This trip report is probably going to be much different than what you are all used to and although the combination of coke/dmt sounds appalling, in this case I have to say it was one of the greatest trips of my life and a landmark in my own person growth.

To understand this trip in its entirety I have to give you a run down of the events leading up to it, the personal struggles I've been having in my life and the kind of person that I am so please bear with me.

since I was around 22 years old I've used cocaine recreationally off and on over the years, I've never felt good about it and its never done anything for me, the side effects are ugly and I can say that for me its a BAD drug.I usually make good choices though,I excel at what I do, usually have stable relationships and a good home life. I've never let cocaine take me to the depths of depravity some of my friends have but its still been holding me back from being the person I want to be.

A few weeks ago I got into it pretty deep, an 8 ball to myself and when it was all over I felt like I just wanted to die, I swore to myself I wouldn't do it anymore. Since that session I've felt terrible, my eating habits, work ethic and anything else I had going for me went own the toilet.

Fast forward to last night, my friend knocks on my door at around 4 pm to see if I can help him finish his job (we are both drywall tapers) at the new fire hall that's being built on the edge of town. This friend (I'll call him Phil) is a bit of a coke/crack head but a really good guy and a close friend none the less. I'm eager to get out of the house and do something so I jump on the opportunity. As soon as we get in the car he says he's got a treat for us and busts out a couple baggies of coke from his cigarette pack.....Oh god here we go again.


I tell him I don't want any, I just want to go to work so he asks me to break it up for him which I reluctantly do. He does a rail and away we go to the job site.
We arrive at the job site at around 5pm, my friend is high and feeling great at this point and I want to join him.... I break down and join the party.

Moneys been tight the last few weeks and Phil just gave me 400 dollars for the work I helped him with last week and another 250 dollars to rent my basement from me for a couple weeks because he's couch surfing and needs a place. I really needed this money,overdue phone bill, gas, dog food and I knew If I ended up doing a rail I would spend some of it but the temptation is too strong and I give in.

The whole time at work I was thinking about how much I've let myself down, how weak I am... I start getting agitated and angry, this drug isn't bringing out the best in me.. we run out of coke so Phil calls up his coke dealer to arrange a meeting somewhere to get more. I'm not going to deny it, all I wanted was another line and waves of depression come over me as we leave to get more, is this what it's come to? Does this stuff really own me? All I'm willing to spend is a small amount and I still hate myself for it.

We get back to the house and I bust a line while Phil is in the shower because I don't want to share, full of greed self loathing and depression I'm thinking to myself 'you don't need this, this isn't who you are'.

During the the car ride I gave Phil a big lecture on how instead of smoking crack he should smoke dmt instead, that it will help him with his addictions and that it's the polar opposite of coke. I've smoked dmt a couple times with Phil but when I smoke with other people I tend to hold back... Phil calls me on it and says 'you never hit it that hard' but Phil has no idea what happens when I'm by myself. I need to set an example for this guy.

With half a bag of coke left I decide I'm not going to finish it, I'm going to smoke hash instead and try and beat this jones/comedown, I smoke a few bowls but its not really helping.

I feel like absolute shit at this point and want nothing more than to escape this world... should I smoke dmt? YES.I haven't smoked any dmt in a few weeks since I ran out and broke the top of my GVG but my new top had just arrived in the mail and I remembered I had a small container with a fat nug of orange dmt and some changa in it I was saving for a special occasion. I grab it, shave off a small piece and put it in the pipe.

I turn off all the lights and lay on the couch.. I start smoking.I take 3 huge hits and hold them in as long as I can, not much is happening though, Now I'm just laying here jonesing with some pretty visuals... not what I'm looking for. I attempt to deepen my meditation trying in vain to project my consciousness out of body, anything I can do to leave behind this terrible feeling of self loathing, guilt and shame. I call out to any benevolent entities and even god to help me with no response...I think to myself, ' its not that easy, no one can solve your problems for you , you must do it yourself...... but I can't, I'm still thinking about the half bag of coke I have and then I snap.

I throw the entire nug of dmt and the rest of the changa I have in my pipe, I dont know how much this nug weighed maybe as much as 300 or 400 mg (a lot of it melted down into my pipe) I'M LEAVING THIS WORLD RIGHT NOW, PERIOD. I sincerely hope I get the hyperasskicking of my life, I'm begging for it. I hit that pipe harder and faster than I ever have in my life... white thick vapor fills my pipe with each rip MOAR.. MOAR!.. MOAR!!! my lighter and pipe are scorching hot and I'm not getting anymore vapor.

Phil is on the couch across from me aghast at what he's seeing. He thought I had totally lost my mind the way I was smoking dmt, he asks me 'are you ok bro?' I keep smoking more and more , the thought goes though my mind to grab all the harmalas and dmt I have and eat it all...I really can't convey in words the kind of rampage I was on, I still can't even believe it. I was basically on a suicide mission but the smoking I was doing was enough and I fall back into the couch enveloped by hyperspace. Lots of what happened I don't fully remember but here is some of it.

I don't know what this has to do with anything but for some reason I began witnessing the history of the human race, seeing primitive man gathered around campfires telling stories, inventions that have shaped our world, the story of the automobile and many other things were racing through my mind.

The answer to the question I've had for a while ' why is everything the way it is? for example, is the existence of coca cola part of the plan? why is the world so full of randomness? the answer was plain to me, each person can do whatever they want, we have the freewill to do whatever we want and express any creativity we can imagine, everything is art, art is random. I suppose I always knew this but now I'm feeling it.

Two snakes begin rising through my body, one snake represents fear, anger ,cocaine and shame the other snake represented all that is good and pure in the world, my family, friends,DMT, health and well being. The two snakes were clashing in a battle as they worked their way up to the top of my head , explosions of light erupt between them and I'm realizing .... you're doing it..... you're going to beat this. The snakes reached the top of my head and in one final explosion of light I realized that I had the victory I was after, I'm no longer a slave to this crap.

the depression and come down effects turn to pure joy, the frown turns to a smile.... I look over at Phil and see a shell of a human being ... desperate for the last bit of coke I had... he sheepishly says 'can I have another rail? ' I burst out laughing , grab the bag and give it to him and say 'here you go, have fun man, I'm going to bed.

this was the first time I've been able to let go of an unfinished bag of coke and honestly I don't think I'll want to do it again and if I ever do I'm going to grab my pipe and repeat what I did last night.

Thanks for reading.
<3

Wow Ray-

Thank you for sharing this with us.

Learn to despise this chemical, and you will no longer desire it's pathetic existence.
I really sincerely hope you keep it up, man! <3

Wow, beautiful report man. It was a very foolish and a very courageous thing you did there smoking the spice but it seems like it has worked in your favour. You can do this, you can stay away from the blow!

Reading this made my day! I wish you the best as you continue on your journey of healing and self-forgiveness. You're a great person who can overcome this addiction, and use the tools you gain to helps others who are in the same position you were in.

Peace and Happy Journeys

For me and what seems like most others is that DMT revelations only last for so long. For that moment and a few days or weeks and sometimes months after it stays with you. So you must keep smoking (smoalking? wtf) more!!!!

My pre-flight anxiety gets a little too much at times... I have gone for the fast and hard approach myself. I find that with the gvg, slow and long is much more effective.

Last time I went fast and hard, I actually got an odd sensation of my cheeks being flushed... something I had once felt and attributed to peppermint in the changa. But, this time, there was no mint. The flushed tingly cheek feeling was more likely from huffing butane from the lighter.... so don't suck THAT hard.

Ray, 1 day at a time brother.... coke is so good at being addictive.... the things it does in the brain have a powerful effect on your behavior (including thoughts and internal dialogue) you will get past it, but you have to put (the parts of you that don't want it) in charge all the time.

---edit---- I said "you" and "your" above. What I meant was "me" and "I"

Read the whole thing top to bottom! What an EXCELLENT story/report. I'm so happy you were able to kick the habit. I have been using coke in recreational situations but reading this has made me want to stop. What a wonderful journey too! Two snakes, evil and good duking it out. What an amazing experience! So happy the good snake won and in all fairness..it's you who won!

Safe travels!