ive finally had my first pharma experiences, 50 mgs of spice is a pretty decent dose for me it seems.
i also tried psilohusaca with 1.5-2.0 grams of cubes and that is a pretty strong dose.
i ussualy take 200-300 mgs of pure harmine 45 minutes before the spice, that seems to be enough MAOI and time.

so anyways whats been happening is sometime after i take the harmalas, i get this unrelenting sense of fear,
even 30-60 minutes after the light kicks in.

when i used to do a lot of reading before i ever acquired spice on ayahuasca and stuff and i imagined this, through the darkness into the light thing aspect of the experience and i accompanied the into the light to the purge.

my perception was the medicine in your stomach would cause a physical/psychological stress leading up the purge and then out of the darkness and fear, the purging of physical toxins and negative emotions.

so that must be what happening right?
but ive been taking pharma so the
problem is i dont purge unless i make myself, i have no problem with purging its just a little hard with little to nothing in your stomach.
so that fear seems like it drags on accompanied by stomach discomfort that lasts the whole experience.

but is this ridiculous sense of fear in the beginning common? and im sure it will subside with experience right?

to try to explain the fear a little bit, it feels like the air all around has become dense with fear, i become paranoid to the idea that i ingested substances, with a moment or 2 where i think im going to die or something.

i mainly become paranoid of my mind itself and thoughts it(i) creates, paranoid about what to think.
worried about thinking about something that is going to scare me, or cause an avalanche of fear.

i know it doesn't make any sense.

its just like all my fears are presented to me.
everything i fear or could fear just floods my mind, its a very strong, uncontrollable sense of fears.
ive only experienced this with oral harmalas+DMT.

but i have a suspicion that HBWR seeds implemented this sense of fear on me after i took 10 seeds and was in a strong sedated sick stomach acid/discomfort trip trying to purge every 10 minutes for 5 hours until i finally did, what a purge that was

so i was just wondering if this sense of fear i get is common or normal.

much love and positive energy

Having fear/anxiety/nervousness before any experience is normal and once you become comfortable and accustomed to it and become familiar with the substance and how much you can handle, you lose a lot of that fear.

However, if I am correct, it seems you are saying that you purge because of fear/anxiety you have during the experience, where in fact, it's just your brain realizing there are some toxic/foreign substances in your body it feels shouldn't be there (aka what you ingested), and so it's just trying to expel the so-called "toxins". HBWR actually has small traces of cyanogenic glycosides (aka cyanide relative), so you are actually minutely poisoning yourself, hence your feeling of constant desire to purge but you can't. It's quite common with HBWR but don't worry, you'd have to eat probably 200+ seeds to do any notably harmful damage to yourself.

Fear's a necassary lesson.

I had some mind crushing evil shit happen to me on a good few occasions with psychedelics. Then I just gave it up.

Sounds so stupid.. like really stupid but.. fear. Don't worry about it. It will go away

Rather than just responding to the alarm, ask yourself what is the reason? The rational behind how I am feeling this way.

Don't give in to fear. Ask fear what his motives are. He's often quite short of a good arguement once your back's not turned away

Another thing to add, it makes not too much sense to add to your worries by worrying about how much worrying you're doing. Not that you're not trying to be safe and sane and all that. but that's a start, then if you can see yourself in a state of mind where whether to worry or not - about anything - is a choice instead of an animal instinct, that's one way to get it done better. you can train yourself to refuse to panic for any reason, even despite obvious armageddon going on all around you and inside you. Might even help cope with the armageddon of daily life on planet earth.

I have found that a lack of experience with fear or pain in ones life correlates well to a lack of empathy for others. At least this has been the case for mine.

It was around the time DMT introduced me to unfathomable pains that I began loving everyone as equals.
(This was also the same time I discovered certain smells and tastes can literally be painful)

thanks a ton everyone for your responses

i know its stupid in the first place to give any kind of fear or negative emotion attention, thats like 90% of the battle.
i only posted it because its a very very strong sense of fear, almost tangible it seems, something i never felt before.
i just cant escape it it seems, the air is full of pure fear all around me and my mind is detached, this hinges have been unhooked and i get this fear of possible psychosis, paranoid of myself and my mind.



haha thanks thats a great way to put it



i completely understand thank you for giving me some perspective.

but i KNOW it will subside eventually, but it will never be permanent, i know eventually i will be able to welcome ALL fear and "negative" or "bad" things with an open heart and open mind, i just haven't let certain things that i know sink all the way in yet.

i was just mainly curious if anyone had similar feelings
and it helps a lot getting peoples responses and support, especially from some nexians.

thanks you

much love and positive energy

maybe you could try working w aya more instead of pharma. and save your purified dmt. you seem to be benefiting from the purge. who's to say purging can only be a physical manifestation. this is spiritual medicine which can help problems of a psychological nature as well.