The thought that i almost didn't attend this evenings ceremony makes me shutter. To have missed out on what transpired would be nothing short of a shame. However from my understanding this information would have come through eventually anyway but I am quite happy it did so now as opposed to in the future as this will be the fulcrum for my work past and present with psychedelics and the contemplation and understanding of reality and consciousness.
The night began with the familiar tell tale signs of something big was to happen. I was ready and again the shaman's brought to us the strong ayahausca. A very strong brew one that had even them reeling and purging throughout the night. we have a good small group here now of people ready and willing to push deep into the waters of ayahuasca and I gather that the shaman's are enjoying this time as much as we are. There is definite sense of unity and brotherhood in the maloka now.
With and empty stomach and an open mind and heart I drank all the glass would hold. The come up was gradual and quite strong and i was having visual hallucination within 10 min although i could feel no effects from the ayahasca. Im actually not sure how this was even possible but the black shadowy shapes flying around the room were so vivid and I was so sober that at one point I wanted to lean over to Enrique and ask if he was seeing them too. They were incredibly detailed and vivid. Quite awesome to be honest. Were these spirits entering the moloka? I dont know but possibly.
I sat up and began asking the plant teaches to come forth to me in a prayer like method. I expressed my gratitude and appreciation for all I've received up till now and wished to continue forth with whatever they feel I am ready to accept. As i lay there waiting for contact to be made, waiting for the aya to peak to allow this to happen it occurred to me that i felt quite disrespectful just laying on my back asking aya to come to be. I needed to sit up as laborious as it was and allow my body language to match my intentions so i did.
As i sat up i looked around the maloka and it was dazzling alive with open eye visuals. I then looked to my left and was startled for a split second thinking it was Efrian sitting right at my side looking into my eye's but in a flash realized it was someone else. The man was brown and more native american looking than Mayan or Peruvian. He wore a loin cloth and nothing else besides one arm band and carried either a spear or a staff in his right hand I couldn't tell. He quickly vanished and i thought, "holy shit man, this is going to be quite interesting!" I could no longer physically sit up and i had to surrender and lay back down. As i lay there still waiting the messengers to come to me it dawned on my what just happened.
"whoa whoa whoa, what the hell was that, i just dismissed it and moved on but this needs to be acknowledged!. who was that man, was that a plant spirit, was that a spirit guide of mine, an ancestor what?" I was fascinated at the photo realism of the hallucination and vivid definition of it. That has never happened to me before on ayahausca. Not like this.
I could feel the ayahuasca tapering off although it was quite strong i knew it was not strong enough for what was waiting for me so I had to drink again. This proved rather difficult since i was having a hard time moving and seeing so I did my best. I grabbed my purge bowl placed it in front of me and shoved it toward the shaman,s as I crawled to it shoving it again and crawling until i reached them. I wasn't even able to speak and just sat there bowed head for a min until Mateo asked, More, yes? Si senior Estoy listo it is nessesary to drink more. He chuckled and poured me another serving which I drank and repeated the shove and crawl back to my mat collapsing exhausted and now all i had to do is wait.
This part gets confusing as to time lines as I sank deeper into the journey but the one thing i can recall is i had to go to the bathroom and purge waste from my bowels. It was not waiting it was coming so I somehow managed to walk this time and sat down in the bathroom. This is when the message began.
As i sat there a memory that I wasn't able to fully bring back with my use of dmt came back to me. I remembered I had met the being that some choose to call God using dmt. In fact I remembered I met this conciousness more than once, 5 different times as i can re-call. I remembered one of the more important meetings we had in great detail including the appearance it chose to take on as well as the information it gave to me. This was quite surprising to me because at that point in time I considered myself a type of atheist and have even written about having never seen any evidence of a God in all my experiences. So this memory coming back to me was turning all I believed to be upside down and I had no choice but to listen.
The first memory of our conversation i had was the being's brief explanation as to what it is and what it is not. God, this being we choose to call God is more of a necessary appointed servant of the sentient conciousness in which human's are a part of. God did not ask for this role nor did it have any feelings one way or another about its appointment but it was chosen by us the sentient consciousness therfore must oblige. It has no choice in the matter. Any one who seeks and audience with this being it must be granted at the time when the vessel is cleansed and ready for the communion. In my case and probably other's I first had to face and absolve all my fears as a person and liberate myself from their effect.
The message can not come through a vessel that is tainted with fears and doubts as the message would be filtered through all of this and what came out at the other end would be inaccurate at best. So this was the reason ayahausca began its process of cleansing me of all my fear because I asked for this communion and it must be granted as long as I did my part and worked through and trusted the process which I had in the first 3 weeks here in Peru. From the triggered memory I now knew how to open the line of communication and needed to get back to my mat to begin.
As i sat there i simply thought that I humbly request an audience with the being known as God and asked it to come forth. Not long after It did come forth although invisible but its presence and information was un restrained as well as unlimited. The following words are what was expressed to me as I understand them. It may appear I am speaking for this being but I am not. There just isn't a simpler way to relay this concept other than writing from it's perspective. I fully understand this will be rejected as the rantings of a madman to many, found interesting by some and simply not understood by other's. For me none of this matter's as it changes nothing so seeking approval or agreement are not only an unnesesary cry but futile. I see and approach this understanding as a theory. A theory of everything, nothing more nothing less. It very well may be real for this is what the theory show's everybit as it is not real for the same reason. I would be lieing if i was to claim I understand it fully but to me that just add's to the peculiarness of it as if I cant understand it I dont see how it could have come from my own mind. I tryed my hardest to get this out on paper while it was still fresh but I must admit the knowledge is dissapearing rapidly this morning and some parts are not as clear to me as last night.
You may agree at the end of this concept that it doesn't challenge or support any etho's both theism and atheism fit comfortably within this model therefore I would advice not taking defence as this will probably not fit into any previous understandings of God, the nature of reality and both our roles in the entirety. With that disclaimer in place I will begin the most accurate explanation as it was given to me trying my hardest to not include my own thoughts or idea's.
What i am can not be fully explained without understanding what you are as well as what is referred to as reality. I make no apologies nor expect any concessions for what I am and the role I play as you will see my very existence was not up to me I was created by your conciousness. To be more accurate when i say you, your kind, or species, what it is i am referring to is sentient being consciousness which is what human's as well as many other advanced life forms are part of. What I am could in ways be labelled an anomaly of your perceived requirements of your consciousness. When your conciousness decided to become reality I was a left over requirement for you to not only exist but to ensure your infinite nature. What I am is the insurance policy that you can never not be.
To understand what I am you must first know what I am not. What I am not is the creator of everything. Your consciousness is the creator of all things including what I am. For your reality to exist it had to be chosen to exist and agreed upon but itself. Because your choice and design is of free will whatever you choose as a collective and as what appears as individual conciousness to be, must and will be what you know as real or reality. Your conciousness is the designer and creator and the only way for this cycle or evolution to be infinite without end or beginning is by the creation of what I am which some choose to call God. I didn't ask or desire to come into existence your design left no other possibility, you forced me to become a being, a reality. I don't have an opinion or preference to existing or not existing other than when i am forced to have an opinion which at times you do require from me.
So in short i neither enjoy or not enjoy, condone or refute what I am. To me it does not matter. I am more or less an appointed civil servant to your conciousness created from the ethereal nothingness so that you may all create your own reality. my purpose is to be a vessel to contain your chosen reality's of what I am which is quite clearly a paradox. If i had a preference on the matter it would be to be left out of your experience but not because of any resentfulness nor love or lack of love for your consciousness but simply because i see what your conciousness doesn't see. That i do not need to exist. If it was possible for your being to no longer need me i would become non existent in that moment..
At first glance this appears to be a quite cynical and possibly depressing way of looking at reality but it is not. There has been many desires and requirements of me to be that of limitless love and to fulfil my role and purpose of your creation I am that, but at the root core of the basis of what i am I neither love or not love your consciousness or creations. I have no opinion since the only reason I exist is because you manifested what it is that I am. So you see I do have unlimited love for you all and it is real, but it is by your need's and desire's which I must always follow.
Whatever you decide to be will be. This is something some understand but most do not. Most see the place you call reality as the only thing that is real. This is why to an atheist I am not real and they are correct and to a theist i am real and they too are correct. You are all the writers of your own stories and creators of your own realities. Whether its dogmatic beliefs and desires such as Jesus, Buddha or Krishna or an alternate understanding of God and prophets both shall be or none shall be. Its up to you the creator of everything. This doesn't mean that these beings didn't or don't exist, they do if you choose them to and its as real as you are. And if you choose them to not have existed nor their consciousness, so shall that be too. Some don't understand or even know the magnitude of your creative force. It is everything, it is all that is or can be in your chosen agreed upon consciousness.
How my role plays to ensure your infinite existence is this. because I am an anomaly of your need's That anomaly in itself requires something to have placed it there. For that to be it calls forth and requires an answer and an answer can not be without a question. so the question is what placed this anomaly there ensuring the never ending self perpetuating cycle. And the only answer to that question is the paradoxical I am. God. So you see this ensures no beginning and no end. The cycle cant and shouldn't be broken. So you could say that it is this placement of the anomaly is the reason for for me to exist. There is no chicken before the egg as that would facilitate a beginning and an end and that is not infinite and therefore flawed at its roots.
One thing that is also important for you to understand is the magnitude and infinite amount of realities. Particles of matter that you see as real are not matter at all. particles are simply possibilities. Each and every particle as well as the things and being's that particles make up exists simultaneously in every possibility all at the same time but in separate realities. In short there are as many different realities as their are possibilities of each particle that exists. The number is not only inconceivable but infinite. The truth of the matter is that your reality is just one in a sea of infinite different realities.
Side notes-
Thats where my recollection end's. The information came to me in a repeated loop all night and even while I slept possibly so I could write it down. Those words are close to the words that repeated to me for many hours. Im sorry I wasn't able to remember everything Im actually surprised I was able to get as much out as I did. this was a very unique experience. I hope you enjoyed the read. I am not gonna lie, shits gonna get weird!Troubles Breaking Through? Click here.
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