What have you done to help in the process of transforming yourself into the person you are today? What are some of the pitfalls you have run into? Most importantly, how has psychedelics influenced this process?
Living life and learning from the different experiences life has to offer for both the good and bad is primarily what has shaped me into the person who I am today. My family has had an influence on my philosophical and spiritual beliefs. Understanding the limitations these beliefs played in my decision making, then forming my own interpretation and constantly challenging these interpretations to help improve the decision making process.
Religion influenced my perception of who I was and created a lot of unhappiness which in turn led me further from myself. Having a huge family with different beliefs, I was given a distorted view as a child as I was given conflicting beliefs and I saw right through to what I felt was right in my heart even though there were those who tried to make me think otherwise. I carried on and followed the illusion that others wanted me to follow, as they thought they knew what was better for me than my own judgment, and intentionally deceiving them, I followed what I know now as my true self. Having a foundation with a distorted view on reality really caused much hardship as an adolescent/young adult trying to make the transition into adulthood and was leading me even closer to my true self even though it seemed like the whole world was against me on this at the time, and it was at this moment, when it dawned that it is all an illusion-everything is an illusion made up to further the agendas of those who want you under their control. Control be it through financially, socially, materialistically, spiritually, etc…. To this day I am battling it with all my might to keep myself free from the grasps as I feel that every turn in life there is a chain trying to tether me away from my true self. I am content with the thought that many things in this world are out of my control hence it is much easier to take things in stride. On the same note I do have control of many of the things that manifest in my life, quite the paradox actually, and all I have to do is to live life to the fullest at this moment, make the best possible decisions I feel are right by following my heart, and most importantly spread love/acceptance to everyone in my life.
Psychedelics have allowed me to see all this from a different perspective as I am normally too caught up with the daily hustle-n-bustle to take the time to open myself to self-reflection. My ego is so strong that I have a hard time keeping it in check, otherwise, like so many people I have and continue to encounter in my life I remained on autopilot. During integration periods while not under the influence I still seem to be more conscious of my actions and can break the cycle of being on autopilot and make some changes unlike before. Self-doubt is a killer as I have to constantly remind myself my intentions of the work I am doing. Trying not to beat myself of all my shortcomings and accepting people for who they are. The way I see life is we all are on our own path for a reason each relationship in our life is meant to teach us something about ourselves even that person you pass by on the street and meet eyes just for a second; our experiences in life are meant to teach us and if we are not open to the knowledge we find ourselves confused, out of place, and start to question why? Baby steps must be taken as trying to force things to happen is not the way to accomplish anything even if at times it seems you are taking two steps forward and one step back; as long as you keep going and don’t give up.