tryed aya a couple time in the past never worked for me. Worked for my friend though.

I just want to heal fully any past problems or misunderstandings, and just un-confuse myself. So i can walk around and just be humble and know what needs to be done and understand everything. No confusion. KNow my path and who iam fully.

I feel maybe dmt, shrooms, lsd & heavy marijuana abuse have led me to confuse/psychosis or even bi-polar.

I have never had any seizures or anything like that from these psy's, so im wondering if auya or mescaline can make this happen and cure my bipolar or misunderstanding or reality and my purpose here.

So what would be better to try mescaline for this type of healing, or auya?

should i smoke any dmt on the peak and try to breakthrough? or would that kill my ego to the point of non-function in society?


i want to function is society, be able to manifest whatever i choose, be a good musician, fit in, i dongt want to kill my ego fully like lsd has done and left me all unfunctional in society and a recluse.


i want the knowledge to be able to say the right words and align with a badass girl. Seems like i always screw up relationships

or should i just lay off all drugs and seek some books, any recommend?

also i never really stuck to meditation, even though i like it, i just cant seem to commit myself, idk.

Hey man just wanted to recommend some readings, anyone can find something to take from them. Siddhartha(interesting novel about a man seeking his path in life and failing many times, very moving and inspiring) and The four agreements(a lifestyle book written by a toltec shaman that I found very simple, grounded, and motivating). I do not think you have to accept any of the concepts in them at face value to get something valuable from the reads.


Do not look to the helpers(psychedelics/entheogens) as a holistic lifestyle changer, they simply show us, if we prepared for the experience, that reality is infinite and manifesting, and reveal to us many clues into ourselves that we can use to improve our lives. While it is a sacred medicine when properly used(many misconceptions on this but to each their own). You must, as with everything, maintain a balance to reap benefits.

I would suggest thinking about your body(this is all good thought for maintaining a stronger or healthier ego, while not indulging in the negative side effects of it, IMO only), think of what are the most obvious ways you can improve your overall health, then of course try to be as holistic as possible. think balance.

Eating well, drinking tonss of water, vitamin & mineral intake, enzymes, excercise and workout, soothing/inspiring/provoking music, reading, learning. When interacting with people/girls dont worry about expectations, self consciousness, preconceptions. just be grounded and dont worry about outcomes or anything else, we all have the capability of loving ourselves and that which is everything very much regardless of circumstance; The closer you are to balance, the clearer you can see this.

I find taking care of the body and putting good things into the mind are great for cultivating self appreciation and a stronger base to improve from(in my own process that i expect will last my whole life, and by the way i am not always successful in these indeavors and have cultivated this list based on my own personal problems and working through them, everyone has them, and they are all different.)

I wish you peace of mind my friend, start small and build with balance in mind.

Respect and love

What a great question. This the type of question i have been meaning to ask at the nexus for ages but never got around to it. A side effect of being stoned 24/7

Great answer by DeMaTron also

I look forward to reading some inspiring replies hopefully

Thank you. I really enjoyed the four agreements, i found a audio torrent, so i was able to hear it all tonight.
Great stuff, already was applying a lot of that to my life, but it was good to hear it again, and about half of it was stuff i never thought about that i feel will help and i will start practicing.

def. gonna listen again so it gets stuck in my my as its own seed

I recommend that book as well to any others reading this.

Evwrything i ever read by herman hesse is greatly recommended to everyone here. He is so amazing. Not sure if the translations are holding up, but he really created some masterpieces of literature and def. has changed my life ..made me feel not so alone in this world.

Hey man really glad to hear you liked The Four Agreements. Also really glad I could offer you some stuff you hadnt considered yet, and remember theres a whole world of things neither of us have considered yet, so I feel healing and reshaping ones lifestyle is a contstant discovery and application process.

And honestly at this point in discipline I find writing everything I want to accomplish in an average day and factor in any other things as well. (otherwise i'm more likely to forget to take care of myself in all the ways I desire, this will eventually form good habits, or maybe others dont even need to write a list.)

Another simple technique ive found is that when i feel drained, sleepy, and/or filled with thoughts or energy that isnt conducive to continue taking care of myself and others, Taking some simple breathes with a positive frame of mind helps.

Breathe in air, agree to feel the pure revitalizing energy, let the breathe out, and with it you have to agree to let go of whatever it is holding you back or making you feel tired/unwell, its all a state of mind. Dealing with these things in a literal manner surprisingly has an effect for me, regardless if it was the particular breathe doing anything.

Sounds to me like you've done too many drugs, with too little integration, and you're mind is a bit out of sync now. I don't think more drugs are the answer.

I would advise meditation (especially since you say it is difficult for you), as well as outdoor physical stuff like gardening, hiking, etc. Singing and dancing are also good for mind and body.

As for books, "Inside Out Healing" by Richard Moss is very likely to help you feel more centered. "The Black Butterfly," also by the same author, may help you understand the states of consciousness which you've glimpsed via drugs.

You say you are looking for a girl. I'd suggest focusing just on loving yourself for now, because it's hard enough to do that... and it's too easy to imagine that someone else can make you whole.

You are actually completely fine right now, and completely whole. You just have to realize that you are.

Well, laying off drugs never hurt anybody and like dematron says, they can't do the hard work for you. Maybe good for some insight and even a little short term inspiration but then it's back to putting good life habits into daily practice. I really think you should find the time to meditate every single day at the same time. Just like brushing your teeth. Connecting with that stillness inside you can really help focus your life.

There are plenty of good books out there (Bill Plotkin's book "Soulcraft" really resonates with me) but at the end of the day know that your truth is right there within you. All you need to do is uncover it, that's why it's called self-discovery. No, it's not that easy and it's not supposed to be. It's the Human Journey and it takes effort. Some days it feels like you're not making any progress at all, Hell some days it feels like you're going backwards, but....It's beautiful man and it's the only journey really worth taking. I think the first step is self acceptance, and being completely honest with yourself. Find your own truth, it's in there and always has been.

Don't know what to tell you about finding the girl except be patient. I didn't find the real deal until I was 35. Best thing is to find one that loves YOU. Women always seem to be attracted to guys that know what they want. So find something to believe in and follow your bliss, the rest will come. Good luck brother,
Agave