I'm seeking someone out there who was once in the position that I am in now.

I became unbelievably fascinated with psychedelics about a year and a half ago (I'm 23 now). I've never had a psychedelic experience but it's now like my life mission to do so.

Is there anyone who felt that the experience would be too much for them? Not in the sense that the actual trip was too much - but for the effect that it had on their life as a whole? I feel like I could handle an intense DMT trip just fine, but the aftermath is what I'm afraid of. I feel like it will change me so much that I won't be able to be "normal" again. Like, I wouldn't be able to do any sort of normal cultural activity without thinking about "HELLO. DO YOU NOT REALIZE DMT IS THE KEY TO ALL HUMAN SALVATION"? I'm afraid my whole life, my mental state, will be enveloped by the emotion tied to the experience...

I'm not talking about pre-trip jitters and what not. Everyone gets nervous, sure. I'm talking about being petrified at the consequence of learning the truth. I get so emotional just reading other people's trip reports - I can just imagine how I'd feel having an experience myself.

So, anyone have this same feeling who then tripped and it all worked out okay?

Thanks!

How a DMT experience changes you depends on you.

For the vast majority of people, yourself probably included, it doesn’t change your fundamental personality, but depending on what you currently believe about the world around you and your place in it, it may change some of your fundamental beliefs. Or not.

You say that you’re concerned about being “petrified at the consequence of learning the truth”. What truth? DMT is much more likely to leave you with more questions than it is to provide you with definitive answers. I wouldn’t expect to learn the truth.

You say that based on reading other’s experience reports, you can imagine how you’d feel having such an experience yourself. Nope. The experience itself can’t be adequately described with words. It is likely to be something that goes beyond your capacity to imagine.

And… Welcome to the forum!

Hey there.
Well I'm not sure I was in the exact same position as you, but after my first acid trip. I was left with a sense of disappointment at the real world, I felt like I had been lied to by my parents, preachers, teachers and everyone I was supposed to respect. I lost interest in school, and just felt like there was no point in continuing along the path I was on if it meant that my life would be mundane except for the few brief psychedelic experiences I managed to fit in. I used to catch the train a lot in those days and I’d sit there listening to music saying to myself, “look at these sad, sad people, Why won’t they wake up? they all look grey they must illuminate themselves”
It took a good few weeks for me to realise that this approach was not the right one, and that yes I may have been lied to, but the fact is my parents were lied to, my teachers too, they all fully believed what they were taught and were just continuing the cycle. It wasn't up to me to say "Hey guys WTF are you doing? Let’s all eat acid and the world will be better" It’s a personal choice to use psychedelics, and I looked at myself as lucky for making that choice. I wasn’t supposed to be sad that the real world sucked, I should be happy that I had the chance to glimpse something otherworldy, something that made the stuff of fairy tales real. Yes life’s journey can be a tough one full of obstacles and sometimes the road seems bland but it’s a road we all have to travel, and if we want to function in this society we have to grit our teeth together and get on with the work at hand, or face destitution. Along the road there are pitstops, and this is where psychedelics can be used to refuel your mind. I use psychedelics not as an escape, but as a reminder that indeed there is more, but for now I have to stand in line, do my work and remember that one day it’s all going to be worth it (if you believe some of the stuff I do) and even if there isn’t a big pay off at the end of it all, then hell, at least I had fun along the way right? I try take all the light I have found and share it as much as I can. Hopefully I manage to brighten a few more lives along the way.

Don’t put off trying DMT because you are scared about what you might think of the world afterwards. Do DMT and think of it as a door to the breakroom of life, a place where you can order your thoughts, heal your mind, and learn a thing or 2 about yourself, or the world we live in. Yes it will probably change you, but it’s no doubt going to be a good change. A new way of looking at things is never a bad thing, as long as you understand that it’s not up to you to change the world, it’s up to every person to make that choice by themselves. This doesn’t mean you can’t help some people you may know take the leap towards the light.

Anyway enough waffling from me. I just want to say that you should take the beauty you see during your psychedelic experiences and paint the real world with it. Be as positive and as happy as you can, and hopefully someone sees your spark and gets ignited.

Happy travels!

I don't mean truth in the sense that I'm going to get answers but more of like... when Dennis McKenna says "DMT is a forcible reminder that there's a lot more about reality, the universe, ourselves and the biosphere." Or like in Strassman's DMT book - the Catholic who was really upset about the experience because it didn't validate his beliefs... When people say "It's more real than real". To me everything just points to the experience as being somewhat more valid or deeper than our sober reality. I don't know how to explain it.

I realize words can't make up for the experience but I was saying that just by reading trip reports alone I get so emotional - so I'm sure a full blown experience would just amplify these emotions much more.... Hope that makes sense.

Thanks Primal - nice story. I feel that way already - disappointment with the world. I feel like I should move out of the country (US) and go live down in Brazil or something cause I'd fit in better. I guess the anxiety is tied somewhat into that but this guys: https://www.dmt-nexus.me...aspx?g=posts&t=25548

Just posted basically describing what I'm terrified of. Mentally f******.

That’s not necessarily true, at least not in the way you’re thinking about it. During a DMT experience, in addition to your visual environment being changed, you yourself may also be transformed. So what makes you emotional now may not make you emotional in the same way during an experience. You will respond to things differently. In some ways (and sometimes in very profound ways) you will no longer be the “you” you’re familiar with.

Gibran is spot on with what he says. Words just can't describe what you will encounter. We here do our absolute best to paint a mental picture of that 'other world', but these are just words and if you've never had the experience yourself there just isn't a way for you to relate to the things you've probably read here.

Don't get me wrong, there is much to be learned by reading about the trips of others, specifically speaking the safety requirements and learning what not to do and how to dose properly in the correct set and setting. That's all you can absorb from these forums until you have the experience.

To your main point however about not being able to deal with the revelations that might be revealed, I think it's a worthwhile thing to reflect upon. I can only speak for myself but personally my first breakthrough experience blew my mind into little shreds. However I have to say that that was exactly what I was looking for when I decided to try psychedelics. I was searching for truth and I couldn't sort out the shit from shinola based upon any other avenue I had ever tried, be it religion, yoga, meditation, eastern philosophy, etc. Psychedelics are the truest truth I've ever found, it erases the illusion of physical reality, and this can be one hell of a mind fuck if your attached to your worldview.

Not to defer you from the psychedelic approach, but these experiences will profoundly change your outlook on life, and I would say for the better overall, but there are certain backlashes one may have to deal with. One of the things that I have found in my own explorations of the inner world is that the outer world just doesn't matter to me as much. It's very hard for me to care about making a lot of money or running the rat race of life, instead I'm much more interested in a quiet and simple life than I used to be.

Another thing you might encounter (again speaking from my experience) is integrating the experience back into your waking reality. One of the things I've become profoundly aware of is I am not this human being typing this message on a forum. That's just not who I am, I am spirit having this experience for some purpose not pertaining to how much money I make, the person I marry, what others think of this human shell, etc. Instead what's been replaced is a desire to know more of myself, to go deeper just in my normal life. To feel every emotion and react to my own thoughts and feelings instead of the expectations of others. Overall this is a very, very positive thing however in practice it can be very challenging since we live in a world that doesn't value the types of things psychedelics might cause you to value. This can be the most difficult thing about having a deep revelation, although I will tell you it's absoltuely worth going through I have never been more happy in my life as a result of following my inner voice.

Overall it is definately worth the experience if you want to know the truth. It's as simple as the analogy from the Matrix: which pill do you want? Take the red pill and it's all over, you go back to sleep and keep living your life believeing whatever you want to believe and this is FINE! There is nothing wrong with being content NOT KNOWING what's on the other side, it's really not for everyone. However, you take the blue pill and psychedelics will show you a stranger reality then Neo ever saw, and that's a fact!

I'm 22 and was in the exact same boat as you before I did spice.
Unlike a lot of people who do DMT, it was my first time every doing any real 'drug' that wasn't pot.
I had never done acid, shrooms or even e. Then a friend told me about DMT one day, nothing good, just how rare it was.

Then somehow I did my own first extraction and had a breakthrough trip the very first time, by myself in my room without anyone else knowing.
I had read the experience reports and tried to walk myself through what I thought was going to happen. This helped tremendously. I really had so little idea what I was about to experience that I wasn't even as nervous as I should have been. My mind was torn from my body, I was suspended in an infinite space with a giant fractal spinning in front of me, then I started dissolving mentally into everything. It replayed itself 3 times in a mental loop. Then it started wearing off, I opened my eyes to my room, which was now infinite in every direction and all the rectangle shaped things in my room where smiling at me and I proceeded to think I was ruler of them and they were my army, then I realized how ridiculous this was and I sat back down and thought about where I had just been.

It was hard to integrate the experience into real life for about two weeks. I realized that most people are just different, sadly, they won't relate to what had just happened to me until they die, they won't feel that universal love and respect, they're lives are human, they work, they get their hair done. It's sad, but I also thought that maybe that's how it's supposed to be, maybe not ideally though. I wouldn't force my beliefs on anyone, no matter how tangible they seem to me.

I've only had one mild psychedelic experience (with San Pedro resin), so perhaps I'm not qualified to answer the question. But it opened my eyes to a fraction of what the brain is capable of. Same as you, I have been reading about DMT and psychedelics (and philosophies) for a year or two before I had this experience. I have found that the reading and interest alone has changed me and my outlook on life for the better during this time. Perhaps don't think that a drug can make you change your outlook so much. You alone, with the appropriate research, can change your outlook significantly.

What Dmt changed in me was obsession with the ridiculous experiences I have had with it, which is still there even though I rarely smoke it. Reguarly read this site, a definite side effect! first couple of weeks after my first time it was on my mind constantly, like every few minutes, seriously! but it eases up a bit. I had been taking psychedelics for 15 years before smoking Dmt and none of them gave me the levels of obsession that Dmt gave. It won't change your personality but maybe your views on reality or as Gibran said just give you more questions, and maybe obsession! Lol

Hmmmmmmm

Well, I can only say that your fears are somewhat well founded.

Any psychedelic at a sufficient dose can break down your worldview or even give you a dose of ego death. DMT smoalked properly will completely shatter anything you could possibly have imagined into splinters and then proceed to grind those splinters into dust.

Fortunately, those fine bits of dust will eventually be melted and forged into an alloy that will likely be much stronger and more resilient than the delicate structure you had going before hand.

If you want reassurances that you can handle the experience... no one could give you this and be being honest with you. Handling the experience is a misnomer. But then that is the absolute beauty of it. It is one thing that is guaranteed to surpass whatever conceptions you may or may not have... utterly.

Some people do seem to take a long time to integrate what they experience. What I can say is that you will not die or poison yourself. It is short enough that you won't have the fear that some psychedelics can give where you become sure you will never come down. Your astonishment will override most anything else during your first time out the box.

That said, I don't feel that this experience is for everyone. There are people who are too unstable for it. There are those who won't be able to continue playing in the ridiculous human drama that is life in the developed world... And, there are those who are too attached and invested in their illusions. This has nothing to do with how strong and stable people think they are, either. The strongest and most sure people are often the ones who have the toughest time with it.

Like many who have a huge breakthrough on their first spice adventure, SWIM was completely soaked in ennui for the better part of 2 weeks afterwards. It was days before this world stopped seeming washed out and unsaturated... like everything that could possible be done here wouldn't mean more than the sheet of plastic means to the DVD it needlessly packages. And, SWIM was a very experienced psychonaut by then.

This wears off. Thankfully, SWIM didn't have to work or do much more than travel during this time. He was in the company of loving and knowing people, but even they couldn't completely relate. It is not like SWIM couldn't function. He was actually improved in nearly every way. It was more of a feeling that being trapped here in this limited place was like having surfed in the ocean and then being told to sit in a kiddie pool. Only times 1000000.

Interestingly, though, SWIM grew to appreciate this kiddie pool more than ever and finds that it is a blessing to be able to go back and forth between infinity and something so finite and seemingly stable. That he is like a kindergarten kid who sometimes is allowed to hang out at grown up parties, but still enjoys finger painting and nap time.

All the best. You are not alone with your trepidations. Awe is justified.

I did feel it would be too much for me, but I also knew that focusing upon that would impede the trip, so I believed myself strong enough to pull through, and did. Simple as that. Fear of an aftermath should be addresses before taking DMT. Same for any psychedelic. It's the mirror riddle. If you believe the fear, then it is justified. (because being scared causes a bad trip) If you don't fear, then you are fine to trip. Think happy thoughts! The only time I had an aftermath where I felt I would never be the same again (where my fear was justified) was LSD. I was afraid I would never be the same again, and I wasn't. Looking back on it, I did not care as much about school afterwards. DMT however I do not have that problem with whatsoever. I did have a tinge of fear it may change me, but it was welcomed. That was essential. Afterwards I'm the same old me, except I am more calm and at peace in myself and stronger somehow according to my most intimate friends. Professionally I have only became more intelligent, proficient, and articulated in how effectively I work. The emotion tied to the experience is intense, but it does not anchor your entire outlook if that is what you mean. It does have the tendency to anchor you around reliving the experience for a few months, but not so much your sense of self, or purpose, but more your sense of meaning. Your mental state may be hung up for a time afterwards, but not in any kind of permanent way. I came back to the same balance (or feeling of normalcy) I ever had. Although, my deeper understandings were widened, and perception unlocked to say the least. Undue excitement, hesitation, anticipation, and these sorts of things are a very human reaction to have when contemplating doing these sorts of things. Just be mindful the more you load into your mind about how the experience ought to unfold, the less likely it will be anything like that in the end. I find my mind is kindly enough towards me in order to give me a glimpse into what I thought the experience ought to have been before ripping asunder any previous conceptions of what I thought it should be like in place for what it actually is becoming and ultimately what the trip will be. You probably have racing thoughts over how this might affect how others perceive you, or that you might not be man enough to meet the partner of your dreams with fears of being a wash out. All illusion so far as you are intelligent, safe, and respectful in your purity, setting, intent, frequency of usage, etc.

If anything you will probably be a more interesting person because if it. (Psychedelic usage in general) I have a ratio I use. I absorb information every day, and maybe trip 4 - 6 times a year (by my own will for my own purpose) There is no right amount of usage, however I feel it is important you grow your brain (learn stuff) until you feel full, then voyage with an intent in mind to discover something about yourself, or some revelation pertaining to the knowledge you have learned. My only fear is to take any combination of psychedelics (for any frequency of time) before me waiting for my mind to arrive back to normal. I would say with DMT you do get back to "normal". It's just once you tread down this rabbit hole; the obliquitous nature of "What is normal?" becomes increasingly apparent. Not saying that you do not inherently contain normal within yourself, but that you recognize all the possibilities of what could be perceived as normal simultaneously so far in what purpose is there to conformity other than as a mask? You are you & your sense of you being you remains undisturbed. It's just that you "normal" is changing into you "special"; & I mean that in a very alien intellectual kind of way that is a good thing!

I was petrified by learning the truth, but shortly afterwards it became apparent I contain (& am) that truth which I was petrified by. Not so bad after taking a look at it. It's not as bad as getting your head dunked in ice water after having a heat stroke; however somewhat comparable. The consequence is after coming from experience, there's no going back. No more hiding in insecurity from the truth. Once you have experienced it, it is integral to your being. I much prefer this over the indecisiveness I had beforehand.

Everything everyone has said is true in my experience. My experience has been LSD has the longest after effects & longest integration time. Everyone being different, it is difficult to be able to diagnose someones mental acuity, fore knowledge, psychological state, mental toughness, mental dexterity, ability in letting go when faced with an entheogenic voyage, their ability to pull themselves back together after realizing a paradigm shattering truth, or how well their memes, understanding of neuroscience or philosophy / religious belief system cope in the face of such an experience. Shrooms in moderate dosage don't seem to be such a big concern. DMT surely has the ability to refasten how you interface with underlying beliefs, attitudes, assumptions, previous cultural conditionings, etc. I find the profound re examination of the fabric of these things comes slowly as a trickle, and then more so the days, weeks, and first couple of months after a DMT voyage. The experience itself left me shaken to my core. I almost felt a little like i was experiencing "depersonalization" to some extent. I would not say DMT snatched my world view map from my hands, or tore it into shreds. It was more like I naturally shred it because the map was too limited, and then I (with my own consent and better understanding) automatically re examined it to make it better. In re examining your core, you become stronger because you are more personally involved in the re forging of your beliefs. It makes your interaction with the world more palpable. Before, I was miserable seeking spiritual truths. Afterwards I now know how to categorize logically all the knowledge I have gathered in reference to how truly useful it is to me in my daily life. That is not to say I put any more or any less an emphasis upon spiritual matters, or re examining my beliefs, it's just that I am more present minded about them. It takes me less effort to talk, convey, and think in pure concepts.

I personally do not see LSD being conducive in this regards. I question whether or not shrooms have any such ability either. I see shrooms as a recreational pleasure; where as I see DMT as meeting with my totality of self. I believe it is important for us to have deep enough of a mystery to offer ourselves (before we enter hyperspace) in order that the maximum clarity inside of our self can be established from it. In other words, my opinion is the more you have in your subconscious (the more pieces to the puzzle on the meaning of life / science / spirituality / etc) the more likely it will be sufficient to keep the higher self occupied satisfactorily for the duration of the trip.

If I were to use DMT daily, weekly, etc I don't know how much I would learn from it. The place it takes you to supposedly is different every time. I would say the sum totality of your being goes into the equation of what kind of experience you get out of it. By this there is nothing to be afraid of, just simply be aware that to take it from a place where you are open and responsive to what your subconscious is about to show you, true unto yourself so far as being in a place where you feel confident you have a healthy and psychologically happy mind, and at a point where you are ready to completely let everything (including your conception of being alive) go are the most fundamental precepts. (On the other hand, there are hundreds of other additional ways I and others know in preparation for the experience, and for the most part whatever way is best for you is probably the right one so far as your intent is pure for learning, growth, etc)

My only regret is for the first 4 days or so I was knocked off center trying to rationalize what had happened to me. The DMT experience by it's very profound nature made me force myself to take it easy in assimilating what I had been shown, as being shown was almost so intense it was more like something that happened to me than something I experienced. I took the next days off mentally from all the mental gymnastics I had been doing in order to facilitate integration. I was living inside my head more so than I had been in a long long time. I don't think theres anything wrong with this. I just think a DMT experience has the potential to help you refine yourself into a more precise tool of a human being than anything else in the world can. This is not to suggest it takes some what of a skill in order to facilitate; however if you progressively move through the less powerful hallucinogenics, (with time in between to integrate the experiences) and then move your way up to DMT, then you may be more psychologically armed in order to maintain a deep calm cool during the initial onset, or at least have a better expectation of how to best avoid being blown away into more dangerous territory internally. Knowing yourself first and foremost, making peace with your demons if you have any, and knowing how to maintain throughout a psychedelic voyage are all very important precursors.

I think that with the proper intent, you can grow into a more wholesome person. To forsake the experience is to not ever have the chance to experience yourself at the most personal level possible. Denial causes pain. Most of what we are born into believing in this world is born from denial in one form or another. This rips out your ability to coax yourself back to sleep, but at the same time does not effect your character. You may seem offish for a while afterwards until you integrate, but I can say as a whole that If I were to look back on myself after DMT I would see a better me.

Every body is different, all minds think alike.

One thing that will be disolved will be the intimidation of life and death.

And to throwdown a weakened cliche..."There is nothing to fear but fear itself"

The reflection and the aftermath of a trip is really as important
As the trip itself . Living a solid grounded life can help in the
Integration and attempts to make sense of it .

Over time you learn to live with the things you see in hyperspace.
I was in a sort of shock for a long time. After a while I began accept it .
It has shaped my view if the world and reality in ways I never thought possible .
I walk around contemplating big questions all the time. For me there is
Comfort in knowing what i know. It actually creates compassion .

There's something to be said for a mystical journey that you experience
Tangibley for yourself.