Hey, I did an extraction a while back and quite a few trips but intentionally limited the dose or whatever else because at the time was worried about self delusion and felt protected with my current understanding and emotions. Had some pretty awesome trips but it always felt like it stemmed from my self even when highly emotional or creative although I'm not denying some changes in spiritual or other thoughts/beliefs.
I guess one question I have is has anyone here who has broken through still feel they just created it all and there wasn't really anything greater but maybe just like a vivid awakened lucid dream of some sort? Or possibly deluding themselves? I just want to hear both sides because the breakthroughs sound amazing but an experienced tripper friend of mine who had a very intense breakthrough told me he believed in these beings at the time but later felt that it was just an extension of himself and that it wasnt actually "real".
The thing is although I purposely held back myself and the dosage... This one trip the sky "opened up" and these fractal patterns started blossoming (chrysanthemum im guessing). I felt I should and could go through but decided to wait until I was in a more appropriate living situation and setting so I just gazed into the beauty and felt protected and decided I'd go back later. It felt like it would be ridiculously awe inspiring, insightful, beautiful, etc. But I felt like this would have also possibly just been a creative release of my true self. Wait a second, isn't that what I've always wanted? Lol
On this one LSD trip there was this light type being that I knew at the time was just a reflection of my inner workings but after started adding my own metaphors to it when it already was a conceptualization of them all because I knew or felt it wasn't real but still wanted to see it. If the chrysanthemum "portal" would take me back to and beyond this place I would definitely want to go... Itis where my heart is at.
Anyways, swim was planning on doing another extraction soon and wants to go through now. It wasn't fear or anything like that holding me back but just some thoughts like these and wanting the perfect moment cause I felt once I sorted out a few problems bothering me in life first, the experience would... Don't know if I'd say be more memorable, but more right for the moment...
Just want to know if it's going to be a huge difference if I cross it? because it was very beautiful; however, not as intense as I imagined and I felt like even if I created it these entitities would be so intense if I went there open eyed and could see it clear then come back rather than still being on Earth to an extent.
Another thing I wonder is (since I have lots of lucid, vivid dreams normally) if my regular dreams are already as or more intense but I'm just not as awake or aware because the dmt isn't in my body and I notice I'll try to visualize and do the craziest things in my dreams (I have full control lots of the time). That makes me think, sometimes those visualizations seem real and trick me in the dreams or even act as separate entities when not aware enough when i know they arent if you see where im going with this. If i could explain all my dreams it wold make more sense. It feels like we aren't fully aware sober cause we repress certain feelings, fears, etc. In order to not cause too much harm on the physical body, heart, etc. Kind of like how on highest level salvia and dmt trips people often don't remember or forget. So the breakthrough could just be my regular REM state but with let's say 90-100% lucidity as opposed to a lower % even when lucid non-dmt?