Hello!

I am a new user here, and after reading on these forums for months (and finally meeting Spice in person) I decided to register here as a member. I have come here seeking guidance and wisdom so that I may better my life, and those around me.

I started casual drug use at the age of 13, using alcohol and pills (often together. I am fortunate to be alive). It escalated by the time I was 15, so I made a conscious decision to both slow my use of drugs and to be selective in the drugs that I took. I started using cannabis at this time, and I also had my first experience with the fungus. I immediately noticed these drugs giving me insights into my own behavior and "revealing my Shadow" as it were. Armed with this knowledge, I was able to modify my behavior, and found myself gradually becoming more and more social (I was always the "loner" type). I followed a hunch and continued using cannabis throughout all my high school years, and I definitely attribute it to much of my maturity and world view.

I did not encounter any other psychedelics until I was 22, when a friend gave me a dose of LSD. I've since become something of a psychonaut, eagerly pursuing the ingestion of these substances in order to gain further insights into my own behavior and the world around me.

But none of my experiences prepared me for Spice.

After obtaining some from a friend, I tried (unsuccessfully) to breakthough. I immediately came here and did some research, and tried again later that night by "sandwiching" the Spice in between some Cannabis. This definitely did the trick. My first break though was beyond words beautiful. I was absorbed into the Light and it broke down my body, unraveling my DNA and shedding my mortal coil. I flew though the Universe with this light, traversing entire galaxies in mere seconds. The most incredible experience of my life.

My 2nd break though was later that night. Eager to once again visit the light, I instead found this breakthough more personal. A machine like entity flew down into my backyard and proceeded to break down my body. It's lasers were searing my flesh, and pulling the negative energy from my bones. I left feeling scoured and refreshed, but with a sense of foreboding that I could not quite explain.

It was 3 more nights before I decided to try again. I am ashamed to admit I did not give proper respect to the Spice, and it punished me mercilessly. Upon blasting off, my mind began to reject the experience. Having previous knowledge of high dose psychedelic experiences, I knew to keep a level head and to accept what was being offered to me as guidance, and not to freak out or become scared. My Shadow began it's assault as soon as my head hit the pillow, and for 8 long minutes, the voice in the back of my head, the one constantly trying to scream at me to better my life and to quit making the same mistakes over and over, went from a quiet, nagging suspicion to a man with a megaphone. A man with a purpose who would not be drowned out. Not this time. I endured his lecture and tried my very best to etch his teachings upon my very soul.

Again, I have come here seeking guidance. I want to be the best person I can. I want to help others and walk in the path of love and self improvement. But my old habits of over-eating, too much electronic stimulation (games, TV, movies), bad diet and lack of education keep me routed in the same spot I've been in for over 5 years now. I want better than this, for I know I AM better than this.

Thank you for taking the time to read my post. If anyone here has any advice or links to any reading material they think I might benefit from, it would be greatly, greatly appreciated.

Much Love,

Electric Hippy

P.S Upon blasting off, I am always met with the same image: A human head amongst an impossible pattern. The head has no features but for tinier heads flowing through it's face, each leaving a trail of ever shifting colors. The tinier heads seem to be eating each other, though I cannot confirm this. Has anyone else met this "being"?

Hello welcome and have you considered taking Ayahuasca???

Seems like you already know what to do to improve your life.

It's up to you to do it. That's the only advice I can give.

JUST DO IT!!

I have, but where I live prevents me from preparing it. I am currently in the process of looking for a safe place to do so. Will definitely post my results when I do!

Thank you for that advice. It seems clearer and clearer to me that the next step isn't contemplation, but action.

Hi. Sounds like your heart is in the right place. Entheogens are powerful catalysts for insightful realization and spiritual rejuvenation. In that respect I recommend iboga as well, if you can get it, from my personal experience. U can make an ayahuasca analogue like I did for a little cheaper (and technically legal in the US, if you live there), which is also very powerful medicine, but I feel that you should definitely have an experienced person to guide your trip if you are a starting to do it (same with iboga). Iboga root bark you can get for less than $100, and you should have a sitter in case of vomiting due to taste of bark.

Importantly daily work and action is where the rubber hits the road. Look after yourself, physical exercise, help others, like friends and family members to start off with. Try and do things that you wouldnt normally do, that take you out of your comfort zone. Dont attach to negative thoughts, folks or things.

You cant fault the work done by AA, a spiritual program that essentially teaches 'spiritual kindergarten' to addicts to overcome not only their addiction, but also the underlying problems that resulted in the addiction via spiritual transformation. The track record speaks for itself. I'm of the opinion that these principles, or at least some of these principles can be applied to anyone's daily life regardless of alcoholism/addiction or not. So I'm not insinuating that you are an addict of any sort.

12 steps are mentioned here(pages 1-125 in detail):
http://www.guardureyes.c...nd%2012%20traditions.pdf

You can replace 'alcohol', with whatever you want, for instance:

https://www.oa.org/newcomers/twelve-steps/

The steps require a spiritual mentor. Also the point in Step 3 about turning your will over to God's will is subtle. It doesn't mean you don't think for yourself, but that you are prepared to grow closer into the person that God created you to be (your higher self free of fear, living true in the moment)

Good luck. Just sharing from my own experience, and what others have shared with me.

Thank you for your reply, ddraig!

It is funny you mention AA. My mother is an addict, and has gone through the 12 step program in both NA/AA. She had books from both groups that I used to read through. I was very surprised to read a lot of the testimonies and stories; so many of those addicts had similar childhoods to my own, and I can even recall a time when I teared up at one story of a young man who did not fit in at school. I have often wondered if going to AA or NA would help me. Though I have not had any of the serious mishaps that a lot of the people in those books have had, I am scared of becoming one of them, because I have seen a lot of that world first hand through my parents, and I know that genetics play a very substantial role in addiction. I will definitely be checking out those links!

The daily exercise is not a regimen I have incorporated yet, but I plan to go on a bike ride and get some fresh air tonight. Perhaps some push-ups and crunches would be a good idea as well. Pushing out of my comfort zone will be my greatest challenge, but I think the rewards will more than make up for the discomfort.

As for the iboga, it is illegal in the US. If I happen to find someone with bark, I would more than love to try some. But I am abstaining from any Entheogens atm until I get more established on my path to self improvement. My first spice experience was a very welcoming on, but I feel the 2nd one had a feeling of "Okay, now that you are here, let's go over some things you need work on" and my 3rd one was more of a "WHY ARE YOU HERE?! YOU HAVE MADE NO IMPROVEMENT WHATSOEVER! CLEAN YOUR HOME BEFORE INVITING US BACK IN!" kind of thing. I really feel that blasting off in a recreational manner like that(i was doing it out of boredom) was a mistake, and not one I plan on making again any time soon. I've decided I will visit again once I've obtained my GED and driver's license, two major obstacles in my way. Perhaps then "they" will receive me more kindly.

Thank you so much for the advice!

Sounds like a good plan :-) As far as the comfort zone remarks, I mean positive, or potentially positive things that you might not think of trying, like talking to a girl you like, meeting new people through a club, or trying something like disc-golf! etc... You never know what is around the corner when you connect with people. easier said than done sometimes I know!

I like you, Electric Hippy.


You don't seem to be all that uneducated, as I can notice from your writing, you sound quite intelligent. As a matter of fact, I enjoyed your post more than most I read. Very well spoken. A GED and drivers license should be no problem for a dude like you. You got this, man. Easy peezy, lemon squeezy!


That's the first step, but why stop there? Do what you love, and get good at it.


As for studying for the GED and stuff like that, check out Khan Academy. There is a lot of free help for math and science subjects on that website. You just have to utilize it.


Much love and best of luck!

it seems youve already met Eliyahu

I was going to quote him, but now ill paraphrase the message.

Let yourself know ayahuasca and achuma, they can teach you everything about healing and consciousness expansion.

if nothing else you know what you should do, its your intuition that brought you to us and the spice. may you blossom through your lessons and perpetuate the motion of its teachings.

biblically "the word of god is not written on tablets of stone, but the hearts of men"

ill see you in the cactus sub-forum....

Thanks, guys!

I can't put into words how awesome the last 3 days have been for me. I've made amends with some people I held grudges against, and I feel much more confident and able to tackle my problems than I did before. My head is in a much better place, and I have a lot of hope for the future!

I have to admit, I wasn't sure how well I would be received here given the nature of my post. Most of the introductory essays (that I've read at least) seem to give greater emphasis on the visuals and the "oh my god wtf was that" aspect of their trips. My trips (aside from the first one) took such a turn inwards that I really debated on whether or not to include them into my introductory essay. But after reading some of the other posts (particularly the Aya and Iboga ones; can't wait to try Aya!), my fears were quickly put to rest. This is truly a great community, and I wish I had joined sooner!

Ddraig and Wave, thank you so much for the links. I'm gonna be up for the next 6 hours or so, so I definitely have some awesome reading material in between studying.

You have also met this being?

Wow all these people are so cool and smart. Goes to show how amazing and different the dmt nexus forum is.

Welcome and thank you for sharing! You have a way with words my friend.

Fran you're digging up some old school threads!!