a many years ago...
as usual i deskinned, despined, and decored 3.5 feet of achuma. dried the green skin on a fan over night and fasted the whole day until 9pm.
the plate of achuma skin before me, partially dried, needed shredded finely. after about 15 minutes of butcher knife rocking through the mound of ever smaller damp chunks, it was time to do the real dirty work. the idea of eating this green bitter handful and a half is anything but appealing, so to prepare for my weakness i had lemon juice and sugar free orange powerade at the ready. a pinch of wet pulp was squeezed into a marble sized globule and washed down my throat with minimal powerade. as i try to swallow without tasting it leaves a spiteful scratch and refuses to be easily ingested. i took another small swig and tried flushing it down. relieved i made it through the first attempt without purging i went for the second ball, and the third. once in a while id get one that would make me gag and decide it best to employ the lemon juice, by taking a mouthful and swishing it vigorously to switch my previous bitter gagging sensation to a sour bite. somehow when i do this my throat spasms just enough to finish swallowing the culprit glob.
after 30 minutes of suffering through a plate of this bizarre food, i got up and stripped down for a shower. the nausea i expected hadn't set in yet and i was going to take advantage of my mobility while it lasted. i took a nice long shower and noticed that i no longer felt the urge to talk or make any audible noise, infact i was tip-toeing into the bathroom and content with the very clear thoughts in my head. i began to think of the paranoid thoughts i could be thinking then began getting slightly paranoid about actually adopting those thoughts, so i washed my face and put my worries into the flowing water and they were carried away. water i feel is a polarizing thing, with so many electrons and potential ions on those molecules having it run of my body is like charging a magnet with an iron by stroking it continuously in one direction, as if my body was an electromagnet (or many) i was polarizing and untangling my incongruencies with this flowing stream of ions.
i was dry after another 30 minutes. it was time to break open the glow sticks. i cracked them both to reveal luminescent green flares. i had already begun to feel funny and was unsure how it had only been a half hour. i figured the nausea would begin soon so i should probably lay down. i did so on my couch in pajamas and robe listening to cars pass and gentle rain. closing my eyes and fading off a bit i started to imagine lights that became headlights that became cars. frustrated that my focus was on something as trivial as cars i made my way to the bedroom where i put on the noisy air conditioner to drown out everything else.
i noticed that when i looked away from the glowsticks they were blue in my periphery, i guessed this was going to be what i was looking for after all. realizing my girlfriend didn't have a set of keys nor an answering machine for me to tell her that they were in the mailbox waiting for her. after seeing 4 missed calls i thought maybe she was outside waiting for my call. i gave her a ring on my cell phone as i laid in bed. i began to think about things i cannot remember then i heard the dial tone ring again, i was so lost in thought between each ring that it seemed i forgot i was even calling her, each interval was its own series of thoughts. my mind was picking up pace like an engine going into overdrive.
having the lights off and laying in bed, i closed my eyes and started to feel the pangs of nausea. i began imagining a light then simple shapes around the light, like a mandala with only 4 sides then the shapes would get another angle and then another shape in the mandala becoming ever more complex. the four squares became five pentagons that became 6 hexagons and so forth, the light seemed to be made of scales undulating outward, but this is only an hour and a half into it, i must be forcing these pseudo hallucinations on myself i thought.
i let myself slip further and imagine my girl friends friend and her friend, they both had streams of light coming from their mouth and the streams were full of knots. i thought that this must be how peoples communication is so garbled, and that truth and peace come from untangling that flow. i kept imagining a body with light pouring from its eyes and mouth floating in its own power. i started to imagine a more complex and definite series of shapes and landscapes that i would pass through and they would spin, then out of nowhere a voice unlike my own audible thoughts startled me. it said in a sing song way "TOO MANY, TOO MANY" it reverberated in my mind with a taste of paranoia tantalizing my sanity.
then my phone rang and i explained the keys were waiting for her. she came in and broke the darkness with a pink glowstick, an odd thing to have at such a time, so i excitedly took mine from my pajama pockets and held them in the air triumphantly giggling. she turned the light on and got ready for bed, laid down next to me and fell asleep within minutes.
-
i got up and went to look outside where the streetlights were blinding in the contrasted night. i sat next to the window and wished desperately to go outside in the rain, it sounded so serene with amphibious chirping and gentle dripping on leaves. i decided that it was more of a risk to travel at this state and to not make it to whatever destination i chose and that if i were to want that environment for my experience i should have planned better, but circumstances were limiting.
stumbling back to bed i noticed my art on the wall protruding with its imagery, like i was wearing 3-d glasses, as i passed it the protrusions shifted perspective and i thought, its not quite as strong as i hoped. walking into my bedroom i got under the covers and laid back down.
then began true closed eye visuals, patterns of lattices and checkerboards within them. it all seemed to be on a parabolic band with greens and blues, they kept breaking down into more and more shapes and became so intensely detailed that i opened my eyes to see the reminiescents of those visuals on the ceiling and walls. excited i loosed my clenched jaw and eased myself into a relaxed state, telling myself i chose this and this IS what i was seeking. i realized that these things i was seeing were increased frequencies and ultimately it led to a white singing light as it couldn't increase anymore.
my body began to vibrate, then shake and jitter, then convulse slightly, i felt strain on my heart and accepted the potential of dying, as i do through any transcending experience, lest i be tormented for eternities. it tested me further by demonstrating an ache that would signify cardiac infarction, but i simply surrendered to the experience. i felt each beat of my heart pump, longer intervals each time, then i felt this final grand thump and felt no more pulse, as if it was the last hurrah my heart had to offer. content with dying i passed on through to the visions.
i saw myself transforming into a being almost made of roots or vines, they began hardening and bark followed my naked green extemities, coating my earms and body in a solid wood. out of my hands where my fingers were burst large acacia like thorns, ruptering the skin and rending my fleshy self non existent. the rest of my body became perforated by thorns of all sizes, pain seared from my growing and i tried to relax and let it pass through. all of my fingers were spectacularly intense needle sharp thorns, i felt transfigured into a vegetable of sorts, the cactus was converting me. it again felt trying, not the pain of piercing flesh that i unadopted, but the concept of transmutation into something so intensely bizarre, i accepted my blood stained thorned hands and let go of the fear.
i slipped even further into my experience and dreamed about what i can only imagine would be an alternate life experience, i and my girlfriend were living as mentally handicapped and physically decrepit morbidly obese fast food cooks. we worked hard and survived by the slime of the city that was the grease meat we ate. it was revolting. so revolting, but not temporary, this was a lifetime of accepting poor circumstances and feeding off of sludge. there were objects like engine grills, and this grease paste that we were recycled from and fed off of, there was a time i imagine my girlfriend was perhaps not satisfied by this experience and i imagined to filth of her womanhood. utterly revolting concepts, yet accepted anyway. i kept hearing this phrase or summarizing the dialogue into a couple of phrases but they are mostly lost except the jumbled memory of what i can say was "shminkies" and "rep and bernie" and concepts like squeezable baloney. again gross to someone who is so fit and focussed on health. it seemed to be oriented around meat cooking and being the bottom of the social class, total rejects. upon exiting this vision i understood the cyclical nature of experience and the recycling of matter through organic matter. i saw that life experience as a figure eight twisting upon itself and continuing forever. i left that sequence and drifted further.
another dream sequence was like i was in a meat industry with heavily bravadoes aquantences, businessmen in my industry. we would shake hands and smile broadly with our large white teeth, and flip coins ominously. i got this concept that something was happening, there was a secret sacrifice to this success of our business that we celebrated with cheers of beer in our wooden building, that this sacrifice and accepting it is what it meant to be one of us in our city, our industry, our class. they were disingenuous and had power and stocky bodies to boot.
then came the italian sequence, i had brothers that weren't around, i was the last of the new generation to be in our home. i smelled olive oil and mixed it was flour that came from my facial hair, making bread. i was a genuine young adult in this family that focussed intensely on honor and pride. so appreciated i was by our father and servants that they guilded me in the most exquisite leather garb, soft as velvet and stylized with the blue dyed seams. it held my strong body perfectly. i was the hunter. i felt my body pulsing with energy and knew my capacity as large jaguarish man. this suit with gloves was so comfortable and durable i could never hope for such clothing, it was the exact size of my body and seemed to not have any way out or in. it was like a second skin, contoured to every nook of my musculature. my hands were like paw-hands with pads on shortened fingers, yet my paws were hearty powerful and leather clad aswell.
upon coming out of my visions i saw a mass of undulating color and shapes, as if shapes were multiplied by colors and compounded exponentially 3 times. i saw symbols signifying this equation and looked at my sleeping girlfriend, i saw her experience of life as a revolving technicolor spectrum and i saw the hues being projected outside of that band, her pinks and purples were her misbalanced energy, i reached my hand over to rectify her pattern and realized it wasn't my place to go in and do that, knowing exactly what to do i decided to let her have her experience in full just as i had experienced all the grossness of the city sludge vision and learned to appreciate life in it, she had to have these waves in her frequency so she too could appreciate the experience of life as i had. so i lowered my glowing hand and got out of bed.
i swayed into the living room while feeling the strength of my body, it was so immense. i had so much energy in me. my sight was spectacular. i felt like predator with the most intensely toned body imaginable. i had learned this secret recipe for power through these plants. i was almost a sin to be this energized, it was pulsating and pure. i felt like i discovered a forgotten magic and was the first to experience it in centuries. i tested my body and flexed my arms, legs, and core. it felt amazing i felt like no one alive had known how powerful they could be with this medicine in them. i started to see how i was exactly where i should be, i saw meaning and reason to my struggles thus far, i saw how i was functioning and i felt appreciated by the universe itself, thus given this experience with supernatural power. i saw my patterns and realized how AWESOME they were, i was so happy to work as i do for the entheogens and they seemed to thank me. plagued as i was with my persecuted lifestyle of plants i had managed to honor our species as entheogenic and was proud to be such an agent of undivided conviction.
i took another shower and enjoyed flexing my legs from the tub up toward the spicket and washing myself thoroughly and seeing the catness on my physique. it was starting to become morning.
i went back to bed and laid down again, until my girlfriends alarm roused me. getting ready for work i saw how little attention i had given her and felt a sorrow for her disapreciation just as i knew she felt in the first vision. i knew she was unsatisfied with a lot and worked through it anyway, i felt a wave of compassion sweep over me and unable to speak at this point, hugged her close and kissed her.
the room was still sparkling magnificently.
the lights cast rainbows that danced on their own several feet in each direction.
i spent the rest of the day coming down and hiding from the town festival, my eyes were still entirely dilated and i was walking like an alien. i biked to the grocery store and biked about a mile and a half without handlebars at about 10 am in hopes of buying a naked juice. they were under renovations and i hadn't been in since, i could not find my naked juice, paranoid about drawing attention as i briskly walked smiling broadly, i realized how silly i was to walk through the fruit section on my way to find a naked juice, i just went back to the fruit i walked past before to get the heck out of here. i selected one apple and bagged it, one kiwi and bagged it. realizing how awkward i must have looked while selecting a single fruit twice, i prayed no one thought i was stealing them in my super bulky coat so i wouldn't have to deal with security or law enforcement. then i was struck with a moment of genius! i discovered a shield that would protect me from the intensely awkward interactions between myself and the rest of the grocery store populous. my cell phone, all i had to do was stare at my phone and i would be totally accepted, no interaction necessary, i pulled out my phone and held it in front of me so that i could see where i was going yet, look like was just texting intently, it worked so well, i felt so comforted by this innovation that i was able to take my single serving of fruits and pay for them in self- checkout
while biking home i thought that all the animals were staring at me, a dog stopped barking and looked at me like was a unicorn or something. i called my friend who had tried eating a foot and asked to meet for coffee, he had just timely arrived at the coffee house and i met him there. i got a coffee and found a seat in the back corner after barely managing to order a house cup. we talked and i tried to ignore the crescendo of steam, change, talking, doors, footsteps, coughs, and other crazily loud distractions. i looked around and saw a baby staring at me, i looked at my friend and he told me the baby was staring at me, we began to snort with glee, the baby is somehow tuned into whats going on with me and just stared for about 10 minutes, finally the father began staring too, taking that as my cue to leave i biked to the church and sat with my friend in the section for mothers and babies that cry in the empty chapel, it was so nice to have a safe place to sit and recuperate, i staid there for about 4 hours, until i had to go to work, where i thankfully got off after 3 and a half hours, all the while feeling a bit ill and totally exhausted, my skills were horribly sub par and i was almost asked to go home even before someone was permitted to leave, i stayed through and managed to not get fired and went home for some rest. it wasn't until 24 hours after i ate all three feet that i passed out.
those 3 feet had around 2+ grams of alkaloids in them, as suggests chemical analysis.
it was the most intensely powerful experience of my life, minus my first mushroom trip were i ate a quarter of p cubensis alone in a dark shower. it rivaled that.