Howdy all,
I want to talk about apathy. "Chillen", "hanging out", you know the drill. So often, at least amongst my own social circle, this habit is rationalized as relaxation, and seems to dictate a majority of any given day. Yes, we are all students (although reluctant ones) and the oh so terrible onslaught of 15 credits of voluntary education can get tiresome. However, I have noticed a trend among many of my peers (definitely including myself) to lean towards the bare minimum, and when that has been achieved, a snuffing out of any further mental stimulation. AKA, apathy.

Perhaps it's just my group of friends, and our current life situations not meshing, or maybe it goes deeper. Besides one other person in our immediate group, I am the only psychedelicly inclined, and the rest even go so far as to stigmatize and judge the two of us when we embark on a journey with the spice, or some other adventure taken with learning in mind. Instead, it seems that the prevailing opinion is that the weekdays are to be relegated to zombified trips to and from campus, and the weekends for drinking enough to forget about about all of that, and hopefully get laid in the process.

As I start to get deeper into self-exploration, I can see how this program is operating on a deep level within myself and my friends, and this realization has brought me alot of distress. I have begun to realize that things which once seemed normal, like the constant making fun of each other, degrading each other, arguing over trivial things, and judging other people through normal dialogue are actually all symptoms of an internally negative and parasitic operating system. At this point, it's almost driving me crazy, as I feel like I am being split into two completely different people.

It seems like the old self, the apathetic, judgmental "me" is being splintered and fragmented to the point of being socially inept and completely incomplete; At the same time, I can feel the deeper knowledge which I have contacted on multiple occasions beginning to shine through, and inform more of my life. However, it's this old ego self that does it's best to sabotouge the process, and it seems that it's main weapon is apathy. I find myself occasionally drained of energy, and in these states my overactive mind takes over again, and leads me into making choices that are not for the greater good, like surrounding myself with other apathetic people and situations.

I feel like I have been taking a very slow road into the whole game of digging deeper, and now that certain truths are starting to arise, I have become overwhelmed with where to even start making adjustments. I guess my question is basically asking if anyone has any good advice for fighting or working with the powerful inertia of apathy and routine? At this point, I know what I need to do, but I can't seem to get past the overwhelming feeling of being too blocked up to do it. Thanks all.

Wash twice a day, meditate morning and evening. Result!

During these meditations reflect on your behaviour and why you truly do the things you do. At first you may spin yourself a web of deceit. But even the web of crap has its story to tell and that too will fall by the wayside.

You are already halfway there by the very content of your post.

The apathy is based on your impurities. Only you know what they are. Get rid of your impurities and let the light flow.

Tackle your fears head on. I don't mean jump in front of a car, I'm talking about all the silly fears like "I can't go there and do that because X".

Take baby steps because you don't yet know how to walk and you WILL fall flat on your face if you try to stride too hard.

1 penny a day forever is better than a hundred in ten seconds then none for the rest of eternity.

I recognize a lot of what your describing. Although most of us weren't students at the time, me and my friends would wallow in this nihilistic, negative mindspace, where getting fucked up and trying everything we could to experience the most crazy, fucked up experiences we could. Although not exactly the class example of apathy, this resulted in a very static environment that we fed as much as we could, and everyone dropping out (going to college, taking a distance of the group because of a moment of clarity, e.a.) was considered a pussy.

Like the posts above state, you seem to have your first instances of clarity. As did I at a certain point. My advice is to not ignore these signs, just say "fuck 'em". There are close to seven billion people in the world, you'l find new friends and some of the old gang will follow eventually if you leave. Maybe not immediately but give it time. Those that are true friends won't just disssapear. Explore this new headspace, explore who you really are. This is easier said than done, I know, but some me-time is in order when you realize you just don't quite fit in anymore. Knowing yourself is the first requisite for finding your place in the world. Some people never realize this feature, it's worth the solitude and effort although it may seem hard in the process and no one knows how long it will take for you to get there.

Don't get side-tracked by group-think, you are an individual and there are like-minded people enough to connect to. Making concessions on this one thing isn't acceptable in my book.

I wish you Good Luck, fair sailing and godspeed on this journey of yours.


PotB

I make it a point to jump into cold bodies of water...

I used to hate the whole chillin' thing. A lot of people I knew fell into it, mainly because they were smoking pot every day. I did too for a while, but I was never one to just sit and do nothing. One of the main reasons I'm not like that I attribute to the fact that I don't watch TV so in order not to get bored I am constantly doing something. In the end though I know I have the opposite sickness. I constantly have to be busy. If I have half a day with nothing to do I start looking for something to fill my time with, be it helping someone renovate their apartment, teaching physics, learning something new, extracting, growing, or doing sports. It's simply impossible for me to do nothing, because I can't stand it. I can't stand the feeling of not moving forward.

I suggest you just pick up momentum in whatever way you can. Start doing things you think are worthwhile. Pick up a project, build something, create art, write a blog, grow mushrooms, learn yoga or do whatever... just make sure you're not wasting your time. Pick things that you believe in, that make you feel whole. Inertia works both ways. A resting body remains at rest unless a force changes this state. But a moving body will remain moving, unless a force inhibits its motion (i.e. resistance or gravity etc.). So once you are moving it will cost you less energy to remain moving, especially if you find something to do that you have no internal resistance against.

wishing you progress and positivity.
cheers