DMT increased my awareness of subtle energy levels and structures of the World and I.

I sense a negative energy around me.

The Shipibo-Conibo have this concept of "nihue" a stinky kind of essence, bad spirits lay upon the "energy body" of sick people. This nihue draws energy from the sick person until he dies.

Yes, i can feel joy, but it doesn't fit my life, so it's hollow.

There is something fundamentaly wrong, not only on the socio-cultural but also on the "energetic level". I'm sorry for the new age speak, but how else could i explain it...

Nihue all around me.

I'm afraid of taking a huge dose because i also feel physical pain.
Yet, i need to break free because i feel time is running against me. I feel that time is extremely dangerous to me. I maneuver myself into bad and very emberassing situations because of my issues and it puts deep shame on me.

Yes, i work on my problems, actively. But mice can't push staircaseses.

So that's why i need to completely destroy myself. My body is already fighting agains me, punishing me.

I finally need to accept pain fully.

I don’t know if I have completely understood your post, but I myself feel that difficult experiences can be very helpful.

I have had quite a few bad journeys at apt times, but purposely inducing a difficult (and therefore rewarding and enlightening) journey seems to be impossible for me currently.

At the moment my head is in a bit of a state (has been for a few years now to be honest) and I feel that total deconstruction and working from a clean slate would be very useful to me. I think that the way my head has been the past few days if I was to get access to hyperspace the result, at least initially, would not be pretty. It would however maybe give me a new outlook, insight and a bit more fearlessness.

Unfortunately it would seem that I am not allowed access to hyperspace at the moment, so I am going to have to keep working on the shit I have built up in the real world.

Taking huge doses will induce major apprehension in all but the foolhardy amongst us, but if that is what you want to do it only takes a fraction of a second to make that jump. Myself I have tried doses large and small over the past couple of weeks and it would seem I am totally locked out at this moment.

I don’t know if taking the lid off these things is something I would actually recommend to anyone, but for me difficult experiences are very useful. Come to your own decisions, if you need you will be able to make the jump, if it is that hard to get there maybe it is not the time and the place where the work needs to be done is in consensus reality.

obliguhl, as I've said to you in the chat, I think sometimes being confronted with our darkness is very helpful. Sometimes you can attain a resolution during the trip but sometimes you can't. Sometimes you will only feel even more surrounded by what you believe are your short-commings. Regardless, this can also be a positive experience and turn of events in your life if you are able to see it as part of a transformation that you are in the process of going through. Any change is good in this sense. Any movement up or down is a movement onwards, towards greater understanding and freedom.

Physical pain is transient, it might chew you up, but what is there to fear? When I feel I should trip but am afraid, I tell myself, "this is for the evolution of consciousness, this is not for my self, but for the process that I am in." Even the bad trips serve a purpose in this process. They show me in this undeniable manner the things that are holding me back, or hurting me permanently only I've blended them out or gotten used to them for so long etc. Even your fear is something to overcome.

But purposefully inducing a bad trip... I don't know. I think you just have to go in and accept whatever comes. Good or bad. Seek confrontation with what limits you, see what happens. It could be horrifying, it could be reconciling, it could be both or neither... but any confrontation is a step towards integration and integration IMO is fundamental for development and liberation.

strength and courage to you obliguhl
<3
Enoon

You can never realy induce a bad-trip deliberately. Part of the essence of bad-trips is that you're no longer in full controll of yourself, or at least that you feel that way.

Especially when you're dealing with psychological stress in real life, i also think it could be dangerous.

From similar thought processes and conclusions:

Deliberately producing bad trips can be empty and ultimately harmful, despite any poetic appeal of destruction.
All my personal attempts of destruction were eventually just thrashings within the old framework....only pain with the illusion of growth.
Attempts at destruction can serve to reinforce ties to old habits, to old modes of thought.

Real growth comes from pursuing new paths, choosing a new direction with complete abandonment of the old.
The hard work is building a new reality; destroying the old one achieves little. Create the new future without reference to the old.
Otherwise, you may just end up feeding the loops.

Hey Obliguhl, it's great to hear from you! To be honest, your post sounds pretty masochistic and self-destructive, like you're wallowing, it's concerning. By all means test yourself with a stong one if you've never had one before but I'm not sure it's a good idea with the bad set you're in right now. Want to end up like Peter Green?! Not the same I know, but something to consider... respect the molecule's power! I've noticed you're prone to dysfunctional negative thoughts (takes one to know one) and I think you'd be better off reading that cognitive behavioural therapy book, maybe the neuro-linguistic programming one I've mentioned too, and working on that. If it isn't enough to get you feeling better, maybe consider a psychologist? If you've tried that already maybe ask your doctor to test for other things that can make you feel low and can so look like depression, such as gluten allergy/wheat intolerance etc... it's hard to be positive when you're body's ill and you don't even know it, I have a friend who was treated for depression forye ars until she found out it was just because she was coeliac that she felt so bad.

I'm assuming that you've done a lot of DMT before, and if that's the case I don't think it's working for you, and maybe it's time to move on from the experience and commence with the real work- positive self-development? Good luck friend

Hi Obliguhl

I remember you have been so kind to me in the past, I feel compelled to post right now:
I wonder if you might want to quietly contemplate what you meant when you wrote "myself"?

I feel you have decided to let go of an un-true, un-kind, un-helpful old definition of your "self".

Up until this moment, what was the old negative definition of yourself, which caused such pain?
Now, letting go of that painful old definition, can you feel inside your heart a REAL Soul opening for REAL Love?
From this moment forward, what do you will to be your positive new definition of your Self? :idea:






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