(Ego rebirth and some questions I want to ask you at the bottom)
That is what follows after the obliteration of ones psyche and the moment of zen, the moment of "clarity" I guess. DMT - dangerous monstrous terror. The power to send you to your deepest desires is double edged. Whatever you're chasing or escaping from just know that sometimes normality is better. I know everyone who wants to try or is currently doing psychedelic drugs wants something unusual out of it. You might just get it, by the bucket loads, and the question isn't can you handle it but can you withstand it, as there's no turning back once you've began delving deep into your mind. If you're open minded as I am, you take everything in but your subconscious can put them in little boxes for later if you consciously choose to disagree with it. The problem with taking powerful psychedelics is those thought can come rushing back, overwhelming you. Though I believed I knew what these kind of drugs could do, no matter how much you read or try to learn, you can never know. What really happens is you form a belief around what you think you know, and beliefs can be shattered.
I think I should point out what I did, so - Pharmahuasca, around 70-90 dmt mixed in orange juice, after about 3-4 grams of syrian rue seeds heated in lemon juice and water to make a liquid extraction. Lasted around 12 hours overall from drinking the rue tea to falling asleep.
I don't think I did to much as vaporizing freebase and smoking changa was a more drastic experience and yet they were fine. They contributed to my thoughts but it was as "good" as any of you might think dmt is. No, pharmahuasca's slow crawl to almost insanity and my ego trying to latch on to reality for dear life is what made my experience what it was. One thing I remember that people say about psychedelics was "let go", what does that mean? To me letting go meant ending up in the loony bin. I was granted with an ultimate choice, the "truth" which I was sure would lead to mental death, or "denial". I created a repetitive thought "I don't want to know", whatever the truth was it didn't matter, I tried my hardest not to cross over. At some point I think it presented itself to me but it was so chaotic I was losing my mind. I want to thank The Traveler and the rules because one of them said don't believe what anyone tells you, not even the entities. In my turmoil I took that as don't believe my thoughts. That too became repetitive and helped.
--------------------Ego Rebirth-------------------------
I think I wrote too much but I feel I need to get it out as the remnants remain. For those who wanted to know what ego rebirth is and read this far I'll do my best to explain.
After the breakdown at some point I noticed I had entered this meditative state. I became the overseer of my thoughts as they came at such a rapid pace. Onlooking but not interacting, listening to one telling me not to play into it. I sat there for a very very long time, as time moves slow on dmt. The thoughts tempted but now I was able to ignore, it was just me, the thoughts weren't me. In a frozen state, but twitching, my eyes blink at a constant rate, about a second for open a second for close. I wasn't able to keep them fully open and every time they closed I could see the thoughts more vividly. My breathing took on a similar rhythm as oxygen filled my body. I focused on not focusing, my goal was to listen to my breathing. I be came aware of what I was doing, periodic thoughts told me to keep still. Twitches lead to a finger slightly moving, I became aware of that. Slowly at different times other parts of my body slightly moved, a toe, a finger, a leg, my torso, and so on. Bit by bit I was becoming aware. The position I was sitting in was bad for the body and as it ached I began to notice the pain. I consciously moved, I was then told not to. A voice told me moving would make the thoughts stronger. I kept still focusing on not focusing. Over time I was presented with the thought of moving, something told me to do so, something told me not to do so. Thought that was for it questioned that if I'm me I should move to know I'm me, a sort of body-mind recognition. Still a thought told me not to. All awhile the other thoughts are still bombarding me. This keeps happening for sometime as a me is slowly found out of the chaos. I begin to move my body as if to check that this was my body and I had control. I am still breathing and blinking in a rapid sequence. The thoughts of ego reaffirm itself and while I notice this I'm still ignoring the other thoughts. I still sit there occasionally readjusting my position to alleviate the sensation of cramps and pain and looking at the time. It moves slow but voices tell me to wait it out. Lucky for me relatives had come around and spoke to me a few times. This forced me to almost automatically respond, as to not look out of the ordinary. Then back to my state. Slowly I felt dmt subsiding, the thoughts lessen a bit and my ego reassured me I was me. This happens slowly as I get a grasp of who I am. I'm more aware and instinctively feel I should warn people of dmt. The thoughts of wanting help somewhat overpower the fading alien thoughts. At this point I've established most of my motor functions but I still can't control my eyelids or breathing, but they slowly ease off. I try to breathe through my mouth, as I had been using my nose, the lungs are sore and I eventually go back to breathing though the nose. Me begins to think of the best way to tell people about dmt, this acts as a memoir as I recall all that had just happened. I'm thinking of the past in the present, probably not really knowing it, but those thoughts prevail, over what is left from that craziness. Still under the effects though, I can feel the physical effects of nausea leaving as I release the gases. I feel I'm back to a working state of normality, I am me and you are you. Again I had to interact with relatives forcing me to be as normal can be. The mind is mostly clear, perception is still slightly heightened, the ringing stopped but tracers or after images persist. Time is still slow but I'm back. A few more hours of thinking about what had just happened, I listen to a different taste of music before I fall asleep in hopes it distracts the thoughts of never waking up.
That's the best I can describe it. Relearning the bodily functions and who you are. I don't recommend this, not that I had a choice, I don't recommend drugs period, I'm throwing away all related material. Not that I'm an addict, quite the opposite, but having a clear mind is bliss. Whatever you can gain from drugs, to me ignorance is bliss. This was probably my first true bad trip, my mind is telling no more trips even though I love mescaline, shrooms and weed and want to explore the hyperspace since that was such a wonderful time. But I've done dmt in all 3 different ways, and most classical psychedelics. The multiple me's from shrooms taught me I don't need to keep trying new drugs, the singular me out of dmt begs me not to even think about drugs.
---------------QUESTION-------------------
So I know my experience was predominantly about what I've been thinking about, reading, watching but dmt itself has it's own texture or theme. The 3 methods for me had a distinctly different theme from each other. I didn't want to write this down because it might pollute your subconscious, sorry if it does, but there's no other way I could ask.
freebase - another dimension or reality, or heaven, meeting entities, or gods if you like which I don't
changa - computerized technological, transitioning between this world and maybe another
Pharmahuasca - aliens. those classic tv greys, spaceships, green, mental abduction, eyes everywhere watching, ultimate truth
(note this isn't a description about my experience in the trips but a description about what I think about the trip. So objectivity rather than subjectivity. Don't mention love or wisdom etc but mention how you perceived it)
What do you feel the theme of dmt is, especially pharmahuasca?
I hope some experienced people can answer this but if not that's ok. I'll check a few time today and maybe tomorrow and then I'm done with it all.