I have posted this on another forum, so you may have read it before, but since this is now my permanent entheo home I thought I would stick it up here. enjoy

Okay, I have been asked to write a trip report on my first experience with our friend Cid. The events that took place during those 12 hours or so meant that I was very dubious about ever taking this drug again. But, I am not the kind of person to put something down until I have disliked it a few times, having explored it from a few different perspectives. This was my first experience, and also my worst. But not because of my state of mind etc - read on.

A bit of back ground, I am from what you would describe as a well off, middle class family. At the time I was 18. Due to various problems in my life, I went through a rebelious patch. The main reason for this being my brother having a SERIOUS alcohol addiction, exacerbated by my fathers own alcoholism, which makes him very judgemental, negative, and argumentative. I don't really want to spill my guts about this and elaborate further, all you need to know is it had a major impact on me.

Being sent to boarding school, (from a very young age) I was dipped in and out of this toxic environment, and began to lose my identity with my peers at school - they were from very privileged back grounds, and me less so, I was often reminded of that fact after they got back from 3 weeks in the Alps, and I had just come back from 3 weeks in a small, boring English town, where I had very few friends, and all sorts of crap going on in the evenings that I just wanted to forget about. My school work seemed less and less important as this wore on, and I started going to raves as I turned 17, and got heavily into Ecstacy (which helped me brilliantly, and I believe could be a wonderful therapeutic tool). I had already been smoking weed for several years prior to this as well. My school mates would constantly rip on me for being into raving, and being into something 'alternative', the were all very straight laced, conservative types, and just didn't get it, or me any more. It is worth noting that a few of these people grew interested, and joined me on my excursions to London, I provided them with some E and we had a fantastic time together, interestingly, these people are still among my best friends.

So, tired of being stuck at home every night, being drawn into pointless, circular arguments that didn't go any where, I started making some new (and probably less suitable) friends. I bumped into "N" for the first time at the train station, he was the son of a lady who used to come and clean our house when I was young, but I hadn't seen him in maybe 10 years, so a lot had changed. He is / was what I can only really describe as a chav (for you yanks, have a read of this http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chav, essentially trailer trash types) We talked, and it turned out we were both into getting mashed off our faces, and we had similar taste in narcotics... So, one thing led to another, I got introduced to a source of E, Speed, Weed, etc....

And LSD. We had many mashed up nights on E, ripping cones, listening to Drum and Bass, causing a bit of a ruckus - he could be very badly behaved, and I should have seen this as a warning to what he was / is REALLY like, indeed he led me into behaving in ways that I normally wouldn't. One night we came across a bottle of liquid. I had been wanting to try acid for a while, and LIQUID! was just too good to say no to. Eagerly, we acquired 2 drops each, on rizla paper. Another 'friend' was around, "R", and we dropped the cid. R was unsure whether to take it, but N just stuffed it in his mouth and said something along the lines of:

"Well, its too late now"

After that, maybe 1/2 and hour later, we decided to go for a walk. R was behaving weirdly, he ran into the middle of the road, bent over double and screamed. It seemed like he had just taken a bullet in the guts. I'm guessing now that he wasn't ready for the experience, and didn't want it to happen, but had no choice. We told him to calm down, get out of the road, and stop acting weirdly, or we might draw unnecesary attention to ourselves. Which he did, thankfully. It was night time, and we were walking along a familiar road, which normally would have looked dull. This is when i realised I had come up. The road looked like it had been studded with diamonds, the street lights shimmering off the surface. Beautiful. We went to a friends house, they were smoking some bud through a shisha, and I had a few burns while chatting shit. We then moved on to another friends house (I still think he was quite a nice guy, this dude), lets call him T.

On the way there, R kept kicking the backs of my feet, trying to make me trip up, and was generally being quite annoying. We bumped into a bunch of guys from the local army base (squaddies) and chatted to them for a bit. When they found out we'd had some acid, they made up some story about a missing shoe, presumably trying to make us confused and send us off on a tangent. They were drunk...

We got to T's, and there were a few people sitting around, watching telly, listening to music, and clearly tripping, as we were. I sat myself down and let my mind flow. One of the girls who was there commented on how calmly I was taking my first experience. I was. I was enjoying watching my mind tick over, I felt no real need to talk, and kept noticing weird looks from R, I don't think he liked me very much... Not that it really bothered me. I am very laid back, and take things as they come, so I just let it go, and went for a piss. On looking down into the toilet bowl, my piss came oozing back out of the toilet, and I thought flooded the floor. Very weird, especially since the floor was dry to the touch... Hmmm, must be tripping quite hard now, I thought. I went back through and told the others what had 'happened' to me in the toilet. We all had a chuckle. Then I noticed T was holding a machete type thing. That was most definitely real, they were talking about the design, and how well it would chop limbs etc, which made me quite uneasy. Thankfully, they put it away after a while.

N left with R to go and get some beers, along with a girl, who was sober, lets call her R2. I didn't fancy going to the shop, so left them to it. The next period of time was just me, T, and a few other people. The atmosphere was good, and I soon relaxed. Until N started banging on the door. I went downstairs and opened the door. N was standing there with blood all over his top. R's face was beaten almost beyond recognition. T came running down the stairs and shouted, "No way man, don't bring that shit here, I'm on parole", N pleaded with him, but no, he wasn't coming back in. Good move T. So we called an ambulance, which picked R up and took him to hospital. N was telling them that he found him like that, and didn't know what happened. Bullshit. R2 was there all along, while N was wrapping a metal dog chain around his face repeatedly. She told me later. I felt sick to my stomach.

Now at this point I was left in a rather difficult position. I had N breathing down my neck, trying to get me back to stay at his. I wanted to go home and try to get some sleep and forget all about what had happened. Seeing some one in that state while tripping was very traumatic to me. I went back to N's. We got back and he immediately started threatening me. "You tell anyone an you'll end up the same" etc etc. He scared the living shit out of me to be honest. I waited until he went to bed, and left the flat as quietly as possible.

I didn't sleep a wink that night, and had to get on the train to London the next day for a (real) friends 18th. I was still very shaken up, and drank a whole bottle of wine at his birthday meal, with no sleep, and on very little food. We went to a friends house after that where we smoked multiple joints, and soon I passed out on the sofa, before spewing all over it. I was taken back to another friends house where I slept it off. Man I felt like such a dick the next day. It could have been worse though. It could have been the night before.

A few days later, back at home, there was a knock at the door. It was the Police, and they were asking to speak to me. I agreed. They asked a few questions regarding what had happened that night. I told them I didn't actually see anything as I wasn't there, just the aftermath, this was partly to cover my own arse as I didn't want to be implicated in the acid, which could have got back to my parents and caused all sorts of problems. I didn't tell them about N's attitude towards me afterwards, and I didn't tell them that I knew it was him. I was scared of the consequences, to me, and my family. He knew where we lived, and was clearly more than capable of viciously beating people up who he considered 'friends'.

I am to this day still utterly ashamed that I didn't tell the Police everything I knew. Unfortunately I can't turn back the clock, and if I could, I would not want to relive any of the feelings of fear, guilt, paranoia, and utter disgust at what I had seen and been through. I have always been a peace loving guy, and never wish violence on anyone, except maybe Justin Beiber.

Soon after this experience, I decided that I had had enough of this shit, the fucked up friends, the endless (and rather joyless) drug taking, and my family. I packed up, and left for University, where I met nothing but lovely, like minded people. I fell in love with a girl, and went on to complete a degree in Music Technology (Music, film, Djing etc have always been my passion)... The wheels kept turning, and I ended up in a better place,as a direct result of that trip. I also learned one of the most valuable lessons in life: choose your friends wisely, they reflect on you, and after time, you become alike. I never want to become like N, no respect for any one / thing, or life for that matter, just a selfish, maybe even psychotic DICK.

N got his come uppance in the end, his girlfriend had a miscarriage so I am told (which I was saddened to hear, more for his GFs sake). He lost the plot and beat the crap out of a disabled (thats right...) yes disabled person. He ended up getting 15 months in prison. He should have got at least 5 years IMO, but that's only because I knew him.

Since then I have had many AMAZING, fun, light hearted, beautiful trips with friends that I trust with my life, and love with all my heart. I will always carry with me the lesson from this first, fateful trip.

Peace, Love, and Unity,

Primal

P.S. It feels good to get a lot of that shit off my chest. I have only told a few close friends this story, but this is the most detail I have ever gone into.

That story struck a bell with me, the bit about choosing your friends because you become alike. Been to a similar place myself and like you realized it and changed it for the better.

I don't have any friends. It is all a luxury problem to me. Although friends like that anyone could do without. I also grew up in a bad household so to say. But I never could let myself slip like that ...I am too much a control freak is what I think held me back.

Ah man. I could have easily gone that road. But the mental abuse I was subject to was not clear to me until I finally left the nest. By then it was too late to be an out of control teen. And I was too...self-conscious to take my trauma and turn them into a long drug binge. By then I was already heavily into the alternative. The weird. Already Castaneda and Monroe under my belt.

But it is good you could leave all that behind.

Cheers for reading and commenting guys I still regard this as one of my most important life experiences, and a real turning point on my life, it's not something I would wish on anyone though, or willingly go through again - having that kind of experience while in a heightened and vulnerable mind frame is no joke. I could have gone down a dark and lonely road if I hadn't acted and got out of that situation when I did. Or worse. every acid trip since then has been a lot of fun and seriously rewarding, and I am VERY selective about my friends now, which I think has served me well.

Really intense and well written story, thanks Purges!

Im glad that you managed to find the right friends

I'm glad you enjoyed the read I know the length of the report put people off reading it on 'the other forum'

I think finding friends is one of those things that takes experience, and for a young, naive person like me, I was happy to make friends with anyone at the time, not realising how twisted some people can be.

Sometimes a strong catalyst is what's needed

great read P

I normally start to read every long post and then if I get caught I read it all. Like I said, yours it's well written and I found it intriguing

I'm totally with you on that, at some point you have to realize that not everyone has a good heart. Sometimes by fair means or foul...

man, what an effed up thing to go through even though the experience had a major impact on your life(for the good). The part about the machete kind of struck a nerve with me. I was tripping balls(solo) at a girlfriends house whose brother was a gangbanger and him and his friends thought i cared about all the different guns they packed, they kept pulling out peices talking about people they would shoot if they crossed them(they were all drunk)i dont know if they were trying to look cool or trying to intimidate me or what, but it rattled my nerves good....i worked it into my head they were going to shoot me when i left the house....not a fun trip! i was 17, but i learned that night, that for me lsd needs to be taken in a semi controlled peaceful environment with like minded people or around like minded people

Thank you for the report Purges, loved it as always.

Choosing friends and who you want to associate with is one of the most important things in living your life, IMO. This trip obviously did more good for you after it was over, which I think is the point, but I am sorry you had to encounter something as traumatic as that on LSD your first time.

Again, thanks for sharing, all the best.

What doesn't kill you can only make you stronger I didn't touch acid for a few years after this experience though (probably not surprisingly), how ever each time since then has been a roller coaster of laughter, joy, sillyness and good times with a few moments thrown in for good measure.

Thanks for the responses guys, it certainly was, or resulted in, a growing experience which ultimately led to my fascination with these substances and the firm knowledge that these were more than just drugs, but agents for change.

Amen.

Thanks for sharing purges! Its so true about choosing friends wisely. I'm glad to hear you took it upon yourself to escaped that situation. Some lifestyles/settings are truly a world apart! Way to turn it around

Peace

Man. Good Story, bad first trip.

That guy sounds shifty as hel. I feel sorry for those people who are so self-centered, violent, caught up in their ego, and blind from the light. Sorry you had to have your first experience with him too. Guessing R mustve done something annoying to N like R did to you and N flipped on him.

That is why you only trip with people you know and trust lol. Better off tripping alone than with someone you suspect cant be trusted. But hey, an experience learned is knowledge gained regardless.

Purges, thanks for sharing, I felt like I was there experiecing it all, just like when reading a book!

It's a pity that your first experience has been like that. But at the same time, what is done is done and the most important thing you could possibly do is to learn and to never repeat the same mistake, which you obviously did with great success! I'm glad for you. Choosing friends isn't easy and when we choose, we sometimes end up becoming alike. Changing throughout our lives... well, that is indeed hard to explain but it does happen regardless of your personality. Happened to me and still happening but hmm, I'm young (ok, I'm eighteen) and every day is a different day with amazingly different people.

"Be slow in choosing a friend, slower in changing."

All the best and remember to always choose wisely!