DidMyTest wrote:I haven't read all the posts before, but I agree with your first post. You don't need it but I got a counter question, if it is important for your girlfriend to have a marriage what is the disadvantage for you if you do it?
Let me put it this way: she wanted this because she was raised to believe that somehow if you're not married, you're not happy or accomplished. Also, her parents were very disapproving of a relationship in which there was no certain future (I like to call it pattern). So she just wanted it because others wanted this from her, and that's not the way to go, living for another person, IMO. I couldn't be in a happy relationship doing things I didn't feel were right to do, and in turn she wouldn't be and I couldn't do that to her knowingly.
As it turned out [surprise, surprise], she saw through all this stuff and decided she'd rather be married with a
person who loved her and understood her, than with an
idea; therefore, we agreed there's no need to rush. We'll see. If marriage is going to help us somehow at some point, then we'll probably do it; but for now, we don't have any advantage in doing it, it'd just be a big expense and a nice party; we have bigger plans for now and this would just slow us down in what we want to achieve. This is what I am talking about.
DidMyTest wrote:I think marriage, phd or beeing 18 is a landmark shure it doesn't make you an adult with 18 but it gives you confidence and it communicates to the world what you are (or at least an orientation).
I'm not that kind of person, and I'm sure I'm not alone. I'm not looking for anyone's approval of what it is they think I am or not, or expect me to believe or say. My own experience has taught me that's not good for my personal evolution.
DidMyTest wrote:Such events are important for the reason of communication. You tell her, her parents your parents, your friends etc. that you want to spend propably the rest of your life with her. And as I said does it hurt you?
I'm simply not wired to think that way, see? It would be a lie to say that I can guarantee we'll be together the whole life. Who knows that? I'm simply taking everything one step at a time, and acknowledging the fact that we're going to be together as long as it's the right thing to do for both of us. I don't plan my future ahead and I don't agree with things in which I don't believe so that others can feel accomplished. After all, it's YOU as a person who's going through it, you know? Each one of us has their own choices to make.
The truth...lies within.