Hello all, first off I apologize if this is the wrong forum to display my rants.. but i've been reading a lot of things on the nexus for quite a while now and you are some of the most down to earth, smartest, level-headed people I've encountered.. So with that said i'm just blowing off some steam here, i wasn't sure if open discussion was open for anything at all but here it is anyway..

Some people really just get to me.. i know i shouldnt let it bother me but it does sometimes.. and i take it personally when i shouldnt.. I've picked myself up out of the depths of a bad drug addiction in my teenage years and are doing great now. i'm in a popular band where i live, which i also manage and handle all sorts of booking and business with other people and venues in the area.. lots of networking and just keeping on the grind.. went to school for audio engineering and even interned and made friends at the best studio in town, owned by a world renowned musician which ive met..

but what really hurts me is when someone attacks my character, even though i know they know nothing about me and are doing so out of their own insecurities.. i cant help but lash back which is just fueling them even more.. but it really bugs me when someone calls me nothing.. i was at the lowest of lows and have done some bad things in my day. but i made the choice to better myself and quit cold turkey from ALL substances before i got a hold of myself again and worked very hard to earn peoples trust and respect.. now i am regarded for my talents and looked up to and it feels really good.. things are going great and while i do have my problems, who doesnt?

but this one person really got to me tonight.. i truly believe he has some serious psychological problems.. he is an alcoholic womanizing asshole.. he came from outside my circle of friends and dated my girlfriends best friend for a little while.. he is extremely possessive and insecure and his actions show it.. i've read some text messages that he sent my gf's friend and they disgusted me.. never would i speak to a woman that way.. well when she ignores him, he starts to bug my gf wondering why she wont answer.. and he gets very close to crossing the line..

anyway, he made an unprovoked comment about my band on a video my gf had posted.. sparing the details, i told him to watch what he says to me or her or he would have a bigger problem.. (probably my first mistake, i know..) but its the disrespect towards women that really gets me going..
things were said and yes, he is a classic example of telephone tough guy... he talks all the shit in the world when he is not in front of you.. but face me he wont..

instead i get threats of sueing me and charges pressed if i touch him.. HOW AGGRAVATING!!! and he slings mud like you wouldnt believe.. flat out disrespecting my gf this time, insulting my intelligence and my character, threatening to turn me in for certain "illegal activities".. mind you ive only hung around this person at 2 times most.. he knows nothing about me or my life..

yet i still let this asshole bother me and feed him the fuel he is looking for.. WHERE DO THESE PEOPLE COME FROM!! i swear he is evil in every sense of the word..

her family hates him, and every single friend of ours cannot stand him either.. i need to stop being so sensitive.. he is a lowlife scumbag and i shouldnt have even provoked him.. He really deserves a good old fashioned beat down.. i swear things must have been better in the old days, where instead of using the pen one used the sword.. so much simpler..

i really needed to just get that out so thank you nexians, and again my apologies if i was in the wrong with this posts content.. Safe travels..

I'd pray for that bloke. He seems to be sick in his soul. You have to try to ignore him. Absolutely until he's gone. Reacting to his crap will only fuel him. Do not participate in his games, he should give up. I pity the fool

i totally agree ,

these kinda people are everywhere , its best to ignore them or if you can then laugh on them as you have to wonder how these people will live their lives ,

don't worry too much about these kinda people , just do your thing
its best for your entire group of friend to boycott this fool , and treat him like he deserves to be like a loser who nobody gives a damn about ,

i've always kept on reducing the number of people i know from an early age , i've met so many people in my life , known so many friends and fools , that over time i realized a person must know few people in life to really live happily , quality over quantity is must rule to be applied when it comes to relationships , friendships and knowing people

lets just say i was extracting the best out of people , anyways you need to discard this fool like the waste that he is , don't let him even occupy your mindspace

i've known many fools in my time and its best to treat them as they are ..like fools

Its tough, but worth remembering people are people too. Even the ones who actafoo.
This doesn't mean you have to like them, or even tolerate them. Its just worth remembering we were born pretty innocent.
Life has a habbit of shaping us, tho we have choices... it doesn't always work out.

We are only as fast as our slowest team mate.

thanks for the replies everyone.. I regret even being dumb enough to feed into that nonsense.. but luckily i dont have to see much of him.. i hope anyway.. and Jin i can definitely relate.. I've been doing the same with only keeping people close that are worth keeping there.. the rest are history.. a friendly "hello, whats up" if i run into them but i keep it at that.. most of them used to be my best friends and sadly have decided to take the route i used to be on.. so no longer can i relate to them..

and sick in his soul he is dmtripper.. i have a pretty keen sense of character and this one showed on my radar the first time in the same room as each other.. he didnt rub me right from the second i met him.. and smart words xt.. its amazing how different people turn out from the direct influences we all have in our environments.. he deserves a broken jaw but he will get his.. i firmly believe in reaping what you sow.. he will be in for a shit storm one of these days..

Thanks for all your comments.. i really had a bit of a freak out last night.. best wishes to you all..

these people always have it comming and when it all drops away around them it never looks pretty. Everyone learns in they're own way. Might as well get out of the way and leave them be..everyones path leads them to where they need to be in the end.

Yea, to be honest even if no one 'beats him down', if HE doesnt change (and I hope he does, for his own sake), he will end up sad and alone. Way it goes man, worry not. Not worth your time getting upset.

it just amazes me more often than not, the actions and decisions some people make on a day to day basis.. I was wrong to let it get to me and to give him the reaction that he was looking for.. but I am learning.. I too was very destructive at one point, mainly during my teenage years.. I had anger problems among other things.. since then it has mostly subsided but I am still trying to find inner peace within myself.. something that has brought me to this very forum.. my ideals and interests are changing in my quest for tranquility..
I look forward to the day where I don't get angry anymore.. we are in control of our own emotions and I do not like harnessing these heavy negative energies.. I am quite interested in ayahuasca and ibogaine. Also caapi only teas.. but are not in the right circumstances to be able to go on these journeys as of yet.. til then I will continue to educate myself and learn from the experiences of others.. sweat the small stuff, sweat the big stuff.. Thanks to everyone who has contributed to this wealth of knowledge at my fingertips.. It is really an amazing nexus..

It really is a great forum! Hence, why I spend such an inordinate amount of time here lol

When you do get round to it, aya can teach you about tranquility no end...

Iboga is also an interest of mine, yet to take the plunge yet though.

I was also addicted in my teenage years, and looking back on it, although it was grim, I feel it taught me a lot. The plant teachers can teach you aswell. They have helped me achieve peace in previously unimaginable ways.

If you are serious about anger issues, have you considered meditation? Perhaps a simple breathing meditation? It really helps still the mind, and allows you to step back from a situation. It gives you peace and a more objective eye, stops your instinctual emotions taking such a swift grip. My mind completely snapped from ketamine a while back, and meditation helped my heal greatly. If you do it,I would recommend you try getting taught by someone who knows what they are doing. The lessons that experts can teach will never be forgotten, and are well worth your time.

Of course, plant teachers are amazing, and I think they work very well with meditation. By the time you do get round to the sacred plants, you will also be better prepared to navigate the space. I am hoping one day to be able to reach hyperspace with meditation alone...

Anyway, it may not be your thing at all. In that case, very nice to meet you, it seems we share a lot in common!

Also, just to add, there are many meditation paths available, Im no 'mindfulness meditation' salesman lol.

I also spend copious amounts of time here lol.. I cant seem to get enough! I too I am very interested in entheogens and using plant teachers to help guide me. A friend of a friend bought some powdered yellow caapi but has yet to make a brew.. Also had some chacruna but wasted it during a failed extraction attempt..

Kava kava was used a time or two, by mixing a drink of the powder (tastes like chalk) and a kavalactone paste, taking a couple pea sized balls and swallowing.. noticed some very subtle effects i think but not sure. kava confuses me..

but yes, i have in fact taken interest in meditation.. i havent gotten too serious about it tho as i feel i need more structured practice.. someone who knows what theyre doing would be nice.. But what I would do is find a place i can be undisturbed, sit indian style (i've tried full lotus like in pictures ive seen but my legs wont bend that way.) and concentrate on full, deep inhales and exhales for about 15 minutes.. Sometimes I would feel light headed for 5-10 minutes after the increase in oxygen in my body... but i am one to analyze everything, so if i dont think i am doing it right i wont do it at all..

Would you care to explain your practice?? I would love to hear others methods!

and thank you for visiting my thread jdubs, it is very nice to meet you too!!

Well, I am no teacher, and there are nuances, everyone does this slightly different. However, there are guided audio meditations online for these two meditations, that can be helpful until you learn the practice properly. These are, I believe the two bedrock meditations, in certain forms of Buddhism:

Mindfulness meditation - http://www.wildmind.org/mindfulness/introduction

Metta Bhavna (Loving Kindness) Meditation - http://www.wildmind.org/metta

Now I am not a Buddhist as such, I am not nearly committed or disciplined enough in terms of drinking, drugs, smoking etc. However, practicing these two have really helped me in the past, and today. I really believe if you are serious you NEED a guide - I visited a class for 2 hours a week for 6 weeks, this was the 'Stage 1' (there are stages two and three, which I think deal with mantras, and philisophical meditations etc - I am considering going back for stage 2! lol.) Hence, why these I believe to be the bedrock.

Something that intrigues me about certain practices, is that you can apparently transcend - I have read many weird and wonderful (possibly hyperspace) things that have been mentioned in relation to Buddhist meditation. What is so amazing about entheogens, is that they help you make great leaps in these meditations, whereas before it would have taken perhaps many years. Thats IME anyway - my meditation always comes far easier after a recent mushroom/aya trip. Cheating? Maybe. Maybe thats just where we are at evolutionaryily - in an ever faster world we perhaps need speedier results!

However, on the days you arent tripping, I think its important to make an effort to better yourself, integrate your journeys and to strive to help, rather than hurt people (and other sentient beings). I think karma does exist, even in a strictly logical way. So... entheogens and meditation really are a match made in heaven lol.

As I side note...when my mind snapped - and it really snapped...a Tibetan monk appeared to me and told me to take this path. It may have been my imagination - yet, thats why plumped for this particular practice

And soon after it appeared my mind recovered very quickly...coincedence? Who knows

Hey great_blue you don't mention mushrooms. Have you worked with them? They have helped me tremendously dealing with myself. For me they work best if I don't mix them with anything else.

Tis the season.

jdubs, thank you for all of your help. im sure this will help lead me in the right direction.. I also have read about benefits to meditation and they seem great if you can stick with it.. ive been very scatterbrained lately.. even tho the catch 22 is if i were able to continue meditating im sure it would help that very problem lol.. i firmly believe in it but have yet to stick to anything..

I too believe in karma.. ive been on both sides of the fence and got it back both ways.. no doubts about that.. and funny about the monk.. id like to think of that more as a nice syncronicity..

hey dmtripper, yes i have a few years experience with mushies.. when i do tho its more of a social event with a couple close friends. i seldomly get time to think too introspectively :/ but i feel like my thinking is enhanced usually.. better able to think clearly and more deeply.. its flip of a coin tho with me.. the trip can go good or bad without any notice.. and the last one scared me a little more than usual.. but then again i was being completely irresponsible and i was pretty drunk on top of that.. i came to the conclusion that night that an intoxicating depressant and perception distorting substance should never be mixed, for obvious reasons of course.. but that was the only time ive ever done that .. im usually much more careful and also prefer them on their own.. pot doesnt affect me until i come down anyway

but like i said, never had a chance to really work with them.. it must be nice though.. in what ways have you worked with them? its great to hear from other on the subject because i know very few people that are spiritual in their use of them. (maybe spiritual for lack of a better word, but im guessing you get my point lol)

I usually go for quite a big dose. When working with them for myself I like to be alone if I'm at home.
And I don't smoke any cannabis while on the trip or coming down. That ruins the afterglow for me. Even thou it's very tempting.

It can also be very good to do them with good friends. And then go out to some nice spot in nature. Well I live in Iceland and the nature here is very powerful and adds a lot to the trip. There's some energy going on here I've never felt anywhere in the world. It's pure and powerful. And all that moss and lava looks bizarrely beautiful when tripping hard in the midnight sun
To trip in that landscape can be very magical.

wow that is amazing.. such beautiful pictures.. i'll have to take your word for experiencing the energy of that place.. We have some amazing scenery where im from also. The woods of the north east US can be very breathtaking. Especially in the fall, people flock here to catch a glimpse of the peak in color change of the leaves.. one of my favorite times of the year

a friend of a friend saved a nice batch of PE cubes from his last grow. I think a few trips out to the cabin is in order..

Thanks for sharing that DMTripper, amazing photos..

Thats incredible! You guys are very lucky. Its hard to find any peace and quiet in the UK.
I plan to leave asap...