worried about me. I almost felt as if I had to set an example for them about DMT. I didn't want to cause fear about it. I felt as if i could be judged by how I am while they watch me.
This ultimately pulled me completely back, or at least thats what I think caused it. because I came back to my body, and when i did I instantly pulled my beanie up thinking it was over. hahah
Then I said "Holy shit" out loud and my friend quietly let me know it had only been about 3-4 minutes. I realized it was still "on" and sat there observing the strongest OEV's I have had on DMT. I tried closing my eyes a couple times, but didn't really have any CEV's so i left them open.
I then proceeded to try and explain my experience, as I always do it this way. I was having an extremely hard time using and finding words and then saying them. A lot like when you are on a heavy dose of shrooms. It took about 10 minutes before my speech ability was almost 100%. For that time I also had a pretty strong body high.
I learned A LOT. My GF and I talked for awhile before going to sleep about what it means. Why I felt judged and such. I have that in my life, I push myself so hard and am never fully content. I always have to strive for more than i can reach. I set my goals so high, and never really settle down and enjoy the fruits of my labor.
My main personality attribute is not caring what others think of me. Yet I also have a conflicting trait, where as I am worried that people dont think well of me unless I continue to try and impress everyone. And my journey last night helped me find this out.
Thank you nexus.
"Energy flows where attention goes"
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