Thank you for giving us the chance to watch this. The content is great. There are awesome pieces of footage. I like the way the docu addresses psychedelics, and they succeed in using testimonials and concerns that the audience can relate to.
I work in the media and am familiar with editing, so my comments are not meant to discuss the information provided, but rather the way to deploy that information.
Keeping in mind this is, as stated, a rought cut, I'm overlooking minor pace issues and fine cutting. That said, I am making an assumption... basically, that the authors want the film to have the biggest possible impact in the largest possible number of people.
We will agree that this documentary covers very important information. That means we want it to reach as wide an audience as possible, and once promotion and distribution manage to place the film in front of an interested (or just mildly curious) audience, we have to make sure that the message is properly and fully delivered, that the audience gets fully involved with the film, that the points are made, and that people don't only go through the film, but also experience it. I apologize if this sounds like a stream of platitudes, but if we are taking motion images at a serious level, it never hurts to repeat it. We should not assume that the audience is already interested. We have to make them interested, try to bring reluctant audience along, and if they are already receptive, hook them real good. Once we have a solid syntax, we have to think about rhetoric.
I think the film would grow a lot if it explicitly included a question, or a promise made to the audience in the first part of the film. Or a storyline to follow. I'm pitching a few ideas that I would consider and try if I was editing the film myself. They can also involve a little additional scripting.
- Use more questions (which you will reply yourselves later on) and less statements. Make the audience ask things to themselves. Either about the facts presented, or about the outcome of the testimonials stories. For instance, in the beginning, right before the title, I really miss a question or a promise that starts to be addressed by the film title itself.
- Also in the beginning of the film, maybe right before the title, a short, faster paced montage including selected bits of the most intriguing, interesting facts and ideas presented along the film. Teasing people with what we are about to see. Also, introducing people featured in the documentary - people that we want to make the audience care about and wonder about.
- As for the ending, and considering that the (many, strong) points are scattered along the film, I would try to elaborate a closure clip. A final statement. Either repeating, in a new fashion, the most concise and lucid points made earlier by several people, or reserving for this purpose a compilation of some of the spot-on statements about the central topic of the film. Also, answering that starting promise or question.
- In this sense, the testimonials and experience reports are golden assets in the film. Even if you never have done psychedelics, you can relate to them. They
work, and they particularly do so when you learn about their problems, concerns and circumstances. Overall, I'd trim or condensate the amounts of factual information and promote the experiences. If we start earlier to learn about their lives and cases, particularly of those who we find out they passed away in the end of the film, we'll have a more solid storyline to follow. Empathizing with characters is a powerful tool.
- Is it possible to shuffle a little more the interviews? Either that, trimming them a little or illustrating them more with additional footage.
- Consider diversifying a little the music, if possible. The tracks used and the overall peaceful, new-age-y tone certainly go along with the subject, but right now the natural target of this editing is rather mature people (also for the kind of testimonials involved) and I think it wouldn't hurt to rejuvenate it a little.
I hope some of the things I said will be useful for the film producers. Thanks again for sharing, and congratulations on the great work
"The Menu is Not The Meal." - Alan Watts