follow your life path, if its right its right if its wrong its usually wrong

if you treat yourself and her with respect and she cannot accept you the way you are although you are sure this is the path you have to thread then you know what to do

hint:

compromising yourself to be loved by others, well that's a matter of choice. I choose not to

First of all, I would like to send some loving vibrations to you, MetaXIII. Not to come across as all peace & love/flaky/crunchy or anything cliche... I just feel an urge to give you a big brotherly hug and emphasize you are amongst family, here on the Nexus. We are our own support group to some extent. I know that you know... that YOU really knew the answer in your own heart, before you posted this thread.

While it is important to get feedback from other cosmic travelers, we cannot tell you what to do. This would only mirror what you are getting from your lover. In the end, we are alone in all of the primary decisions that we must make for ourselves. Alone, granted, but not without the loving support and community which we are so blessed to share. So yeah, I really dig all of the comments our fellows have shared with you. Unfortunately... I am not so brief and concise in my response (lucky, lucky you). I really should have chosen the user name, Long Wind. Hehehe...

I've been in your sandals before and I know how difficult it is to face such a compromising dilemma. In all honesty, my knee-jerk reaction is to remind you of what you already know well, that any form of conditional love is NOT true love. Ideally, love is mutual acceptance. But we don't live in an idealized world, we live in a world of interaction and sometimes, direct opposition. Realistically, love is a lot of work and mutual compromise. So yeah, there are limits to compromises, however, so this is the key point I want to make here. You are not demanding that she imbibe in Sacred Medicines, right? So since you are not threatening to end the relationship UNLESS she eats mushrooms or smokes Spice.... it's plain to see that this is a one-sided power struggle.

If one person bends and the other will not flex at all, it is not love, it is manipulation. I hate to be so blunt but it really is manipulation. let's face it, we are not talking about heroin or crack addiction. I share your and joedirt's belief that we should use entheogens/psychedelics in a ritual manner, not as a routine party favor. You obviously do not abuse the Sacred Medicines, so how is this hurtful for your union, when it makes you a better person?

Having an open and compassionate stance towards your girlfriend's value system, would provide that you understand her feelings and thoughts but... it does not mean that you should accept conditional love, in place of true love. I'm an old dog and I've been married twice. What I have learned about couple relationships is this, when these kinds of ultimatums start to show, they will continue to sprout up, over and over again, with increased frequency. Now it is an issue of entheogens, tomorrow it may be an issue about how you dress or your hairstyle, next year it could be an issue about what you read, and ultimately... what you THINK. This is paramount to tyranny.

It is all mental conditioning and a matter of perspective, for sure, BUT it is also a warning sign that your lover cannot accept you for who you are. This only escalates with the passage of time. I am reminded of an old colloquialism, "the tightening of the noose." I don't want to sound jaded or take a position about this issue which might project my illusions about the courtship game... but this is an obvious and most definitive RED FLAG.

There will be others alerts which will inevitably arise and the more you bend, the more conditions will be compounded upon each and every surrender you offer. Ultimately, you will resent her and hurtful feeling will emerge on both sides of the fence. This kind of love is not freely given, without some ulterior motive, one way compromise or lop-sided power struggle. Such a "love" is not healthy for either of you. Free yourself and free her, as well. Love is freedom. :idea:

So what is true love? Truth is subjective and relative to subjectivity, certainly, yet if any love is aimed to be true, it must also allow for aspects of couple-hood which remain independent of one another. It is the kind of union which allows the other soul to make solo decisions for themselves and choose to hold harmony as the highest virtue of said love. Any relationship requires loads of compromise, this is an understatement! It is so much that we often grumble about it under our breath. That being said, there are ares in which you needn't and given you r birthright as a free soul, shouldn't need to negotiate.

It's not like we are discussing a tug-of-war in which the two of you are coming into a repeated conflict about what to have for dinner tonight. Right? Although, if your lover chose to insist exactly what your dietary restrictions were, based on her dictates alone, despite your own preferences & personal choices, it wold still be the same kettle of fish (to borrow another old colloquialism).

Consider what the imbibing of psychedelics mean to you, as a person and how this effects the path you walk and the goals you have for your own unique destiny. If your partner has the same vision, yet chooses for herself to walk another path, this is certainly a workable compromise. If she, however, cannot allow you the freedom to make your own way, in light of your own intuition... it is not a genuine commitment of love which she has for you, it is a dynamic of manipulation and control.

We all try and find a soul who is the perfect mirror for our body, heart and mind. Since we live in a world where other people are also looking for the same thing in YOU, there is an inevitable clash of wills, when this proves to have a few bumps in the road. Now there is a huge difference between a handful of ego-related conflicts and primary life choices (like experiencing entheogens or not).

My first wife would always get to the point of threatening to break up with me anytime such an issue of mutual compromise arose. She did smoke herb and occasionally trip on acid or mushrooms but her agenda was far broader than the initial stages your girlfriend is currently expressing. It was more an issue of TOTAL CONTROL. Her attitude was, "It's my way or the highway, Jack." She became further and further displeased by my search for God and my incessant meditation, contemplation, hatha yoga and reading, reading, reading...

I'd like to qualify that I am not trying to vilify her. Fact is, she is a beautiful soul and her way is her own journey towards what she wants out of life. The reason she left me for another man is that I would not allow myself to let her CHOOSE for me. I would not and never will be broken. So was it really true love? No, it was based on conditions and an acceptance that I could not decide for myself, what I actually wanted for my own growth. Thankfully, entheogens was never an issue for us. Money was... and so was control of said dollar bills.

This, coupled with her out-of-control anger (and repressed feelings which arose for her childhood), was the deal breaker for me. I couldn't be her punching bag for more than seven years. Neither could I stand seeing her suffer because I couldn't/wouldn't be the man she wanted, and quite frankly, demanded me to be... OR ELSE!!! Sharing involves both, individual goals and collective goals. This is what harmony and balance are all about. The FREEDOM to have your own personal space, smoothly working in unison with an other's equally personal space.

When I married my current wife, we both read aloud on our wedding day, from The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran. I suggest you pick her up a copy! She may glean some wisdom in it's pages that could give her pause to think about your fundamental personal needs. My wife of 20 years does not take psychedelics. Yeah, she did acid a couple times in the late seventies and it is simply not for her. I accept this and love her deeply, irregardless of my own journey of spiritual awakening. Were she to put her foot down and forcibly forbid me to partake of entheogens??? I would try and get her to understand my perspective, without yielding my choice. I would emphasize that this should be done lightly, with some humor or it just feeds the conflict, eh?




If my wife could not allow me to follow my own way, as I do not attempt to command and control her freedoms, I would leave her and follow the dictates of my own heart alone. Granted, I did not use psychedelics for the first 17 years of our relationship and suddenly I heard the old CALLING. It was my choice to embrace the Medicine Path again and it would behoove her to decide for me. Still, she does not insist on making my personal choices, nor would I even consider making her rightful choices. This is true love. This is what you deserve and I know you will find it if you understand yourself and the path you are drawn to walk. It is neither fair to yourself nor to her, if you allow your own direction to be steered by another. PERIOD.

More than any other advice I might offer, I reiterate what the other guys have wisely said, it is your right to choose for yourself. It is both, unfair and unacceptable for ANYONE to take this gift, this free will, out of your own hands. Essentially, we are worthless in a relationship if we calmly let such a precious gift wither and die. BTW, I think you are pretty cool human being. I wish you well and promise to send some unconditional love your way, MetaXIII. Hold your head high and smile at the expansive sky, for it's your universe, your home and your own journey of awakening. :idea:


Peace, love & light

I almost had a situation with my wife about 6 years ago with regards to my use of psychedelics. I hid my use during our courtship an never explained my relationship with psychedelics even after we were married. To make a long story short she eventually found out and at first wasnt happy about it.

After I explained, in detail, to her about my relationship and life with psychedelics she came to the conclusion that I am the person she loves because of my experiences in life. I think she loves me that much more now. She is totally accepting and understanding.

She has tried 2CB, MDA, and MDMA in the last couple of years and I believe that her day is approaching for a meeting with the entities. We are going to BurningMan this summer, I think that may be when it happens?

I would not have given up psychedelics for my wife. That would have meant giving up a part of me and my identity. She has accepted me and loves me for who I am.

ih

Rising Spirit, that was a wonderful post. thank you for your thoughts and insights. I also really liked the quote.

MetaXIII, however hard it might seem now to make the right choice, it is infinitely harder to pursue a path through life in which you are not fully yourself, because nothing will ever seem right that way.

I hope you find the right path for yourself!

lol. That's very honest. I have found that a lot of people out there are perfectly willing to outright lie to their partners for sex. I have never understood how this is tolerable to the person lying, as it seems to defeat the purpose of a relationsip. I think relationships are a game to a lot of people. The whole misleading thing is part of the show. For some people, the most satisfying relationship is one of power. If the person can make someone else feel vulnerable and committed, while at the same time not devoting any real importance to the outcome, that is a powerful position. Basically, if you can get in someone else' head and get sex from them, that's a pleasurable power position over someone. Women play their own games, too.

I'm not saying I do this, just what I see in other people. I suspect people who do this don't even think about why they do it. They just do it.... so it seems.

Now this could be a thread in it's own right. Fantastic way of phrasing it, Apoc.

Personally I won't (and can't) compromise myself for anyone else. I'm currently in a relationship of some sort and made it clear from the start of this relationship that my priorities are my pursuit of a career in ethnobotany (and the accompanying exploration of entheogens) and political/social activism. I invited her to accompany me on my path as far or as short as she pleases, but made clear that this is the path I must walk and that I am unwilling to compromise it for anyone; my family, my closest friend and roommate, or her. While I care about her a good deal, if push came to shove, I know who I am and I know the path that I have chosen for myself. The answer to your question/the title of this thread for me is not only "No", it's a "No" that comes as a visceral reaction due to the time I have spent getting to know myself and living my life for me.

Personally I'm sick of the compromises I see in my peers and the society in which I live. Maybe that's overly idealistic, but that's who I am. I cannot and will not compromise who I am for anything. I can reach compromise on numerous topics, but on my essence? On something that not only freed me of so much bullshit but opened my eyes to so many concrete and abstract things? Hell no. If you can't accept my use of entheogens, you can't accept me; they've shaped far too much of my thought and awareness (on top of a foundation that initially taught me to embrace who I am and explore the world critically) for anyone (myself included) to separate my "I" from my use of these substances.

I wish you well in sorting out this situation for yourself.

My first wife told me the same thing. If you ever do drugs while your with me its over .

It eventually ended but not because of that and now I'm with someone thats into psychedelics and we share that together.

Looking back on it now I'm very glad that relationship ended or I would never have found out how fulfilling it is to be with someone that shares my interest in psychedelics.

This may sound harsh but I think that anyone that cant appreciate and accept psychedelics as part of human culture has a serious mental problem.

It should be obvious your both on two separate levels of consciousness, maybe its best to move on and not hold yourself back .

My parter of four and a half years was my first girlfriend. I didn't pursue girls when I was younger, I didn't really see the point. (Yes, I'm strange; but definitely hetrosexual!) We shared an interest in marijuana, which is why we originally met in person. We developed our love of psychedelics together, and this has proven to be one of the most wonderful things of your life. I feel blessed that I can do this. I really feel for you, OP. You're in a terrible position.

I would truly hope it never will come to that, but yes, that might be a deal breaker for me. It's part of my deep CORE belief that entheogens are here to help if we can use the correctly.

*sigh* sad topic

Would you ever demand your lover to quit with something he or she realy likes to do?

If people start molding eachother to some standard they hold for themselves it's a clear sign they're not made for eachother.

First, I want to say a HUGE thank you to everyone who encouraged and shared their opinions with me. Second, I reread the thread and am amazed at the wisdom and foresight of the members here, many of whom predicted future troubles with vivid clarity. And last I'd like to just talk about what happened since I last posted here.

Let me start with a little background info. I had 3 people I considered close to me. My 2 best friends of 8 years and my girlfriend. And this is what happened to me recently...

One of my best friends decided to move quite far away to study and is leaving in a week. This was pretty abrupt but it's something that I know is the foundation for his dream so I'm very happy for him. He is moving away for a couple years and after he graduates who knows where he will go so knowing him we won't even keep in touch and maybe never see each other again.

My other best friend whom I considered a very loyal person got caught by me hitting on my girlfriend behind my back. So I went to talk to him, thinking that he was in love with her as I am and couldn't help himself. That evening he was on his way for a run when I caught him to talk about this. So when I asked him the reason for his actions I was completely shocked to hear that his betrayal was not because of love for the girl but because apparently I pissed him off because I couldn't hang out often lately and to get back at me he was flirting with my girlfriend behind my back. So I politely asked him not to see my girlfriend and hoped he understood because we are best friends. His reply was that we are not best friends at which point he put on his headphones and ran away from me. I don't know why exactly, maybe because of how absurd the whole thing was, but I laughed all the way home at how this talk went.

Lastly I recently broke up with my girlfriend. We promised to be honest to each other no matter what, but she lied to me, she expected to be treated like a queen while she disrespected me both in private and in front of my friends. And I didn't notice theses things and many more for the longest time because this was my first relationship and I tried my best to make it work. It's strange I never was interested in dating in my teenage years but when I met her she seemed pretty great but then slowly her poison started seething out. But I do not regret the 9 months I spent with her. I learned much about myself.

The weirdest thing about all of this is that I feel GREAT. My ex made me feel miserable quite a bit so I'm more happy now than I've been in a while. But the loss of my friends also hasn't been affecting me negatively. I'm happy one is chasing his dream and I'm happy I found out how envious the other is behind his quite and stoic exterior and am glad to not have such a person around me.

In the past I was very attached to my friends. Friendship to me always ranked higher than family bonds because you get to choose your friends. And the idea of a friendship ending would have me very irritated and anxious. But now the only thing that is going through my head is “A glorious beginning...”

Thank You Everyone

MetaXIII

Glad to hear you are using the experiences you've had, the difficulties you've been facing, as sources for learning and inner growth!

There is no rush to meet another girl, it will happen by itself when time comes. The same goes for friends, if you are confident and happy and doing things you like, you'll meet like-minded (and like-spirited) people.

All the best!

Good luck meta. Ive just recently split from someone I love, I have this urge to travel and after 4 years its been difficult but for a long time I wasnt happy, now I can play ableton all day long and im doing studying for an english course and well Im a lot happier than ive been in the last year, you dont seem to realise when in the relationship that maybe things arent worth the grief. I have absolutely no desire for another girlfreind but strangely this girl who is into djing, music production and psychedelics, my main passions in life, has came into my life and well its getting me thinking lol Im off to live in asia though, hopefully for a long time so im not really fussed, my long relatively happy relationship hasnt made me want to rush into the same thing, being alone can have a lot of advantages but as endlessness says it will happen when the time comes.

Regarding hiding the psychedelics well I tried to at the start of my relationship but well I was right into smoking dmt and drinking aya and mushrooms then so it was kind of hard to hide the obvious, if she didnt accept it then well she didnt love me for me, luckily she seen the benefits and was my sitter for my iboga flood, no way I would hide my psychedelic use from any future partner, although my friend disagrees with this.

I sort of lost one of my best friends too like 4-5 months ago. I was best friends with him for years and he was close to my whole family..I was roomamtes with him at various times and went on lots of rediculous adventures. But supid shit happened and I have not heard from him in months. It sucks but this is just life I guess. This is how it goes.

One of my best friends (for more than 15 years now) tried to kill himself a week ago.
After lifelong more or less severe depression i might add.
I dont blame him.

MetaXIII seems to me you too have learned some (although different) lessons of life already.
You are doing pretty well dude. Keep on the honest to yourself, you will be impeccable, and develop new horizons soon enough.
Pain is relative.

Byw i found one doesnt have to decide or make up mind in one day or moment. One can even have multiple opinions and feelings co-existing, depending on stage of development. IME this helps to get a grip on any situation. Put it at a workable distance. Wherever is the attention there is the energy going. this can be mastered.

Good luck with your new horizons.
Nice read.
Lets see how it turns out.

Virola you have to help you're friend out , life is too beautiful to be ended in such a horrific way , one does not have to worry about death it will come at its own pace , i know many people think death might be an escape from the clutches of reality if reality is not beautiful for them

but death can be more harsh than life , who is to know death will not be as long as life itself , i mean a person starts dying the time he is born , as soon as the first breath is inhaled , its like time starts and every breath from then is a breath towards death

we are all already dying , dying every second from the time we have been born , lets not forget to live , life is beautiful , no matter what your friends depression is about life is beautiful , who is to know after he kills himself he has to suffer death for the rest of eternity , which i think is going to happen , your friend will continue to kill himself for all eternity

there is no beginning and no end , life and death is eternal and one and the same
being born is the way to die , without birth there is no death
you started dying the day you were born
life and death is one and the same , there is no escape , every being has to experience both life and death , eternally , forever

Yea man. thx. I know. He knows. He is a smart guy with an open mind, just like you and me.

Still, if pratical life seems pretty much hopeless in every way, financialy, socialy, sexualy etc. you name it.. then what is left to do? For him there has not been any hope for years now. I see him slide down the ladder. All the shining has faded. So how bad can the alternative be? When this sort of questions keep bugging everytime you look at the world, as if they are logical conclusion, then what can i tell my friend?
Seriously.
Btw he is recovering. Will have some nasty scars though.

Not exactly on the topic of quitting entheogens, but along similar lines...

The other day my girlfriend asked me to not smoalk weed when I'm around her. She said the "bloodshot eyes scared her". That's whatever, I can do it on my own time... fine. It's this next part that really grinds my gears. Then she said, "You're not the same person when you're high."

This is the same stereo-typical BS you hear from above the influence. But i wasn't quite sure how to respond. Do i act the same when I'm high as if I were sober? Of course not. But am I a different person... I wouldn't say so. Thoughts?

With weed I'm a withdrawn quite person, so a different version from myself who probably isn't as fun and chatty. On some psychedelics I can feel more like myself than on weed, well low doses.