Background: SWIM is middle aged, spent early life taking speed and XTC, kept chasing that first pill high, was never going to regain it. Gave it all up moved onto Mary Jane recently. Never done any psychedelic before. Found out about DMT from another forum when researching LSD. As soon as SWIM read the trip reports SWIM just knew that they wanted to try it. It was an all consuming passion which lead SWIM to the nexus as part of their research. SWIM was apprehensive SWIM has a strong atheistic thread in them, against all organised religion, would this change SWIM? Would SWIM become unrecognizable? The journey so far had been short, a few months, no long trip to find the spice, things had been put into place.
SWIM's beliefs were so strong that in fact they where a part of their identity. SWIM was scared about giving that up, what if it changed SWIM beyond all recognition? However SWIM has always believed that if you challenge your beliefs you either make them stronger or have a new set to understand. SWIM thought that perhaps taking DMT would also lead SWIM to an understanding of life, remove some of the baggage that SWIM carries with them, wash away some of the lost feelings that SWIM had.
The other night SWIM built a light bulb vaporiser, had read all the advice about vaporising spice. The need to take 3 good tokes and the importance of letting go. SWIM had read trip report after trip report, watched videos on youtube, consumed knowledge about DMT. SWIM thought themselves ready, thought they knew what was coming. SWIM did not know, how can you know? No one can. It's a game changer, an awakening. Spice is not a drug, to say it is a drug is to mislabel it.
It is a gift.
Last night, vaporiser in hand, SWIM had measured out 50mg, lit it, tried to inhale it all, coughed and lost most of it. Some nice body feelings, very slight visuals. It was all quickly lost. SWIM tried again, this time stronger visuals. SWIM's apartment started breathing, a rushing began through SWIM's body. Great closed eye visuals fractals, snakes, patterns. A presence was there urging SWIM to come with her, it was defiantly a she, her presence was there was so clear.
Again not enough SWIM stumbled and fell. A slight anxiousness filling them, SWIM had nearly let go and if SWIM did it again would SWIM be lost and never come back?
This morning SWIM had the last of a initially small gifted amount left. This time SWIM packed a bong with leftover ash, grinding some herb to place on top of the spice. The sun streams through SWIM's apartment in the morning and it really is a nice feeling even not high. SWIM was naked and thought why not. SWIM felt comfortable, calm and in a good place.
SWIM kept the flame above the weed, using their breath to draw it down and light it. SWIM dragged in a good lungful, the taste not as chemical as the previous night. Holding the hit and then letting it slowly out, the buzzing started. SWIM had some
youtube music that some one had done for a trip playing through the iPad, SWIM took another hit looked into the mirror. Saw themselves for who they really are, saw their soul looking back at them. SWIM was clean, energetic, vibrating.
SWIM laid back on the bed, the room warping, the curtains a strong purple colour, started to breath. SWIM closed their eyes, SWIM opened their arms and asked to be taken, to show SWIM the universe. Patterns of light, so many colours, SWIM has a limited vocabulary to describe it, rushing by so fast.
The warm and security enveloped SWIM, wrapped SWIM, cradled SWIM. She took SWIM with her, a goddess radiant in beauty. She was the universe, she was trying to show SWIM the light, taking SWIM towards the warmth. Telling SWIM that we are all one, SWIM opened their eyes again, afraid, SWIM wanted to be grounded a little, the dark was off to SWIM's left. SWIM did not want to go there. She told SWIM it was OK, follow the light come back with me. SWIM closed their eyes again SWIM was nearly there, she was trying to show SWIM the universe. Telling SWIM that there is nothing to be scared of, that SWIM could see it, it was in SWIM and all of us, we are all one, we are all energy.
SWIM's 2 tokes had ensured that SWIM could not go all the way with her, SWIM had to go back. SWIM wanted to stay but SWIM had to go back.
But it is not bad, coming back. SWIM now knows, SWIM knows, it is still not about God and religion. These are poor concepts for a human invention, it is about life. SWIM understands, SWIM was given a glimpse of the beyond. The connection that we have with everything, the hope, and there is no need to be scared any more.
Will SWIM travel again, to see where SWIM will be taken? Oh yes, SWIM has but seen a shadow of what is available.
SWIM's eyes are opened, SWIM's beliefs challenged and now adapted to this new reality, and SWIM is forever grateful for it.
I like to make things up, everything above is made up and not real, it is a story for my own amusement. Sorry if you felt mislead.
I normally have to edit my posts within a couple of minutes for prose, spelling and grammar. Just to let you know.