Hello there,
normally I don’t publish anything in forums but after my trip some friends of mine who are members asked me to share my experiences with you so here I go:
The day started kind of shitty so I took care of some stuff first and then did what I always do in these situations – I got high on the vaporizer and went jogging for 10 miles. I had the opportunity to take the trip for quite a while but didn’t do it because I thought my mind wasn’t set for a psychedelic trip like that yet…but this day was different – kind of a “today’s the day let’s do this”-feeling.
After I came back home and took a shower I prepared everything for the trip – I took my 15 bucks vaporizer-glasspipe and loaded it up. Unfortunately I don’t own a precise scale so I had to go straight to eyeballing – problem was that I took my measurements from a friend of a friend who was experienced – I didn’t know that. I thought that it was his 2nd or 3rd trip. So instead of 10 mg i did sth. more like 35+ according to my buddy after I told him what happened but fuck it – it was the most incredible thing that I’ve ever witnessed in my life so don’t even start that eyeball-discussion on me
I set up my mini-planetarium-projector which projects a night sky on the wall&ceiling and played a nice track.
The first hit didn’t go that well – 2nd hit however was perfect. After thinking that I fucked up the first one I kept the torch on the vaporizer-plug and took a longer deeper and faster hit. The taste was a thousand times more intense and a big fat cloud appeared in front of me after I exhaled.
The effects started out immediately. I moved over to my pillows and started to focus on the night sky projection. I remember noticing the intensity of the trip but still had that “sit back relax and enjoy the show”-thought that I had all day in mind. All of a sudden the night sky took a 180° spin counterclockwise in one motion and then moved back to center position but not in one flow but in many small sets. Then the same thing clockwise. This is where my brain started to react – I was like “This just feels like…” & “That just feels like the time that I…” and so on. The speed of the night sky spinning first to the left then to the right matched the speed of my thoughts. But then it became faster. With increasing speed of the spins more and more thoughts bombed my brain and I started to panic. It started out slow but got worse as the night sky didn’t change directions anymore and became a big bright tunnel of light. And then, as I reached my max panic-level I felt a voice in my body saying “Let go!” And I did! I leaned back against my pillows and exhaled in total relaxation. I’m almost sure I even was smiling. I say almost sure because form this point on I was no longer in my body.
As I closed my eyes I immediately saw a big explosion of billion green dust-particles just in front of me. It didn’t look like dust – more like pixels but so small and so sharp and they were so clear that there’s no way to create them even with dope-ass-cgi! After a few seconds the neon-green particle-chaos started to move – they came up from the middle built a ring and went down on it’s edges. Then the whole thing transformed from a circle to a woman’s face. She looked like an earth-goddess or shiva or something. Everything else was black. There was nothing except me & her. But me is not me – I don’t know what I was simply because every memory I had was gone. What’s strange about that is although every reference between my life as a human being and this stage was gone, I felt like I’ve been here a thousand times – in fact I felt more home and safe than anywhere ever in my life. I was not afraid of anything. The panic from a second ago was gone. The meaning of panic was gone. Even as the woman’s mouth started to open and I slowly moved towards her I felt so safe and comfort that I was convinced that this is my home and nothing could ever happen to me.
Unfortunately I can’t remember what happened after that – I’m still asking myself if I blacked out - I don’t remember anything until I’m in front of a big rock. As I looked all the way up I realized that this was no ordinary rock but on top of it, it had a face. Again I can’t describe it any better as an earth-goddess or shiva - it looked just like the shiva-tattoo on Joe Rogan’s arm
http://2.bp.blogspot.com...Joe-Rogan%27s+Tattoo.jpg except for the third eye in the middle and the fact that it wasn’t just one face but three – one in the middle surrounded by two faces left & right in a 90° angle. I was standing a little oblique so I could see the middle and the right face but only the nose & mouth of the left one. As I looked down I saw the tiny green particles forming a path up to the statue. Everything else was black. Looking back up I saw green particles coming down the top of the head looking like a waterfall, but also like plants that became the hair of the statue. This was the only moment in which I remember some sound. It was the sound of the water – it was dull but loud and sounded like it was close but also far away and it gave me the feeling that this is the only sound ever and no other sound ever existed but this. I was still not human at this stage. I don’t know what I was but it felt like I was a small light bulb or maybe even a small particle myself.
At this point I opened my eyes again – asking myself afterwards why I didn’t close them again I came to the point that nothing that happened after the “Let go” was controlled by me. So I opened my eyes because something made me do it and I couldn’t close them again because of the same thing. To sum it up: it felt like I was guided the whole time. Even as I looked down the path and then back up I didn’t control it.
As I came back to “reality” I felt totally confused – it felt like I was a million lightyears away from this existence. It took some seconds to remember that I’m human and on planet earth. The spinning light-circle was gone but the night sky was back and danced with me and the music. I wasn’t able to think of what I just saw because I was too distracted staring at the night sky. It felt like those star-projections were no stars and no projections and no gods and no light but all in one and it’s watching me but not like watching me not doing something stupid but watching me because they love me and they protect me. Somehow it felt like they were the one’s guiding me. This is where I started to take over my mind again. The night sky was still in motion but came down to vibrating and not spinning and dancing anymore. All I felt at this moment was happiness. Suddenly I KNEW I’m safe. I KNEW mother earth or something loves me and protects me because I’m part of it’s creation. And what just happened was such a big honor that I had this overwhelming feeling of humbleness and thankfulness as if someone saved my life. I felt like me, a little nothing - a human worm - a simple particle was selected to receive this great experience.
Although I’m experienced with psychedelics and the aftereffects – this was something else! It was like I was able to think more clearly than ever - I started asking myself if it’s really possible that the world kept spinning around the last 5min and everything went it’s normal way or the whole world just stood still for some moments because I connected to the creator. After laying there for half an hour thinking what you probably all thought at this point (What the fuck was that?!?!) I started wandering around my apartment. As I turned on my PC I thought “What the fuck am I doing here”, as I turned on the TV I thought “This is wrong – Why am I doing this and why am I here? I’m not supposed to do this!!!” Just like you planted trees for a million years, then forgot everything about it and now you suddenly are about to cut one. The feeling however decreased after some hours and the next day it was gone.
What’s left is the conviction that something in me changed. Main reason was that really strong feeling of…well guess you have to call it enlightenment?! Like I KNOW there’s more now. It’s not that it made me pay less attention about my life here but it gave me a certain easiness towards problems – things that bothered me (and this happens very often and very fast) are not that bad anymore. My opinion about life and death certainly changed. After some days I realized that my conviction that I KNOW things 100% now has decreased – I’m more at the level that I don’t know where or what I was and why I felt the things I felt (esp. the feeling that I was there before) – but it’s still enough to help me keeping up that positive attitude that I received from this incredible experience.
So this was my first trip and my first breakthrough at the same time, hope u all enjoyed reading it.