motiv311 wrote:Im quite certain that most shamans would put "amphetamine" (if they could get it in nature) in their brews of aya...... Hell they put tons of nicotine and other shit....
Yes for me adderall is both godsend and a horrible cross to bear..... I really just am a lazy depressed sack of shit without it for the most part.... but with it, I'm not always on the same wavelength as those close to me... if that makes sense.
I have a plan to quit by my 30th birthday ... about five years.
Using a mixture drug holidays, yoga, running, meditation and supplementation - - Ive found my adderall lifestyle managable. Time off is the best thing... and one day with enough personal training ... No need for speed
Have you tried regular exercise, going for a morning / evening walk?
These are important, but even more so is watching your own thoughts.
Two interesting books on the subject are
Feeling Good, which I've read entirely (it helped a lot back then) and
The Mindful Way Through Depression, which I'm reading now - so far it's good, has a lot of common ground with Feeling Good.
I've struggled with depression on and off for many years. While I never abused it for more than 2 weeks in a row, cannabis helped by taking my mind off the bad feelings. Other times it didn't, because it made me overanalyze whatever was bothering me, and in the end when I couldn't figure it out, it usually only made me feel worse.
I always knew that depending on ANY substance to feel good would be a major mistake though, and accordingly delayed my first MDMA experience until many years later: it was an amazing experience, I finally remembered how it felt to be happy again and was very thankful for it, and by then I was already in a mindset where I was absolutely sure I wouldn't abuse it for the purpose of feeling happy - and didn't.
What really changed, in retrospect, is that now I accept that there are times when I'll be sad, other times I'll be happy and some other times it'll be sort of neutral. The thing with depression is that you really believe "this" is going to last forever, that it'll always be like this. It's a horrible distortion.
Anyway - I saw some stuff that needed to change and tried to do so. Some I managed, some are still in progress, but I don't beat myself up about it anymore.
The whole subject of course ties in perfectly with psychedelics and being in the moment, meditation, mindfulness, etc.
These days I don't think much about past mistakes or worry a lot about future challenges. There's nothing I can do *right now* about it. Sometimes I still catch myself going rambo about predicting the future and trying to anticipate everything, but these days usually catch myself and gently return to the moment. Not always, but the frequency has been increasing
Basically in retrospect I've been learning how to make myself happy.
It's a long long journey, if you're going through the same, don't be discouraged.
Just thought I'd share, I hope you find something of value in this.
This is the time to really find out who you are and enjoy every moment you have. Take advantage of it.