This is my first post and i will start with an apology, this post is long, anything shorter would not have been sufficient to explain what happened. Its kind of an experience report but also a bit of an introduction, I hope you enjoy it.
The first time I took DMT was a Friday night.
My friend R was visiting from Australia, he had brought with him a small bag of crystals and the promise of amazement. I had heard about DMT many years ago, its mysterious powers were well known and for some reason I believed what I heard. This was quite a strange position for me to take, every time I am told about a drug and its effects, I am sceptical and I am always correct in my doubting of what I am told…
LSD- LSD has always been a very pleasant experience for, never have I had the crazy trips I hear reported, I have mellow trips of visual distortion, the acid is clearly in my head and working its magic, however, the everyday world has always been there and it is simply filled with mild glitches in the system. Bad feelings or bad trips have never even been on the radar, even when taking significantly higher doses that others. I like LSD but I am generally disappointed that I didn’t get the experience I really craved for.
Mushrooms- The best thing I had been under the influence of is the Liberty Cap, a fine strand of mushroom which grows in the evergreen pastures of my fair isle. I have always felt the mushroom experience to be of a far greater importance than that of L.S.D, I have on many occasions been pushed to almost explosive levels on mushrooms, the feeling that builds inside simply wants to get out. Melting trees, endless woodlands scenes in patterned wallpaper and crazy CEV are all part of what I love about the experience. I have had only one experience on mushrooms, out of many, when I felt I was about to lose control, I managed to contain this feeling but only just, I don’t know what would have happened if I failed to control it.
Although all these experiences were superb, they always happen in the realms of everyday reality and deep down I have always wanted to experience a truly humbling, fully immersive experience.
The Experience
Before we began I was anxious, to be honest I was scared, for some reason I knew that the reports of interdimensional travel, contact with other beings and the general Mckenna madness would be real, and I was about to go there.
B had brought the DMT but didn’t fancy the risk of bringing his pipe with him so we had to improvise. We started with a light bulb. This method was not very successful.
The first experience- I sat down and started to smoke, I got a couple of pulls but nothing of any decent substance or quantity. Although not very strong the feeling came on immediately, a warm hum filled my body, the air around me gave me a hug and a familiar mushroomesque feel crept into my mind. I watched as the walls took breathe and shimmered in the lamp light, I sat back on the sofa and closed my eyes. The CEV were very similar to my mushroom CEVs, I was looking at white and gold spinning patterns a simple, yet immensely beautiful, fractal image morphed and undulated before my eyes.
This first experience was very intriguing, it was similar to mushrooms but I knew it wasn’t the real thing, we rested for a while before changing equipment and trying again. This time we used a dry bong with layers of ash to protect the DMT from the evils of the flame.
The second experience - This time it tickled just the right spot. After taking 2 good sized hits, I once again sat back on the sofa and closed my eyes. I was ready to experience what I thought would be similar to last time only more intricate, more crazy. This did not happen. As I sat back and closed my eyes I discovered I was not staring at the beautiful intricate patterns on the back of my eyelids, no, something much more profound was a foot. It felt like that for my whole life I had been a droplet of water, I was a single definable entity, when I closed my eyes it was as if i had been dropped into a pond, not any ordinary pond but a pond of psychedelic substance. No longer did I have a defined body, I existed in the swirling red fractal mass of infinity. The staggering thing was not only that I had been transported to this place but the fact that I was completely lucid. I looked around in awe at the place I had landed, the swirling, morphing beauty of the place took my breath away. After an amount of time I cannot quantify, my attention became internal, I began to think.
As I began to think about what was happening I felt my consciousness split, it no longer felt like I was thinking an independent thought and processing it, I was able to speak to myself as if I was 2 independent entities, I still controlled both sides of the conversation but I was able to speak independently to myself, it was as if I was in conversation with another person.
I knew I was under the influence and I felt happy and safe in the place I had been taken to. I began to think that because I had my eyes closed, this space, whether inside my head or elsewhere, did not require the use of my eyes to see it. As I concentrated on not using my eyes to see a strange thing happened, it felt as if the top of my head was peeling back, as this happened an even stranger thing began to happen, I could see more of my surroundings, the further back it went the more was visible, when the top of my head had fully retracted I was left with the ability to see in all directions at once.
This was the first time DMT blew my mind, it was at this point I decided that this was something very, very special. This is what I had always been looking for and now I had found it. In this new place my mind was sharp and quick, I could see, hear and touch everything around me, it was as real.
As I came back into the room all I could think about was the place I had just been and things I was able to do when I was there. I sat there in silence for about 10 minutes, I didn’t have words with which to describe even loosely what had happened. I thought how far away from the first experience the second one had been and wondered what else was in store for me.
An hour later I was to find out.
The third experience - A breakthrough dose was required, B had told me of what can happen and I wanted to see The Other Place for myself, to find out what I can learn from the experience. B loaded up the bong and passed it to me. As I blew out my 3rd hit I nodded at B, he leant over and took the bong from me, as he leant forward to put it on the fire place I could see the disturbances he was creating in the air around him, the air moved like shockwaves, they were showing where he had come from and to where he was going. I looked up at the top of the room and it began to melt, it started at the point where the walls meet the ceiling, the walls oozed downward and the ceiling retracted inwards, I felt it was time to sit back and close my eyes. I slumped back into the chair and just before my back hit the sofa, my eyes closed and I felt that I was eaten by the sofa, I tumbled backwards inside the sofa and then it began.
The first thing I noticed was the sound, I had not heard this on my previous 2 trips. The carrier wave rang out loud and clear and somehow it felt familiar, it made me feel safe. As my eyes closed I was hit square in the face by blue and green fractals madness, it was as if someone had filled many buckets with liquid fractal and they were being thrown at me from all angles. On my previous voyage I had managed to see in every direction at once but this took the whole of the experience to achieve, this time it happen instantaneously, every feeling and every image I had experienced last time happened in a split second and then it went further, much further.
I felt as if I was tumbling through this new plain of existence, It felt as if I was rolling down a hill and couldn’t stop, the strange thing was that my vision was still and clear, I could clearly see the swirling, random, geometric insanity that my world was now made of. It was more intricate than last time and was much more intense, the speed contained in this place is phenomenal.
The next thing I knew everything calmed down and the fractal space slowed, the greens and blues which formed the swirling patterns dissipated and were replaced by constantly repeating gold and white geometries. These fractals, along with the carrier wave, were being created and emanating from a central bright white light, actually, If I had to give it a colour I would say it was the colour of pure light. I stared into the light and was overwhelmed with the most intense feelings I have ever had, for some reason I believed in the light, I felt it would keep me safe, that it loved me, that if I gave my soul to it everything would be ok. These feeling became so intense they were almost too much to bare, I felt that the amount of joy, love and enchantment I was feeling from this light was too much for my soul to handle and I turned away from the light for a second. This was a mistake. As I turned away fear crept into my body, I felt panicky and scared, all of a sudden this place to which I had been taken felt much more alien than before and I almost felt like I shouldn’t be there. The fear built inside me until I remembered the light, I turned back to face it and was instantly filled with the glory I had felt before, it felt like I had spent the whole of my life living in the coldest and darkest of shadows only to step out into the glorious sunshine for the first time.
There is only one way I can explain this experience and it is of being in the presence of an enormous power, I was in the presence of the goddess.
My experience had a dark side and it began at this point. I’m not sure if it was scary or just hugely intense and I can remember only flashes of it. I don’t know how it started or how I got there but all of a sudden I thought I was dead. At the time death was the only way I could explain where I had just been, being in the presence of the goddess must surely mean you have died and gone to heaven (a place I didn’t believe in). I wasn’t afraid or sad that I was dead, it was as if it had happened and now I had to find out what was going to happen next. However, I was still thinking so I thought “I can’t be dead, I’m still thinking, if I was dead I wouldn’t be able to think, I must have simply ceased to exist”. This was where things got weird and disjointed, all of a sudden I was in a normal room, one I have been in before but I didn’t recognise which room it was, at the door appeared a shadow person who I think tried to communicate with me or tried to take me with them.
All of a sudden I was dead again, I was in the same room but in a different position, I was lying on the ground and there were some doctors doing something to me or trying to help me in some way.
What happened next was just a blur. Once again I was in a different place, I remember being pressed against a liquid fractal table, I was being held down or restrained somehow, I don’t know if something was speaking to me but I can remember thinking or replying that I don’t think I could go any further because I might lose my mind, it was now so crazy, intense and all encompassing that I had no idea what was happening and thought that if it carried on in the direction It was headed my head might explode.
Again there was a loss of time and I appeared in a new place, this place was much calmer than the place I had just been. I was stood in an endless void, to either side of me were 2 big floating screens and in front of me was what I can only describe as the Chrysanthemum Mckenna described. It was swirling and moving but stayed hovering in front of me. Between the flowing fractal petals were small figures of elephants which resembled Ganesh, he was dressed in full ceremonial gear and was adorned with gems. As I stood between the only 3 things in the dimension my attention was drawn away from Chrysanthemum toward the screens.
I looked at the right hand screen and I could see the car park of a super market, I was at the back of the car park and I could hear a ladies voice (my mum, I think) talking to me, I don’t remember what she said however I do remember that it was familiar, like I had heard it before. I had the feeling that I was watching a scene from my life that I had forgotten but had no idea what relevance it had to anything. I can’t remember what was on the left screen. I stayed floating between these 3 things and just watched them in amazement.
It was from this point that I descended back into the room and into my body. I sat on the sofa and said nothing, DMT had not blown my mind this time, it had taken it out of my head and thrust it into a strange, beautiful and wondrous place beyond all imagination and belief.
The Aftermath
I feel like the rain drop which lands in the pond, many times in my life I have fallen from the sky only to hit the ground, but this time I have found something special, i was no longer the same, I was part of everything and everything was part of me.
This experience was different from the rest, every time I have taken a drug, I eat it, get high, have a giggle then get on with my life. Now don’t get me wrong, these experiences were incredibly interesting but once they were over they were over, I didn’t really ponder on the experiences and they have never made a life changing impact.
It’s now a month or so since I was blessed and I can honestly say I am not the same person I was. Before the experience I had certain ideas and concepts nailed down in my mind, one such concept was to do with life and death, I would have bet my house on the fact that your born, you live, then you die and that it, no heaven or hell, you just end up as worm food. However, when you have been in presence of the goddess you can no longer think this way.
The Spirit Molecule has triggered something inside me, it has allowed me to look at existence and consciousness in a very different way, the things I thought I knew for sure have evaporated away in a few brief minutes. I have now begun to read Mckenna, Strassman, Leary, Woitowicz, Huxley and of course The Nexus, I have watch video clips of scientists, who are far more intelligent than I, who extol the virtues of this molecule and the possibility that these experiences are indeed real and that something very profound and unknown is happening.
I now find myself thinking things which before I would have thought were crazy or just plain stupid. In the first Strassman book he describes the alien encounters his subjects had and how they feel they were being prepared or improved for something. I have begun to think that maybe if consciousness is infinite then these encounters could well be what happens at the end of your existence on the earth, you are indeed being prepared to exist in a different place. Even as I type this I can’t believe I would entertain ideas such as these, but I do.
I am a new voyager to this realm and the prospect of what is to come fills me with the most amazing feeling of excitement, it’s like December 24th and I’m 6 years old again.
INHALE, SURVIVE, ADAPT
it's all in your mind, but what's your mind???
fool of the year