Hi There

So I’m a little anxious about posting this and am not sure how to word the following trip report / questions, so I’ll just dive right in.

The last time I vaped DMT I had possibly the most frightening experience of my life (my psy life and my real life)
I broke through into this underground cavern or crypt, the walls were damp, and the atmosphere was musty. I could feel things crawling on my feet, and smell the heaviness in the air. I saw at the end of this long hallway a doorway lit by candlelight. I got closer, and once I was standing in the doorway I could see the room was pretty large, but was completely kaleidoscopic, the walls churned and moved in rhythmic motions, spreading different colours and lights over the entire surface of the room, the floor was even moving.
What caught my eye was not the room itself, but this large grotesque demonic figure standing at an altar type thing. It was huge much bigger than me, but it’s presence was even larger I could feel how enormously powerful it was, hunched over an altar it looked as though it was straining not to smash through the roof.

I moved closer even though every molecule of my being screamed TURN AROUND NOW AND RUN!
It was writing in a book, like a ledger. It had this long quill like pen and it was scribbling what looked like names. I remember trying to see the book in more detail, and suddenly I was really close the beast. I saw my name (it was actually just symbols I think, but still it referred to me) and freaked out. I think I asked or maybe thought “What the hell are you doing?” and the beast replied quite simply, “You have sold your soul, and I am putting your name in the book” This is when I really panicked the whole room spun faster, and the doorway disappeared. I was really freaking out and all that kept going through my mind was that my soul belonged to dark evil forces. I couldn’t get out of the room and it swirled faster and faster, I think I blacked out for a bit, but when I opened my eyes I was eventually starting to come back, I was sweating and sort of lying half on my couch and half on the floor in a heap. All that was racing though my mind was that I had sold my soul. I could still hear whispers and they kept saying things like I sold my soul when I first did DMT and now it was final. After what seemed like ages the whispers stopped and I lay on my couch breathing pretty heavily, and shaking.

Now obviously I am pretty freaked out and scared to go back. But I’ve been thinking a lot about this and my fear now extends to all psys. I mean I know in reality my soul hasn’t been sold to the darker forces out there, but what do you think this means for me? Am I using too many psys? – personally I really don’t think so – a few trips a year and changa smoked maybe once every 2-3weeks, with a bit of pure spice vaped maybe once a month/2 months.

Has anyone else ever had a similar experience? I really don’t know what to think about the whole thing. I’ve never felt so “in trouble” before, even in real life, I mean at some points during the trip it really felt like I may be soulless.

Anyway yeah I was a bit apprehensive to post this for obvious reasons, but I can’t keep this sort of thing to myself as I am a bit of a anxious person and stuff like this weighs very heavily on my mind – to the point that I have not been sleeping very well since. I keep playing the experience over in my head trying to find some answers – and of course in true DMT fashion am presented with yet more questions.

I have been pretty depressed since.

I have a lot of faith in the people of the Nexus and hope someone can help me make sense of this.

I sure as hell can’t!

Peace
PW

join the club, rainboweyes
iv had 7 or so of these experiences - they all start in the same way.
i posted em here too.
try not to think too much about it - antrocles said its like dialing a number - and getting the number wrong - put the fone down and try again(right after is best he said)
when it happened to me for the first time, it shook me up totally,
eyes open - i was able to walk around my house on a breakthru dose - felling as if i wasnt tripping, but my whole world had been replaced by another very simmilar but somehow sinister one.
eyes closed i was in a metal container 20m underground with 2 entities that were like blind agro dogs - they were moving around oddly and i was narrowly dodging em - avoiding their senses as if they perceived me - i would surely be attacked.
even aegle had been replaced by a hoax double - fully equiped with dbz style hair(everything was like plastic wrap over cgi manga )

Sounds like a really intense experience, I'm sure with a bit of time you'll come to make sense of it.

if i was the patron of a blissfully awesome realm to which souls could enter at some point in there existence, a place to which beings could secure an early place by engaging in some kind of hyperdimensuional interaction, i would have a big bad ass dude on the door.

If you turned up at this place and you were not worthy of entry my big bad ass door man would say, in classic bouncer style....

IF YOUR NAMES NOT DOWN, YOUR NOT COMING IN

maybe its good that your on the list.

I used to take photos in raves, i would have to leave my friends and walk up to the massive scary looking bouncers on the doors, they would have in there hands a ledger full of names, they would check the list and when they saw my name was on it and they would let me in. I would be allowed to bypass the poor suffering people queing in the rain and the cold and enter a place of ecstatic brilliance, bight colourfull lights and love.

Maybe you have secured your place to somewhere awesome.

Thanks for the replies so far!

3rdI: That's a pretty awesome way of looking at it. Although the beast was pretty evil feeling. I also had tremendous anxiety and just a general feeling of "this is not good, you're screwed"

I'm still pretty shaken, but your reply has made me feel a lot better about the experience.

trust me, trying to get into Slammin Vinyl with a sock full of goodies and a bouncer with a high visability jacket covered in a fellow ravers blood was always full of anxiety and the bouncers there were pure, unadulterated evil .

I think time is whats needed, as you clearly know Spice will blow you clean out of the water. I had a crazy one at the beginning of the year that took me a month to stop being spooked by, the next time i dived back in i was greeted by a lovely entity who said to me...

"see, its not always like last time, now enjoy"

best of luck on your integration and remember, the list is equally likely to be a good one.

Hardcore, I hope you're alright.

Yeesh I can only imagine how scary that was, straight freebase can be incredibly wild, just plonks you anywhere - which is why I very rarely, if ever journey without harmalas these days. But you know that, I said it in chat

Sounds like a break and some serious integration is in order to me, healthy living and some reflection. Don't worry, you still have a soul! That entity may have felt powerful in his domain, but you are no longer there. If you feel some damage has been done, try to figure out what, and make steps to rectify it.

And as you know there's always some one in chat should you need an understanding ear. Heck, I'm in there half the time!

Take it easy bro

In situations like this, I think it's an entity trying to play tricks on you. It likely isn't even evil, but just like a bad dream it manifests itself as something that really freaks you out, probably just for it's own amusement.

Not all entities from hyperspace are out for your personal growth and spiritual fulfillment. I myself have encountered an entity that was trying to convince me I was unworthy of the hyperspace realm. Before I could breakthrough on this particular trip, I had a barrage of intense feelings of isolation and guilt for using psychedelics and my ego was screaming at me that I was dying. When I finally did break through, I saw plain as day a little elf boy whispering all those things about me being unworthy into my mind. When I caught this sucker doing it, I could immeadiately tell that he had been caught in the act of doing something mischievous and disappeared from my sight.

Case in point, I believe we have all the power. We only lose our power if an entity can make us believe that we are powerless, but that's an illusion anyways. In Castanada's books a line that Don Juan says is 'a luminous being only values personal power', and I think that's probably true. Even from a human perspective, it's far easier to play tricks and 'bully' (so to speak) the more gullible and defenseless among us. However if someone stands up for themselves they are likely not to be bullied anymore since, as a general rule, those that bully like to seek out easy targets.

I'll close with one last experience I've had with the illusion of dark entities. I was haunted for a good many years by a recurring 'dark force' in my life. From a 3D perspective, it manifested itself as an intense hatred and revilement for... well everything. After my psychedelic experimentation, I started to understand that I bought into this dark view of the world on false pretenses, meaning I was just looking at my life all wrong. Still though, after having an enlightening experience where life started to make sense, this dark presence would still creep up sometimes. I used to have dreams about 'him', as he would manifest himself in my nightmares as looking like myself but dressed in all black and with murderous intentions. This shit really used to scare me and I thought that maybe I was just destined to be an evil person. But that was exactly what this 'thought form' wanted me to think! It wanted to convince me that I was evil so that way I would do evil! As soon as I understood this revelation, this dark presence lost ALL of it's power. It's been about 2 years since I've been entirely free from this presence, and as a sort of closure to this whole ordeal, I had one last dream involving this darkness. In the dream I was just lying in my bed with this dark being over me, glaring at me with evil eyes and trying to break my spirit. However, having learned so much via psychedelics and my own spiritual walk, I just calmly, very calmly, stared back at this dark creature and affirmed myself as being just fine the way I was. Amazingly, this dark being which had always appeared in my dreams as a dark menace, metamorphed into a comical, cartoonish evil scientist type of entity with big round goggles and firey red hair. Seeing it like this, I was overjoyed at how humorous the thing I was so afraid of was, and having its camoflagued removed it disappeared and I've never had a problem with it since.

Just remember: You have the power, they do not unless they can trick you into giving up your personal power.

thanks again for the replies everyone.

Purges: yeah I'm done with psys for a bit, well at least until I've managed some integration. I'm also starting yoga tomorrow so that should help me focus on some inner healing.

Tek: Thanks man! Yeah It makes sense that it wanted to trick me into believing it had my soul. It did strike me as pretty menacing though, and not the joker/imp type. Kind of like a higher order of Entity. I've once had an encounter with an entity that called himself God and after I saw through a few of his lies I called him on it and he disappeared in a puff of smoke. It was weird because during our encounter I could see 2 sides to him, one as God, and the other as a devious sorcerer, the 2nd side of him was obscured by a cloak and was almost inhabiting the same space as him, but not (DMT does funny things to your vision )
I've gone over the experience repeatedly and I keep thinking what if I had said "So what?" instead of panicking. I guess I'll never know...

Peace
PW

Understatement of the century

And if that does ever happen again, I would recommend you try that very thing. At that point, what could possibly happen? We know that no one ever dies from a DMT experience, so hell call the damn thing out on it's bluff. I'd be like 'Well, that's what you say, but I have YOUR soul so now what?'.

And that's not to recommend specifically seeking out dark entities for a challenge or something, I would never even think about doing that! However, it's a bit of a jungle 'in there' and you never know what you might find along the way. Best to always keep your wits about you.

On another note, if you've ever done a decent study of the ancient fairy folk of the celtic peasentry, these beings would work pretty dilligently to trick humans into making an agreement with them. For instance in one story a drunken Irishman was walking home and was going on about wanting another drink. Soon, a small leprachaun showed up and offered him a drink of whiskey, to which the Irishman was very thankful. Before he could leave though, the diminuitive being demanded payment for his drink. When the man couldn't pay, the being forced him to be his slave for seven years.

I tell that story for perspective, it seems to me to be the way that hyperspace beings (at least a certain variety) tend to operate. To them, it's all fun and games to trick us and do things that, from our perspective, is quite evil. However, and I think it was Terence where I heard this from, that the old Fae folk, if they were bested in an intellectual challenge like the one I describe above, the beings would instantly become friendly towards the human, as if a game was played and they at least operate by rules of winning/losing a game. If they lose a game of wits, legend has it that they would hold the man (or woman) in high respect and regard in their fairy kingdoms (which could be the realm we know of as hyperspace).

All food for thought friend, don't take anything I say to seriously. I like to offer perspective whenever I'm able.

This really freaks me out... I've had feelings sometimes that DMT could be somehow connected with "demonic hostile forces" ... and should not be used.

The truth as I have found it is as follows: For order to remain in the universe ... cosmic opposites such as light and dark... truth and untruth... Chaos and perfection... must sort of "comprimise" with each other. We humans are an expression of this cosmic-duality in action.

God and "the devil" are actually on the same side.. for without one the other could not exist. Forgive yourself for all your shenanigans and try the best you can and you'll be fine.

----

It could be possible that most (if not all) of the beings we encounter- and our interactions with them- are metaphorical constructs. By entering hyperspace you have left normalcy behind forever... That's a good thing, it's what we seek when we try the spice... But you can't un-take the red pill. With greater knowledge comes greater responsibility. The demon could represent an aspect of yourself that is reluctant to take that responsibility...? I know this might sound like Dream Psychology 101 but I believe strongly in the power of metaphor- we live lives that are thick with symbolism.

PrimalWisdom, you mention that it said you sold your soul.. Have you done such a thing, maybe in your earlier years? I know it sounds kinda silly to ask but If so it could be guilt in your conscience. I believe a lot of the negative dmt experiences are manifestations of your guilt burried deep down and lingering. Dmt is very very good at bringing out the demons burried deep down inside, whatever they may be. Spice will make you confront your fears and guilts especially if your afraid of the guilt itself.

C_S