I did read Strassman's book. I think Gracie and Zarkov might've talked about it too.

Did you feel benefited by reading it? Perhaps that will be the next thing I do.

It was a nice read for when I read it, but it's pretty outdated. Many of his pineal theories although he does briefly mention just how theoretical his statements are, usually get taken too much for scientific fact and some of the details have either been disproven or are just pretty speculative. If you do read it, I would take everything with a grain of salt. It was interesting to see the DEA and FDA processes he had to go through and everything, and the colorful descriptions of the volunteers' personal experiences were probably the highlight of the book.

Thank you. I think I might read it then, the experience descriptions taking place in a clinical setting may be of good value for me. The process for allowing the study would definitely be of great interest to me. I'll follow the grain of salt plan

RE: breathing - I have felt my being dissolve to the point of not knowing that I was breathing, or alive any more, yes. This was after a particularly large (possibly reckless) bongfull of Changa. I snapped back to reality shortly after and had an extremely cleansing purge, which is a very strange sensation when you can't define the limits of your being. My friends said I looked very at ease with what was going on. Weirder still, I became part of my sick (which I was trying to catch for some reason) and flowed through my own fingers. I believe it was synaesthesia from the nearby water feature. I really connected with the natural setting that day. Wonderful stuff

Yea I don't think any of the gifts are "terror-gifts" interact with them I think you will be surprised.

I had a difficult experience yesterday where I felt like I was breathing "plasma" or energy.
I have been loading 50-60mgs into "the machine" and taking a drag of 10-20mgs every few minutes over about 20-30 minutes, I really like the sub-breakthrough high, and feelings of oneness. But I wasn't concentrating and I think I vaporised all 60mgs and inhaled. I was shot into oblivion before I could even put the pipe down.
when i was there I started breathing this "plasma" stuff. It was coming out of my mouth in shiny glowing globs, and then I'd breathe them back in, I suddenly realised they were suffocating me and started panicking, at that point the entities I was interacting with (usually the same ones, we take part in some sort of ritual I am yet to remember) started freaking out and asking me if I was happy. I said yes, but I cant breath, and they said not to worry, thats when i felt like I was going to black out (even in hyperspace) and shot up off the bed I was on, ran screaming outside and tried to inhale the whole worlds oxygen. Getting outside on 60mgs or so is relatively hard, but I cannot even begin to explain the relief I felt when I eventually stopped breathing this plasma (i was still breathing it outside)I have never had an experience like this (i have only been using the spice for 2-3 weeks now)
But it was really worrying. And I am not ready to go back until I know I am not going to suffocate there.

Lol, very funny and pleasant. Thank you for sharing this, it is a very good description of not resisting the experience.

As for the breathing I have completely been unaware of whether I'm breathing or not without concern. This specific one worried me, as I wasn't paying attention to breath at all, and then I felt "something's wrong", and then I seemed to notice that I was holding my breath. I took a deep breath then, and another. I mostly disregarded paying attention to my breath again after this, partly because on the first breath it seemed the molecules and some entities were pointing me to my breath like "hey man, fix that!" or perhaps "stop being so amazed!" and I felt a "good job!" when I took a breath/relaxed. This point was quite frightening for me. Then the second one I felt "scolded" for paying too much attention to my breath lol.

It seemed ok at that point and I stopped concerning myself with it after a couple thoughts during/after the two breaths, about it probably being ok if I hold my breath till I black out anyway, it's probably more a time-dilation sense-response etc. I had about zero attention to my breath when I ran into whatever it is that scares me so. I have no idea what was going on then regarding breathing at all, but I was oxygenated enough to jump up to full attention and romp around.

I am worried that in the fight/flight/freakout sensation I might hold my breath till I black out. I think some body relaxation before journeys might be in order for me for awhile. Try to give full relaxation to my physiology, and let it have all breathing controls.

Hey I had a blackout feeling as well lol. At the "something's wrong" point, where I felt pointed at my breath by the molecule/entities, it seemed like everything was kind of, slightly fading, and would be fading to black. I clearly remember wondering in thought whether I was heading towards a blackout with that.

This helped me feel somewhat better, though I'd read it awhile before, from Gracie and Zarkov. I found this link after Global mentioned he thought they had brought the issue up. I need to try to gather as much info on the breathing aspect as I can. Let me know if you have others:



http://www.lycaeum.org/d...her/gandz/gandz.dmt.html

I think I'm going to go with Felnik's idea and stay away from >15 for awhile, do some energy/body focus & healing practice with spice/caapi. Practice giving breath control to my body there. Although that's about as much out of concern I need to do some therapy with the fear before plunging in again as concern for my breath. I also think I'm going to read Strassman's book, I think reviewing the clinical experiences, relative to breathing, will help me feel more confident that my body is fine without me trying to tell it what to do. I worry that although blacking out would be physically ok, the molecule may prevent a blackout for long enough that further damage would occur from one. Though I'm pretty sure that's my ignorance of biology speaking.

If you think to share any insight or practice you find helps you with this I appreciate it.

LOL I think I was too far gone to even realise if anything was wrong...

LOL this is one of my thoughts - I'm not far gone enough to stop being able to control my breath, and that's the problem

as long as the spice is right =)

It sounds like it may be a bit of a sub conscious fear that you have to get past. If you meditate, maybe you could try practicing some sort of surrender technique? I'm very new to that side of things though, my meditation funnily enough centres largely on breathing...

Of course this is my own opinion and experience:

There is nothing in this reality more terrifying to see than how our false ego is hindering the wants and desires of our true self. I have had a great deal going on in the material, that have kept me from writing and reading here on the Nexus, however my spiritual journey has been going strong. It seems we must face ourselves, and in order to see our true nature; who we really are, we must face our false ego. Perhaps the terror you feel is having to face what it is that you are doing to impede yourself, that is what I have experienced. The trans-modern perspective points to one of many common themes - one of which is to die and be reborn - it is in vaishnava, kabal, biblical, and in various indigenous narratives as well. We are conscience, and in that there is both dark and light, to truly embrace all that is we must see both. How can we grow if we do not see all aspects? Do not be afraid, it will be uncomfortable but on the other side of it is greater revelation, a higher perspective, a wide angle vision of all things. Oh, and just breath in through your nose and out through your mouth, if you can manage, otherwise don't worry about it.

DMT has the ability to illicit certain emotions. They of course range the spectrum from bliss to fear. The first time it illicited any fear was when I took waaay too large of a dose. I took 60mg and I was so scared I couldn't close my eyes. A few weeks later, I felt that same exact fear response, but I simply ignored it. I figured, "nothing bad happened last time, so I bet nothing can go wrong this time." That ended up being one of my most magical, coolest experiences to date. Two weeks ago, I took one hit and my body once again began displaying this fear response, but my ego reassured me that there was nothing to fear and that it would pass. It too flowered into a very beautiful and positive experience. So to me, it seems like sometimes my body is "afraid", but "I'm" not.