Thanks for the response Thesmorphia, I forgot I had made this post!! =x
I think you rapped up alot of my questions pretty perfectly, although I'm still in debate as to how significantly different a westerner's vs. shaman's visions might be.
I like what you said about removing dogmas, constraints and assumptions - and it's something that I've always tried to follow for myself.
As far as this paragraph goes:
Quote:Do I think someone who had never spent any time around high technology could have have a vision of the impossibly detailed 'alien tech' type landscapes which sometimes occur on these trips? Yes, absolutely. I don't think what's happening in these trips is 'random', but I think it implies a dimension of experience and interconnectivity that we can't yet envision. What fascinates *me* when I take Ayahuasca is how much of what I see is impossible for me to describe in any clear way, has NO analogs with anything in my experience. That suggests to me that we're dealing with something where we have no idea what the heck is going on. The very machinery that's doing the explaining is taken apart, and that's just eerie.
I thought that was just brilliantly articulated.
I know it's been stated and re-enstate time and time again on this forum - how ineffable and truly unparalled the visions of ayahuasca are...
but what I find really truly amazing is what I'm about to describe to you now...
For the longest time, I had felt as if the errieness of DMT/ayahuasca was far too great to ignore.
At times, it had taken me so far... I had felt alienated.
Even those who had shared the power of ayahuasca like I had, I felt alienated from in the incommunability of our experiences with one another.
My initial perception led me to believe that I was being prepared for some sort of 'unnerving eventuality' which was to come after life here on Earth.
So i'd go about my life slightly tormented by the idea that these 'things' I had been seeing on ayahuasca we're in fact, awaiting me after all my accumulation of apperception here in was over.
So essentially,
at first it was disturbing and errie even, to know that there was this ultra-dimensional manifesto going on and reaching out to us.
But something changed over the years of using this substance - my feeling for it and of it.
My first year: I was under spell by it, deeply moved by it.
So much so that even the slightest disturbance would sprall me into a dissolution of function and character [in reality]. It was all too much for me.
My second year: I began to enjoy it. I didn't use it like I would a mushroom or mescaline. I saw a specific sophiscation and elegance in it.
The ability of ayahuasca to truly rack my bones and break me down to a cellular level was no longer a pain to me, but rather a cause.
The errie aforementioned transfused into something gorgeous - I wanted to see more and more. So I made the brew more and more.
My third year: I had one of my most trifling trips.
Almost as bad as the time I overdosed on 35 grams mhrb and 5 grams rue [first time I did ayahuasca, long story].
And this took me right back to year one, complete dissolution of character and inability to function.
But the second time around was different because I realised something.
The machinery of my mind was
not entirely unable to explain the vision of ayahuasca,
for it had been doing it all along... only my consciounsess couldn't.
Being disintegrated of personality... being faltered of ableness function... being robbed of my own words and thoughts...
this is what ayahuasca was telling me *I believe*. This was the one percievable communication between the barrier.
That we are all part of something greater. Something of utmost entanglement that overstands the individual.
Our personality, our thoughts, our apperception is entirely exclusive to the life we're living, and beyond that... is something exponentially more wonderous.
And so now, coming up on my fourth year, I try to be peaceful. I try not be so critical of myself, I try to be empathetic of others.
I'm not disturbed by the errieness of ayahuasca - only excited.
I'm convinced that what will come after my time here on Earth is deeply entangled with DMT...
I feel like there's a Universal Love stretching out beyond even the Universe itself.
These are what those impossibly detailed, transformation visions seemingly represent to me - like a metaphor or the epitomie even, of Love.
So as you've said... yes, the unspeakable aspect of ayahuasca has certainly spooked me... at first into a over-cautioned, disfunctional state.
but what I find truly amazing, is over the years... What it has really done is spooked me into finding a deeper affection for love.
“The quest is to be liberated from the negative, which is really our own will to nothingness. And once having said yes to the instant, the affirmation is contagious. It bursts into a chain of affirmations that knows no limit. To say yes to one instant is to say yes to all of existence.”