Greetings.

I began my travels in 1974 with my friends. LSD-25. I was 16. My friends were largely looking to get high. I was not. This has never been about that for me.

I have used other agents of travel - psilocin, Mescaline via peyotl, and perhaps one or two others. I have played with the Unnamed and indeed these experiences may have saved me from destruction - a long story with which I shall not burden you.

In 1982 I had my first unpleasant trip. It was not nightmarish by any means but it was just this side of frightening. I was out in public with a friend to get some food - perhaps not the smartest idea, though I had been in public whilst traveling before and never had any troubles. I was laughing incessantly in the deli in Flushing, Queens, NYC. My friend admonished me to go outside and I did, sitting on a pile of newspapers dropped off for the news stand next door. I put my head down into my palms and suddenly shot stick straight up and was filled with fear. I cannot figure why this sudden turn, but that is what happened. The rest of the evening was spent keeping me from getting any worse and it took several days for me to feel reasonably normal again. I do not know if it was a change in me or bad material - perhaps both? I chose to look at it as God telling me that this path had shown me all that it could and that I would have try another. I complied until 2003.

In 2003 I smoked a heavy dose of 5-MEO in search of that thing once again. I needed it - to have a little conversation with God - to seek some help and understanding that I might navigate this world which at times satisfies my personal definition of hell. I very rapidly collapsed on my back and the moment I saw the bright galaxy before me I suspected I had made a terrible error. But in knew it would be over in 15 minutes or so. Turned out to have been about 1/2 an hour or more, but my sense of time had collapsed and so I waited. And waited. I was not afraid of anything that I had seen. I had been afraid of what I thought might happen - a reflection of my general state of mind at that time, I suspect.

My friend who was with me was very worried about me. In his words: "you were GONE". I heard not a single word he'd uttered during travel. I just wanted it to be over, but I cannot quite figure out why. There were not visions of death, or hell, no demons and devils, no war... just the galaxy before my eyes. I was unable to do anything because my fears had paralyzed me into inaction. It was white knuckles all the way.

When I came out of it, I was in tears. I was crying hysterically and all I could do was go on about wanting to be "real" and not a phony - a further reflection of my state of mind at that time. I do believe that this was a somewhat veiled expression of the real issue, which I will have to think about awhile now as I never really gave it much consideration.

I have always sought "God" - even at age three I clearly recall this quest. I am now 54. I have read godly amounts of philosophy and have cogitated upon metaphysical things extensively. This is my nature, perhaps in part because I do not understand the smallest item of consideration in this world. It is all an opaque mystery to me and while this existence may indeed be a "dream" as per the various mystical philosophical traditions, I believe there is still something real that lies just behind the appearances - something eternal.

I would like to remain on this quest, going beyond the mere meditations and musings - all suffering from their respective limitations. I am, sad to day, like the little violet written about by Gibran, who wanted to become a rose. I am the Doubting Thomas, sticking his fingers in the gaping wound. I just seem to be unable to leave this alone, yet there are people around me who do not wish to see anything bad happen to me, and even I do not want that.

So I guess my point here, beside introducing myself, is to solicit opinions as to whether I should give this yet another try or should I simply drop the matter entirely?

One other question: do north American varieties of mimosa contain DMT?


Thank you.

Glad to have you, welcome. Thats for you to figure out. Dont think that the north american does, maybe I am wrong. Have a good once peace

If you still have the curiosity you owe it to yourself to find the answer you're looking for. I'm only 18 so you have obviously experienced much more than I have, but in the little experience I do have regretting not doing something is the worst of all. Thats just my humble opinion

Good luck on your possible future travels

i would go for it man, with dmt there is never any need to push the limits, but it can be unwelcoming if you use it too often or at the wrong time for the wrong reasons. this feeling you describe this thing you seek i feel will be expressed more openly by trying to breakthrough on the lowest dose possible. but start at 30mg and go to 40 or 50. the cleanest experience is with changa so id recommend checking that out on the wiki. really none of the extractions for dmt are overly difficult and theres alot of options out there and alot of people learning the same things. seeking that same path.

Goodluck

i'm relatively certain the North American mimosas contain nothing useful... damn nice to look at while smoking the extract of their South American cousins though...

welcome...

Hi Mabustsu,

That was an interesting read. I am also very new here, and hence still feeling my way around, so I hope I do not tread on any toes with my thoughts...

...I have next to no experience with psychadelics as yet, but reading your post I wondered; what is it that you are seeking?

I got the impression that you aren't particularly interested in the visual aspect of psychadelics or wanting to trip, but more the spiritual enlightenment. But you have found the experience over whelming and upsetting.

I am personally interested in psychadelics as I know they can provide an avenue for exploration, but I know that they are not the only avenue. Have you ever explored meditation and yoga? You might find it a path that you are more comfortable with. Please feel free to PM me if you'd like to chat more about this.

Otherwise it occurs to me that there are a number of psychadelics that you can take, and each seem to have their own effect. I'm aware that your surroundings and state of mind when you take them can have an impact as well. Perhaps if you tried a more gentle substance and make sure to be comfortable and in the right frame of mind you can explore more without finding the experiences so difficult?

Hello

If you have been seeking "God" all your life and you have not yet had a satisfactory genuine "God" experience you are looking for. Then I would say you most certianly have unfinished business.......

DMT is in my opinion the correct avenue of exploration for such a quest. Ayahuasca also is designed for such purposes.

_ Good Luck-