This being my first experience with ayahuasca I chose to be cautious in the amount consumed.
~30g Yellow Caapi, ~8g MHRB
I will start off by saying that I went a little heavy on the MHRB, that being said I'm damn glad I did.
07:52pm Sunset, drank Caapi tea waving the Sun goodnight, went down without a hitch(did 2 fried egg whites for both caapi and MHRB, result was a very smooth albeit a little vinegarish tasting tea), after which I then proceeded to play selected Icaros and begin a makeshift ritual dance awaiting what it is that would come.
08:16pm No affects have been felt, no nausea, no ill-stomach feelings. Drank MHRB tea, tasted like an herbal tea, very smooth with a pretty purple color.
Time lost meaning after that point. I continued to do some dancing with a rattle snake tail I have tied to an end of a stick, set the mood just right.
The feeling of being tired slowly crept in, sat down and put on ISHQ's album "Orchid". I avoided falling asleep very much, repeating to myself "Don't fall asleep!". Not too long after the onset of tire came I decided to carefully close my eyes and wait, keeping my mind busy with conscious thought.
Euphoria began to take hold and CEV began creeping between the slits of existence. I was very happy to know that the tea was working and taking affect. What came after was a chaotic mix of epiphanies/logic-reasoning with voices from unknown places. While this was taking place I kept feeling the effect of DMT attempting to push me pass the threshold of my Being, this feeling was near orgasmic. Each pulse or push of my Being to the threshold caused my body and mind to pulse in utter bliss. During this I was also being fed information and visuals left and right, incomprehensible.
When this stage began to come to order, still with orgasmic pulses, I began to sense the presence of both Caapi and MHRB, visually Caapi was a green shade to my left and MHRB was a chaotic purple, red, orange shade to the right. The Caapi was attempting to take hold, I got the bodily sense that "She" wanted my body, down to the molecules to be taken apart and cleansed. The MHRB attempting to take hold was wanting my mind and to show me everything "They" possibly could and to explain just as much. What commenced was a complete and utterly unexplainable tug-of-war between physical and mental states, all of which was complete euphoria and upward jolts of bliss/penetration.
This struggle continued on for quite a long time.
Caapi- "The Green Shade" or "The Woman" was doing things physically and emotionally, at one point my body exploded into innumerable pieces of itself instantly coming back together. At another point I went through what seemed to be giving childbirth, an extremely deep feminine feeling, this was something that was so amazing to go through I opened my eyes and saw only bright colors of the entire spectrum in a near pitch black room. At another point an archive of "hidden" emotional baggage was brought to the surface and massaged into understanding, yes, massaged like a back rub. Don't ask. I began to cry when these things reached the surface, a sadness fell over me, the sadness of hiding these obvious truths about them. The truths being... in short... "just love and don't be hidden".
MHRB- "The Beings" Between the points of the Caapi taking hold "The Beings" we're giving me priceless information on the state of Being. Most of which I did my best to write down and won't even attempt to explain in this entry. Literally epiphany after epiphany. I also believe that the information given and understood is so highly subjective that it would take my life story to explain. All in all these guys seem like the underlings of the All, however they seem very scared to push past the threshold(chaos, the abyss)(much unlike the idea of what the All is), which I wanted to but couldn't for some reason.
After the game was over it seemed like I gained total control over what my Being was going through. Many things happened here, but I want to point out one in particular. An invasion of sorts began, an invasion of fractal "Machine Elves". Individual cubes of infinite fractals, after a long struggle of trying to figure out what was going on I noticed that my mind was going off on tangents, I would think of one thing and keep going off on it. This made me angry and long story short the "Machine Elves" are infinite algorithms of logic. They feed on information or ideas and turn it into a fractal. Much like people eating and shitting. They have no answers for anything, only infinite questions or benign statements. These can possess people, like demons. When I overcame/defied them, which wasn't to easy, I overgrew their boundaries, revealing an outer-shell beyond them. I kept going up and out of the shells like leaving the inside of an onion, revealing geometric patterned shells, earth-like shells, and cage-like shells and many other types. I came to the point of "The Machine", the controller of the orbs. It is a Being that is so wrapped in logic it angered me even more than the vampire-like Machine Elves. Why do you keep them in this order? "Because it must be" it would say. I asked questions like this for a very very long time with no answer but dumb infinite-logic. I got sick of him and each one of his kind at each checkpoint of an orb.
Enter the "Background". While all this was still happening the threshold pushing feeling of the DMT was still showing up in regular intervals. Body sensations were slight. Overall my mentality was far beyond what I am now. For whatever reason I noticed the "Background". This was the All in whatever sense I could grasp. I asked questions and was left with no answers, long story short, I left this stage with a single piece of information that I now hold near and dear to my heart. I always strive to become an egoless being, but I was wrong, I need to become an all-ego being. That's all I'll write about this stage.
After I returned with a sense of myself in this familiar body I quickly sobered up. No longer getting the DMT threshold pushes or the body sensations, just a general well-being feeling. And that was when I realized... this was my first ayahuasca experience
So much more than this happened but if I was to write it all down it would take days, so I leave it here. Much thanks to fellow Nexus users for all your help and recommendations, without it I would not be a better person, and I could not thank y'all enough.
Peace and love.
Addendum:
Recipe used for brewing-
http://www.ayahuasca-info.com/recipes/I would recommend holding back on the MHRB, about 5-8g per serving. Also, for the first time I would say cut back on the Caapi to about 30g per serving.
I brewed 2 doses of recipe above. During the second preparation of Caapi I mistakenly spilled ~2 extra teaspoons of vinegar into the water and vine. The Caapi tea was evaping water much faster than the MHRB, instead of holding to the 3 hours per wash I did it by eye(about when the vine was breaking the waters surface). Only for the Caapi though. The MHRB was not evaping nearly as quickly and stayed the normal 3 hour simmer time. During the final reduction stage I added an egg white to both pots. I noticed the color changes to both eggs but the MHRB one was changing the state of the brew itself. I noticed particles or whatever coming to the surface and begin moving around, then grouping together, eventually circling the egg. I pulled out both eggs and put in another for each. This I believe was key to the smooth tea I was blessed with. The particles that began clouding the surface of the MHRB was indeed binding to the egg like a baby to the teat. Each egg was left in the an hour, one for the first hour then another for the last and cooling period. I did one final filter into the final holding place jars. After several days of refrigeration I left the Caapi tea as is but syphoned the MHRB tea with a turkey baster, extracting the top layer of clear purple fluid. The caapi tea was a light brown mud color almost like an Irish cream. When I poured the Caapi tea into the cup for consumption I didn't shake it and left the solid matter attached to the bottom of the jar. It looked like it wasn't going anywhere anytime soon
Pretty solid. Also, use a butter knife for scraping off the excess MHRB from the tea shirt filter to put back in the pot, keeps from losing product.
At one point during the experience, in between the tug-of-war and hyper-consiousness stages I was compelled to go outside. I felt a million eyes on me the moment I walked out. A voice told me that no matter where you are, no matter where you go, there is an observer. Whether it be yourself, simple lifeforms, fellow beings or something else. When I learned this also came the understanding(and this should be evident without revelation) that we live in an inhospitable society always staring you down, at least where I am. I dreamed about the shamans and how their rituals must be when witnessing them, they are with you and know what you want, non-judging and ambiguous.I felt a little paranoid and didn't want so much to be outside in this realm so I returned and thus began my hyper-conscious state. I also smoked some pipe tobacco while outside. Quite refreshing.
During the cleansing of my body it should be noted that my lungs were being... umm... filled and unfilled? with unknown energies, overall a seemingly cleaning act. During one of these a pillar of eyes in spiral form was created in CEV.
Also, and I can't stress this enough for others. YOU MUST DEFY "The Machine Elves"! These were most likely a manifestation of the infinite internal mind. These can infest a person without realizing they exist, for example, think of a politician or priest. The machines are the ones who want you to continue down the same spiral over and over and over and over again. You must not! Defy them! You cannot get stuck in these loops of infinite logic, move on and move past. Never get smaller! Get BIGGER!
To add to this new idea of an all-ego, I've been able to use my own intellect to bring this into the light some more. We exist in the in between planes of nothing and everything, to reduce oneself of one thing to going closer to the nothing, to increase oneself is to move to the everything. Everything is where I want to be, however, I question the integrity of nothing(chaos) as well, but I guess you could say that's moving towards something
Moral and theme of my trip seemed to be based on defiance and shedding, also, strange enough was the theme of insertion and penetration seemed of high regard.
One last thing, this experience lasted for about 2 hours and 15 minutes. In which time felt like I spent decades.
Ok one more thing... I preparation of said experience I did some basic yoga stretches to get the blood flowing evenly, prep'ed a mango and kiwi for consumption after drinking, which turned into more of a snack. I cleansed my living area with incense, speaking to whomever about my intentions. Took a shower. Moved my spine a lot, wiggling it around to loosen it up. Drank lots of herbal tea of various sorts and a cup of green tea an hour before.
†♦All is One ·°· One is All♦†