Namaste nexians!

Starting a week ago, I decided to try to meditate all day long, every day, on building my connection to God. One of the key components of this is to ask God's help every time I notice an ego-driven thought (which is about once per minute on average).

From this practice I have developed an intense serenity and a bliss which I can access at almost any moment simply by focusing on my love of God (which is hard to develop due to my lifelong atheism, but thanks to ayahuasca and changa, I am a believer now). My goal is to attain the nirbikalpa samadhi state without the use of substances, and I know it may take a long time. I have already been having a few short, non-visual psychedelic experiences without drugs in the last days.

Having said that, I still harbor notions that I can somehow use changa/ayahuasca/iboga as a shortcut to building my connection to God, since they have been so helpful in the past. Before I started the meditation a week ago, smoking a bit of changa was very effective and I could easily leave my body this way. After maybe 4-5 days of meditation, I tried smoking the same changa and I got almost no effect. I thought maybe I just needed to smoke more. So I smoked about a gram of it! That's way more than I've ever smoked in my life at one time (usually 200mg is enough to leave the body, divided into 3-10 doses). My lungs were crying for me to stop. And I still felt only mildly altered. So then I ate 1.5g of dried penis envy shrooms (which my friend who sent them said would be a strong dose)--this produced CEVs but not much really of interest, and when I meditated while on the shrooms, even the CEVs disappeared.

I repeated the experiment after a few days and still got not much effect from changa.

To be honest, I think this might be a result of self-hypnosis, as I was telling myself during one of my last aya trips that I don't want to have to take drugs in order to feel my connection to God anymore. Now I'm kind of sad that I did that self-hypnosis, because I do have this feeling that perhaps I am missing out on an opportunity to quicken my progress. The one thing I believe could still help in my transformation is a flood dose of iboga, but that will have to wait until I can find an appropriate sitter.

What I would really like is to find an enlightened guru that can shaktipat me, but I guess I will have to travel to the Himalayas to find that. On the other hand, I prefer Buddhism to any religion, just because I find that all(?) gurus have much larger egos than they care to admit (watch how they transmit dogma). But Buddhism doesn't offer shaktipat. Darn.

DMT will never get you to enlightenment. If anything it will hold you back from that course if you become dependent on it as a tool to accomplish this. In my mind DMT gives you a taste of higher consciousness, encouraging you to work towards that goal. I cannot see it ever possibly being a path to that place. Just a peek through the fence for a few minutes to see what all the excitement is about.

Yeah, I guess so. But I thought at least I could get some pointers from God on how to find him/her/it... since the only times I've ever had actual dialog with God were via ayahuasca. What do you think about an iboga flood? Basically just a waste of time since I've already got the glimpse that I needed?

I think you are bound to fail if you are looking for enlightenment outside of yourself. I think most Gurus would tell you that you are in fact what you are looking for; that is the ultimate realization.

I have done a ton of exploring in the drug area. I have found nothing that will lend permanent aid. DMT gives you a little perspective and thus does lend some aid but many deceive themselves into thinking this mindblowing experience is the way they have long since sought. Through desire they waste much time and loose a great deal of themselves, only to end up ranting on how DMT ruined them and finally walk away jaded.

It's not the chemicals fault, it's the fact that many put too much faith in this chemical. It's one brick on a giant pyramid. It's easy to do because the experience is so intense, it seems to have so much potential. And it's a great tool if used properly. But it's not magic, for me self introspection has yielded far better results. Time and experience is the best thing you will find for growth. Live life, you are a product of your experiences, the more you have to draw from the more lessons you learn the deeper you will be.

So, vovin, when you say you have gotten "Far better results" from introspection... does this mean you no longer use entheogens? Sorry, I've been away from the nexus for a while so if you've already discussed this here, I apologize for not having read it.

If indeed you have reached a higher level through introspection than entheogens can provide, I would enjoy hearing about your introspection technique. Although I do feel that I am finding my own path, I enjoy reading how others have reached the higher levels of consciousness, especially since I am just beginning with this.

I don't know what permanent enlightenment would even be, what it means.
I feel that the most we can do is to grow and that psychedelics are tools that can help us grow spiritually, but so many other things in life can also help us in this way. Love, education, travel, reading are all tools that can help us grow toward enlightenment depending on what we consider enlightenment to be.
I think DMT aids me greatly in my inner spiritual development, so therefore DMT enlightens me to greater appreciation of self and everything around me.

I don't know what the term "god" really means either. I avoid spending time trying to over analyze such terms as god and enlightenment, and would rather spend more time thinking about how to put myself in states of mind that make me feel positive and as appreciative of every moment in life and to reach the most positive interactions with others in life as much as possible. For me, thats the "goal." In my self analysis, I always fall far short of my goals but I just keep trying harder to apply what I've learned. Its the human condition, we will never reach perfection but as long as we are alive it is ours to attempt.

Have you looked into self enquiry? You should read some Ramana Maharsi or check Youtube for Mooji videos

I got back into it to perform a few experiments and study the value of changa. I don't just do DMT, I have a project where DMT plays a role. I don't believe in sitting on the couch and 'trippin'.

Just like a tool I use it when I need it or think it's of value to a experiment. It's not recreational to me in any way. My meager 150 ish journeys have been done over a period of about 8 years. When I do use it I make it part of something but since I began I don't just take of the spice alone.

Being spiritual but a devout atheist I have never desired to use it to seek god. As far as introspection technique. Lie in bed look back on your life. Look at your views and how you see the world. Tear it all apart and try to rebuild following one rule. Truth, in all it's forms no matter how ugly it is and I promise if you look at yourself as you truly are it's not going to be a pleasant thing. DMT does help me with this as it does make me more objectionable. For me it only took about 25 years of doing this nightly before I felt that I had grown significantly. Another 30 years and I'll be there.

@alert: I have looked into self-enquiry... my whole life of course has been self-enquiry, but lately in more depth. Mooji is cool, I like him and especially his "Answers" page. I guess the point is that it takes years of self-enquiry to attain the state that he has (clearly, it took him years, and he was also very lucky to have some incredible gurus, from reading his biography)... but then again, I guess it's not easy to be sure exactly what state he or anyone has attained...

thanks for the wise words vovin

These are more or less ego driven thoughts. "You" can't reach enlightenment because "you" or "me" is what the ego (which doesn't exist apart from thought patterns) is referring to as Self.

"You" is a phenomena already happening within "enlightenment". Everything that you see, think, feel, remember or fantasize about is a direct evidence of awareness. Otherwise it would not be. There would not be THIS EXPERIENCE RIGHT NOW if there wouldn't be awareness of it. No matter the experience. The apparent ego, memories, seeking, pain, pleasure, they all appear as they do because you're aware of it (it's not really you but I like using common language).

I would say try and realize this but there's no one to realize this. Awareness is not anyone.

If there is someone who "realizes awareness" then who is it that is aware of this someone who has realized something?

And seeking implies time doesn't it? But when exactly are you in the future or in the past? "I've reached some future point in time" is a thought that is presently occuring. All the memories you can think of are happening always "now" as well. You see the past, present and the future (time concepts) always directly "here" and "now". By saying here and now I'm not referring to time and space because time and space are mere evidence of awareness and awareness/seeing/experiencing isn't contained anywhere. And it's not really "me" who is deciding to spread these ideas. These ideas and thoughts are just an occurence.

You see this text and you probably have opinions about it. And there's an awareness of you seeing this text having "your" opinions about it.

That is just another mind construct that is taken seriously.

You're aware of time no? Time doesn't affect the seeing of it. Seeing is what's always here, it doesn't have anything to do with time.

And all spiritual experiences come and go. They will not stay. Where do they occur though?

Mystical State: you sound like Mooji. I have heard all this a million times but somehow it is not helping me discover the Self.

NO GURUS. Don't even think like that, it's giving someone else your Power. Stop trying to find shortcuts to enlightenment....doesn't work like that. =)

tobecomeone00: maybe it doesn't work like that for everyone, but it certainly does seem to work like that for probably the majority of enlightened masters... unless you have some evidence to the contrary?

I share your skepticism though, in a way, because it's like, even if you attain the highest mystical states with the help of your guru, well, how do you know if YOU really attained it or if it is all your guru's doing? But then again I know next to nothing, so I could be completely wrong about that.

You are seeking a guru outside of yourself, to help you develop a relationship with a god that is also outside yourself. If you want to get to the core of the matter, try losing the self/other duality.

And what's the goal? Do you need to be able to look in the mirror and say, "congrats, you are fully, permanently enlightened!" because that makes about as much sense as a bodybuilder looking in the mirror and congratulating himself on being permanently fit. In either case, work is ongoing, for life.

And tripping is fun, why give it up if it's a positive experience?

Tripping isn't fun anymore. It was never about fun for me tho... That was a side effect. If you trip just for fun then you have another thing coming...

IMO, some interesting (and some bizarre) stuff here.

1) I would hope, if you "prefer Buddhism" as you say, you would reduce references to "god." There is no "god" in the Buddhist system--at least not with the same meaning as it has in western language.

2) I think you are mis-using the word "ego" as well. IMO it's best thought of as simply the engine of ordinary consciousness, so ANY thought you would have would have arisen from "ego." Ego is not something to hate, IMO. The proper thing is to recognize that "ego" is only ONE WAY to manifest consciousness, and that there are others--which might be better, or more accurate, or more revealing.

3) IMO too much "spiritual ambition," or naming of particular states and plans for achieving them, etc., ends up producing exactly the opposite effect (and sending you in the opposite direction) of what you want. IMO one is best to practice with "wise ardor" and not "aggressive ambition." Even so, I respect the condition of feeling that one is "on to something" and needs to press strongly to continue. Best of luck with this exercise!

4) Should you be upset that you "can't get high," or should you be pleased that perhaps you're seeing some evidence of your goal of reaching "enlightenment" from otherwise "normal" states of consciousness? I'm not sure why you're worried. I think you should just takes things easy, and take them as they come. You should have confidence that if you have a healthy and positive motivation, you will probably have healthy and positive outcomes.

I agree!