Hello Friends,
I traveled to the Bonnaroo Music Festival this past weekend, and tried Lucy for the first time. Friday, I dropped 2 tabs during Foster the People, and felt it come on when Radiohead started. Prior to Radiohead, I layed on my back staring at the stars. I saw the depths of the constellations and better understood why they were named they were. The Big Dipper is a giant spoon! Radiohead was amazing. They designed their show for those tripping on psychedelics. The songs off of Kid A were the best (also my favorite album of their's though). What followed was the most beautiful experience of my life. Never have I experience music like that before. I felt the fluidity of energy. I felt a deep connection with the earth. Each song carried its own meaning, all differing yet blending together in unified expression. I held a glow stick in each hand and like conductors of energy, they enhanced my experience. The ground felt amazing, and dirt enhancing the vibratory feeling of the electric guitar. My spine was like an antenna for vibration. I took the perspective of the band members, and what it must have been like for Jimi Hendrix putting tabs in his headband and observing the energy of the crowd. The electric guitar is the greatest instrument ever invented. There were so many people, so many glow sticks (hula hoops and other extravagant glow objects), and so much positive energy, the atmosphere was ridiculous.
However, the way Bonnaroo is designed, it turned into a mindfuck after the show. The main stages are called That Stage, This Stage, The Other Tent, Which Tent, What Tent. The walls of the place seemed to curve together. Everywhere, the stages all pointed up. Geometrically they formed so many squares, circles, and triangles. The lights are all designed to look like mushrooms. They have electronic UFOs flying overhead at night. I tried to find my way back to camp, but could not. It was like I was trapped in the Labyrinth. With so many people walking around, I went into sensory overload, and experienced the most terrifying trip of my life. I will not describe the terrors I experienced. I lost grips with reality.
Finally I made it back to camp, still frightened beyond belief and unsure of the reality I was in. I stayed up all night and meditated, breathing with the earth. I breathed in and out as I saw the clouds breath in and out. After several hours I calmed down and rediscovered I was back to the real world as the sun came up. The morning began, I started drinking with friends again and finally went back into the festival with some buddies. I was still deeply affected by Lucy. I hooked up with Molly, and decided if I was going to gain control over my mind again, I should dose Lucy again.
I dosed for Santigold. She put on an amazing show. It was very tribal in a way and her voice was extremely soothing and unique. I danced my ass off. Never have I danced like that. I moved to the music. At one point I even started break dancing. Vibration was in control. I covered myself in dirt and would touch the ground from time to time. I was dancing like a double helix (and even triple++ helix!) during some of the songs. What I later discovered was I created an energy meridian in that spot. It is true that your feet and hands are natural energy conductors of the earth. I didn't care how much of a dirty hippy I looked, the energy was amazing. I took off my metal chain and played with it while I sat in my dirt spot where I cleared away grass. It absorbed all the energy. After the show I moved 100 yards away to the spot where I was going to re-meet up with my friends, who were at a different show. The entire time while walking I kept the chain moving and the energy flowing.
I arrived at my spot and saw the sun hidden behind the clouds. The forecast was for rain that night. I started making geometric patterns toward the sun. At the time I did not realize what I was going to accomplish. I pointed the chain toward the sun and felt the electromagnetic pull between the sun and the core of the earth. I then proceeded to dance and consciously willed the clouds to go away from Bonnaroo so the sun would come out and there would not be rain that night. I continued geometric patterns in the chain and would make a ring through which I would blow air, as if blowing the clouds away. I felt an intense amount of strength as I pushed the clouds to each side. I was seriously strong enough to lift a car. For 20-30 minutes I did this. Up to this point I had consumed extreme volumes of water and wine over the day (Well over 20 bottles of water and 5 bottles of wine). My entire body was fluid energy. It appeared to me that the clouds were moving away as the sun was now shining through the clouds, whereas the rest of the sky was covered by long strings of altostratus clouds.
Enter mindfuck #2. A girl came up to me and what she said shocked me. "Holy shit, you parted the clouds." Apparently she had been sitting near by and observed my actions. I then understood how Moses parted the sea. Consciousness shapes the physical world. If you focus enough conscious energy and believe 100% in what you do, you can accomplish anything. This is a principle we should all apply to our everyday lives. You create your own reality.
Did I really part the clouds? I'd like to think so. I felt an insane amount of energy all of which I felt I gathered from the collective conscience of the people and musicians of Bonnaroo. I really wish I had a camera with which I could compare with now because I will never forget what it appeared to look like. The clouds to the side were thicker, more condensed and slightly darker. Yes, It may have been exaggerated in my mind. I know the sun comes out of the clouds sometimes, but the amount of clouds covering the sky and time was absurd. I asked the sober(?)(well at least not tripping) girl explain the appearance and it adhered to what I saw. There was still one cloud that I could not move for some reason but I was physically and emotionally exhausted. The setting of Bonnaroo provided an insane amount of positive, conscious energy which I 100% believed I channeled. My friends found me, and I stopped the trance I was in. From there on out, I could only speak in tongues. I would estimate that 10 minutes later, the clouds were back fully covering the sun. The rain held off longer than expected, but started halfway through Skrillex.
Unfortunately I am feeling the effects from it now. I am worried I may have thrown my back out break dancing. My feet are in pain, but the swelling has gone down significantly. I have been icing regularly. My senses were pretty fucked but they are returning back to normal. I am not sure if I am feeling that pain I am to the full extent or not. I plan on seeing a doctor soon and would like to get an MRI done on my feet and maybe on my back. I am hoping it is just over tense and knotted muscles that are affecting my back, but the way in which I torqued my back while break dancing has me concerned. I'm pretty sure I have stress fractures in my feet but I don't think anything is broken.
Music and dance will never be the same. They couple together to form the most beautiful expression one could ever experience. I am so grateful that I was able to experience all I had the way I did. I learned so much about energy and about myself. I hope to recover as soon as possible so I can dance again. I will never hook up with Lucy again. It is too powerful and makes me overly emotional. If anyone has any advice for me on how to aid my recovery, please help. I am thinking about going to massage therapy and acupuncture. Never did either before. I want to learn what is truly going on with my physical condition first though. My thought patterns are returning back to normal and I have been staying sober. I still find it difficult to speak coherently, as my throat is very sore and my thoughts can race still (and be slow too). I have a bit of dyslexia, but my vision is no longer in an out as it had been (didn't freak out over having HPPD too badly thank goodness). I have been exercising my mind as I have been studying for the GRE. I have been meditating and lightly stretching too. I didn't think I would be affected this much. Thankfully I don't have to take the GRE until 6/22, and can cancel my scores and retake it if I must. I'm considering never drinking or doing any drugs again. Perhaps when I fully recover (if I do?) I will. I love enthenogens since they are always a self-reflecting and deeply spiritual experience, but my mental state was in shambles. I'm a little worried over the damage I may have done to my joints too. Any thoughts would be appreciated. Thanks for reading, nexus!
-Pan Man