Part of being weird and complicated is the challenge of trying to describe yourself.


Demographics? 40+ yrs old / balding / cute / modestly paid clinical social worker / rural mountain town / married 18+ yrs / no children / 3 awesome dogs / no political affiliation (or tolerance) / really bad knees / 2 extra ribs / 1 extra vertebra / split uvula

Some psychometrics maybe? INTP (Myers Briggs), 95%ile Diagnostic Reasoning / 99%ile idea flow / 40%ile Logical Reasoning (Rockport Institute) / IQ ~135 / Moon in Cancer in the 1st House (Vedic Astrology) / Gemini (Western Astrology) / I sing Tenor / Severe Attention Deficit Disorder (Inattentive Type) / Primary Tarot card for my life=The Tower / Numerology = 7 / 99th %ile in Openness (NEO-PI)

Life experience? Very neglected as a child / Merged with my dying dog's consciousness before he rose to...wherever / joined a cult at 15 / continued having supernatural experiences / traveled the country singing with a college choir / 10 yrs in the IT industry / Saw Italy, British Isles, 40 states / Made many many mistakes and lost many friends due to my foolishness / Changed careers to become a therapist and substance abuse specialist / tried hallucinogens for the first time at age 40 / Had many more after / Had a powerful trip / joined DMT-Nexus

Flaws? Too many to count. From short term memory issues to hangups from a troubled childhood. I've lost many people due to anger, self-loathing, and general lack of social skills. A big mouth. Historically lacking in empathy. Because I simultaneously see things from many angles, I have a hard time owning my own perspective, having a solid opinion, acting with conviction. I've had a hard time relaxing and enjoying myself in social situations. But in the past 5 yrs my entire life has turned around. It's like each of the past 5 yrs was worth 5 yrs of learning and growth. I do not deserve my wonderful wife and friend. I love everyone and find that very few enjoy me by comparison.

Strengths? A compulsion to get out of any boxed-in thinking I find myself. Honesty/humility/openness. I can find my way through/around/over any mental obstacle. I can see anything from 360 degrees. My mind manages to be virtually unhinged and yet I navigate this world ok. I'm a scientifically minded skeptic who can't stop a constant flood of paranormal/existential/psychedelic awesomeness. So I've had to maintain sanity in a life that has bombarded me with conflicting information and experiences. I've learned not to take myself or others too seriously.

Interests? Dreamwork. Symbolism. Consciousness. Music. The interfaces between different worlds/perspectives/minds. Always looking for the next "aha" moment. I'm a therapist, and every way of understanding human experience fascinates me. At least temporarily.

Hello Travel,

I'll do my best not to get you mixed up with The Traveler!

I enjoyed your write-up and style. Hope you find some valuable information here and some good folks to talk to.

What was that trip like? Was it with DMT smoked or oral? Mind telling us a bit about it?

Welcome!
-a1pha

Well for the most recent (the most powerful trip) I have a 7-page writeup. I don't know that anyone wants to wade through it.

The short version: Harmala alkaloids extracted from 2g Syrian rue , 80mg oral DMT (1st time), 4g cubensis. Wound up a 12-hr trip. Not sure if there is consensus about entities, but I communed with a cluster of them. The kicker was the perception that I encountered the entity who manifests in this world as my wife. She happened to be asleep upstairs at the time as this was a 10pm-10am trip. Then came serious ego loss. And finally I collapsed in 10-15 minute screaming/heaving/sobbing fit as I experienced some of the pain of my stepfather's life. Several insights/communications revealed some lessons I need to work on in this life.

And since this trip I seem to have a greater depth of emotional/human connection with other people that I cannot explain. It's not like I reflect on the trip and then experience empathy/compassion. It's the strange and wonderful discovery of compassion and emotional connection with others that I have never experienced before. As if a new sense has been opened up. And I have had several waves of insights about life that feel meaningful.

I wonder if the ego loss / openness to my dad's life carried the natural consequence of activating new channels within me.

I'll have to look over your posts, alpha. Any you recommend?