I'm hoping someone can help me make sense of this feeling.

Last night I tried DMT for my first time.. There had been many situations before where it had been offered but something inside of me urged me not to do it. Those same thoughts still lived in the back of my mind last night.. not for reasons of being afraid but like I knew what would happen to my soul. Well, it happened.

Let me give you some background on myself that may explain why I was hesitant to try it. My connection with my dream state is very strong. I remember almost every dream I have and can wake up and return to them, altering them as I want. I am also very intuitive, able to feel things coming and predict them. There are very few times when these 'feelings' have been wrong. I am also a very empathic person and recently have met who I believe to be my soul mate. Our ability to communicate telepathically is outstanding and he is the only reason that I felt okay to take DMT in the first place. Like for some reason it had never worked out to take it before, because I hadn't found him yet. We've only refound each other about a month ago but I know I've known him for hundreds and thousands of years. Anyways..

I know that my dosage wasn't large at all, a normal 10-12mg (out of a pipe). Unlike the people around me who told me how visually appealing it was, I saw nothing unexpected at all. For me, it was a pure soul and mind trip. I could feel myself leave my body and I'm pretty sure I might have been dead within that time. As I closed the eyes of the body that held my soul, I felt free. Like I was swimming rapidly to return "home", my soul flowing and fluttering like a butterfly. Pure and total bliss that I had been released from the world that I had been stuck in. I DIDN'T WANT TO COME BACK. I know my dose was low because there would be points where I would fade back to reality, completely unentertained by it.. then I'd take another hit and feel my soul return to the heavens. I knew that I was everywhere and no where at all, everything and no-thing at all. I was free, I was in tune with my self, but most importantly I had returned to the force of energy that I knew had created me. I recall the people around me being scared as my body pulsated and swayed side to side, like my soul was trying so hard to leave. I remember their fear taking over as my body shut down, finally freeing my soul from the body it had been kept in. It was like someone had turned my battery off and I was so happy and thankful to be free. There were no visuals for me, just a journey home and a feeling of completeness but emptiness all at once.

I think the most important part to explain about this "trip" is the return journey. I wanted nothing more but to stay in that infinite space but the love I have for my soul mate was pulling my back, like I couldn't possibly journey home without him. Slowly I began to return to my body, completely unfamiliar with who I was or the basic functions of a body. I recognized those around me but had no idea who I was, well actually I had every idea of who I was it just didn't seem to fit within this world. I tried to not let the concern show on my face but it was impossible to hide my dissatisfaction with the world around me. In those moments I was sad to be alive, or at least this form of alive. My body was ice cold, like my heart had stopped and my blood had stopped moving, my throat felt old and crusted like I hadn't taken a breath the entire time (and I'm pretty sure I hadn't). My friends had described my as "lifeless" during my trip but I assured them I had never been more alive before. They could feel my unhappiness and the more I tried to hide it, the sadder I felt. I began to burst out in tears, nondramatic and soundless, but tears pouring from my eyes. I wanted nothing more than to not be on earth. I don't think it was depression or even a feeling of wanting to be dead, but a feeling of wanting to be alive and return home. The minute I locked eyes with my soulmate though I could feel parts of me returning. It took about 20 minutes for me to remember how to walk and use my hands, talking didn't come for another 30 minutes or so. I knew how well he could feel me, our thoughts are so connected. I knew he knew how much I didn't want to be here. I was afraid that I'd forever feel like that.. like I had been told a secret of the universe but not allowed to repeat it, or feel it again. Last night was hard, I tried to piece myself together but the passion I once had for things had left me entirely. I am a little better today though.

Has anyone ever felt this way after taking DMT? I'd like to make clear that in no way did I have a bad trip. There was nothing sad about it, only on my return did I feel those emotions, and I couldn't at the time even recognize what an emotion was. It was just this unsettling feeling inside like I knew far too much. I can recall every second of the trip, just like I can recall all of my dreams. There was so much control too but at the same time, none at all. I just want someone to help me make sense of this.. please.

I think too, what scares me the most is that through research I have done today.. people with similiar trips have expressed mow much they didn't want to die, how much they wanted to return to earth. It scares me because all I wanted to do was leave. I had to force myself to return, and only because of him, had he not existed I don't think I would've come back. Is it normal to feel that way.. not wanting to live on earth anymore?

Hey lexxlou-
Welcome to the DMT-Nexus!

I just want to say that it might not be healthy using DMT for escapism.

Keeping this short and sweet, might I suggest asking and working with the DMT trance to figure out what it is about hyperspace you love so much, and how you can adopt these aspects of the hyperspatial life into your regular waking life in every moment.

^This is one of the goals and challenges of the psychonaut. It is not easy work, but it can be done. Be well.

Thank you! I will further look into that, and I agree with you fully. I don't think it is something I should take again until I am ready to accept this reality again. Actually, I'm not sure if I should ever take it again due to the fact of how bad I want to return to that place. I am curious though, from an outside perspective, is that what you think I had done? Used it for escapism? I ask because I am not sure myself, not because I disagree.

I know you are right though about expanding on why I loved it so much.. I think it was because of how right it felt. I felt as if I was being punished when I returned, like Earth is somewhere I was forced to, for making a wrong decision in a past life. I'm not really sure about what I think. I think that is why I need help making sense of all this.

Do you have any suggestions on people or places of research?

Thank you for the thoughts you have planted inside me.

Since DMT is such an intense experience it is pretty normal to come back with emotional thoughts but you have to remember that you are in control of this. Earth isn't somewhere you are forced to be, per se, I mean we were all born here and have no idea what is going on- the mystery is the fun part if you ask me. Also, you have absolutely no evidence of any past life or any wrong decision therefore I See no reason to even think about this. What matters is right now. You are alive. How can you move forward into a state of being where you are content with being? The spice can help you figure this out- I have seen it happen to many people although not everyone.

It is a catalyst, it is always up to you.

What I do personally is I try not to believe anything. I know this isnt exactly possible because I know, for example, that I love cannabis. But- DMT makes me think a lot of crazy things and I have personally lost it in the past overthinking and trying to figure out things that just aren't possible yet. That's why now when my mind starts wandering I just let it and laugh and don't take it too seriously.

Hope this helps a little bit. I'm not sure where to refer or who to refer you to- you are on the Nexus, this is probably the best place on the internet/world to discuss these things IMO.

The more I sit and ponder on these feelings, I come to wonder if my state of sadness was because I wasn't able to fully break through? Like I had tortured myself with just a taste of euphoria. Would you say it to be a "bad idea" to try to get to that break through anytime soon? I know I was on the cusp of it, but felt myself scared that had I entirely broke through, I may not return.

Is it possible to not return? I think that's what I'm most curious about. My friends were very urging in the fact that I was not breathing. They are all very spiritual people too, they knew something was off.. not wrong, but off. I know they say that you only feel like you haven't been breathing, but is it possible to truly have left? I know that I have a strong spirit and that this year too it will only get stronger as we go through a year of transition.

Perhaps I need to meditate next time before taking it. Or perhaps these are questions that should be asked when I do reach that break through. I'm just worried that I will find it all too fitting to be there. I am happy to feel my soul returning to me though more and more as time passes by. Might I also add that the night before this I had the most excellent mushroom trip with my close friends, caught in a space of a milisecond and forever, it left me peaceful and happy. Do you think I was urging on those ideas from the night before? or do you think it had some effect on my DMT trip?

Doesn't sound like a bad idea at all. I think hyperspace should be explored thoroughly in conjunction with meditation. One time is not enough. It takes many exposures to it to really get a feel for what it's capable of and to remember it well and bring back those memories.

It's possible to FEEL like you will never return. This is very common. Know in a little place in the back of your mind, however, that no matter how gnarly the experience may be, you will return once again to our strange star-shaped human form. Works like a charm ;]

Perhaps you need to meditate? You absolutely must IMHO. Click the link in my signature for some tips on this below this post.
You can ask hyperspace questions...sometimes you get answers...but for the most part it's only more questions. Remember to take the "answers" with a grain of salt.

I think you might be overthinking things...which is perfectly natural for someone who just started using DMT

I did read that diagram and it brought me some relief! I think I will meditate on my thoughts more next time and do it in a less active environment (two of my friends were practicing jijitsu around me) and their energy forces were tying my to this reality, it was quite irritating.

And yes, I most likely am overthinking things.. I do in most cases. But I truly appreciate your words and will spend some time meditating on them. Hopefully my next experience provides that break through I am looking for. Do you suggest to maybe up my dosage?

It's a relief to know that I will return, I think that's what scared me so much.. how ready I was not to return. I feared death to an extent before this, and now I look forward to it. Not impatiently or forcefully, but I am ready to accept it when it happens

I would definitely suggest a higher dose. Alone, or with someone who understands the quiet respect of hyperspatial trance.

I will try a higher dosage, how much more do you think? I believe I took at 10mg.. and do you suggest smoking it as the best method?

Yes, i think I will try it in a much more relaxed environment.. Thank you again, you have helped me collect from this to not go in with any expectations and let hyperspace control me.. not try to control it.

Going with the flow is critical. You can submit or you can interact with it. You'll see what I mean. There is that beautiful moment when you let go and become it, and it changes.

Try 20mg. Then 30. Then 40. Then 50. Eventually you won't need to weigh it. Some people just pack pipes and chief them until hyperspace has completely overrided their reality and they put down the pipe. To be honest- my favorite trips have been the ones where I thought OH **** and thought I took too much. Just unbelievable... Anyway that's possibly bad advice for a newcomer but I figured I'd mention it. Also sometimes dose doesn't even matter- 25mg will act like 50 and 50 will act like 20 etc. Experiment!

P.S. Everyone has their own way of vaporizing or smoking this stuff. Everything from the glass vapor genie, to the machine, to a glass spoon pipe, or a bong, or a joint. There's no need to get fancy IMO. A small cheap bong with some cannabis, caapi leaf or mullein laid down with some spice on top melted with the flame above gently sucking it and then smoking it when it's melted holding your hits in and clearing the bowl..........Can't go wrong..............Find what you like best.

I know this may sound irresponsible but the feeling I'm getting from your words along with my own experiences with DMT suggests to me that you may need to go all the way with this. By "all the way" I mean a complete breakthrough experience.
You will come back!
It sounds like your holding on to too much and are afraid to let it all go. Let yourself fly free. The emotional release that can come from this is simply amazing and can recharge your "soul" with renewed life. Its why I love DMT soo much!

Sometimes I think that the whole reason DMT is here is to allow us this reconnection with the infinite without leaving this world for good.

That is the same thought I am getting at, I think I hadn't done enough research on it and now knowing what to expect can embrace it more. Like i said, the only thing I fear though is not coming back which seems so odd to fear when ultimately I don't want to come back. So i think I need to spend more time freeing myself from those thoughts first. And your reassurance that I will return gives me some peace of mind knowing that I can't stay there.

I don't mean to sound pretentious by any means but I feel like DMT can be dangerous for me though too, strictly because if the strong portal I already have with that part of my mind. My biggest fear is that it will disconnect me from that ability, but the more you guys explain it seems like it will only help grow that.

If you want my 2 cents I think you should tread wisely and not take DMT anymore or until you've sorted out your mental issues with life. You sound as if you're psychologically addicted to DMT, addicted to the idea of DMT, and addicted to outlandish ideas. Mentally that's a recipe for disaster, even if you don't think so yet. I think I was quite like you when I first heard about DMT and tried psychedelics. You need a balance, a normal life that you're happy with, but you don't sound like you have it. Attain pleasure in your life, then if you want to, attain pleasure in your mind with recreational drugs. Without a normal life you'll have a higher chance of becoming addicted and using it for escapism. Remember, even if you don't mind being lost in your own world, you will still have duties to do in the real world. That's my 2 cents anyway. Use responsibly.

Perhaps I mis-interpreted my thoughts. I was very satisfied with my life, especially recently. things have been going great for my business and I am 100% in love, have an amazing group of friends, and a really calm happiness surrounding me. Up until recently, it wasn't like that.. so perhaps you are saying that I've been holding onto these feelings? But for the past month and a half I have been the happiest and most peaceful I've ever been. I'm really not sure what my mental issues with life would be, but I am not saying you are wrong.

Could you further explain this psychological addiction? I am curious. I wouldn't say I am addicted to the idea of DMT because I still really don't know much about the drug. I really love where it brought me and the mental power I was able to harvest. I try very hard to not abuse drugs and have never fallen into a state of addiction with any of them (a small mdma binge, but only for 1 month of my life and quickly learned my lesson). I like to use psychedelics for the inner journey. I have always found that with myself, the reactions I have with psychedelics are a lot less visual and a lot more emotional and mental, a lot of personal journeys and inner questions. This is true with my experience with acid and mushrooms and ketamine.

I guess my question is why was it so upsetting when I returned? You believe that I have some inner dissatisfaction with life? It could be so, but I don't feel any dissatisfaction so this is why I ask. I think I'm just too spiritually connected already so to be able to reach that peak, I never wanted to let it go.

I really do appreciate your view and would love for you to expand on it if you have time

You mentioned shrooming the night before... Have you ever tried a threshold dose of 5-7g? I personally don't think I would have been ready for the spice without a few of those under my belt.

Also, don't waste good spice by using it around people practicing martial arts! This is not a trivial point. It needs to be a totally controlled space. That sense of irritation alone could be enough to derail the whole thing.

I've never heard any stories of psychonauts not coming back. If this were common, we'd hear about it here at the Nexus. However, it is very common to wonder, during the trip, if you've gone too far. The sense of the close presence of your mortality can be a normal part of the landscape- good to meditate on this before going in, remind yoursel that it's a normal feature of hyperspace.

It's also normal, after your first few breakthroughs with any substance, to feel all the promise and excitement of the experience, then feel a sense of disappointment upon returning. The promise is so great, yet in reality, bringing that promise back into this world is a thing that happens in tiny pieces. You'll get over your disappointment as you integrate the experience... The greater perspective you can get from that more than makes up for any sense of disappointment.

by threshold dose are you referring to more DMT or mushrooms?

I realize that the setting I did it in should have been far less distracting so that I could've reached my full potential with it, but I think they expected only visuals to come so didn't take it too serious. I can tell that my conenction to it greatly differed from the stories of my friends, unless they are keeping their own stories to themselves (which I don't think they would). They all just tell me how cool it all looks and tend to walk around.

But like I said, I lost full function of my body, well willingly let go of full function and on my return really couldn't remember what a body was.. is that normal to have to remember how to use your hands and feet and voice?

I agree with you though, I think that my state of happiness got so high that it forced a crash down.. Because I was balling and so uncontent with the world around me when I came back..

I feel you. I've also had the desire to never come back and a few times thought I wasn't ever going to or even recall ever having another existence. In these experiences I feel like I've been there forever and will always be there but eventually some millennium later I return to where I left myself only 6-8mins later!



Yeah, I definitely think it can make that connection stronger.



I've had a couple of those! and yeah, full breakthrough experience not too dissimilar to DMT.



Absolutely agree here. Distractions from other people have ruined a few of my experiences in the past leaving me feeling discontent and a little depressed.

Sorry, I wasn't clear there... I meant 5-7g of shrooms... Or 600-800ug LSD, or .75+g K (I am a big advocate of spacing K trips by a month or more- super habit forming!) these kind if threshold doses can expose you to some of the same basic universal truths as spice.

I too am very sensitive to low spice dosages, possibly because of all the work done with the other tools previously.

It's going to affect everyone differently. To someone who has never broken through, 10mg can mean some wicked cool fireworks and not much else. Your situation isn't actually that abnormal- that kind of sensitivity is a gift, don't be afraid of it! You are powerful!

Sorry, maybe my impression of you was misled. It's just you talk about wanting to stay in the DMT mind state and not wanting to come back to normal cognition. Your only desire to live normally is your boyfriend. You also talk of telepathy, souls, soul mates, DMT being home, I mean I don't want to sound closed minded, and if it's all true then I'm ready to acknowledge it, but a combination of these ideas taken seriously can't be too good. DMT might present you with the perception of such a reality, it might be overwhelming it might be forceful. You've only dipped your toe in the sea of your subconscious. Please, take your time.

It's wonderfully your life is full of joy and love and you're participating in a successful business. Not at all as I depicted it, thankfully.

Psychological addiction? It is when the object of choice is constantly on your mind, in this case it would be DMT. In contrast to physical addictions where the person would experience biological side effects due to the drug not being in the body anymore (withdrawal symptoms), psychological addictions are purely mental based. I haven't had either with drugs but I think I've come close a few times. Many people have psychological addictions in the real world, like TV for instance, they watch it everyday and it would be pretty hard for them to cope without it for a whole week or a month. People who interact online everyday for many hours at a time would be considered to be addicted to the internet, and so on.