it's been over a year since my last journey. i've been feeling the pull for awhile now. i recently extracted some spice and have since turned on a few friends, but can't seem to find the courage to leap myself. my thoughts turn to the spice every few minutes, but i keep telling myself to wait for the perfect moment. i'm psyching myself out of some much needed therapy. i need some encouragement from my brothers from other mothers. help?

Patience is a virtue. Wait until it feels right.

This happens to me all the time, so take solace in knowing you're not the only one who gets like this.

This is one of the rare times I'll say and admit that ignorance is bliss. It really, truly is, as sad as that is to say.

The reason you fear 'blasting off', if your anything like me, is that you know just how powerful the experience can be. There is no telling what to expect, and no matter how many times I safely come down every single time I dose I feel like its going to be the last time. Each time I feel like I'm one inch closer to death... that one of these days I just won't come down.

If, when you read those words, you feel the same way somewhere deep down inside, then I must, MUST express to you the following: this is normal, to be expected, and you do not need it at this current moment in time. I say that because if you have any feeling of holding back, its a sign that you need to work something out in the here and now present reality before you make such a giant leap into 'other world'. There is always a measure of anxiety involved with taking a psychedelic, but if you are having genuine fears about it then now is not the time.

I've taken a three month break from psychedelics at this point, and there have been several times I've thought about dosing, but I'm always steered away from it for whatever reason. And, just about every time I do, I get this intuitive feeling like it was the right decision not to journey. It shouldn't be such a scary thing if your really ready for the next step, the next lesson.

Or, at least that's my personal opinion and the conclusions I've drawn about myself and why I fear the substance so much sometimes. I really hope that added some perspective, and if and when you do journey, have a safe voyage my friend!

If the anxiety stems from hesitation alone, ask yourself thrice "Do I want to do this now?"

If the answer is either "Yes" or "Yes, but....." on all 3 occasions then proceed.

If the answers "No" or "Not sure" each time then probably best to wait.

Is the anxiety simply that of anticipation, or not? That, IMO, is the question.

While this certainly isn't always true, i think far more often than not we are just fooling ourselves by believing our minds conclusion that 'its not the right time'. I'm not saying this to put anyone down, here me out. There certainly are times in life that are not good for journeying..That said, I can't tell you how many dozens of times i've made up countless excuses not to do it, no matter how ridiculous, when really it comes down to one thing from which alll this stems: fear.

In general, for me and countless others: as the time between the last journey increases, the level of anxiety felt when trying to go back into it increases. this isn't a rational thing at all and for me it stems entirely from fear. fear of the power. fear of the unkown. fear of loosing control and letting go. as the memory of the last trip drifts into the distance a barrier of fear is more firmly erected to shield oneself. The self that you think is yourself- you're "story", if you will- doesn't want to get obliterated, and revealed for the illusion that it is.

It would rather go about its hum-drum daily reality without the doors of perception being blasted off the hinges. But ultimately, i'm always glad i made the choice to do it afterwards..and often i'm left baffled and laughing at myself for not doing it more than i do

As pema chondron said (and ant quoted) "Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible in us be found"

i would just try a low dose of changa while doing some yoga/meditating to get back into the feel of things. maybe add in some beautiful music if you like. i don't think i've ever regretted taking a low dose, no matter what excuses my mind coughed up as a barrier beforehand. Its very recalibrating and is also a great way to ease oneself back into a mindset where a deeper journey becomes a more welcoming possibility

anyways, thats just my 2 cents. let us know whatever you decide

thanks so much for the responses. no one in my life understands this conundrum as well as you wonderful strangers. the long and the short of it is that, yes, i'm afraid. i have yet to have an unpleasant experience with the spice. so far every journey has been sheer delight and wonder, but i know that anything can happen.

i like to think of myself as ever-ready to receive what the universe has to give. but when then rubber meets the road there is always a wall of trepidation, if not sheer terror, between me and the leap. it's a feedback loop that makes me afraid that my fear will effect the trip which in turn creates more fear until i'm an electric ball of nerves.

i tried vaping small amounts last night, just to get my feet wet, in a homemade aluminum foil/milk jug vaporiser. the vapor was much harsher than i recall. i got a slight head change, but didn't jump in any further. wound up sweating and disappointed.

i'm going to make some enhanced leaf and journey with that. that'll give myself a few days to meditate on it and a sure-fire way to breakthrough when i'm ready.

thanks again, nexians.

yea no worries, everyone gets the fear and its completely normal. making slow, deep breathes while meditating beforehand really helps calm the heart rate, which in turn calms down you're brainwaves.

if the vapor was harsh, you could always change the smoking method/device. enhanced leaf is good, but really changa takes the cake IMO, its easy to prepare as well. Load either/or in a bong, or vapor genie (even just a bowl will work) and you should be good to go. with the vapor genie i can barely tell if i've gotten a hit the vapor is so smooth

Wow! ^ word for word is my opinion. I felt like I was reading something I typed in the past and forgot about. It's all about tilting the scales toward respect instead of fear.

Peace and Happy Journeys