Hey all

i came on here with the hope of getting tips from people who are very good with girls, in the sense of opening/maintaining conversations. i need to know with what mentality people make this approach.

My problem is quite unusual and i dont know whats wrong with me, attracting the hottest girls is the least of my problems, wherever i go to girls of all types, races, colors, age etc etc either come and approach me, or check me out or give me compliments, the hottest girls in the clubs turn their head to check me out, and i get compliments on my looks non stop. but the problem is i dont get any of them and i screw up all my chances because i lack the social skills and its driving me insane.

i grew up bieng very insecure of my self, with low self esteem, thought i was ugly and thought i wasnt good looking enough for girls, and i have a fear of rejection, due to bieng rejected when i was young and that problem has stayed with me. the only thing that has changed is now im very confident in my appearance, and have good self esteem and confidence.

the problems i do still have is having is the ability to put my self in the right mood/mentality when in situations with girls, and because i cant put my self in the right mentality, i get lost for words, get nervouse, uncurtainty kicks in and get shy and end the conversation quickly. Many girls proberly think im stuck up or i think im too good for them as they felt rejected by me as they made the move on me but i was too shy.

part of the problem is i think with the level of attention i get i feel like there is a great expectation on me and i get affraid to dissapoint and look like an idiot, which im sure has been the case many occasions. Girls either felt dissapointed that i didnt make a move or thought i was bieng sleezy i could never find the balance.

iv read on the internet things like put your self in a good mood, or do this or do that, just be confident and go for it, but im looking for more mental tips/skills because i believe its all about the mood/mentality you have at the time, so i want to know from the people who are very good at this how they prepare them self mentally. As in do you talk to the girl knowing you can have her, or do you talk to her as if your not interested in her and your just talking to her as if shes a friend, because i know if you talk to a girl with the mentality that you want her it usually doesnt work out. i dont mind trying and getting rejected, someone of my friends pcik up many girls and they also get rejected alot, but i just need the right approach so i have something to work with so at least im moving to the right direction, so i have the right balance where the girls isnt dissapointed that im not making a move nor does she think im bieng sleezy in the conversation etc

any advice will be greatly appriciated

probly wont like this advice..but brother..just do it.

Most likely nothing else will change your situation. I know what it is like to be the shy person. That is me. You can read self help books or like try to change your mood all you want, for me that is all just talk and sounds nice but sometimes you just have to grab your balls and do it. You have nothing to loose.

Don't go out with any expectation, and don't care about making a good impression. First and foremost be yourself. Never try to emulate others.

If you have a girl give you attention, start to talk to her, but be confident, just not overly so. This way you'll be cool, relaxed, and easy. Be nice, get her a drink or two, and see how it goes. You might get her number to ask her out for a coffee, if she says no to your offer of a nightcap!

But i think it's important that you smile, have a few drinks to lighten up, and enjoy yourself FIRST!

Well, this maybe be a bad advice but couple of drinks definitely help inhibition problems.
2 Beers and there is a possibility that you will be the one starting the conversation.

The thing is you need experience, if you had a sister, how would you talk to her?
I completely understand how past events shapes you mentally but there is nothing in the world that is unchangeable.

Take the good parts, learn from the bad ones and move on.

And that's from experience, I don't think you know what shyness is, you should have met me couple years ago haha

Be yourself yet be stand-off-ish, never pander, never act too interested, play the mysterious role. the less said about yourself the better...be the good listener. MAKE THEM LAUGH!
treat them like a person not a like a GIRL.

Tripping more can help you find your true inner confidence...

So it sounds like you freak out a bit when you meet girls you like and don't know what to say. This is a simple problem to overcome. They are already interested in you, so there is already a big hurdle out of the way! Many of us have to really work to even get that far!

So you don't know what to say... Ask them about themselves, most girls LOVE to talk about themselves, and they also LOVE a good listener. this takes a lot of the pressure off you to perform conversationally, and also paints you in a good light - you don't come off as ego driven, and you seem to be very interested in them.

Now, I also gained a lot when I used to take MDMA - you are automatically in an extroverted, friendly, empathic mood, which is great for getting to know people. How ever, i would suggest using such experiences to learn to get to know girls rather than picking up girls, as I have had many experiences where I thought I had made a new best friend / fallen in love, only for me to wake up in the morning thinking "Who the hell were those people I made friends with last night?!" - this can lead to awkwardness, but as a learning experience, I think it could really help. Having said that, i met my partner while high as &*%$, and we have been inseparable for the last 5 years, so it can work both ways...

I think the most important thing is to be yourself. Putting on a facade won't do you any favors down the line. How do you talk to your friends? You have female friends right? how do you talk to them? Be light hearted, make her laugh, keep spirits high, and the confidence will come with time and success... Just tell them that you like them BEFORE becoming friend zoned for God's sake

You'll do just fine! I forget what film it's from but the quote fits I think "Don't put the pussy on a pedestal!" you deserve it

I wish you the best of luck my friend!

Learn "body language" because you aint goin far without being able to interprate non verbal signaling which carries 80% more weight than verbal.

Smile, ( friendly, vaguely amused look works best for me)

Been said already, but most women don't give a dam about your "stories" they want to tell you theirs and you better look like it interests you otherwise it'll be a long nigths hunting.

Smell right, Pheromone sprays are controversal, but they seem work for me as attractant. But the work remains to be done even if they do "work"

Don't be stingy! buy them the best drinks, food.

While I wouldn't blabber about entheogens to every lady I meet, there is a sub set that are in fact very interested in some well chosen DMT stories, even if they'd never do it themselves.

Happy hunting!

I've never been a womanizer, but I've married twice... and if what you want is to find someone great for you, you just have to go with the flow as much as you can. You have to be yourself, whoever you hook up with being someone else won't ever become a relationship to preserve. So if you aim in the long run, be honest with who you are and show it. Talk about it. Don't be afraid of saying you are shy and you feel insecure about that fact. When you hit on the right person, and the first awkwardness is beaten, you'll do just great.

And if what you want is mostly sex, as suggested, have a couple drinks. Or a joint. Or whatever works for you

Think of us when it works.

MDMA works for me,

no but really just be yourself and be able to listen to what she's talking about and get into the conversation!

It's been stated several times already, but I agree: Be yourself.
If someone isn't interested in you for who you are, why should you be interested in them?

My suggestion is this. Take all of the performance pressure off of yourself. When you go out, don't go out with the expectation of getting a number, or getting laid, or meeting "the one". Just go out to have fun. That way, when you find yourself engaging with someone, you won't be sitting there second guessing yourself, wondering if you just said something stupid, or what you should say next.

If something is meant to be, it WILL be.

excellent advice guys, well see how i go tonight. Just going with the mentality to have fun with friends and anything more is a bonus

good luck dude, all the advice here is golden. I'm shy too and it can just take time to meet the right girl. I've been beating myself up over this stupid stuff and out of nowhere this totally interesting and attractive woman pops into my life. She's super modern, smart and business-minded, but also a total hippy and psychonaut. I just really got to know her tonight; I think she could tell I was a little shy, and was patient and even a little playful. As you can imagine, the conversations were electrifying, we had so much in common to talk about. We hadn't planned to talk for more than a minute, but hours passed before we were on our ways.

After she left, I sat down with a bowl of the spice and the message was so clear to just let go of all these anxieties I've collected and just feel that connection with people, and that that's what's important. I've rarely been so thankful for my part in this existence.

I've struggled quite a bit with this issue in the past. Years back I got out of my first relationship that lasted for quite some bit and after that, I had no clue how to even talk to girls there weren't my ex-gf.

So what I did was started 'bootcamping'. I went out on missions to improve myself. At first it started with walking upright which later moved on to looking people in the eye(while cruising the streets) until I could hold eye contact for a few seconds without freaking out. I then started greeting people, just saying "hi!" while smiling and keep moving.

From there I started mini conversations with people I met. I approached them, greeted them and asked them for something trivial, like the location of a certain store, the train station or something like that. Once I had those skills I started applying whatever knowledge and calibration I had by then by starting to approach girls.

As my confidence grew so did my ability to express my body language and talk to people. It was hard work and I had to work myself through quite some disappointment and internal problems such as chickening out. Things like the three second rule(open a girl you want to meet within 3 seconds so you cannot think up doom scenarios) and "better to be rejected than nothing" helped me through those periods. It won't be easy but as long as you enter this with an openmind and think to yourself: don't consider a rejection personally because most strangers you open don't have the ability to look into your soul and cannot judge.

You could be the best looking man in the world with an amazing body, fantastic job, fast car, nice house, and lovely personality..Yet in a nightclub or bar, watch an ugly bloke pull the girl you are after. WHY?, because women look to a man that approaches them and starts to talk to them This is what women look for, a man with simple common sense confidence. She is not interested in your looks or money compared to your personality, unless she is a materialistic high maintainence type of babe that's all surface.

Remember this, that women spend HOURS making themselves look good. They worry to death about what to wear, spend ages on beauty treatments, shaving their legs and pussy so they don't look like men, nipple hair removal cream, etc, etc, you name it! Take them away from the hair salon, make up, high heels, and that same girl that you adore in the bars/clubs you wouldn't even look at the next day!!

So just bear this in mind. All you need to do is count your blessings, dress well, brush teeth, cut nails, put on some neat shoes and aftershave, go out and start talking and get the drinks in....No big deal, unless you allow it to be.



Ahh, this is where you need to adapt this. Next time you go past people, try to walk past attractive females. Say hi, and smile, but walk SLOWLY. See the reaction you get. Then STOP and talk to them : Hello, nice day today innit. Look at all those sour faces, makes a change to see a nice smiling face like yours........etc, etc!

How can a woman think bad or seedy about you when you have been nice and complimented her, and remember that no one else has in that moment, just you!/ Think about it, you can now use good impression as a "Caapi" to potentiate the admixture of other nice comments, and it may lead to you asking her if she's got any plans, maybe would she like to have a coffee one afternoon, ETC, ETC!

Disregard females, acquire currency.

You need to actually think of what's going on behind the scenes. I too am terrible with talking to women in a flirtatious manner. I would attribute this to the fact that I'm hopelessly narcissistic and self centered, on top of my not exactly being "stable" enough to maintain a relationship. Recently I've come to terms with the fact that I don't want to talk to girls or have a significant other or anything of that stuff.

Most of my high school years and the few years after were basically spent in constant misery because I felt terrible about myself for not having a girlfriend or being able to talk to girls. Then I realized that the only real basis for my wanting to talk to girls was some sort of societal pressure. The truth is, I was born alone, I will live alone, and I will die alone, and I want it to be no other way than that. Maybe you're the same way, but just haven't realized it yet.

Until 5 days ago, i was exactly in the same state of mind as you sc001. I always had problems approaching females due to lack of confidence and general shyness. I am over 30 years old but in my whole life i never had an proper relationship. The simply truth is, i was thinking i am not worth it. There was always something in me which said i can't do this i have to wait.

There is an simply and very powerful shortcut to inner harmony, and i am surprised that nobody had mentioned it before, especially here at the nexus.
Starting last Friday i participated in 4 Ayahuasca ceremonies with 2 Shipibo Curanderos.
The first ceremony was a nice introduction, in the second i asked Aya to take out my fear and my shame.
Thats where i learned the first important lesson: breathe! focus on the feeling of breathing and your ego goes silent.
In the third session i asked her to show me who i am.
In the last ritual i asked: Show me how to love myself, so that i can love others.
I cannot describe what exactly happened. But when both the male and female shaman sang to me directly, some door in my brain opened and everything was illuminated like an christmas tree (powered by the sun).
Since then everything changed. Needless to say i got more than i asked for.
I am different now, everybody acts different around me, especially woman, kids and animals.
Its totally mindblowing, i cannot believe whats happening right before my eyes.

There's nothing wrong with being a bit picky. Sweet girls tend to like shy guys as well as long as you make an effort to get to know them. Almost a year ago I pulled the classic, yawn during a movie and put your arm around her move and we've been together since then. A sense of humor also helps. I never tried to pick up girls at clubs or bars, you see mostly the same girls every weekend hugging on different guys, calculate that with the std rate in this part of the country and its enough to "shy" anyone away. Just be yourself and don't be a player, It's a game of attraction girls and guys both like some challenge. I find its far more fulfilling to get to know someone first and when your comfortable around each other make a move.

Good for you man

Quoted for truth.

Society puts far too much pressure on us to go out and find a mate ASAP. The truth of the matter is, finding a GOOD person is a very hit or miss game. Even when you learn to filter out "bad/incompatible people" through body language, you have to remember that whoever your talking to is trying their best to impress you with physical appearance, key phrases, etc. No one is very open in the beginning save for their most positive aspects, and jumping into a relationship is a gamble of high sorts. I've seen women totally destroy a man's life because he broke up with her and I've seen a man beat a woman for leaving him. People can be very... shitty... if they aren't given what they want. Are you willing to accept that in a mate? If not, you're in for a long, painful ride, because that's human nature, and it's in all of us.

For me personally, I'm with Macavity. I've always been an introverted, shy, sensitive person who likes his privacy. For me, living with other people (even my family) is a daily ordeal. Some days, I just don't feel like talking to anyone. It isn't their fault, or mine. I just feel like being alone. How does one explain to their mate "Hey don't talk to me today, need my privacy"?

I like Purges.........