Welcome to the continuation of a previous trip report I recently wrote entitled

Creating an alliance my first sucessful Ayahusca Trip

Advisory- this was for me a scary experience- may cause nightmares for some.

EDIT: Arachnophobics may want to skip this one.

Hope you enjoy.

PRE-CONDITIONS:

Before Ayahuasca made it's way into my life I had recklessly experimented with a rather unhealthy variety of substances in order to provide me with “what I was looking for” in terms of perceptual elevation.

What that thing was that I was looking for could most appropriately be described as a exaggeratedly profound shift of consciousness a sublime state of ultimate nirvanic super satisfaction. Some substances proved to be more effective than others were at helping me to reach my lofty aspirations.

Ecstasy was one of those substances that I had ended up developing a particularly keen fondness for over the years. I began taking it on a semi regular basis despite the many clear warning signs I had that it was counter to the interests of my general health, at least as far as my mental health seemed to be concerned. I was noticing that it was getting more and more difficult for my brain to recover with each new bi -weekly or monthly dosage that I took. Over time I was becoming increasingly agitated, anxiety ridden, depressed and despondent in my day to day life as a result of over relentlessly stimulating my already stunned and delicate, impressionable young seritonin receptor sites with a sort of semi-negligent regularity.

In the culminating peak of my extacy use my life very nearly came to a premature close one fateful Halloween night after I accidentally overdosed myself on pills that I knew were of questionable purity in a setting that was also very questionable.

The gory details and unwise choices that led up to this near fatal overindulgence I will leave for another day. I will merely summarize it by saying that while dressed in an elaborate Hunter S. Thompson costume I ingested five pills and an eighth of mushrooms over the course of six hours along with hard some hard alcohol in a MDMA party type situation. The fifth pill, the one that pushed me over the line of life and death I took just because I was so high that I had forgotten the important detail that I had taken a fourth pill literally minutes before.

I spent 3-5 hours vomiting and running an extremely high fever with sweat rolling off my head by the quart.
My head was pounding viciously and unceasingly while I was continuously buckled over with wave after wave of convulsionary dry heave after head throbbing dry heave.

I was 100% sure it was the end of me. The people I was with tried to convince me to let them drop me off down the road from a hospital but I refused and said I would be ok. In my mind I resigned myself to die quietly and with what little dignity I had left in the sardonic setting of a complete strangers bathroom.

Just hours prior to me lying in the bathroom contemplating my untimely sudden demise I was actually having the some of the most incredible visual hallucenations I had ever seen in my life. The visuals reminded me of an incedibly vibrant living machinery, like the alien looking rainbow luminous machinery of the universe that was dancing in rythm to whatever electronica music was playing at the party.
I didn’t know it then at the time but would find out years later that those wondrous visuals that were astounding me so much would turn out to be identical to Ayahuasca and DMT imagery I would perceive in the future.

That was part of what made me so confident about taking more ecstasy, I was flying so high that I figured how could something this good go wrong? And so by following that tragically flawed line of thinking I went from the sheer joy of pure ecstasy to the utter agony of tumbling defeat in the course of about one hour.

Years later after I found Ayahuasca I came to the conclusion that I did not need ecstasy in my life any longer because it so paled in comparison to the supernatural buzz of the jungle brew. I was fortunate enough to be accepted by the spirit of ayahuasca and together we formed a solid alliance. One condition of my alliance with the ayahuasca ally was that I would not continue to take extacy, the single term that I willingly agreed to.

This is the true story of what took place after I ever so foolishly violated my sacred pact with the Ayahuasca ally.





(mind)Set Three weeks prior to this occasion I had taken ecstasy for the first time in more than 3 years and in spite of the fact that I had most solemnly sworn not to do so.

I had justified my taking the ecstasy in many ways foolishly thinking for some reason that I needed to take it. (Looking back I now believe it was because I was going through what I perceived to be a difficult and uncertain time in my life and I desperately wanted to return to my old comforts)

I knew something was amiss when as soon as the substance I had taken that was supposedly high purity MDMA turned out to be in reality high purity MDA, a substance that I do not enjoy nearly as much due to it’s more panic inducing characteristically anti euphoric sort of pressurized feeling that it always seemed to dispense to me whenever I took it. So not only did I violate my agreement with the spirit of the Jungle but I did not even have a satisfactory “roll” by regular my own personal ecstasy taking standards while doing it.


(physical condition) Set:Getting to be not so youthful by the time this story unfolds, the spryness has left the building.
Setting (location):My apartment, alone.
time of day: What better time for your worst nightmare to unfold besides night time?
recent drug use: MDA, P. Cubensis, daily marijuana.
last meal: I usually stick to chicken before I eat Ayahuasca just because it tends to give me the least troubles when it comes to purging later on and what not.

PARTICIPANT
Gender: M
body weight: 68KG
known sensitivities:Just my emotions
history of use: very experienced old fool

BIOASSAY
Substance(s): P. Cubensis, Mimosa Hostilis, Syrian Rue, B Caapi, P. Chacruna,
Dose(s): 3 grams of Thai Cubensis and then the brew recipe was 50ml = 8-10 grams of Mimosa combined with 50-75grams Caapi and -1-4grams Syrian rue mixed in.
Method of administration: Mushrooms- EDIT Fresh and dried powderized and, incapsulated
Ayahuasca - Shaken and not stirred


EFFECTS
Administration time: T=7:00pm
Duration: until the break of day
First effects: 7:30

Intensity (overall): 4
Evaluation / notes:One of the most horrifying events of my feeble existence.

OPTIONAL
Pleasantness: 0
Implesantness: 4
Visual Intensity: 4
.
.
.


AFTER-EFFECTS
Hangover: 0
Afterglow: 4


REPORT
So I knew that there was a real chance that I was in for it this time. I knew right as soon as the supposed MDMA I had recently taken revealed itself to be MDA that something was terribly amiss. Ever since taking the MDA powder I regretted it, I knew that I had most likely offended my new friend and ally the Ayahuasca spirit in a what was quite possibly an irreparable way. I had to know what sort of damage I had done, so I took it upon myself to find out .

It seemed that everything in my life was turning steadily sour ever since I had taken the ecstasy, It seemed almost as if though I had managed to curse and confound myself ultimately through my own unthinking and careless actions. It was painfully evident that my continuously erroneous choices were finally adding up to disastrous consequences for me in the day to day world. I knew my only hope to put a halt to the slow and steady downwards trending landslide of my existence was to try and make amends with the Ayahuasca ally in any way that I could.

Despite my overwhelming and extreme trepidation I went ahead with a full scale Ayahuasca Journey, I had to know how deep was I in? because as far as I could tell I was easily neck deep already.

I began by consuming a large amount of freshly harvested honey brown colored mushroom caps, along with some capsules filled with dry ground mushrooms of a slightly different Thai strain. The squishy squashy bitterness squeaked and squirmed awkwardly around my teeth and gums as most of the gushy fungi was detoured around my tongue so as to avoid that stomach twisting bitter shroomyness flavor from occurring to much at once.

The mushrooms made me feel really good really fast, I was tripping with a surprising and exceptional smoothness. I instinctively knew that it was just a psychedelic calm before the storm. One hour after I took the mushrooms I felt incredible, I knew I was ready for what ever was to happen.

I got the brew out of the fridge and took a nice 50ml shot. About 40 minutes went by after that and I remember not feeling very much from it. I waited around for a bit to see if it was a delayed release or something but still barely any effects other that what the mushrooms were already providing. I was a bit perplexed as to why the Ayahuasca was not working very well, I was wondering if maybe it somehow went bad while it was stored in my freezer. According to my calculations, it seemed to me that since I was already on some very strong mushrooms that it would not take much Ayahuasca to give me what I was looking for.........

My calculations however as I soon found out meant absolute jack sh*t.

Positive that I had not taken enough Ayahuasca, I doubled my dose, oddly enough this did not seem to have the prescribed effect either almost 30 minutes later. By this time I was pretty much baffled as to why my incredibly strong brew was not doing it’s thing. HAlf way frustrated that it wasn't working I decided to ahead and nibbled on another few small fresh little mushroom caps and then haphazardly swigged a recklessly unmeasured amount of mimosa huasca into my gullet.

Finally I started to feel it a bit about ten minutes after that, then while I was working on some poetry it all at once it hit me like a runaway train I had the most overwhelming feeling of impending doom I had ever felt in my entire life, like I had just downed a spot of arsenic and was now waiting for the other boot to fall. It was like sheer Armageddon with a touch of urgent diarrhea. Then I had the disturbing and inevitable realization that it all had just been a classic set up. I had been callously tricked by either myself or some other external force into taking way too much. No question about it, I had no alibis and now I was going down hard.

I felt a savage wave of electrified terror take hold of me like an electrical storm unleashing during a torrential down pouring of anvil sized hailstones. I knew at once I that a violent purge was on it’s way....on all fours and as quickly as possible I crawled towards the toilet, I made it as far as the entrance to my bathroom where I collapsed into a tripping pile of confused hysterics, my journey to the toilet had been hopelessly derailed by a furious slurry of vivid closed eye visuals combined with compounding layers upon layers of severe and paralyzing emotional distortions.

Inside my minds eye I saw a tremendous green dragon fly out of the sky. I took one look and said to myself, “oh my, I think that I could possibly die.” The face of the dragon demanded my attention and so I gave it to it reluctantly.
My heart began to stagger and pound at triple speed as I broke into a cold sweat , the scaly snake like greenish dragon creature flew right up, just meters away from my face and looked at me with piercing eyes like I was it’s worst enemy on Earth, all the while wearing the most deliciously venomous grin you could ever imagine. , the smile he gave me told me he would gladly eat me alive without question and was seconds away from doing just that..

Right then I uncontrollably spewed vomit all over my hallway just steps outside my bathroom door. I could have conceivably made it to the toilet but at the same time there was no way I would have actually made it. At this stage in the game, the ugly mess on my floor was of secondary concern, of primary concern was the fact that I had taken way to much Ayahuasca and that it now seemed to be hitting me all at once and in a very brutal fashion.

I was now sitting on the toilet, easily tripping harder than I had ever tripped before in my entire life. I was scared out of my mind. I had “overdosed” one time before this. It was the first time I had ever taken Ayahuasca, those same frantic and hopeless feelings were flooding back to me with full force now only with even more color and depth than before.

I knew that I had really gotten in over my head this time. I was caught in a all consuming seemingly eternal Bermuda triangle of non stop tripping -non stop throwing up and non stop having diarrhea. I begged for it to stop, I was hoping the Ayahuasca ally would relent at some point and let up from it’s furious storm of wrath that was enveloping my very being.

To my desperate pleas of mercy I was answered with silence, my ordeal of over purging continued until I was at a point of severe exhaustion and ultimate dehydration. It was then that I realized that what I thought was the light at the end of the tunnel was none other than a steel locomotive of pure unadulterated tripping headed right straight my direction.

Immidiately I began to recognize the extreme gravity of the situation. I understood that the penalty for my foolish transgressions could easily be my own death. I then saw with my eyes stretched wide open a raven black colored, savage and wild and dark creature that looked as if though it was made up of characteristics from all types of animals, mostly predatory and somewhat out of this world looking blend of part bird of prey, part wolf, part bat.

This Anubis looking creature was holding what was clearly revealed to be none other than the very heart of my own in one of it’s feathery raven clawed clutches. It was currently displaying it to me. It’s fearsome jaguar-bird-snake eyes told me to pay very close attention because my life was at stake. As it lay there before me captured helplessly in the jungle creatures clawed talon the ruby red illuminated heart of my very being pulsed with life and with every breath I took.

The cartoon blood colored heart shined and shimmered with all the fine appeal and luster of a priceless treasure. The look in the omnipotent jungle spirits eyes seemed to say. Is your heart as light as a feather? Let us see the answer shall we.? I can weigh it now if you like."

I knew that statement somehow insunuated my demise. My insictual fears on this were realized when the strange looking creature gave me a rather poignant look and then abruptly lowered the clawed talon that was gripping my heart ever so slightly just about a few centimeters. The moment the raven wolf being allowed my heart to drop just that tiny bit my entire world seemed to instantaneously come hurdling down around me at all sides. I began tripping what I conceinved to be about 100 times harder per every centimeter that the jungle wolf bird would lower my heart down in its talon claws. I was quickly learning that down was a bad thing somehow. It was heavily implied that the creature somehow had the ability to directly control how intense my psychedelic experience was and he was demonstrating this power to me. It was also insinuated by what he was showing me that he could cause me to literally trip myself to death and make me trip so intensely and so past the brink of what my feeble human mind could handle, that it could cause me to easily die from pure fright. There was no doubt in my mind that this mysterious being had the ability to literally scare me to death.

The stark piercing magnetic reptilian cat eyes of the jungle creature clearly announced to me, “surely your heart is not at all lighter that a feather but truly your heart is heavier than lead” and then he proceeded let my heart drop steadily as he slowly but surely lowered his clawed feathery paw hand to the hard ground below, looking like he was ready to simply drop like a granite stone because of it’s cumborsome weight.

As he did this I felt the psychedelic pressure around me mount to unbearable heights as if though I was falling into an abysmal subteranean oceanic cavern where I was almost certain to implode due to extranious pressure at some point. I knew something inside me was about to give somehow in a very bad way, I began to beg for my life. I pleaded for mercy in vain even though I knew there would be none, I hoped the spirits would feel as sorry for me as I felt for myself at that point. The out of control nightmare kept getting more and more severe, more and more out of control. The strangely conglomerated feathery, scaley being looked at me with extreme compassion yet as if though to say. I will kill you anyway, despite your pathetic pleas, look how easily I could do so, your life is truly in my hands isn’t it? why should I let you live? so that you might succeed in eliminating yourself by way of your own stupidity?

The jungle being looked at me very sternly as if to give me a moment to take things into consideration. I took advantage of this moment by begging the thing to please make it stop. The thing anwered with a simple but swift and desicive statement of “No, stupid fool, now you die”

The strange jungle charachtature shadow creature had disappeared, vanished without a trace. My trip was still raging in every way however. I threw up once more out of complete terror and crawled out towards my living room as far away from the puked on part of the floor as I could mange to get and collapsed a broken man.


Then I was overtaken by an altogether familiar and unsettling rapidly sinking feeling, a black sensation that I had known many times before from tripping on other substances but had never really experienced on Ayahuasca before now. It was the bitterly sour wilting feeling of a drastically negative presence, I recognized it immediately the way a rabbit recognizes the smell of predators on the wind. I knew without a doubt what that presense was.

I felt horribly vulnerable and weak in every way, I knew I was about to be attacked with extreme prejudice by my most powerful natural enemy. My skin began to feel dry and itchy all over, my stomach felt like it had been turned inside out.

When I closed my eyes I saw things that would make any horror movie producer green with jealousy.
and endless ocean of tribal looking shrunken heads all sown together and forming strange patterns. Their little faces, their little shriveled eyes and mouths all sown neatly shut with different off colored stitching. I could see wall upon sickly wall of these forever speechless sightless brownish, greenish and yellowing shrunken heads all stitched neatly to one another..

After a while it became clear that the each one of the sown together faces in the endless sea of shrunken heads were sort of bloating up, stretching around and bulging out all over in strange ways, I then realized there was some type of insects crawling around inside the heads. I thought it was most logically maggots that were squirming around inside the heads. I knew the ugly things were trying to bug themselves out. I opened my eyes in an effort to try and escape the ugly vision but whenever I closed them again the vision would start right back were it left off.

After I while I sort of decided the only way to make it go away was to let it just play out so with great trepidation I closed my eyes and watched reluctantly as the hideousness played out inside my eyelids.
Each one of the wrinkly dried out prune like faces on the wall of shrunken heads swelled up until the stitching on the eyes and mouths finally gave way to the internal pressure until the wall broke loose like a bursting dam and all at once hundreds of these little tiny black spiders came rushing out of all the spots where the thousands of the stitched together mouths and eyes. The massive spider hatch bred wave upon wave of the black tiny spiders as they poured continuously out of the zombie colored heads. Some of the spiders had little strands of webbing which they used as mini parachutes which glided them frighteningly through the air.

Legion of the black spiders were crawling with maddening agility and speed as well as floating in every direction , I could now see them even with my eyes open at this point. Huge swarming multitudes of these things were everywhere I looked now, crawling over one another frantically is a chaotic mess.

Immediately upon emerging from the voodoo wall of shriveled heads, the black spiders instantly began to grow at an alarming rate. They doubled then tripled, then quadrupled in sized until they were mutant sized, easily the sized of a large dog . They were weaving all these thickly tangled webs in all the corners of my room..

Now I see numerous clustering groups of these insidiously malignant looking, ink black, extra long bone legged black widow/brown recluse spider hybrids, their abdomens instead of being violin shaped were the shape of narrow human skulls. These vile and repugnant things were reproducing at an autrociously hideus rate and had already achieved the status of spider city within mere psychedelic moments, and within for seeable minutes I was fully expecting the emergence of spider nation which would surely be fast developing into spiderworld before I could even blink twice. I could not escape the horrific vision.

To state the obvious I have a strong dislike of spiders that borders on sheer phobia. Recently an unfortunate episode that took place where I worked involved the killing of dozens upon dozens of giant elder brown recluses by me, because I had unwittingly discovered an age old nesting ground while in a dislocated portion of the building I had been working in. When I reported the situation to my boss I was told to “see what I could do.” as they were too cheap to get an exterminator Needless to say the semi hysterical massacre of the archaic brown recluse nest left me with a creepy crawly feeling that the reader of this sentence probably is experiencing even as I write this line, or are they reading this line, impossible to tell from this angle.
Ate any rate I am currently lying on my back, being swarmed by an exploding population of soul starved black widow pigmented mutant arachnids.

I had been in such positions as this countless times before, I usually knew what to do, my general protocol in a case like this would be to get on my feet, assume the psychically defensive posture, meditate, motivate do what it takes. But the hard reality of it is that now I am on DMT and not LSD, I can’t stand, I can’t even move from side to side while lying on the floor without the most extravagant and graduated effort possible, this makes LSD look like a slight coffee buzz by comparison, my puny mortal meditations and prayers are frustratingly useless in this place it would seem.

I have been rendered for all intents and purposes completely dysfunctional in every conceivable way. The haunting dance of demonic spiders have slowly given way to far more elaborate and progressively daunting steam of never ending hideous images of unspeakable horror after nameless demonic abomination.

I thought I had seen it all when it came down to what the unholy accuser was capable of, now I knew I was finally seeing what he had been holding back from me all this time. My entire life had just been a tragic game of cat and mouse and now I was the feeble mouse. I amounted to nothing more than a scant and trapped hopeless, cornered and helpless victim of circumstance looking up at the victorious and malignant grin of my eternal opponent, the ever darkening one.

I realized at that moment that I had in fact never once been solitarily face to face with this hideous soul sucking darkness completely alone with it’s coiled fury like this before in my entire life. It was only my ego that had led me to believe that I as capable of handling this multi millennia aged monstrosity of an entity on my own Sure I had beaten it, even beaten it badly a few time here or there it seemed, “a few battles won but the whole war lost.” I heard myself muttering out loud to myself.

Now here I was, an orphaned and only child paralyzed with frantically paranoid catatonic despair. I am lost and set hopelessly adrift in an ugly and dreary catacomb of time and space, reeling defenselessly in the hard sharp stifling black and peculiarly unforgiving and cold void which I knew nothing about. The darkness became all enveloping, it became darkness beyond the darkness, the most absurdly black and devoid of light place that one could conceive of. As if I had been drug out of the beaming, blazing light of the dessert sun, blindfolded and forcibly shoved and then locked up in a pitch black sarcophagus somewhere far deep below the earth and then left there to die a slow death.

My senses were utterly robbed from me. I had no sense of direction or sight, I could not tell which way was up or down, I could not tell where I ended and where the all enveloping darkness began, I existed in a state of utter and perpetual chaos there was nothing I could do besides spiral downwards further and further becoming more and more disillusioned and despaired as I skated and freewheeled steadily speedily downwards towards my own personal mental oblivion.

There was no escaping the wicked barrier, the impenetrable think fog like wall of ever enveloping blinding black night that flooded out my over my third eye so completely. I was not in Kansas any more, Toto. I knew that where ever I was, there was no getting out of it anytime soon if ever, I was stuck here alone in this hellish world full of horrible suffocating blackness. I suddenly began to feel not so alone after all.....I could hear some rather unfriendly grunts and grumbles coming from a nearby space in the void, it seems my earthly presence in this godless void had not gone unnoticed. It sounded like I had somehow disturbed a few of the unfriendly locals. The curios chattering and grumbling turned to a more pronounced growl as I felt the distinct feeling of razor sharp claws scratching and digging into the back my neck, I could feel something else now, I felt very real pain now as the giant ugly fish feeling mouth was biting away at part of my side, the scratchy claws down the back of my neck dug in further and harder, finally I caught a glimpse of twinkling light in the distance, It was some type of glowing robotic super high tech, multi colored mechanical looking being, this very sizeable bionic entity was coming straight towards me.

As the strange rapidly transforming , contrasted colored multi-scopic being approached it became more clear that the little biting and scratching, gnawing clawing entities were the least of my troubles that had found me in the dark ness.

It was a technologically advanced, living breathing, punishing, devouring mechanism of some kind. It was a sort of multi dimensional being. It looked like it was made of highly refined, and very shiny, glowing, bone sawing, flesh ripping machinery, the dancing multi-spatial geometric configuration of this being reminded me of a cyclone unleashed inside the electric saw section of your local hardware store. It made a computerized sounding , ratcheting ,vibrating noise like a very metal on metal, knife clinking sound, also there was a piercing electro-buzzing that was like a high throttle chainsaw engine sound being run through a hyperspace distortion peddle.

The revolving , slicing spinning of the mechanical beast created some very disturbing audio vibrations.
The ceaseless ...WHIIIIR, whiiir, WHIIIIIR!, whirrr. WHIIIIR! whiiiiir sound came from many silvery industrial tree shredder like mouths of the unforgiving looking entity. ..... along with the perfectly choreographed and rapidly reciprocating mini toothed saw blades sounding off with ZZZZZZZZ, ZZZZZZZZ, ZZZZZZZZ. These two chillingly graphic sound effects mingling perfectly with the SNAP! SNIP! SNIP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! ! of several strategically placed glimmering high velocity robotic guillotines and bear trap looking devices specially designed to slice and dice, as well as crunch and munch.

This severely mean looking entity was like the conveyor belt, the slaughter house and the butcher put all together in one very mean looking sparkly psychedelic package..

I was so far away from being human by this time that I wasn’t sure that I would ever have the chance to be human again., desolation and chaos was all I had grown to know in what seemed like years of being in this place.

As the mowing snip snapping and spinning mess of highly organized saw blades, razor sharp knives, and high speed rotary action rows of metallic, shining shark like jigsaw like teeth floated closer to me. It’s hungry little torcher device mouths seemed opened up wide all at once in anticipation of it’s next meal, namely me. I knew this super severe thing was going to make me soil myself first and slice me into tiny bits later. I felt like yesterday’s discarded document being put through the psychedelic paper shredder.. I was just old news, un needed information.

“Help me Christ!” I yelled out of pure vanity. I knew I was done for. The human shredder being then stopped short in front of me, and looked at me with it’s non-eyes that were like two terribly blinding interrogation floodlights located at the “head“ of the monstrous devouring machine spirit. and then spoke one word to me .....it said “I am Doohma“! it declared it in an unforgettably booming and fearsome baritone electro voice.

Instead of being run through the human food processor mechanism creature I found myself lying on the floor staring up at the ceiling. I had been spared from the jaws of the beast, but why? Had Christ actually helped me out of that horrible pit when I called out his name?
There was no way I could be certain, all I knew was I was out of that god forsaken place.

I got down on my knees in a religious fashion and began to grovel in a most unflattering manor to my maker, I begged for forgiveness. Eventually my pitiful silence was interrupted and I was answered with the words In my ears I heard a quite familiar voice speak.
“You can’t play around with me, this is serious stuff, there is much at stake here that you do not yet understand.”
I asked if there was anything I could do to make the awful demonic hallucinations stop. I was told:
“What I want from you is not a series of apologies, what I want from you is a change of behavior.

Just then I felt a gurgling rush all throughout my whole body, I felt another purge coming on. “Oh no!” I thought is this going to happen all over again? I ran to the bathroom and threw...

Just then I felt a gurgling rush all throughout my whole body, I felt another purge coming on. “Oh no!” I thought is this going to happen all over again? I ran to the bathroom and threw up this time making it all the way to actual toilet.I saw a hideous demonic creature in the bowl looking up at me from the pile of bile I had just ejected from my face. The puke faced creature was insanely laughing back at me.

Even though I had just heard the voice of the Ayahuasca ally speaking directly into my ears I could not sense his presence anywhere around. I felt hopelessly alone. I knew the ally had left the building and now I was alone with the ultimate antagonist of all time.

The spider’s continued there slow and inescapable dance of phobia inducing intimidation all over my haunted looking walls... The Huge conglomeration of skeletal arachnids eventually merged together into a shadowy pile. Gradually, the form of the evil one manifesting itself in all it’s putrid un-glory.
It was smiling wickedly at me, looking at me in it’s patented condescending way through hungry predator might smile at it‘s wounded and cornered prey, it seemed to be simply basking in it’s victory a bit before giving me another traumatic pummeling of some kind..
two different colored sinister eyes. It smiled ever so menacingly at me the same way hungry a
I was orphaned , lost and abandoned. The weeping hallow emptiness I felt was so horribly devastating in everyway, it was just me, a foolish and ignorant child ho knew nothing versus the master of pain and chaos evil incarnate who had thousands of years experience with turning strong men into piles of wasted flesh. I began to sob uncontrollably, I had made the mistake of a lifetime, I had pissed away a golden opportunity for knowledge by being my tragically flawed self.

Uncontrollable manic hysteria, combined with the most gut wrenching horror movie style visuals I had ever seen in my life had me writhing in agony for what seemed like an eternity.

My spiritual enemies were literally dancing on my grave. And then as I was laying there I remember thing to myself that I actually deserved to die because my betrayal against the Ayahuasca ally was so utterly thoughtless, unwarranted and selfishly motivated. It had only been trying to help me better myself and I had turned my back on that once in a lifetime offer of help it in favor of something that I knew was absolutely no use to me, I had traded a gift of knowledge for a shallow indulgence.

Like the sun moving out from behind a dark cloud my scenery finally changed .
The gentle familiar voice continued speaking.
"In the spirit world, your word is all you have, therefore it is of ultimate importance that you keep your word, do you understand this lesson?"
"Yes I do, I am so sorry." I had forgotten that I was told not that verbal apologies were not wanted, out of reflex I nearly apologized for apologizing.
"I forgive you. I will allow to have one more chance. Do not disappoint me a second time.”

Like the night had transformed into day, the psychedelic atmosphere took on an altogether completely different ambience. The dark spider/ zombie faced poison world yielded to a glorious flourishing celestial dawn of timeless existence. I felt renewed reborn and fully alive in every way.. I wrote song lyrics until dawn and then fell into a healing slumber.



Since that time I have not taken Ecstasy again. As far as the reasons why The Ayahuasca ally explained to me in later conversations that “Ecstasy has a negative effect on brain chemistry that only Ayahuasca could ever repair completely”

By the same token the Ayahuasca ally gave me specific permission to use LSD at one point.
After I had asked whether or not I needed to stop taking LSD as well as X since they are both semi-synthetic.
The response was spoken in a laughing tone...”You can have your LSD” it said.

---

Thanks for reading,

As a side note, years later I ran across the Name Duhma while reading a book called the Zohar.

When I discovered this information the connection to my experience blew my mind.


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dumah_(angel)

Nice report, it was really difficult reading through the "spider" part as I also have some kind of arachnophobia I guess.
Glad to see Ayahuasca is your friend again, do not disappoint him

MMmmmmmmmm..... How sensible!

nice report

So, what role do you feel the mushrooms have played in these experiences? I know that when I combined cubensis with ayahuasca the experience was deepened for sure, with an extra presense of many beings and that alien sense to it. The mushrooms are just like another kind of admixture that can be used as light in the brew, so so much like oral DMT but with that distinct mushroom vibe as well. Seems that these experiences you have been writing about are sooo far out there, and this is something I have heard often when people describe mixing mushrooms with ayahuasca. Of course, have enough DMT and that alone is far out.

I once had a very strange mushroom trip all alone at night. I was sitting on my bed, which was a blanket on the floor..and peaking in the dark..I opened my eyes and there was a couple big hairy wolf spiders on my bed around me looking like there were slightly dancing. I dont think it was a hallucination though, they were really there and there was lots of wolf spiders that lived in this basement. They dont really bother me too much though.

I have heard that in some places in amazonia tarantulas are a positive thing. It is concidered good luck if they enter the ceremony space.

Man, that was a gripping report, hats off to your writing skills and brutal honesty!

^ Good question about the mushrooms, it looks like you took enough for a powerful experience in itself, and then all the harmalas and additional DMT on top of it... phew.

Very intriguing that Dumah revealed its name and you only found out about it afterwards. I'd never heard of it until I read your report.
It seems straight from Hellraiser, I'm still not sure which sounds worse, the spiders or the machine demon!

One thing I hope you learned from that trip, is that you have a tendency to take too many drugs at once. Limit your access. Maybe I'm just a conservative old man, but your dose sounds like crazy overkill. You start off by telling us about a drug experience that nearly killed you, due to excess and you you seem to be exhibiting the same behavior here.
Not that you were in physical danger from the substances on this trip, but still. Unless the point of your psychonautical explorations is to terrify and traumatize yourself. I understand that you were scared away from MDMA by this experience, which is good, but I think it was YOU who gave permission to continue with LSD.

I don't know you and I've only read a few of your posts, but maybe the true lesson to be learned is that you need to take drugs infrequently, if at all.

Hope I'm not offending you, but it sounds like you have a tendency to go overboard.

Blown away once again.. I'm eagerly anticipating your next report!

Was waiting patiently for this report and it delivered! You have great writing talent, and superb experiences. That one sounded like hell..glad you got through it

Thanks once again to everyone who commented on this thread, I would have responded sooner but my internet has been down as of late.-



-From what I have noticed whenever I mix either Cubensis mushrooms, Mescaline or LSD with Ayahuasca, the substance tends to just add more power to the effects of the Ayahuasca sort of like an potent admixture, especially when using Caapi.

-Also I have had mushroom trips involving visions of giant fuzzy tarantulas that I considered to be positive in nature.

Mister_Niles Wrote:



---Your not offending me. I know that my dosages are really high. A lot of people would consider me somewhat of a madman when it comes to dosing.

To tell a bit about myself I have been taking psychedelics for about 20 years now on a pretty frequent basis. And generally my dose tends to involve combinations of psychedelics.

It it true that I have taken some rather robust dosages in my day, and I still do. Currently I am into exploring the synergy of LSD, Ayahuasca and Mescaline together as a fantastic trio, and of course every once and a while I add mushrooms and or Amanita Muscaria to the mix.

Relatively few of the hundreds of experiences I have had in my life have turned out to be extremely negative despite my consistent taking of high doses...I just have yet to write about many of the incredibly positive experiences I have had.....

As far as the overtaking of ecstasy goes- I will say that that was more linked to a pattern general drug usage that I was falling into..I was sort of abandoning my very rocky and difficult psychedelic path in favor of a much more indulgent and seemingly "smooth" path of non-psychedelic drugs including cocaine, alcohol and amphetamines. So I view my fateful Haloween night experience as a culmination of a road of recreational drug use that I should not have been traveling on to begin with.

The reason I chose to begin by writing about my darker psychedelic experiences was so that people would not read my trip reports and then get the idea that they could achieve the same total nirvana like trips that I have had simply by upping their dosages to match mine.

I wanted to clearly exemplify the pitfalls of taking serious dosages before I went ahead with writing trip reports that describe heaven on earth and what not. Plus I have to admit...I love writing a good horror story whenever the mood strikes me..

One other comment you wrote, Mister_Niles:
but I think it was YOU who gave permission to continue with LSD.

Of course the readers of my trip reports are encouraged to entertain whatever explanation that they deem most fitting according to their own personal rationale and logic.

From my subjective viewpoint this is not accurate however because If the Ayahuasca spirit did not approve of my LSD taking then surely I would get the spiritual stomping of a life time upon combining the two substances because that combination is the most intense yet beautiful and intriguing synergy I have ever known so far.

One could always draw the conclusion that the Ayahuasca ally and all the spirits I encounter while tripping actually IS me. That they are just some far out Archetypes of my subconscious...and the reader is more than welcome to draw that conclusion from my writings.

However, if this was I viewpoint that I prescribed to myself I'm not sure my writings about the spirit world would even exist for then I would have had no reason to believe in such a thing to begin with.

It may also be just vanity, but I like to think that my extensive psychedelic experience over the years has strengthened my ability differentiate external "spirits" from internally produced phantasmagorical phenomena. I concede however, to the point held by rationalists that says: if there is no way for me to prove it and no way for me to make them see it, it isn't there to them except in my own mind.

-Thank you for the Comment Mister_Niles...

P.S.
On my next report I do intend to reflect more of the beauty and less of the ugliness...


Amazingino- Sorry I forgot to put a warning up for arachnophobics. I actually meant to, I just got sidetracked.

---

Many thanks to all!

i am mostly super interested in this dooma or however it is...is there any reference to this entity other than your experience, i would be so interested to find other references to this being

mrwiggle wrote:



Thanks for your comment.


-For more info about Duhma, Skip to the end of the story

The only reference to it other than the wikapedia link I put at the bottom of the post

is in the Zohar.

http://blog.chinakrysdarrington.com/?p=6665



Here is a fun google book result, page 214 "The Banishment of Duma"
SUper long link hahaha

"I then saw with my eyes stretched wide open a raven black colored, savage and wild and dark creature that looked as if though it was made up of characteristics from all types of animals, mostly predatory and somewhat out of this world looking blend of part bird of prey, part wolf, part bat."

ive noticed a hybridization of animals aswell, a few times now.

your report was very thorough, it reminds me of the sheer terror psychedelia can host, it made me remember my most serious spanking on a high dose of mushrooms, the INSANE mechanized WHIIIIRRRR and the high velocity malignent patterns.

i had a very simmiliar thing happen to me when i would close my eyes during that experience, i was terrified of this BLACK SUN, it burned my closed eyes like fire. eventually i had no choice but to gaze painfully into it forever, as my reality of opened eyes was a hellish composition of ever maddening machinery transferring electric pain to every nerve ending in my being. i was being punished and it was all my fault, i did this to myself, i deserve this. everything was the most excrutiating pain, unbelievable experiences like this humble one very quickly, i too pleaded vainly for it to cease, promising anything that i could. no avail.

thanks for posting, its not often someone posts such a quality report

The little mouse,

Thank you so much for adding that link, I have never actually read any of that.

Very helpful contribution little mouse. much grattitude.


mew,

thanks for taking time out to read this, I'm glad you enjoyed. There is more and more trip reports forthcoming, I have just been dealing with some writers block/ artistic expression issues issues as of late, I'm hoping an upcoming Ayahuaca journey will help.

take care to you both.

holy shit, one of the best trip reports I have read.

I have only broken through once and only for a few brief moments, but I know what your talking about when you say your "dmt ally". I have had my head raped and tortured many times by sub-breakthrough experiences, only to have my ally come near the end of the trip helping me come back. Once it told me "I just wish you would take better care of yourself." and that kinda reminded me of what it told you when you came down. I would heed its advice before another journey.

Beautiful report... Great visuals. Doomah would be a lot of fun to render in animated 3D... Like a psychedelic Transformer. Great description.

Whether these encounters with entities are self-generated or not, in my opinion, is far less important than the content and delivery of the message. I don't actually believe that the real/not real debate can be answered with a simple yes/no.

I look forward to reading about your ecstatic experiences!

holy mother of harrowing journeys! i'm sitting here shaking my head in awe...

but then again....you took enough medicine to vaporize my physical body 10 times over so i'm not sure exactly what you were expecting...

either way, i'm very grateful you lived to tell the tale and, more importantly, that you really learned such a valuable lesson. we really are only our words. everything else can and will, in time, be taken away. your word is eternal. it is all you have and all you are. honor it always.

with the deepest love and gratitude!!

this was so beautifully writen and it makes me feel great and empowered somehow. im glad you learned from it and didnt freak out and am thankfull for you telling us that. i will learn from your mistakes also and never disobey a verbal agreement with any spirit and have more respect for all thank you for this i loved reading it.

-I definitely agree. Animating it would be much funner than living through it. Seriously though, it would be really sweet if we could animate this stuff.

my eternal gratitude for all the kind comments that everyone has posted on this thread.