I had my first mystical experience thirteen months ago, after vaporizing DMT. This event kindled within me a firm, if mercurial, desire to explore the experience and what it means to me. It was my intention to understand this message and gift, so that I could then continue my life in a more beautiful and positive way, and heal wounds of the past and injuries of the present.

Well... It worked. This is all real, and it's all right here in front of our faces. After a year, the calm presence of my body brings a peace and wholeness that blows LSD out of the water, I can taste the coolness of hyperspace in the top of each breath and behind my ears. Small doses of psychedelics are more powerful than the potent doses that I took earlier in my journey. The trees, the clouds, the solid warm earth, the touch of a lover, the laughter of friends and the symphony of sound that's alive in every moment all mesh in perfect harmony. Finally, all is one. I knew this is what I have been waiting for my entire life, I just never expected it to be this real. The world is unfolding in infinite beauty before me, and I've only just started along the way. Life is good.


But, of course, there's that old devil in us all... My ego is a sour bastard til the end. Twisted and paranoid, pushy, judgmental, narrow-viewed and resoundingly negative at times. It's not all bad, of course... but I find that I cannot really live as my true self with my ego running so rampant. It constricts and distracts from the flow of all things, and all of this that I've sought for so long. It takes graceful zen and a serene humility to maintain myself.. not only that but my physical injuries serve as a distraction as well... stress exacerbates the pain, and pain exacerbates the stress. My ego always wants to take its previous place at the center of my mind, and it is impossible to stop at times... especilly dealing with others. The only way out is a grace I sometimes doubt that I can find within myself. But, of course, I do. And I know that only in doing so will I find my way.

My thoughts flow in emotion, humor, english, raw connotation, pure artistic expression, and rays of divine light. The world reveals itself to be indistinguishable from the perfection of DMT space when looked at with clarity. The restrictions are vanishing and the possibilities are endless... so endless, in fact, that others don't believe it. Can't believe it. But this is only natural, and to be expected. C'est la vie.

I've found it to be more true than ever that the Map is not the Territory. I can no longer stumble on sorting out the words and views of others. My own senses and spirit have proved to be my only means of honest existence. My experience as a living human, like a psychedelic experience, defies all verbal explanation... and this may be for the best, because when others hear of what this all means, they get angry and ridicule me... especially here at the Nexus.

This is to be expected, it's simply the way of things... most people experience these concepts in hints and glimpses, and bring them to fruition in their minds. I can no longer do this with honesty. I experience it in reality. This fundamental divide points out to me my need to seek companionship and guidance in these matters only from my soul and true friends. I don't have the time or effort to waste on hard-headed rationalists, much less dogmatic crusaders... and they don't want my crazy ass around either. When the world is full of thinkers and believers, it is sometimes hard to be a feeler and a see-er instead.... They get angry when something doesn't fit into their linear world-view, and I get angrier. This isn't good for anybody.

So with that, I wish you all happy travels, beautiful days, majestic nights and all the best. I love the people of the Nexus dearly, and you have all taught me much more than I could say... But I must learn to live as something else now, and must be on my way. I hope and pray for moments when I can return to see all the people here who I dearly love, but if my love is not to fester in frustration and angst, I must spend time communing with myself and the world, and heeding their call above all others.

I love you, thank you, and god bless.
Hg