Well, this is probably one of, if not the most terrifying thing that has ever happened to me, so far as I can remember. Yesterday I brewed 3.5g of rue and took 130mg of freebase with it. The day before I did the same, with 95mg of freebase, and it was nice, but I felt like there was supposed to be more to it. Those extra 35mg did not just make a little difference, but easily quadrupled the intensity of the experience... Here's what happened.

So I drink the disgusting dissolved dmt in a splash of vinegar, I'm already gagging because it tastes so bad. So I wash it down with a bunch of tropical fruit juice, which does not really help at all. So I gargle salt water, come back, sit down and do my thing whilst I feel myself coming up. It was as if I was being subtly wrestled into a tripping state without easing into it as usual.

All of a sudden... BOOM. DMT kicks in without any warning, and all of a sudden I'm tripping heavily, and I am shocked. I tell myself 'wow, this one is probably going to be strong', little did I realise where I was going to end up...

I got cold and decide to put the heating on, I end up at the boiler and can't even figure out how to look at it, I don't understand why it's not the same boiler, I can't decipher the symbols, all the knobs are in the wrong place, wrong size, wrong position, it's all wrong, the door is wrong, the flap is wrong, it's all wrong.

I decide to forget about trying to work the boiler and sit back down. Then the computer betrays me. Then my phone becomes indecipherable, things start to go missing, and I cannot understand why I'm tripping so much... I feel shcoked and can't seem to calm down... I tell myself it's all me, it's dmt, it's fine, nothings going to happen... but the dread had took a hold of me.

I think 'screw it' and decide to make myself sick, end the trip now, no point in prolonging torture, this is not why I take psychedelics... So I go to the bathroom and kneel next to the bowl, thinking 'am I seriously going to do this?'. I felt energies telling me others have been here, I felt I was in some sort of hospital for my soul, there was some sort of medical theme to it, I felt screwed up, I felt I was in some sort of sordid clinic where bad things happen...

I feel childhood, growing pains, bad things happening and growth being forced upon me. People in my life getting on my case, I feel everyones negativity building up on me, I see all my flaws, I see all the suffering I cause myself, and I want to eject and destroy all of it so badly now.

I look into the bowl, deep into my soul, and try to bring on the purge. No luck. I try again, no luck. I end up lost staring down the tunnel, laughing feebly at the stupidity of this. I spend a long time here. Then I try one more time to get it out, and still It just wont work! Now I'm really seriously bricking it. I think of asking someone, anyone, for help, but by some force of powerfull will I tell myself to obey my protocol, and just wait it out. I submit, I even say out loud 'I surrender', but nothing changes.

I go back to my room and listen to music, I play tunes I like, and try to act normal, but my consciousness just keeps falling to pieces again and again. I want to get the hell out, but how? I go to my bedroom, I feel like tearing my clothes off and hiding away till it's over. Instead i dive into bed fully clothed. I don't land on the bed, but on something that vaguely resembles a bed, hybridized with a twisting fractal mess. I can't close my eyes for the things reaching out at me behind my eyelids, If I open them all I see is more strange twisting wierdness. I manage to get out of bed, try to purge one more time, in the bathroom, and I meet beings made of discolored eyeballs covered in wet matted hair. I get the hell out and try to find warmth. I use a hairdryer, the air feels good.

I catch myself in the mirror, the chain around my neck seems symbolic, I need to get it off. I try, but I can't find the clasp. I grab the thing and rip it from my neck, breaking the clasp and look at the silver lions head and broken chain hanging from my hands. I feel triumphant. I feel I have succeeded at something, I feel I have pulled the rug out from the little negative clone self hiding inside me, the little boy I thought I no longer was had been stowed away, growing in my subconscious whilst I emraced life, slowly building up his negativity like a virus. 'You do it to yourself, you do'. I thought I was fine, but I guess I was denying the subconscious child within.

I manage at some point to light my last cigarette, and the smoke tastes so good. This calms me down for a few seconds of bliss before the terror envelops me yet again. I try to roll another smoke, but all I have is a bunch of damiana leaves, a broken lighter, and hands that I can't even see correctly, let alone operate. Then it comes.

Urk.

Oh man get it up- urkkkk

PWSHHH!

Thank god finally, my body couldn't take anymore, and up it comes, hate, suffering, fear, guilt, anger, and rice pudding

I'm still in it for a few minutes before it starts to FINALLY subside, and I see the mess i've made, my broken chain, my exhausted soul.

It was absolute hell, but now I feel I'm stronger than ever, having confronted it. Usually dmt is about submission and bliss for me, but it has taken this turn lately, and i'm going to count this as a climax. I'll still enjoy mushrooms etc, but DMT is just... well... I understand what this is, and it had to happen. My cage was rattled, and I dare to believe it is broken. I'm stronger than ever before.

Thank you DMT, clearly you love me enough to hold me tight then punch me in the face, if you were a person I would hug you and then flatten your nose, that's our relationship in a nutshell, you cheeky evil wonderful thing. I think we need to go on a break.

Thanks for reading. <3

Thanks for writing, a pleasure to read. And congrats for what you're getting out of the experience. It's not easy to see what you needed in a tough trip.

And this is why I am being super cautious with my oral dosage! Jeez. What prompted such a large increase in dosage?

I could feel your anguish, yet was also smiling the whole way through reading this at the same time. You paint excellent pictures not just with brushes it seems but also with words my friend

Another cautionary tale from the front lines.

There s no way to imagine its even possible until your there.

And why I am super extra cautious of even considering oral dosing. Even with all the good reports of oral dosing, I am very satisfied with the nature of my vaporized DMT journeys, I love the way I can extend the lenght of the journey at will by blasting another bowl of freebase DMT from the genie. In case the trip is unpleasant(rare but it happens), I know it will be over within 20 minutes, not hours. Caapi spirit is important, so I use sublingual harmalas before blasting quite often.
Anyone new to oral dosing, take it slow!



If you think mushrooms can't be MUCH WORSE than what you experienced you are wrong. Be careful with your doses!

Tele, it's because I'm very hard headed with mushrooms, I can eat high doses and still chill. Of course it can get really bad if one was to take a huge dose, not knowing what they are doing, but I'M fully aware and far more experienced with them.

Purges, I'm not entirely sure, I though that if 95mg of spice oral didn't do that much, then 130 would be noticably different, but no way should it have been as powerful as it turned out. But of course it was. To be honest I thought I WAS being cautious, but this is the nature of DMT, in my case it's kind of a lucky or unlucky dip.

With mushrooms I reliably have a perfect ride every single time.

I really don't think I was quite so wreckless here, but it's all good, and valuable. But take note, as I have, the increased random aspect of DMT compared to the other psychedelics, as I mentioned, for me personally, its far less predictable, which is why I will still gladly eat some mushrooms with confidence, but I can no longer have that attitude with DMT. DMT will be often dark for me even when mushrooms are super jolly

I didn't mean to come off like I thought you were being reckless mate, sorry if it sounded that way. And yes, I totally agree, DMT certainly is like a box of chocolates my attitude is always one of fear tinged respect with this stuff.

I'm glad you overcame some inner turmoil as a result of it though, the tough ones are often the most fruitful.

Sounds kinda heavy!

It's great to see you take something positive out the experience, lots of people wouldn't.

Ive never head this kind of trip with dmt but i'm pretty sure i will experience somnething similar one day.
I feel as though my soul needs cleansed.

I hope it hasn't put you off dmt bro

Wow. Such a deep, difficult, symbolic and cleansing trip. Your writing, like your art, appears to be improving as the months pass Orion. Crazy because you came here already in a very refined state with these things . . . .

DMT . . . Orion . . . Wow.

Nice report.

Sure, but in my opinion it's best to consider oneself a newb when it comes to high doses, even if one has done it before. I find mushrooms to be way more unpredictable than DMT(at least vaporized DMT)

Do you feel like it purged that darkness with in you that you experienced during the trip itself?

Indeed oden, I have dug the darkness many a time, sometimes in the form of the slap, sometimes as a form of entertainment, but this was a whole new level for me.

Majesticnature, yes, absolutely, it's as if I slipped through brittle ground into the dark tunnels my subconscious had been creating inside my mind all along, needless to say I purged this darkness, I really do feel refreshed and invigorated, an entheogenic experience in the true sense, in my opinion.

This describes my last LSD trip perfectly except that it wasn't the people in my life showing my faults; but, instead it was some omniscient being intent on being a total asshole. It was as if this monster saw no good in me, and although I couldn't see him, he continually flooded me with visions of my past; visions that once had a particular positivity about them laid shattered on the floor of my subconscious. My futile attempts to distract myself just brought forth new visions for him to twist, alter, and manipulate to his liking. My pain, my hopelessness, my pure destruction is what he fed on. Music that I would have usually enjoyed spawned disappointment and fear that I would never get away from this despair. My bed where comfort is always provided was my coffin, and I was laying five feet under; not yet dead but no desire to live. The monster was me. I was I, and somewhere along my path I forgot. My positive self-image had disappeared somewhere in the wirings of my brain; it took experiencing an exaggerated form of self-hate to realize this.



Three weeks later, and I still feel this.
My life is mine. I am present. I am focused. I am motivated.
Negativity has no place in my reality, and I refuse to let it manifest.


Thank you for posting this. You seem to have this pretty figured out, but my thoughts are with you as the negative residual effects wear off, if that means anything. This is just the nature of progression, and sometimes a break is the best road to take. Good luck in your growth and your art!

Double post. Apologies...

Zowie. What an ordeal. I'm glad you made it back in one piece with a stupendous tale to tell. You paint a vivid picture, Orion. Now go paint us some hairy eyeballs!

You don't ever have to go there again, though I hope it serves you well. There's a lot to be said for gettin' in, gettin' just what you need and gettin' out with your marbles intact!

I know it's easier said than done. And I am guilty of it on my last Acid trip was a total freak out!
Is to not think too much. Try to deep breath.. Let your mind let go. Try not to do daily tasks and set aside time to trip.

You said you got cold and went to turn on the heat, then couldn't figure it out. (mistake)
There are a bunch of them that you did or tried to do that would cause confusion and discomfort to any tripper. Purging can turn any trip upside down, one would think, so maybe only if needed.

Ok. So I am just mentioning as a guide. Not to criticize your actions or tell you what to do. Take all info with a grain of salt.


After my Acid freak out I took over a year off of all drugs. On the trip I worried too much. If I just had my friend calm me down and not let me drive home high, then it would have been better.

Ice, wow, I am glad you were able to make sense of it, I think it would be much worse to be tortured in this way and not glean anything useful from it. I guess it takes a certain intelligence to see the hidden messages, rhather than feeling abused and simply rejecting it. Having said that, I've been through very difficult trips with no information to glean from them whatsoever, and these are only ever with DMT.

I realise it may be blasphemy to some when I say sometimes DMT rattles the cage, and that is that, but in my experience it can and inevitably will happen eventually. It's just one of those things.

Indeed Art, I may create something which reflects how I felt during this time.

Electric Kool-Aid, perhaps it was a mistake, but at the time I did it I felt totally sound, which is why it came as a shock. I think what concerned me most of all was the fact that the intensity of it kept building, it had gone far past the point of accepting and just riding it, hence the reason for my wanting to purge, did not see the point in enduring increasing fear for no good reason. I'm sorry to hear about your bad experience with LSD, I bet that's even more unavoidable, as purging would not help one bit ?

Thank you all for your insights, I'm glad I shared this with you all <3

Thanks, great read !!

I am happy for you to have had this experience.
In the end you got what you asked for, not nessesarely what you wanted but what you needed.

Quote,

Well, Yesterday I brewed 3.5g of rue and took 130mg of freebase with it. The day before I did the same, with 95mg of freebase, and it was nice, but I felt like there was supposed to be more to it.

3,5g rue is quite alot, no wonder you felt sick Especially after ingesting liquids after the rue, you do know your stomach isn't working properly during the mao-i?

3.5g rue is rather average in my experience. Though I'm not surprised it induced illness.

Orion, you mention in your OP how you were surprised by how the DMT was acting, as it usually is more loving/embracing. While you may have had more consistent success with mushrooms, it would be foolish and perhaps not learning the lesson to assume that mushrooms won't eventually rattle your cage either. I don't intend to offend, I'm just calling it as I see it.