Alright so lately life has been really kicking my ass. And not in a my-work-is-really-stressing-me-out kind of way, but in a holy-shit-the-universe-is-conspiring-to-destroy-me kind of way.

I've always suffered from depression and some degree of social anxiety but lately these two things have been amplified by about a million and I feel like I'm a sinking ship with a shattered hull and a giant fire on board. No joke.

I've usually used mary jane to help control the darker sides of my psyche for a long time now, helping me to be more empathetic, loving, and productive, but ever since I took a break from her a few months ago, using her has given me the worst panic attacks imaginable. I'm still working through this with small amounts at a time combined with alcohol but I still sorely miss the perspective and peace she used to give me.

I've switched to alcohol instead (god bless you Newcastle) to help me deal with my recurring issues, but as Renton once said in Trainspotting, "...it's hardly a substitute."

So enter the aya. I've used classical psyches many times before, both lucy and booms, but never any deemsters.

I've read on here from a lot of people that aya is the most healing of any substances possible and SWIM can believe it having experienced very positive long-lasting effects from classic psyches, so I was looking perhaps for some advice, methods, and maybe some success stories for using aya to overcome life's more adverse circumstances.

The method I've read so far that's seemed most reasonable to me has been using chacruna or MHRB plus caapi vines in a brew, starting with taking small amounts and slowly working one's way up based on response.

What do you all recommend as far as brews are concerned?

Any advice on brews or overcoming difficult circumstances in general would be most greatly appreciated.

Those mental effects you're talking of, social anxiety, depression, etc. Those are the emotions that if we let ride over us we end up loving alcohol, depressants, etc.

Ayahuasca sounds right up your alley. Highly recommend the experience!!! Don't be too put off by smoking dmt either, a little bit goes a long way and the after-glow is contagious(to those around you)!

I promise you this brother/sister, the world isn't out to get you, for whatever reason you're here, maybe it's all here for you? Sorry for the soul-speak I just know your position and how challenging it gets when you get stuck there.

I recommend if you have a confidant or good friend to imbibe in low dose ayahuasca(rue mimosahuasca, etc) that you do some. If you choose to explore higher dosages it may be scary but you will always come back, and you will take with it the most outrageous clear mind, IME.

Welcome Home. <3

I very much appreciate the insight and encouragement, InMotion, and I certainly don't mind the soul-speak. I know the universe isn't out to get me but I have had some of those really freaky existential moments where everything feels like a potent combo of scary/pointless. But I have also had profound moments of intense connection and bliss knowing the world I'm in, even without the assistance of substances.

So I guess I'm on some sort of epic journey here, to find all the peaks and valleys of life and the universe itself. It's intense but worth it in the end I hope.

Yeah inmotion has some good points

You have the right idea with aya..for info on it and how to brew, check out this thread stickied in the aya section: all about aya

i would also give up the drinking..while it may provide a temporary (and illusory) escape, it ultimately only contributes to depression. I've been in similar places as youself..By applying various techniques together (psychedelics-especially caapi microdosing, yoga, meditation ect) with other various activities that i love (reading especially), a very healthy diet and plenty of exercise, i experienced a massive amount of healing. i think these things could help you to, but remember, its fruitless to rely solely on external fixes to an internal problem. They can help build the roots, but ultimately its your own willpower that has to push through

just know that many of us have gone through things like this, as its a natural part of life that helps us eventually grow in ways we probably won't even be able to imagine at the time. just smile, laugh, relax and accept who your are, and take the helm of your life. all is well right now

<3

Perhaps adopting the attitude that there is no miracle cure for depression may be wise, not to assume you are under the assumption ayahuasca or freebase DMT is such a thing. But it can change a life. DMT has touched my mind body and soul.

With DMT, you can explore vistas you never imagined in your wildest dreams. To be confronted with, or should I say, awakened to such unfathomable beauty, such pure grace, which makes up the universe which is not working against you, but with you, you will realize you are free. If you dare to step through the gate.

You are a dweller on the threshold. If you are ready to see what we nexians are talking about, your journey has just begun!

I say join us, I guarantee you've never seen anything like this.

And so it was said: Smoalk Moar.

I would suggest not using alcohol as a way to relax. Quitting it was by far one of the best things I have ever done, other than doing Iboga. So I of course am biased because I was a raging alcoholic.

Ayahuasca is good stuff. I would suggest making a brew of 100g of banisteriopsis caapi and 5g of chaliponga. You cook the aya 3 hours 3 times, each time with fresh water, combine the pulls and reduce after filtering. Do not add any vinegar or lemon juice or anything, it is not needed. Add the chaliponga ~ half way through your second boil, and continue to boil/simmer it with the caapi together. You can of course brew 2x as much and drink half, and save the other half for later. Also, You will want to eat something very light after drinking to get digestion flowing. I like to take a bite out of an apple and then leave it somewhere for later. Works for me.

You might not notice at first that it is affecting you. You might wake up the next day feeling reborn (I did) it will change and optimize your digestive system, and reset some subtle neurochemical processes. You may get the urge to drink every week. You may wind up like me and randomly make aya pancakes for breakfast because it certainly makes for a lovely day. Food is medicine. You are what you eat. Et cetera. Be good to yourself, make changes to yourself, watch things around you transform as your perspective transforms. Not everything, of course, but enough to be content. The mind is projected by the body.

Meditate and face the truth. Be well...

Thank you for the advice, UniverseCannon.

At this point, using alcohol is kind of a lesser of two evils situation, where without it (or some other aid) I end up ultra-depressed and really emotionally destructive, both towards myself and others. With it I'm able to cultivate at least some positive attitudes and enjoy the things I can't enjoy when I'm depressed, like art and music.

I come from a family well versed in alcoholism so I am all too aware of the pitfalls and dangers of too much alcohol abuse and its nasty repercussions. But whereas my family members used alcohol and other drugs to totally disconnect their mind from this world, I'm using alcohol to bring me back a bit towards the happy mental shores of being in this world. I realize this may sound a bit paradoxical, but it really is working for me and those around me are seeing a drastic turn around in my attitudes and behaviors as of late, even when I'm not intoxicated.

The catch is that I don't want to have to use alcohol indefinitely to reach where I want to be in my mind, and the thought of doing so is really what scares me. And so this is why I'm looking into the aya, as I've read how its helped people with addictions as well as mental maladies.

I don't expect any magic cures, but I'm simply looking for some assistance, and substances have granted me that in the past and so I'm hoping they can do it in the future.

Also, I have read the All About Aya post and am looking to use such methods.

Thanks you all for the advice, ۩ and Orion. I will try the brew suggestion.

I understand deeply that there is no miracle cure for depression, as I've used many different methods and means to attempt to overcome it for almost ten years now. But I do look to reach a point where I can have a sense of control over it and where it doesn't dictate my entire existence. I'm perfectly cool living with it when I have reached such a state. I have reached this point before, even recently, but lately things have just slid down the slippery slope and here I am talking to you all about it.

I should note that I'm not a regular alcohol drinker and I definitely have my reservations about it. It's a drastic aid in a drastic situation in my mind.

Again, thanks for the advice.

Hell, I am living proof that there's no "miracle cure for depression" but I can safely say these things help more than anything.
And if not by the physical and mental effects, they can also offer alternative perspectives to aid one on ones path.

Started a thread about using ayahuasca (well caapi , one of the ingredients) for depression. SWIM has had huge success with microdosing caapi on a daily basis. It helps you not only calm down, relax, and ease the pain, but also helps you to work out the psychological and spiritual issues causing the depression. Mother Ayahuasca (caapi) has this warm, glowing, nurturing mother spirit that will be a strong presence and inner foundation for you. The longer SWIM takes caapi the more he has improved in ways SWIM previously never thought were possible. Don't get me wrong, there are still ups and downs, but they are far less severe, less suffering, and often worked out thoroughly in a way that is a lot less rigid than previously thought. Has to be experienced for a good several months to really know and understand. Just my 2 cents.

SWIM has also been doing inner child regression with the book Homecoming By John Bradshaw. SWIM takes the caapi about 30 minutes before doing the inner child regression and pain work and this combination has helped a lot with the depression.