when i typed this up i was still in shock and shaking from the sheer intensity. i had no idea just how powerful dmt could be. anyway, i hope you enjoy reading this.
i wont be doing it again any time soon.
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OMFG. measured less than 51mg dmt an loaded slightly less, about 2-4mg left in the measuring dish- melted over a half bowl of bud. screens id been using to smoke the dmt with before were placed on top, soaked and shining with residue (so at this point i dont know how much in total)... NEVER again. im still in shock.
unfortunately my window was wide open to hear rain, so my whole block has DEFINITELY heard some very, VERY crazy stuff.
i am seriously considering moving a lot sooner than my intended date at the beginning of next summer.
holy crap... i most certainly will never forget that for the rest of my life.
just... wow. i definitely do not want to do that again any time soon. i have had some very intense experiences in my career of consciousness exploration but nothing could have prepared me for this.
i was listening to a live techno set by richie hawtin as i took the rip. i didnt even inhale the full hit or hold it all in for long at all. reality immediately started spiralling away from me as i exhaled. the music overcame my entire being as my whole being shook and vibrated. my limbs flailed wildy, clawing violently at my face, my head, trying in vain to get away from the effects enveloping me.
imagine a dog thats been sprayed in the face by some poisonous animal, trying to get away from whats on his face and up his nose and in his eyes.
my vision became a multicoloured soup of fractalling, spiralling matter. it was as if my room became a black hole and all the light and matter was ripped and spun around at high velocity.
i kept grabbing at myself and rolling around, but it was no use. i remember thinking things like "oh fuck ive done it now, ive found the self destruct button of my existence, this is it i am no more." and an indescribably strong sorrow at the prospect of never being able to see my family or friends ever again, never being able to tell them one last time that i love them.
i felt that i had somehow unravelled the universe. that this was it, game over, theres no going back. do not pass go, do not collect $200.
it just kept getting worse and worse, every cell, every atom and subsequent particle was simultaneously melted down and ripped into infinite pieces. there was nothing i could do to stop it.
the universe was ending and i had done it to myself. so much fear and sorrow.
i closed my eyes for this ordeal as with them open the sensory overload was just way too much for my brain to deal with while this shit was going on.
halfway through this i remember hearing the music through the intense WOOSHING rushes of energy and uncontrollably grabbing my sheets and humping my hips up n down off the bed to the beat. wether or not that has something to do with the message to follow i dont know, but what was to follow next was incredible.
Love.
i feel born again.
the most important thing ever is LOVE.
i cannot describe it. those who have been through it will understand, but unless you have, there is no possible way i could do it justice. i was shown the pure inherent love of the universe. i will never forget that for as long as i live.
as reality came back piece by piece i became "unblind" slowly, but my vision was still massively buzzing and shaking, my body and mind were in shock.
never in my life have i experienced anything like that and nor do i have any desire to repeat it.
i feel reborn and rejuvenated. i have found what i have been looking for my entire life without knowing i was looking for it. love. love within myself.
i definitely want to start living better than i have been, and not taking life for granted.
i guess having reality and the universe torn from under my feet has shown me a much deeper appreciation for my existence and the people in it.
im still in total awe and just thinking "holy f*ck". in all reality my dose was probably between 40-50mg, or even more. i really dont know or care at this point, all i know is it was too much.
i had only used dmt twice before this at levels of about 20-30mg. the screens on top of the dmt soaked bud had a LOT of residue leftover from the first two times. in hindsight what the hell was i thinking?!?
i definitely have a huge amount of respect for this tryptamine after all this.
upon reality coming back i have NEVER EVER in my life felt relief as strong as that. IT IS TRULY AMAZING TO BE ALIVE!
words cannot describe how grateful i am to have been given the gift of life back.
Gun it to 88.....::those who speak do not know, those who know do not speak::..ॐ<3ॐ