Dear fellow Nexians,
Let me share with you memories of my yesterday´s journey.
Please let me start with some "technical" info: I used my brand new GVG (absolutely fantastic!). Also, it was my only second breakthrough. I vaporized about 35-40 of freebase DMT, and did so in one big toke:
(1) I succeeded in inhaling everything in one deep breath,
(2) realized that something is approaching r-e-a-l-l-y fast and that I will not be able to take another hit,
(3) so I put the pipe down carefully, leaned against my pillow, closed my eyes...
And that was it. Just like that.
No super-warp speed acceleration, absolutely no physical discomfort that I was used to from my previous DMT trips. Actually, I felt absolutely no physical sensations at all. Nothing. The Teleport happened so fast, that I didn´t even have enough time to realize what has going on. Everything happened instantaneously, and there remained no one who could be asking "What the...???", or who could be surprised or overwhelmed.
I don´t know whether this trip was visual or not, I actually cannot recall what was "there" at all, only few glimpses of sort of lives lived in strange worlds and in strange historical contexts. The only thing I can recall was a kind of immediate and authentically existential feeling of sacred awe, consternation, and feeling of a kind of spiritual lingering at a place that actually wasn´t too pleasant, nor was it too comfortable or positive. As if going somewhere else would be a much better option...
At some point I started to hear something – there was a sound. Or was it THE Sound? Bit later the sound became more differentiated and I (something like "I" was again starting to be formed) recognized that it is probably the sound of rain drops falling on the window in my room, where I smoked DMT a while ago. After this recall (not a total recall yet, but a light recall of "this" world), I started to be pulled back into it. My re-entry into "this" world was marked by joy of such magnitude, that I cannot describe it in words (never in my life I experienced something that splendid and magnificent). It was a pure joy, and I thought "this is what pure being must be". Or maybe not "being" in itself, but coming into being. I felt my cheeks were wet from tears of pure joy. It was as if I was present to a birth of a new Life, to the most joyful moment(s) in the history of Cosmos.
And then, I "KNEW". Everything suddenly became so clear, beyond any doubt, that there was no other option. I "KNEW", I "WAS", but I also recognized what was just happening. I was not present to a birth of a new life per se – it was me, who was being re-born into "this" world! And suddenly everything made perfect sense: everything fitted together into one huge Cosmic puzzle called "the cycle of being". My own existence and experience was part of this Cosmo-Puzzle:
(1) Death [ ≈ instant breakthrough on DMT]
(2) The "other" world [ ≈ gloomy uncertainty and spiritual wandering]
(3) Karmic rebirth [ ≈ joyfully being pulled into "this" world]
I experienced the Karmic re-genesis of myself, of life, and of the Cosmos itself... Everything happened with ABSOLUTE certainty, with absolutely no chances, unexpectedness, or random departures from destiny. Everything was at its place.
Not a joyous recognition, after all, but also not a bleak one: the world is exactly as it deserves to be. It all appeared to me so obvious, unquestionable and certain at that moment, that I could have absolutely no doubt whatsoever. I just "KNEW". I am grateful to spirit molecule for this unique opportunity to learn, understand, and experience The Life.
I also "KNEW" that I will never be able to explain my experience to anyone else. And even if I dared to do so, I wouldn´t be able to express myself more than in a clumsy metaphor dressed in a "spiritual" vocabulary.
Not a joyous recognition either. Or is it?