Everyone's different, and I try to always see things from others peoples perspective. Over the years, this is something I have become able to do reasonably well. Sometimes however, certain people enter my life that just drain my energy. Currently, my girlfriend's sister is one such person.

Although I don't like to label people with negative titles like 'Toxic' or 'Emotional Vampires', these are the people that I find the most difficult to deal with, and find the hardest to understand and empathise with.

These sort of people are everywhere, so no doubt many of you have had or currently have such people in your life. What examples of these folks have you experienced, and what do you think is the best way to deal with these negative people?

Peace

Macre

Rise above.

Like an unwavering tree in the stormy wind.

Also, remember some people are difficult, because they themselves are troubled. Try very hard not to judge.

Build up your positivity, so it can't be touched. You cant change or even necessarily understand anyone else.

You can only change your outlook. Try and keep love in your heart.

Peace.

if they're negatively charged and toxic, cover them with activated carbon. problem solved.

Hahaha yea. If they're a vampire, toss a garlic at 'em.

I think this is the most proper way to put it. It's people that, for one reason or another, don't allow you to relax and demand a special extra effort just to deal with them.

In my case, there's one person with whom I had a long, strong emotional relationship (namely, my ex of an eight years marriage) and after our separation I've had to keep seeing her regularly due to family circumstances. Often, after being around her, no arguing involved, and particularly when spending time in her current place, my physical energies feel depleted. Sometimes I have felt so noticeably exhausted and eager to leave that I started considering the possibility of "negative energies" accumulated in the place, particularly towards me, that sucked me dry as soon as I sat there. Like ghosts of sadness and resentment and whatnot.

But now I look at it in a different way. Being with some people, or in some places, activates certain switches and sucks in more "energy" by storming you with memories, fears and perceptions. It's like tuning into a different frequency, but it's within your experience. An outcome of what happens between you and the other, not just a passive-active thing going on like "vampirization".

There might be some people who manage to feel things, in people or places, that are not necessarily connected to their past, their emotions or their beliefs. But I don't think I am one of those.

I'm new here but in no way new to life or draining people. You ask how to deal, well it greatly depends on how much energy you have for that type of thing. I have recently come out of a hugely negative work environment filled with the people you are describing, during that time I had no ability or energy to deal with that type of person at all since I had used up that energy at work. Now that I am free from that environment and I feel safe and no longer in danger I have quite a bit more room to be accepting of others negative actions although I still keep folks like that at a comfortable distance of my choosing and control. I think it comes down to you choosing the circumstances of when and how you interact with them. Keep in mind though some people you just aren't going to enjoy being around and that really is fine everyone doesn't get along but sometimes if it's family you don't have a choice. Here's what I do: Large groups help to diffuse their immediate draw from you personally, you also have the ability to politely walk away and come back later if you need to take a break. Activities with an outside focus help as well. Ultimately you can not change another person, having patience and not becoming emotionally involved with their issues will conserve your peace of mind. Meditation has helped me tremendously, to overcome my inability to empathize and give me more room to be understanding. I also am more curious than I used to be which helps me to not judge.

Some great advice there. I've got some garlic in the kitchen, and I'm sure I've got some activated carbon in the little brown bottle in my shaving kit

Yeah I do tend to try and avoid my girlfriend's sister, though of course sometimes it's unavoidable. I guess it's another step in accepting people for who and what they are.

The most annoying thing is the false accusations she throws in my direction. She's very good at constructing and twisting her own account of events from practically nothing. In her own eyes she can do nothing wrong, and it's futile trying to reason with her.

My best guess as to why she does this is one of, or a combination of the following. Firstly, that she simply doesn't like me; secondly, she has a serious and disturbing need for attention and/or thirdly, that she's jealous of mine and my girlfriends relationship, as we have a very good realtionship of over three years, and her sister has had a series of bad relationships, with her current relationship being no exception (plus the added stress of a baby, with someone she's only known a few months).

I guess there's a test or a lesson in here somewhere, I'll find my way through this somehow; I've had worst things happen in the past

Peace

Macre

act as a mirror and reflect to her that which is unbearable to you.

in this case i think you need to point it out to them and use your intellect and logic to show them there errors and miss programs. just by being nice and i also take it that they are doing this subtlety. so play there game with your rules and don't lower yourself. or of course just avoid them but that wont help them. i also had to deal with a girlfriends sister its a pain and takes a long time but good luck. and i hope that i help you help them.

I work as a bartender and get to deal with all sorts.
If there is someone difficult I state within (inspired from Barny, in how I met your mother): Challange accepted!
Then I spontaniously work from that attitude of "challange accepted" and it usualy works out pretty good =)

Maintain your composure in the presence of negative energy. These energies exist on the physical plane and elsewhere within one's awareness. Stay composed. Put out the fire instead of feeding it.

the simplest approach is usually the best .

minimize intereactions as much as possible .

Be an observer , do not get pulled into anything .

Most people are crazy, always keep that in mind.

anger at the behavior of others can sometimes be a reflection of
something within ourselves.

I've actually had a similar concern about toxic people. At the moment I am young so I hope that the toxic people in my life are simply immature and one day they will grow into more respectful and more considerate human beings. But in the present, it seems as though there is nothing I can do to affect them. The problem seems to be in the way they interpret the world. Even if you 'turn the other cheek', they do not feel shame, instead you somehow end up feeding their socially maladaptive habits. My current policy on what I perceive as toxic people is to break off contact with them and explain clearly the reasons for it. As for situations where it is not possible to make a break with toxic people, I still have no strategy.

Felnik wrote:





Judging by the state of the modern world, this does appear to be true.

Nicely put! That is exactly my way as well.
I'm on a mountain, your petty games do not touch me.

Felnik's last line rings the truest... I've seen so many people that hate another person for the qualities they themself have.

I have slowly drifted away from the toxic people in my life. Broken, unfixable- you have to cut your losses.

Tough though when it's family. Those three theories about what's driving her behavior- probably all true. The unstable motherhood situation is especially tough on her (parenting under the best of circumstances can be trying). Patience and compassion won't steer you wrong, although she may simply absorb all you have to give and still be just as miserable.

If conflict is unavoidable, stand your ground without losing your cool.

If nothing else works and she still behaves this way toward you, try simply agreeing with everything she has to say. That will deprive her of whatever reward she gets from antagonizing you. Also can be good for a private chuckle later on.

Good luck. And always try to be a fountain, not a drain.

hahahahahahaha

Not that I'm always immediately able to do it but when people are toxic they get written out of the story of my life. I give 99% of people multiple chances, the benefit of the doubt, and a truly open mind. If they don't come around in the time it takes me to extend them these courtesies, then the next step for our relationship is the bin.

Family, friends, it matters not - if they're going to continue to rain on my parade or poop on my shoe then they get the boot from my reality.

Live long and prosper, but not around me!

Aaah yes.

I'm having issues of this kind which look like they could last a veeeery long time.

Someone close to me has picked a very difficult life partner. A possible sociopath yet definite selfish cold bitch. She seems very used to getting her way and having people kiss her ass no matter who gets hurt in the process... ooooh the manipulation.

I have no idea how to deal with these people, but I frequently try to make them realise what they are while being as positive as possible. More often than not the goal is letting them know through referencable evidence that they are wrong

9/10 they dont even realise they're unreasonable beings. 5/10 people close to them may not even accept it so egg-shell shoes are a must.

But yes... a trail of cookies leading to the inside of a cannon aimed at the sun sounds good

My only hope is positive reinforcement through trial and error + time. Until then I lurk in the shadows uttering "bitch!" under my breath.