Yesterday night I had a terrific experience.
Unique, terrifying, ridiculous, strange, uplifting.
I doubt my description will do it justice, but I'm sure you'll enjoy the narrative nonetheless.
This passing weekend, I had my first AMT (a-methyltryptamine) experience, clocked-in at 40 mgs. It was decent.
Not the best, nor favourite of substances personally.
I would describe it as being very euphoric, subjectively different than other stimulants and euphoriants.
It had many lovie-dovie qualities, similar to MDMA... but like I said, different in it's own right.
Anyways, it was a pretty good experience, not fantastic, enjoyable for maybe four or five hours I'd say, followed by the usual sketchy-type crashes that are so prominently part of the "what goes up, must come down" experience.
It was unusually long-lasting, probably 24 hours-36 hours of felt-presence (so about 6 hours of feeling good and a day or two of lingering uneasiness).
Now, I had only taken 40 mgs of the 100 mgs I had acquired from a source and wasn't particularly excited to take the rest...
but what I'll often do with substances such as these, is I will 'get rid' of the rest of the drug by ingesting it ASAP.
Three days later, I popped the 60mgs into a capsule and decided to take what would be my last ride with this substance.
Supposing the tolerance was probably raised... the 60mgs felt about the same in strength to my previous trip and it was another 'decent' experience, similar to before. Four or six hours of intense euphoria followed by the expected crash...
However, this time I decided to try something different
After the the intensity had fallen behind me and I began to feel the suspected 'low' drawing-near, I decided:
"well, fuck it. Might as well fool around a bit".
The unsually nextdoor-neighbour'd of a name had been howling at me from my desk drawer the entire night.
I knew it was reaching out to me; calling out to me...
After several juggles between heart racing and relaxing, hear speeding and slowing etc. I finally felt in a suitable state to pull out the DMT.
I firstly frantically scoured the internet for any point of reference for what was about to come...
Nothing.
I came across a couple reports about 5-meo-dmt and AMT combined, but it appeared as though no one had gone all the way into the imagination.
This obviously alarmed me, but not enough to sway my decision.
I pulled out the crystals, packed my pipe quick and thoughtlessly... began to inhale.
Taking deep and heavy pulls (a very fair hit indeed) I drew it all up into the depths of my lungs and paused... exhaled.
Within milli-seconds I was gone. Even with my eyes open, my vision went black, like the lights had suddenly blown-out.
The swirling patterns were shaking or I should say 'twitching' and moving at an incredible rate.
My head cranked back and I sank into the deepness of my seat as if I were hanging out of thin air, arms flailing behind me.
I recall a similar experience after ignorantly smoking DMT after one night, crashing on meth-amphetamine.
The two experiences were almost identical. Extreme euphoria, total immersion...
although this time I felt more ok with the feeling; more capable; accepting.
When I finally came out of it (probably due to the addictive nature instilled within me by the stimulant)...
I instantly wanted to launch again, but my heart was racing.
So I decided to lay on my bed for ten or fifteen minutes and collect myself:
"Then i will re-enter the void" I told myself.
I layed there... excited, confused, propelled in deep tracks of thought...
I couldnt wait for the next one
Eventually I was ready again, and so I made my way back to the desk drawer...
but something suprised me.
When I returned to pack the next hit, I noticed 'the mirror' on the floor...
Dmt scattered into oblivion. There was no chance to recover.
I had knocked the powder off the desk and rubbed the dmt into carpet beneaeth my feet, somehow.
Maybe it was while I was in hyperspace, maybe when I went over to my bed, Im not sure.
All I know is that the dmt had been compromised; I had spilt it.
I must admit, I wasn't exactly amused.
At least a couple hundred milligrams had been lost in the thieving carpet of a bitch beneath me.
"Oh why didnt it land somewhere else!?" I told myself. "Why not on my pant leg?... Maybe in that cat dish over there!?... anywhere but that god-forsaken crapet!! OH WHY!?"
I sat there for several minutes, feeling defeated.
But then...
I realised another spirit had now begun to call out to me...
seducing me, tantalizing me... steering me towards it's direction.
Salvia, sweet salvia...
Did I dare?
The intensity of DMT had plummeted me into that certain deepness and intrepid mindstate, which is to say i'd literally try anything on the menu. Escargot, Ox tail, spotted dick... I was up for anything at this point.
I packed the pipe, and similarly lifted it to my lips thoughtlessly (ASAP).
I knew it would otherwise be forfeited if I allowed myself to consider it any longer.
I deeply inhaled what was yet another 'healthy serving' indeed (20x).
Holding it in as long as possible, sitting in my little seat propped at the desktable...
within moments, it began.
There is a certain pecularity with Salvia (perhaps entirely subjective) that whenever I take a strong dose, I always get this overwhemling loss of balance... as if the forces of gravity have suddenly shifted sporadically, tossing me left and right.
I immediataly cranked my neck backwards... too quickly perhaps.
I swung back so quickly that the chair toppled over and I went crashing too the floor.
This time I was not so lucky to catch the graceful comfort of my (thieving) carpet, but rather the shimmering tile a few feet further from my desk (a.k.a. head smash).
The hallucinations transformed accordingly with the fall.
I began to feel these dark curtains sweeping over my vision, throwing me into an undertow, tucking me deep away into the floorboards of my basement.
I felt my body pulling away from existence.
I could see myself hanging upside down in this dark purple reversion of a realm, empty as can be.
Voices began to reveal themselves as I layed topsy-turvy in the furtherness of the floorboards.
First they sounded like my mother...
then... a more 'angelic' voice:
"Macky" they said. "your so silly." they whispered. "Don't you realise what's happened to you?"
I could imagine these 'pity-etched' grins... my vision still lost in the floorboards of purpley-darkness:
"Poor Macky-boy... you awful little thing..."
Now I was beginning to feel panicked.
Part of me felt nervous, like I had died... yet another part of me felt a 'lingering comfort' of having gone through this kind of experience before. Previous feelings of a shadowy grave and light-absent realms cradling me.
Like my first ayahuasca experience or my first bowl of salvia back in 03'... this is where I found solitude.
The voices agged me on, (me) still stuck beneath the floorboards, the purpleness, the curtains crawling over my eyes:
"Mack, you silly thing. What's wrong with you...?" they chuckled. "Do you think maybe... it's time to... time to...
GET UP NOW!?"
"Oh... right..." I thought.
That makes sense... perhaps... maybe i should get up.
Laying on the tiles (suprisingly purple!), sprawled across the floor... I turned to my side and pushed myself up.
I could see a nice little streak of red, resonating on the tiles, shimmering at different angles in the fluorescent light over head.
"Fuck I'm bleeding." I realised.
No wonder.
-The End
The point of the story is...
if you choose to combine drugs...
tis' best not to throw a concussion into the cocktail.
-.-
“The quest is to be liberated from the negative, which is really our own will to nothingness. And once having said yes to the instant, the affirmation is contagious. It bursts into a chain of affirmations that knows no limit. To say yes to one instant is to say yes to all of existence.”