I feel for you Serenity.

Right now I'm in a situation where I've had to ditch all my friends for different reasons not totally different than yours. I've moved in with one of my parents in a rural area and am working to recover from a difficult past. The only real companion I have any more is my beloved girlfriend of almost seven years and even that relationship is reaching its end I feel, which really hurts more than anything and then some.

Regardless of the many problems, I feel that the time alone is doing me some good and I'm starting to gain a better perspective on my life and the universe in general. My practice of Buddhist philosophy, meditation, and nature contemplation is also personally invaluable for helping me down this path. Music is essentially my only company right now, which really isn't so bad if you can find really good music you're into.

So know that you're not alone Serenity, and there are quite a few other people looking for companionship who also share your values and lifestyle. Eventually you will find them. Until then, remember to be your own best friend.

^^ I was just thinking this exact thought the other day. Man that would be freaking awesome. There has GOT to be someway...

But my mind just keeps going to bad thoughts..... like police stings.

I feel much the same. I don't talk regularly with anyone here but from many of the threads like this one I know we all have a lot in common.

I hope the attitudes present in the nexus spread far and wide. The world need more consciousness explorers!

My old group of friends was a crew that would trip together...but also drink. I've always found the combination of too much alcohol + psychedelics to be loathesome. Then, in the absence of psychs, theres still the booze. Then there't the booze + E, which always dulls the E almost completely. I'm drinking water and enjoying full body orgasm, they're drinking beer and complaining the E was fake. And how bout coke + shrooms--one line, you stop shrooming. But some people never learn.

For the past two years I've basically kept to myself.


I'm trying to keep this brief--20 people have already posted in this thread, telling very similiar stories to mine. I do miss having a small tight crew who would all trip together and have a blast. I still have my g/f and we do all the cool stuff together, often wishing it wasn't just us. But tommorow is halloween--I'll probably end up seeing most of my old crew, and feeling like an alien among them.

My thing, pot makes me wierd sometimes around strangers. For halloween I'll try and be one the cool party people, who just smokes--and I'll overcome that weed induced social anxiety, roll if the vibe feels right, maybe even have fun. For actual Samhain me and my girl will observe pegan rites and trip right proper.

I definitely made the same shift in my life, and found that when you do what YOU want and go to the places you want to go, you'll meet the people you need to meet. It might take some time, but it'll happen.

This is such a revealing thread. I feel I agree with ALL the replies in here. I've always disliked the alcohol culture, but just recently decided consciously to actually abstain from it. As a result of me being open about my psychedelic explorations I've actually gotten quite a few friends interested too. You'll be surprised to find out that most people are really alike, only coming from different backgrounds. Just be open about your hobbies to the extent that is allowed for within the frames of not being caught by the police, and I'm sure that those of your relations who are 'real' people will follow. Those who won't is for me either in dire need of guidance and help, or to an ended relationship.

Isn't it just sad how there are so many people in here who could have great relationships IRL, yet most of us will never meet.

Serenity,

I am a recovering alcoholic also. Ooops, and drug addict! I have been sober almost three years now. I can completely relate to everything you stated in your post,

EXCEPT

your continuing use of Cannabis and hallucinogens.

My advice to you is to go 100% clean and sober for a time.

I do smoke cannabis and take large quantities of a variety of hallucinogens, however, before I got to where I am now, I did take a solid year off from everything, even caffine.

MJ is your crutch, you state it often in your post. You are an addict and need to break that.

I feel that after a period of time completely sober, you may very well be able to come back to enteogens, but for the time being, if you want to truely HEAL, you gotta go 100% sober and you gotta work on acquiring your synergy or balance of mind, body, and spirit. Once you feel you have achieved that you can make these important decisions with clarity.

the road to wellness runs through sobriety.

I would eliminate everything in your life that stands in the way of this. Your wellness should be an urgent/priority issue for you. If its not now, make it so.

Good luck and remember there are others out here that have been there and who are always willing to share advice and experience.

Ice House

So much great dialogue in this thread. It has gotten me thinking a little bit about the awkward situation I have been in the past few months. Most of my best friends all enjoy tripping and talk about the spiritual aspect, but have definitely tended toward the getting fucked up part of things in their behavior.. My girlfriend tends to have a bit tougher time tripping and doesnt want to be tripping every weekend, but feels left out if were all tripping (and so trips when she doesnt want to), and if I say neither of us should trip she thinks shes holding me back.(even though shes not) Their girlfriends also want more relaxed environments, i.e. not blasting music and lightshows the whole trip. However my other friends dont seem to get it and get upset when the girls dont want to party every night.. My girlfriend and I both work full time and are always tired on the weekends, but our friends dont have full time jobs and assume everyone is ready to party till 6 am. Im always getting complained to by both sides of the group about the other.. Its like there is no social awareness and action except for me and they are acting completely opposite to things they say they believe in about tripping. I end up having to manage and constantly defuse and rework the situation while were all tripping, which involves reading situations and emotions. (where everyone involved is tripping :shock It puts a huge stress on my counseling and diplomatic abilities and no one seems to understand the amount of effort and work I have to put into managing the group basically by myself. (I cant imagine things would go well at all or last if I wasnt there..) It seems like every time we trip I get the group to work out our problems, but the next day its as if the dialogue didnt even happen. Im thinking of cutting all drug use from the group when were gathered, no one can make the move except me and I think its whats needed in the group, but its very nerve wracking and I know Im going to have to be hyper alert managing behavior when I enact this decision...

I feel like I put so much more into some of my friends than they give me in return, but I feel responsible to help them perceive their behavior. I would feel as if I were shortchanging my ability if I left the situation and became a hermit.. Sometimes its really hard not to give it up and go become a recluse in the redwoods.