After a day of deliberation I decided that I wasn't yet ready to take an aya + DMT journey. I really wanted a sitter present, but I was letting events dictate the time and place of the experience, and rushing into it.

I decided instead to work with the Changa that I had made and experience the effect of the Harmalas that way. My reasons for considering a solo journey are sound. I want to heal the relationship with my mother as with my father recently passing I am the only comfort she has. I need to let go of my anger and resentment that I carry. It weighs my love down, drowning it, it is scared to be seen. I can't show it to her. Things are made worse with her Mother, my Nan, slowly fading away now. We all fear that she may slip away from us before Xmas.

But I was given an opportunity with my partner going back to her parents for Christmas. We are different nationalities so many times Xmas is spent apart. However the last few trips with DMT have been disappointing, one even felt like I was entering a drug induced psychosis. I was on the precipice of insanity. This was still lingering although I had done a couple of small sub break through doses, hanging around in the rotating rooms not gaining much from this holding pattern. It was all feeling rushed this next step. My partner is tolerant but doesn't approve of my psychedelic use. Her tolerance only given since she sees personality improvements day-by-day.

But it was rushed, trying to fit in with the compressed time scales that Christmas brings. So instead I decided to dose some of the new changa, in my new GVG. Which had yet to be fully tested. And boy did I make the right decision.

I had intended to drink Mother Aya. Working with the spice all day. Doing a Nomans extraction. I've added in a semi acid base at the beginning. Which taking a peek of the globes in the fridge has made a world of difference. I was also brewing 2 Caapi batches. One extraction to boast the Changa supply and a tea for consumption this evening.

I gave thanks constantly. Meditated on my intentions all day. Listened to Ali Akbar Khan and drifted away in his sublime beauty. I spent some of the day catching up on my photography. I avoided the news and television. Staying away from the playstation as well, I focussed on being calm and peaceful. Even so I still had a nagging doubt, that I was not quite ready.

I prepared everything, candles lighting the way to the bathroom. Buckets strategically placed. Pillows and cushions arranged for maximum comfort. I had the glass in my hand, doses of DMT waiting to be drunk once I had taken all my medicine.

In the end I listened to my inner voice and instead took up the pipe, already preloaded with Changa. The ceramic filter glowed bright red in the candle light, and I moved the flame slightly. I saw the vapour begin to fill the pipe. I continued to breath in until I could barely take another mouthful of air. Laying down the pipe and closing my eyes I held my breath for as long as I could. I knew I had taken a big dose I could feel it rushing through my body, pushing the air out of my lungs. As my chest sunk my mind lifted and expanded. Pushing past the physical limitations of my skull. Thought no longer the width of my brow.

The rotating rooms came, I circled around my paranoia, felt it shoot through my body. I could see it, a red faced devil, folding in between the spaces. Mocking me, not letting me pass. This time I was ready, I let go and slipped past, finally free of my reality. No longer burdened with my earthly realm, I had moved on, thoughts of my body left behind. I did not know my name and with its loss my freedom was gained.

I soared into heaven and lived a whole other life. A life of joy and love. We all fed on love it sustained us. I accepted that this life was all that I was, nothing had come before it. I had no memory of me, of my reality, this was reality. The eternal mother was in me and she let me feed from her love everyday. I did not want it to end.

Inevitably she slowly slipped away from me, I became aware of the music in my headphones once more and with that my body came back to me. But I held still and basked in the afterglow. Trying hard not to break the spell.

Every strum of the sarod, exploded in crystalline fireworks. I had a front row seat to the biggest firework show in the universe and I wasn't about to stop watching. The music even more sublime with this enhanced perception. Sounds became colours and then became explosions. I had lived another life in 12 minutes.

Eternal happiness had lasted 12 minutes.

I can see now the healing potential that Aya will bring. When I am ready, I will go to her, but it will be when she calls me. I know it will be soon.

That sounds like a great experience.

I’m a firm believer in the healing power of DMT, but please realize that ultimately it is you who must make efforts to heal your relationship with your mother. DMT may help point you in the right direction, but you must do the walking.

You have it within you to begin that healing process NOW. Don’t feel you need to wait for an aya journey to work on your relationship.

Keep in mind the peace and eternal happiness you felt during your experience as you begin to change your relationship with your mother.

Good on you my friend Changa is a wonderful medicine for sure, so much more potential for healing than with straight vaped crystal, which as you say can be a bit 'psychotic' That sublime happiness is quite something isn't it?!