Some of you may not find my report to be all that palatable... but I am just going to explain it the way it happened, anyway.

Earlier tonight I had loaded up several ~20mg journeys, three to be exact. They were all very interesting immersive experiences with moving, transforming, repeating geometries in sort of colorful wireframe fashion. At one point, I felt like I was being danced around by two conical shapes that were rolling around and sort of playing with each other, too.

Then I exercised, ate, played some video games, did some reading, and, hours after my earlier experiences, prepared a 25mg dose for my GVG. I usually start with something like 15mg (what I've seen someone refer to as a "handshake dose," so to speak), but this time I just went straight into the 25mg. I took it all in one giant magical hit.

The come up felt normal, although a little quicker than I've experienced. I figured I must've just emptied my lungs REAAAALLLLY well beforehand. Then it kept coming, and coming, and coming. I wonder if I didn't fully vaporize a previous dose or two, and it was riding on the back of this bigger one, making it even heavier and more intense...

Of all the things I did tonight, the one that seemed to figure the most in this last experience was my video game playing. I enjoy first person shooters... I love the immersive environments, the teamwork, and the competition. I am not a violent person, except when I am programming in Matlab and get weird errors I want to punch my wall, but it seems my spice wanted in on the action of the simulated warfare I was engaging in online.

I would describe it as painful, like my brain was exploding - it was definitely VERY uncomfortable, and I knew as the trip really started to set in that I had been shot in the head. I felt the shattered skull, the missing brain pieces, the absolute confusion as my wiring became crossed and misfires occurred since some of the parts of my mind that relied on certain parts of my brain couldn't use those parts of my brain anymore (cause they were gone!). My hearing was nearly shut down, all I could make out was a symphony of whirring sounds with buzzing and slight ringing. The visuals were beyond imcomprehensible... it was like they weren't even there, yet they were intensely present at the same time. I can't even describe them at all, even though I remember the trip well.

I just thought to myself, "I've been shot in the head. Where am I? What happens next?" I knew I was going to be fine, but I still had a feeling like death was right around the corner. It didn't let up for quite a while. It felt like it was lasting for an eternity. Usually, when the trip is enjoyable, as soon as I'm really getting into it, it starts to fade. Not this time. I was bleeding out, still conscious, and knowing that who-or-whatever shot me in the head was very happy to have done so. It was gloating as I waited VERY patiently for relief.

It, of course, eventually began to fade, but it never became any more pleasant. It was uncomfortable the entire way through. It felt like I had encountered something that hated me at the most fundamental level, and even as its tentacles retracted from my consciousness it was clawing at me...

So, this was my first bad experience. I think I understand the primary lesson. I HOPE I understand it, anyway. I don't think it had anything to do with video games or violence. I think it was addressing the anger I've allowed into my life over the last year. The circumstances that triggered the anger aren't really the issue, just that I need to understand more fully how the anger affects my health (not so good) and my relationships with others (I tend to keep people at a distance emotionally - not in an angry way, though, but I do think it is related).

I always thought spice shot you out of a cannon and into hyperspace, but it seems, this time around, spice shot hyperspace out of a cannon, and into my head. I understand better now what people mean by bad experiences. But, to tell you the truth, I am kind of glad to have had it.

I don't think anyone will forget their first difficult experience on Spice, it is a whole new ballgame. This sounds particularly gnarly.

I've recently been encountering some interesting and what I consider to be "telling" spice rides.
I'm beginning to see spice more as a ride in the subconcious, the thoughts and feelings that I push down and ignore and deny coherence seem to find their voices and seem to really nail their points across.

Your story reminds me of the first time my brother ever tripped on mushrooms.


He and our roomate were tripping and they were playing one of the Call of Dutys. At a certain point during the game, my brother's character got shot and killed. Instead of respawning, my bro cried to our friend that he had been shot in the legs and couldn't get up! Concerned, my friend turned off the game and it took quite a bit of effort to convince him that he and his character were not the same person and that my bro had not actually been shot. lol it's funny now but he was pretty freaked out at the time.


Moral I got from his story is not to focus too much on violence when you take a psychedelic.

A couple of weeks ago i watched an snippet from the new Judge Dredd Movie.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g8lMmRe6Z44 <-- warning very graphic

Some days later i dreamed:

I was in a very bright natural enviroment, there was a cocktail party on a small hill surrounded by forest.
The Participants: a lot of Bankers, Politicians and Bodyguards all dressed in dark suits. I was standing behind a very long buffet table with lots of bottles,food and fine glass decanters. The positioning was deliberate. I was standing there with the table between me and the other "guests".
Now you can make an wild guessing what happened next:

As soon as i pulled out my 2 handguns, the whole world slowed down to nearly standstill, everything got even more brighter and colorful, and i started shooting. I wasn't really thinking about it. I had guns, the mission was clear, there where no emotions, like i knew it was just a game or something. I was actually focused on doing it so that it looks cool. I tried to shoot everybody THROUGH a glass bottle / vase etc... Which i did, and it was gorgeous, i got so entranced with the flying debris/sparks/water/blood that i actually forgot that the people involved in the spactacle where dying at that moment. Whenever i pulled the trigger another extreme colorful galaxy appeared before my eyes.
I got actually hit from the bullets of the Bodyguards and it really hurt. I killed the last of them, reloaded my gun and then killed the last politician/banker.
A whole magazine into the head....
Again i was entranced in an ultraslomo, and i was more concerned with observing the firing gun in front of my face and the amount of pressure (a lot!) i had to apply on the trigger.
As i was more focused on the gun the person getting hit was completly covered by the gun and the smoke. I never saw what i did to him, i only remember to pull the trigger until the gun was empty. The word "overkill" was obviously not part of my vocabular at that moment.

I woke up with a WTF?!! on my lips, and i was on an operating table in an really rotten and destroyed enviroment. The second i woke up i realized that i had lots of cables going into my chest, and i had to pull them out from under my skin. It was REALLY painful. Felt like the scene from Matrix; awakening in the real world.
I realized i was in an postapocalyptic world, everything was in ruins and all the other survivors i could find where insane, sick people, stumbeling around like zombies.

That was the moment i really woke up. I was shocked since i could still feel the pain from the wounds in my chest where i ripped the cables out. Or it seemed so at that moment. It took me minute or 2 to come to me, literally.
In retrospective, that was the most vivid and psychedelic dream i had in the last couple of years. The amount of blood and violence was astonishing, the pain seemed real. Like in the trailer, everything was 10x more colorful and trippy, particles everywhere, the sound was dimmed, pitched down. It felt like moving through an liquid medium,

I think i actually DID UNDERESTIMATE what kind of consequences it has when we indulge for a long time in entertainment with an overly violent character. Especially video games tend to mold the consciousness into a certain form which can have an negative effect on long term memory. Overloading the sensory to often has an diminishing effect on creativity and focus.
I am not arguing against games/movies here. I just wanted to make clear that if you put somthing in your memory, it might still be there even if you think you have forgotten it.